A ‘Christian’ Family?

A ‘Christian’ Family?

 

Several reasons can be given for the breakup of Christian marriages.  One of the major reasons is a failure to understand the true biblical basis for Christian marriage. For a Christian marriage to withstand the pressures of a secular society, a couple must know and practice what God, the creator of marriage, has to say on the subject.  Many Christian couples’ marital foundation collapsed because they did not have a biblical underpinning.  We must also remember that secular humanism, social media, and feminism have ransacked the home and plagued it with problems like delinquency, social materialism, drug abuse, disrespect, abortion, pre-marital intercourse/sexual liberation, unwed motherhood, cheating/unfaithfulness, separation, and easy divorces.

Additionally, there are many reasons why godly men and women interpret the same biblical text differently. One reason is that ‘Protestants’ have no one to speak ex cathedra; each person is free to interpret the Bible for themselves. Secondly, we all tend to bring our own set of assumption to Bible interpreting and no two of us have the same set of assumptions. This obviously leads to many different conclusions about the meaning of a text.  This problematic area is further hampered by theological training, positions, and biases. These reasons account for why some people of equal scholarship differ on the same biblical text.

The phrase made in “the image of God” is important to the basic understanding of marriage.  Marriage is God’s idea and it did not come into being through evolutionary processes, nor is it a mere social invention.  Each person who enters this union must view themselves as ultimately accountable to God. Not merely to another human being, an institution, a church, a country, or kingdom, but responsible primarily to the Almighty. While this is simple, it should cause us to tremble with respect at the very notion of forsaking His plan in any particular. It’s a part of God’s design and this is reflected in the phrase, made in “the image of God.”  This ‘image’ is not physical, but spiritual and indicative of the personhood of God. God is relational and Trinitarian (Gen. 1:26, 27), therefore this ‘image’ points to the fact that we are created for relationships. We have the necessary equipment for personality, relationship, and accountability. Note the following comments by Walvoord,

Human life was created in (lit., “as,” meaning “in essence as”) the image of God (v. 27). This image was imparted only to humans (2:7). “Image” (ṣelem) is used figuratively here, for God does not have a human form. Being in God’s image means that humans share, though imperfectly and finitely, in God’s nature, that is, in His communicable attributes (life, personality, truth, wisdom, love, holiness, justice), and so have the capacity for spiritual fellowship with Him.

God’s purpose in creating human life in His image was functional: man is to rule or have dominion (1:26, 28). God’s dominion was presented by a “representative.”—Walvoord, John F. ; Zuck, Roy B. ; Dallas Theological Seminary: The Bible Knowledge Commentary

Furthermore, there are several noteworthy implications for the roles of men and women contained in the phrase “help meet for him.”  The first is the stated general fact that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18) and after God created Eve and brought her to Adam, God viewed this as very good (Gen. 1:31).  The implication is that man is a social creature designed so by God.  In addition, a woman is clearly relational from the very beginning. Considering this, the term “help meet” means a helper “fit” or “suitable” or even “face to face” to him.  Some define it as ‘corresponding to’ the man. Thus, Eve’s role surpasses merely a helpmate, but a companion who would fulfill the social needs of Adam. She was assigned to a serving role in relation to her husband even before her creation by God. Walvoord affords insightful elaboration on this very concept and relates it to the preclusion of male leadership when he said,

God decided to make a helper suitable (lit., “a helper corresponding to him,” or “a corresponding helper”) for the man (v.18). “Helper” is not a demeaning term; it is often used in Scripture to describe God Almighty (e.g., Pss. 33:20; 70:5; 115:9, …). The description of her as “corresponding to him” means basically that what was said about him in Genesis 2:7 was also true of her. They both had the same nature. But what man lacked (his aloneness was not good) she supplied, and what she lacked he supplied. The culmination was one flesh (v. 24)—the complete unity of man and woman in marriage. Since Adam and Eve were a spiritual unity, living in integrity without sin, there was no need for instruction here on headship. Paul later discussed that in relationship to the order of Creation (1 Cor. 11:3; 1 Tim. 2:13).—Walvoord, John F. ; Zuck, Roy B. ; Dallas Theological Seminary: The Bible Knowledge Commentary

The natural desire for human companionship and communication is most perfectly satisfied in the marriage union. This dynamic satisfies God, Adam, and Eve! In fact, the social nature of people cries out for interaction with fellow human beings and is necessary for healthy development of personality. Beloved, this was God's original idea and design; it would require something huge to mess this up!

The fall of man changed or altered family relationships because sin was now in the world and this required leadership and submission to that leadership.  God invested the man with leadership responsibilities and required his wife and children to follow him. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God and judgment was pronounced that changed the relationship of husband and wife.  The curse placed on Eve was threefold: she was to experience pain in childbirth, her desire would be toward her husband, and he was to rule over her (Gen. 3:16).  Therefore, because of sin the original relationship between husband and wife had been distorted.  God moved Eve from a side-by-side and face to face arrangement to a subordinate position. Adam received a sentence under the curse involving pain and difficulty in his labors of the land (Gen. 3:17-19). The world was now different because of the fall and human relationships had to be rearranged to address this change.

My favorite Old Testament love story is that of Boaz and Ruth in the book of Ruth.  The evidence of God’s providential activity and care throughout the book and the theme of redemption are probably the primary reasons I prefer this story over some of the others. The story is not romantic from our Western perspective, but it is a strong testimony to God faithfulness to redeem and give the best to those who wait on Him and submit to His plans.

There are several verses in the Song of Solomon supporting the thesis that it is a collection of lyrics illustrating the passion of married love.  Note the word “spouse” in the following two verses:

"Come with me from Lebanon, my spouse, with me from Lebanon: look from the top of Amana, from the top of Shenir and Hermon, from the lions’ dens, from the mountains of the leopards." (Song of Solomon 4:8)

"I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved." (Song of Solomon 5:1)

Clearly employing the word ‘spouse’ placed these scenes and lyrics within the biblical context of marriage.

Several reasons could be sited as to why the Lord Jesus remained unmarried.  Christ lived in celibacy as a part of His personal self-denial.  If He had taken a wife, he could remain sinless (Heb. 13:4), but I believe He wanted to give Himself entirely to the Father’s will in His earthly ministry (Matt. 19:12).  This would be best served without a wife and family.  It would have been very difficult to abandon His family while suffering at Calvary and then ascending back to Heaven.  Even with His earthly ministry and the pace He maintain, would have been impossible while attempting to care for the needs of His family.

Remaining single enabled the Lord Jesus to choose a life of poverty and identify with the plight of the lowly and impoverished of Israel.  It facilitated His ministry to the poor (Heb. 2:17-18).  Further elaboration on the fitness of single life to ministry dedication is covered in 1Corinthians 7:32-35, and Walvoord who commented on these verses said,

The single state has potentially fewer encumbrances and distractions than the married state, so it more easily facilitates a spirit of undivided devotion to the Lord. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus warned His followers against letting concern for the material aspects of this life distract them from devotion to God (Matt. 6:25-34). The poor widow (Mark 12:44) gave all her material sustenance to God as an act of singular devotion. A married man or woman with a needful concern for the well-being of his family would have been less likely to do that. The situation illustrates Paul’s point that the single life with its greater simplicity in obligations allows a potentially greater commitment of time, resources, and self to the Lord than would be possible for a married person dutifully carrying out the marital and familial obligations attached to that state. –Walvoord, John F. ; Zuck, Roy B. ; Dallas Theological Seminary: The Bible Knowledge Commentary

There are several ways in which the love between husband and wife corresponds to the love of Christ for His bride, the church.  Consider the listing that follows:

1)    Since Christ loves the church, He affords it His excellent leadership.  A loving husband will show love by leading his wife after Christ godly model (Eph. 5:23, 24).

2)   Since Christ loves the church, He gave Himself sacrificially for its welfare.  A loving husband will likewise give himself in sacrificial service for his wife’s spiritual welfare and physical protection (Eph. 5:23, 25).

3)   Since Christ loves the church, He seeks and provides for her purity and cleansing (Eph. 5:26, 27).  A loving husband will also pursue the spiritual edification of his wife with his example and Bible instruction. 

4)   Since Christ love for the church is evidence by His care for it as His spiritual body, a husband should care for His wife and provide for her needs (Eph. 5:28-30).

5)   As Christ initiated and sustains a lasting relationship with His bride, the church, husbands must follow the instructions of Gen. 1:24, leave, cleave, one flesh, to maintain the marriage longevity (Eph. 5:31).

There is obviously a relationship or connection associated with following biblical principles and the successful 'Christian' marriage.  Though our culture may reject, even refuse and discredit the Bible basis for marriage and the principles the Scriptures afford for the welfare of the Christian home, they are never-the-less relevant and promising.  The Scriptures account for 'sin' entering in and impacting marriage in a negative manner. God provided a temporary fix that involves leadership for men and followership for wives. While the idea of marriage was never rescinded by God, anyone contemplating this institution much carefully consider these roles and responsibilities. Wherever they disagree as a couple, he such view himself as accountable to God first. When two Christian young people implement these principles in everyday life, their marriage will prove to be a blessing to them and glorifying to God.  When God’s Word is diligently applied to matrimony, it produces satisfaction and fulfillment in relationships the humanistic philosophies of the world cannot assail. 

 

God's Order for Husbands (Part V)

 

“God’s Order for Husbands” 

1 PETER 3:7

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION AND MARRIAGE

THEME: Each believing husband is to submit to God’s order in his marriage.

RELEVANCE: the best husband first views his marriage as an expression of his submission to the Lord. Abandoning the ‘traditional,’ ‘romantic,’ and ‘institutional’ models of marriage he freely clings to God’s Order. He is not loyal to his wife primarily nor worldly models; the Christian husband is devoted to Christ first—above all. He fully submits to Christ’s authority in his life and seeks to guides his family accordingly. 

INTRODUCTION:

Clearly, a righteous husband following God’s order will be a man of prayer as a way of life. He lives in communion with God and He treasures deeply the company of Almighty God as he prays. With him prayer is not someone else’s suggestion, but a desire of his heart because he views all of life as God’s gracious gift to him, he never imagines a moment without sharing it with the Lord. Nothing disturbs him more than his sin against his Father. He is honest and repentant before God regarding failures, his goals center on executing God’s plans, and he is confident in God’s timing and involvement as a standard. He admits his imperfections regarding them as steppingstones on his journey. He really longs to share all of himself with the Lord even though he feels God is worthy of so much more. Consequently, he treats his wife as special partly because he rightly treasures this sweet communion with the Lord. 

MESSAGE:

IV. MANAGE CONTENTIONS IMMEDIATELY, 1 Pet. 3: 7, “…that your prayers be not hindered”

“Hindered” in 1 Peter 3:7, mean to cut off! That is a barrier or ‘cutting off’ of communication with God, meaning prayers become ineffective or unanswered due to broken interactions with your wife. So marital conflict, inconsiderate behaviors, or neglect can block a husband’s fellowship with God. Yes, this is mega-serious!

Marital contentions often stem from poor communication, financial stress, unequal division of household labor, and parenting disagreements. Other major causes include lack of intimacy, infidelity, diverging life goals, and interference from extended family. These issues often erode trust, create resentment, and lead to persistent conflict.—AI Overview

Other common infractions may include:

·      Poor Communication: Inability to listen, constant arguing, and lack of open dialogue.

·      Unwillingness to Apologize: A need to "win" arguments rather than resolve them.

·      Unrealistic Expectations: Assuming a partner knows what you are thinking or expecting them to be perfect. 

·      Infidelity: Emotional or physical cheating that damages trust.

·      Different Values/Goals: Disagreements on religion, life goals, or core beliefs.

·      In-laws/Extended Family: Excessive interference or boundary issues. 

·      External Pressure: Job stress, health problems, or trauma.

·      Substance Abuse: Addiction issues.

·      Selfishness or Pride: An unwillingness to consider the partner's needs or admit fault. .—AI Overview

So, we must be on guard against discord, disharmony, anger, wrath, rage, and taking out frustrations on our wives because God stands against us until correction has prevailed. A husband is not right with God, when he confesses his sin to God, he must endeavor to also make things right with his God-given wife. Not by avoiding or denying accountability, but by owning failures and actively pursuing behavioral changes. Marriage is a tool of personal sanctification! Unfortunately, I was well acquainted with anger and resentment; I had to trust God to remove this kind of negative control and influence from my life. God used these very same verses to help me, and He will do this for anyone. Couples are to live together in such a fashion as to prevent family related contentions. Disputes and misunderstandings will affect the spiritual health of the entire household, but these are also opportunities to grow.

God says, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Eph. 4:26). He requires addressing anger promptly to avoid sinful, prolonged bitterness or harboring resentment. God warns of the dangers of letting anger turn into a “foothold” the devil can exploit. Our anger should not last for days and lead to personal attacks; anger is never an excuse for weaponizing another’s weaknesses or vulnerabilities against them. We gravely destroy all trust by doing this.

Psalm 37:8, states, “Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.” Harboring rage or anxiety is never advisable even when there are apparent advantages because these emotional distresses ultimately lead to sinful actions. We are not to fall for this temptation, but trust God’s justice fully. So, we abandon intense, bitter rage and emotional turmoil, as these reactions lead to sin, harm, and destructive behaviors toward our spouse. When it comes to “anger” we must “cease”; we stop it immediately and completely. We also must let go of simmering resentment—"forsake wrath” to avoid irrational actions. We can trust the Lord to help us break free of sinful motives and controls. God expects a repentant heart in us as we depend on Him for real changes.

Ps 66:18, If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:

Isa 59:2, But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear.

Seek to secure “peace” at home; do whatever is in your power that can be done to pursue peace. There are times when it is not all up to what you do or stop doing, but as for your part try to be ‘peaceful’ as one who must give account to our Lord.

Psalm 34:14-16, command us to, Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it. ¹⁵ The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry. ¹⁶ The face of the Lord is against them that do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

Romans 12:18, says: “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” The Lord instructs us to make every effort to maintain peaceful relationships with everyone (especially at home), understanding that even with our responsible actions, total peace may not always be achievable. Remember, you are responsible for your own reactions, actions, and efforts toward peace, regardless of how others behave. There are instances of extreme opposition, so what God asks of us is perfectly realistic and not idealistic instructions. Christians do not pay back evil with more evil, but we overcome evil with good (Rom. 12:21). This requires initiative in resolving conflicts and maintaining a respectful, empathetic attitude towards our spouse. We are enabled by God to promote forgiveness and love to break the negative cycle, and these powerful instructions help us navigate this hostile world through Christ-centered behaviors.

QUOTE: “The sighs of the injured wife come between the husband’s prayers and God’s hearing.” Also it is very difficult for a couple to pray together when something is disrupting their fellowship. For the peace and welfare of the home it is important that the husband and wife observe a few facts:

             1.   Maintain absolute honesty in order to have a basis of mutual confidence.

             2.   Keep the lines of communication open. Always be willing to talk things out.

             3.   Overlook minor faults and idiosyncrasies.  Love covers a multitude of sins.

             4.   Strive for unity in finances.  Avoid overspending, installment buying, and the desire to keep up with the Joneses.

             5. Remember that love is a commandment, not an uncontrollable emotion.  Love means all that is included in 1 Cor. 13. Love is courteous, for instance; it will keep you from criticizing or contradicting your partner in front of others. Love will keep you from quarreling in front of your children, which could undermine their security.

            6. Always be ready to admit when you are wrong and always be ready to forgive when you have been wronged.”  Confession and Forgiveness are two powerful Christian principle. They are also two overlooked Christlike qualities!—Biggs and Macdonald

Another thing a husband must manage in order to avoid ‘hindrances’ to his fellowship with God is prioritizing and insisting on God’s order! God’s order is always first and foremost for him! God calls husbands to lead in their homes, and their respective wives are responsible for being submissive to that leadership. Men must provide leadership in the church also according to the Scriptures. If the home has a ‘bossy wife’ and the church has ‘domineering women’, it will be more difficult to have a peaceful home and a fruitful church. If the husbands are too weak to lead, then the wives will quickly insist on providing ‘Jezabel leadership’ in their stead. This is NOT God’s order! We men, husbands, must learn to lead! God has never changed or compromised His order and prescriptions for the Christian home, and He is not about to start now. This ‘Jezabel spirit’ does not belong in a Christian home or church. Women liberation has not done any favors for women in general, and it is certainly antithetical for homes and churches for Christian wives. As believers, we need to be loyal to God’s order always. Perhaps understanding that ‘order’ will provide us men with the Lord’s leadership as we so desperately stand in need of it.

If we husbands and wives apply ourselves to adhere to God’s order, we will have a Christ-honoring marriage and our prayers will be considered, answered, and granted.

CONCLUSION:

Married couples need to give careful attention to the instructions of 1 Peter 3:1-7. Many of us have heard the bulk of these thoughts. The problem is we refuse to submit ourselves to the wise counsel of God. Much pain and marital damage could be avoided if we listen to God. Also, if the changes are challenging and even painful because we accepted God’s Order, we are confident that such ‘growing pains’ are worth the transitions. Keep going…don’t ever give up on Christ.

It is imperative that we acknowledge God’s order for our marriages, because therein is the hope of happiness and fulfilment for couples in the Lord. This fulfillment will differ from the ‘world’ ideas, but life with Christ is forever and not fleeting. When we make such choices, our Lord is honored, respected, and obeyed through our submissive lifestyles toward Him. 

The best husband is the man who first views his relationship with his wife as an expression of his submission to the Lord Jesus. It really does not matter who your wife is or what she is not, but it does matter that you acknowledge Christ’s authority in your life and marriage and submit yourself to his order.   

Finally, I do not want to give the impression that I have arrived, and I routinely observe these instructions. Like Paul I am still striving for the mastery of these helpful principles (Phil. 3:7-15). I know about failures. Mirroring Jesus or Christlikeness is the goal I am still aiming for (2Cor. 3:17-18). No, I am yet learning, growing, and becoming. Like yourselves I am on this journey (Rom. 8:28-29) with others…so is your spouse on a ‘life voyage’ together with you. In fact, passages like this one help me understand my failures in the light of God’s expectations. That is while acknowledging my own catastrophes and weaknesses, I still have real hope of becoming more like my Lord Jesus.

This is only possible when a man has a well-ordered home by submitting to his Lord, Jesus Christ. Gentlemen today would be a good time to crown him as LORD of your home!

God's Plans and Principles for A Christian Marriage

Gen. 2:24-25

While there are many voices of counsel and instruction for married couples, a Christian must be selective and discerning. Not everyone is speaking from God's perspective, and not everyone desires to see God glorified through the beauty of your marriage union. In fact many will tell you the Bible and God are no longer relevant and applicable. They are convinced that modern research and the latest fades will provide a lasting or solid foundation on which to build a life, a family, or a legacy. The problem is their ideas constantly require revisions, updates, adaptations, and overhauls. How can you know what to aim at for a solid family life when the target keeps moving? In some instances the target has disappeared altogether!
There is a better way! Read on to discover what the Designer of marriage and family had in mind when He brought the first couple together in holy wedlock. This article is actually a continuation of "What Is A Christian Marriage?" If you have not read the previous article, it may be helpful to do so later. Now, let us consider God's Plan, and Principles for a Christian Marriage.

A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE EMPLOYS GOD’S PROGRAM FOR MARRIAGE--Gen. 2:24-25

The Divine Program includes God’s Plan, Principles, and Person.  Immediately we will consider the Plan and Principles and later we will look at the Person.

A.  HIS PROGRAM INVOLVES HIS PLAN.

   1.  Look to God’s Plan Because He Designed the Marriage Institution.  Gen. 2:24

Genesis 2:24 puts an emphasis upon two verbs: leave and cleave. 

      A.  God Specified the Need to Leave.  Gen. 2:24

The word “leave” means to abandon, forsake, to sever one relationship before establishing another.

            1.  Attach Your Whole Self to the New Relationship.

Unfortunately, many individuals do not make this break. They leave home physically but remain there psychologically. The attachment to home and parents should be replaced by the attachment to one's mate.  If  the New Relationship is going to flourish then all parent-child bonds must be cut.

                                                                                                                                              The Concept of “Leaving” Could be Seen in the Laws Pertaining to Marriage for the Children of Israel. Deut 24:5, When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.

            2.  Now Consider What is NOT Meant By Leaving Father and Mother.    

                      A.  Do Not Disrespect or Dishonor Your Parents.

This does not mean disregarding or dishonoring one's parents, but rather breaking a tie to one's parents and assuming one's own responsibility for a spouse.

                      B.  Do Not Abandon or Ignore Your Parents.

This does not mean abandoning our parents or ignoring or mistreating or cutting off all contact with them.

                      C.  Become Socially Dependant on the Marriage.

It involves severing the tight emotional, security, financial, and physical bonds of dependence in order to give one's energies to the New Relationship.  If these ties are brought over into the marriage, it will hinder the bond of marriage from sealing.  Not even your children should come before your mate.

Secondly, Parents Must Release their Children to Enjoy The New Relationship.  This is the BEST present you can give to your son or daughter when they marry.  This is part of what is pictured in the wedding ceremony when the Father gives away the Bride.

               3.  Leaving Must Take Place in Three Major Areas.

                      A.  Leaving and Severance Must  Be Realized In Your Emotional Lives.

It is a tough thing for a mother to give up her son and a father to give up his little girl but this is a must. 

                             1.  Remove Yourself From Your Parents for Emotional Support.

No matter how strong the attachment, let them go as loving parents.  This means that the wife cannot run to mommy and daddy as soon as she is upset with her husband.  Nor should a son spend large quantities of his time with his father complaining about the inadequacies of your wife. 

                             2.  Turn To The Lord and Each Other for Emotional Strength.

Learn to rely on the Lord and each other for emotional support and strength.  If you need help beyond this seek the help of the Pastor and his wife!

                             3.  Parents Can make Emotional Problem Worse Because They Take Sides!

Please avoid using your parents because they tend to be a bit biased in their opinions.  This can cause more harm, emotional tension and resentment in the long run.

                      B.  Leaving and Severance Must Be Realized In Your Economical Life.

                              1.  Refuse to Borrow Money From Parents.

Borrowing from parents can get a New Couple into trouble if they are not careful.  When parents make loans to their children, they usually want a say in how the money is used.  This could not only cause problems between the parents giving the loan but also each member of the new marriage.  Also avoid having your parents co-sign for you on a loan for a house or a car it only give room for grave problems in the future.

                              2.  Live by a Financial Plan and Budget. 

Newlyweds should learn to  live according to their income and from a well thought out budget plan.  Plan your spending  and spend according to your plan. Remember it is NOT OK to run to mom and dad for money!   Leave room in your finances where the two of you can have fun together from time to time.  Strenuously avoid long term debts, if you do not the devil will use this like a weapon to destroy your relationship.

                      C.  Leaving and Severance Must Be Realized In Your Sense of Order and Authority.

                              1.  Accept Your Marriage as an Independent Equal to Your Parents.’

The Parental Authority over the child must be broken at the time the children marry.  Newlyweds need the freedom from Parents before they are able to give themselves fully to one another.  Though it is still a couple’s responsibility to respect and honor their parents the parents must now view the new couples as an independent and equal unit. 

                              2.  Never Spend Money on Parents Unless You Both Completely Agree.

It is NOT OK for wives or Husbands to cater to the whims and wishes of their parents at the expense of their immediate family.  The immediate family should never sacrifice for the needs of the parents in any way unless it has been fully discussed, completely understood and completely agreed upon by both members of the marriage.

                              3.  Regard God as the Authority Over Your Marriage and Not Your Parents.

Wives and Husbands alike must realize God’s Order for the home and build their home according. 

                                      A.  Husbands, Take The Lead.

The Husband MUST take his responsibilities seriously as the God ordain leader of his home! Serve the family unit by providing spiritual leadership and a godly example.

                                      B.  Wife Be Sure to Follow.

The wife MUST fulfill her responsibilities to follow and support her husband.  This is not a male chauvinist view; it is simply God’s Order for the home.  Parent cease to be the primary authority figure in the new couple’s life. That role belongs to the Lord Jesus Christ for each Christian home.

APPLICATION:  Determine to withdraw  yourself from your Parent-Child Relationship to give your New Relationship a fair opportunity to grow and flourish! A failure to do so will  hinder or threaten the progress and growth of your Marriage.  Learn to depend on God, each other and learn to meet the needs of  the other.  This will strengthen and build harmony into your relationship. It is right and well to seek outside counsel and help from godly parents, but it is better to consult with your pastor. He may be far more objective and fair as a counselor. 

      B.  God Specified the Need to Cleave.  Gen. 2:24

The second word, “cleave,” means to weld, grip or adhere together. The Lord Jesus clearly emphasized the commitment and permanent nature of marriage according to God’s original design!  Jesus does not believe in easy divorces!  He obviously believes that Marriage is an unconditional commitment to one's mate before God!

Matthew 19:3-6,  The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? [4] And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, [5] And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? [6] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

                                                                                  

             1.  Marriage is More than a Legal Contract.

Some psychologists, marriage counselors and ministers have suggested that marriage is a contract and many people are quick to agree.  But is this really true? Is marriage really a contract?

                    A.  Legal Contracts Have Conditional Clauses (Wright).

                          1.  Contracts Contain “If Clauses.”

In every contract there are certain conditional clauses. A contract is when two parties, whether they be companies or individuals, involves the responsibility of both parties to carry out their part of the bargain.

 These are CONDITIONAL CLAUSES or "IF CLAUSES " If you do this, the other person must do this, and if the other person does this, you must do this (Wright).

                          2.  Marriage Has No “If Clauses.”

But in the marriage relationship and the marriage ceremony there are no conditional clauses. Nowhere does the marriage ceremony say, "If the husband loves his wife then the wife continues in the contract." Or, "If the wife is submissive to her husband then the husband carries out the contract." Marriage is an unconditional commitment into which two people enter.

                    B.  Legal Contracts Have Escape Clauses (Wright).

In most contracts there are ESCAPE CLAUSES. An escape clause says that if the party of the first part does not carry out his responsibilities, then the party of the second part is absolved. If one person does not live up to his part of the bargain, the second person can get out of the contract. This is an escape clause. In marriage there is no escape clause.

             2.  Marriage is a Permanent Covenant. 

Genesis 2:24, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  

                  A.  Society Rejects This Divine Ideal of Permanence.

                       1.  In Favor of Easy Divorces, Co-Habitation, Fornication, and Promiscuity.

                       2.  In Favor of Homosexuality, and Same Sex Marriages.

                  B.  God Created This Enduring Ideal of Permanence. This is His design for a husband and a wife.

                         1.  Marriage is a Covenant.

Malachi 2:14, Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. 

Proverbs 2:17,  Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God.

Malachi states that a wife is a man’s companion and she is the wife of his covenant.  Proverbs declares that the strange and adulterous woman has forgotten the covenant of her God– she has forsaken her marriage.  A covenant is a bond which unites people in mutual obligations. (Wright)   

                         2.  Marriage is a Consummation.  Genesis 2:24, ...“one flesh”

Marriage literally requires that there be a physical union between a husband and his wife.  But why?

                               A.  Marriage Was Design for the Physical Pleasure of the Couple.   

1 Cor. 7:2-5,  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. [3] Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. [4] The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. [5] Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

1 Cor. 7:9,  But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

                               B.  Jesus Commands Couples to Become One Flesh as God Intended.   

Matthew 19:5-6 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? [6] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

         

                               C.   Paul Defined “One Flesh” as a Physical Union.   

1 Cor. 6:16, What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.

Therefore, the formal and legal agreement by itself does not constitute a marriage. Thus a man and woman are not joined at the altar with the preacher!  However, a physical union alone does not constitute a marriage either.  Adultery and Fornication are clearly declared sin in Scripture (see John 4:18; 1Cor. 7:2).

David Augsburger, Mennonite minister and author of Cherishable: Love and Marriage, defines marriage by first asking, 

Is marriage a private action of two persons in love, or a public act of two pledging a contract?" Then he goes on to say, "Neither. It is something other. Very much other!
"Basically the Christian view of marriage is not that it is primarily or even essentially a binding legal and social contract. The Christian understands marriage as a covenant made under God and in the presence of fellow members of the Christian family. Such a pledge endures, not because of the force of law or the fear of its sanctions, but because an unconditional covenant has been made. A covenant more solemn, more binding, more permanent than any legal contract. (Wright)

Dr. David Hubbard, president of Fuller Theological Seminary, has said:

Marriage does not demand perfection. But it must be given priority.  It is an institution for sinners.  No one else need apply.  But, it finds its fullest glory when sinners see it as God's way of leading us through His ultimate curriculum of love and righteousness. (H. Norman Wright)

APPLICATION:  In order to survive the difficulties you may encounter in your relationship, one must view their commitments to each other as irrevocable and a permanent bond.  Attach yourselves to each other like super glue!  Resolve in your heart that divorce is not even an option no matter what difficulties come your way.  It would even be wise to reaffirm this commitment to each other on anniversaries, birthdays, and New Years Day.  Look deep into your mate's eyes and recommit yourself to stick with and to them like SUPERGLUE no matter what difficulties, disagreements, and disappointments come your way. Plan to work through the challenges instead of searching for a way out. I am not suggesting any of this is easy; if it were easy then everyone would be doing it. 

APPLICATION:  Determine to “Cleave” To Your Spouse Until Death Divides You.  Refuse to give up on your Marriage by settling for a divorce.  Instead fight for the survival of your home. Stick to each other like SUPER GLUE.  Do not take the route of easy divorces, or divorce on the basis of  incompatibility! Just because it’s legal in the United States, does not means it is accepted by God!  Give room in your life to exercise FAITH, LOVE, FORGIVENESS, PATIENCE, PEACE, WISDOM in your relationship!  

Rom 7:1-3,  Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth?  2     For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.  3  So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

Couples Enter the Marriage Union Today With the Idea of  Divorces if They Incur Problems or Difficulties. I believe the Bible presents the ideal of marriage for life, though there are a few legitimate reasons for dissolution. The modern attitude of easy divorces is not at all what God has in mind. The old saying is “till death do us part” has become, “till debt do us part” or “till disagreement do us part” even “till other interests do us part” and maybe even “till someone else do us part.”

      C.  God Specified the Need to Become One Flesh.  Gen. 2:24

When a man "cleaves" to his wife, they become one flesh. The term "one flesh" is a beautiful capsule description of the oneness, completeness and permanence God intended in the marriage relationship. "One flesh" suggests a unique oneness—a total commitment to intimacy in all of life together, symbolized by sexual union.

             1.  One Plus One Equals One.  (1 + 1 = 1)

                 A.  You Retain Your Individual Identity.

In his book, The Essence of Marriage, ordained minister and marriage counselor Julius A. Fritze describes marriage as follows:

Marriage is an emotional fusion of two personalities into a functional operation, yet both retaining their own identities. The Biblical concept is contained in Genesis 2:24—'One flesh'.

                 B.  You Become One New Life Existing in Two Individuals.

Julius Fritze illustrates the marriage relationship by talking about two lumps of clay. He points out that if you were to hold a lump of dark green clay in your left hand and a lump of light green clay in your right hand, you could clearly see the different shades. However, if you were to take both of these pieces of clay and mold and push them together, you would see just one lump of green clay—at first glance. But if you were to inspect the lump closely you would see the distinct and separate lines of dark green and light green clay (Wright).

APPLICATION: This is like the marriage relationship—the two of you as husband and wife must blend together so that you appear as one, yet each retaining your own distinct identity or personality.  The marriage is one new life existing in two people. Christian marriage, however, involves more than the blending of two people. It also includes a third Person—Jesus Christ—who gives meaning, guidance and direction to the relationship. When Jesus Christ presides in a marriage, then and only then is it a Christian marriage (Wright).

            2.  One Flesh Is a Process of Blending Two Lives.

                 1.  This Oneness is Not Instantaneous and Magical!

Some couples expect this “oneness” to be “magic”“instantaneous” and “intuitive.”  When the marriage fails to meet this wrong expectations they view the relationship as hopeless.

                 2.  God Makes This Oneness Possible!

 But, is the whole thing hopeless? Not at all. Society has not provided a way to a truly happy marriage, but God has! God has given a definite pattern for marriage and if a man and woman will follow that pattern, they will find the happiness and harmony they seek.

Charles Shedd in his book, Letters to Phillip, tells the story of two rivers flowing smoothly and quietly along until they came together and joined. When this happened they clashed and hurled themselves at one another. As the newly formed river flowed downstream, however, it gradually quieted down and flowed smoothly again. But now it was much broader, more majestic and had much more power. Dr. Shedd suggests that

A good marriage is often like that. When two independent streams of existence come together, there will probably be some dashing of life against life at the juncture. Personalities rush against each other. Preferences clash. Ideas contend for power and habits vie for position. Sometimes like the waves, they throw up a spray that leaves you breathless and makes you wonder where has the loveliness gone. But that's all right. Like the two rivers, what comes out of their struggle may be something deeper, more powerful than what they were on their own.

APPLICATION: This blending process will require Christ and good communication.  Two Christians have the best possibilities for a happy marriage because they have a third Person—the Lord Jesus Christ—working with them and strengthening them. But there must be communication— between them and their Lord and between themselves. That's part of what a marriage is all about. Truly, communication– with Christ and each other– is the key to your marriage (Wright).

                                                         

   2.  Look to God’s Plan Because He Designed Marriage Intimacy.  Gen. 2:25

                                                                                             

      A.   Intimacy Follows “Leave,” “Cleave,” and “One Flesh.”

 Gen.2:25 . . . And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

              1.  The key to intimacy is the other three ingredients I just mentioned, Severance, Permanence, and Unity.  By becoming more proficient in these other three areas, you arrive at the forth one. 

              2.  Determine to Become More Intimate With your Spouse, Intellectually, Spiritually, Physically, Emotionally, and Socially.  Be transparent with your mate, be honest, open and don’t allow any offense to linger between you.

All of the principles must be accepted and each life must be honestly evaluated in order to realize the full blessings of following these instructions.

      B.  God Designed Marriage for Intimacy.  Gen. 2:25

The Jewish rabbis taught that man is restless while he misses the rib that was taken out of his side and the woman is restless until she gets under the arm of the man—from where she came. With all of the flap in recent years over women's lib, here is a majestic statement of just how the Bible views woman. She is not man's property.

She is man's partner—a full partner in every sense of the word.  St. Augustine lived in the fifth century, but what he said fits perfectly into today's heated discussions of women's rights. He wrote:"If God meant woman to rule over man, He would have taken her out of Adam's head. Had He designed her to be his slave, He would have taken her out of his feet. But God took woman out of man's side, for He made her to be a helpmate and an equal to him."

In his book, After You Said I Do Dwight Small emphasizes the Bible's consistent equalitarian and democratic view of marriage.  "There can be no true oneness," writes Small, "except as there is equal dignity and status for both partners. The wife who came from man's side is to stand at his side, to share every responsibility and enjoy every privilege. This is the goal."

Small goes on to admit that achieving this goal is not easy. What is needed is dialogue. He believes that "dialogue takes place when two people communicate the full meaning of their lives to one another, when they participate in each other's lives in the most meaningful ways in which they are capable."

B.  HIS PROGRAM INVOLVES HIS PRINCIPLES.

   1.  God Emphasized Total Commitment.  Genesis 2:18-24

From Genesis 2:18-24, you can gather three distinctly Christian views of marriage:

         A.  A Christian Marriage Is to Be Permanent, for Life.

When two become one flesh, there is to be no division, no severing, because of the irreparable damage that will occur.

         B.  A Christian Marriage Is to Be Monogamous.

There are examples of polygamy in Scripture, but these are descriptions of what men did, not of what Scripture teaches as good and right. Again, one flesh means one flesh. A man cannot become one flesh with more than one woman and have it mean what is meant here.

         C.  A Christian Marriage Demands Faithfulness.

Today's new morality claims that a man can become "one flesh" with as many women as he wishes, that fornication and a little adultery are "healthy" pastimes that broaden experience and deepen relationships.

   2.  God Rejects Society’s Confusion.

         A.  Don’t Compromise With Sin to Cope With Your Struggles!

Invariably, someone will advice a struggling couple or a disappointed and frustrated spouse to give up on their relationship.   They may say things like, “You don’t have to keep torturing yourself.  Just Bail out!  You’ve given it your best shot and it didn’t work; life is to short to be wasted in a losing battle.  Just give up on it!  Or at the least you can try an exciting affair.  Get a little fun back into your life, there are plenty of fish in the sea who want no commitments or strings attached.  Come on get with the times and stop being so Old Fashioned; things are a lot different now a days.....”

         B.  Reject Completely the “New Morality” of Today!

God's description of marriage, however, speaks of deep and lasting intimacy, a companionship between husband and wife that leads to mutual enrichment, happiness and welfare. Adultery is to marriage what a knife is to a back. Today's advocates of "new morality" can think of all kinds of excuses for adultery and fornication. They come up with what might be called a "pretzel" morality, in which facts, sound principles for good human relationships and responsibilities are all twisted and bent into shapes that seemingly, in some cases, justify infidelity as a "good and loving thing in the situation."

         C.  Receive Completely God’s Plan and Benefits.

As Dwight Small says in his book, Design for Christian Marriage,

A Christian marriage can never fail, but the people in that marriage can fail. There is a vast difference between the two possibilities. So if the marriage of two Christians seems to fail, it is either that they were ignorant of God's purposes, or unwilling to commit themselves to it.

Please take the time and spend the energy to understand these Bible principles as they apply to your marriage or your future. God's plans and principles do make for a happy and healthy marriage and home. I realize these concepts are foreign to modern thinking, but they still work when we work them. Christ Jesus is able to provide the wisdom and guidance you need to strengthen your marriage through the application of these holy ideas. Trust Him to do for you and your spouse what He has done for many other faithful Believers. May you know His very best and have the kind of marriage and home that is a blessing to you and glorifying to Him above all else.