God's Order for Husbands (Part V)

 

“God’s Order for Husbands” 

1 PETER 3:7

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION AND MARRIAGE

THEME: Each believing husband is to submit to God’s order in his marriage.

RELEVANCE: the best husband first views his marriage as an expression of his submission to the Lord. Abandoning the ‘traditional,’ ‘romantic,’ and ‘institutional’ models of marriage he freely clings to God’s Order. He is not loyal to his wife primarily nor worldly models; the Christian husband is devoted to Christ first—above all. He fully submits to Christ’s authority in his life and seeks to guides his family accordingly. 

INTRODUCTION:

Clearly, a righteous husband following God’s order will be a man of prayer as a way of life. He lives in communion with God and He treasures deeply the company of Almighty God as he prays. With him prayer is not someone else’s suggestion, but a desire of his heart because he views all of life as God’s gracious gift to him, he never imagines a moment without sharing it with the Lord. Nothing disturbs him more than his sin against his Father. He is honest and repentant before God regarding failures, his goals center on executing God’s plans, and he is confident in God’s timing and involvement as a standard. He admits his imperfections regarding them as steppingstones on his journey. He really longs to share all of himself with the Lord even though he feels God is worthy of so much more. Consequently, he treats his wife as special partly because he rightly treasures this sweet communion with the Lord. 

MESSAGE:

IV. MANAGE CONTENTIONS IMMEDIATELY, 1 Pet. 3: 7, “…that your prayers be not hindered”

“Hindered” in 1 Peter 3:7, mean to cut off! That is a barrier or ‘cutting off’ of communication with God, meaning prayers become ineffective or unanswered due to broken interactions with your wife. So marital conflict, inconsiderate behaviors, or neglect can block a husband’s fellowship with God. Yes, this is mega-serious!

Marital contentions often stem from poor communication, financial stress, unequal division of household labor, and parenting disagreements. Other major causes include lack of intimacy, infidelity, diverging life goals, and interference from extended family. These issues often erode trust, create resentment, and lead to persistent conflict.—AI Overview

Other common infractions may include:

·      Poor Communication: Inability to listen, constant arguing, and lack of open dialogue.

·      Unwillingness to Apologize: A need to "win" arguments rather than resolve them.

·      Unrealistic Expectations: Assuming a partner knows what you are thinking or expecting them to be perfect. 

·      Infidelity: Emotional or physical cheating that damages trust.

·      Different Values/Goals: Disagreements on religion, life goals, or core beliefs.

·      In-laws/Extended Family: Excessive interference or boundary issues. 

·      External Pressure: Job stress, health problems, or trauma.

·      Substance Abuse: Addiction issues.

·      Selfishness or Pride: An unwillingness to consider the partner's needs or admit fault. .—AI Overview

So, we must be on guard against discord, disharmony, anger, wrath, rage, and taking out frustrations on our wives because God stands against us until correction has prevailed. A husband is not right with God, when he confesses his sin to God, he must endeavor to also make things right with his God-given wife. Not by avoiding or denying accountability, but by owning failures and actively pursuing behavioral changes. Marriage is a tool of personal sanctification! Unfortunately, I was well acquainted with anger and resentment; I had to trust God to remove this kind of negative control and influence from my life. God used these very same verses to help me, and He will do this for anyone. Couples are to live together in such a fashion as to prevent family related contentions. Disputes and misunderstandings will affect the spiritual health of the entire household, but these are also opportunities to grow.

God says, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Eph. 4:26). He requires addressing anger promptly to avoid sinful, prolonged bitterness or harboring resentment. God warns of the dangers of letting anger turn into a “foothold” the devil can exploit. Our anger should not last for days and lead to personal attacks; anger is never an excuse for weaponizing another’s weaknesses or vulnerabilities against them. We gravely destroy all trust by doing this.

Psalm 37:8, states, “Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.” Harboring rage or anxiety is never advisable even when there are apparent advantages because these emotional distresses ultimately lead to sinful actions. We are not to fall for this temptation, but trust God’s justice fully. So, we abandon intense, bitter rage and emotional turmoil, as these reactions lead to sin, harm, and destructive behaviors toward our spouse. When it comes to “anger” we must “cease”; we stop it immediately and completely. We also must let go of simmering resentment—"forsake wrath” to avoid irrational actions. We can trust the Lord to help us break free of sinful motives and controls. God expects a repentant heart in us as we depend on Him for real changes.

Ps 66:18, If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:

Isa 59:2, But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear.

Seek to secure “peace” at home; do whatever is in your power that can be done to pursue peace. There are times when it is not all up to what you do or stop doing, but as for your part try to be ‘peaceful’ as one who must give account to our Lord.

Psalm 34:14-16, command us to, Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it. ¹⁵ The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry. ¹⁶ The face of the Lord is against them that do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

Romans 12:18, says: “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” The Lord instructs us to make every effort to maintain peaceful relationships with everyone (especially at home), understanding that even with our responsible actions, total peace may not always be achievable. Remember, you are responsible for your own reactions, actions, and efforts toward peace, regardless of how others behave. There are instances of extreme opposition, so what God asks of us is perfectly realistic and not idealistic instructions. Christians do not pay back evil with more evil, but we overcome evil with good (Rom. 12:21). This requires initiative in resolving conflicts and maintaining a respectful, empathetic attitude towards our spouse. We are enabled by God to promote forgiveness and love to break the negative cycle, and these powerful instructions help us navigate this hostile world through Christ-centered behaviors.

QUOTE: “The sighs of the injured wife come between the husband’s prayers and God’s hearing.” Also it is very difficult for a couple to pray together when something is disrupting their fellowship. For the peace and welfare of the home it is important that the husband and wife observe a few facts:

             1.   Maintain absolute honesty in order to have a basis of mutual confidence.

             2.   Keep the lines of communication open. Always be willing to talk things out.

             3.   Overlook minor faults and idiosyncrasies.  Love covers a multitude of sins.

             4.   Strive for unity in finances.  Avoid overspending, installment buying, and the desire to keep up with the Joneses.

             5. Remember that love is a commandment, not an uncontrollable emotion.  Love means all that is included in 1 Cor. 13. Love is courteous, for instance; it will keep you from criticizing or contradicting your partner in front of others. Love will keep you from quarreling in front of your children, which could undermine their security.

            6. Always be ready to admit when you are wrong and always be ready to forgive when you have been wronged.”  Confession and Forgiveness are two powerful Christian principle. They are also two overlooked Christlike qualities!—Biggs and Macdonald

Another thing a husband must manage in order to avoid ‘hindrances’ to his fellowship with God is prioritizing and insisting on God’s order! God’s order is always first and foremost for him! God calls husbands to lead in their homes, and their respective wives are responsible for being submissive to that leadership. Men must provide leadership in the church also according to the Scriptures. If the home has a ‘bossy wife’ and the church has ‘domineering women’, it will be more difficult to have a peaceful home and a fruitful church. If the husbands are too weak to lead, then the wives will quickly insist on providing ‘Jezabel leadership’ in their stead. This is NOT God’s order! We men, husbands, must learn to lead! God has never changed or compromised His order and prescriptions for the Christian home, and He is not about to start now. This ‘Jezabel spirit’ does not belong in a Christian home or church. Women liberation has not done any favors for women in general, and it is certainly antithetical for homes and churches for Christian wives. As believers, we need to be loyal to God’s order always. Perhaps understanding that ‘order’ will provide us men with the Lord’s leadership as we so desperately stand in need of it.

If we husbands and wives apply ourselves to adhere to God’s order, we will have a Christ-honoring marriage and our prayers will be considered, answered, and granted.

CONCLUSION:

Married couples need to give careful attention to the instructions of 1 Peter 3:1-7. Many of us have heard the bulk of these thoughts. The problem is we refuse to submit ourselves to the wise counsel of God. Much pain and marital damage could be avoided if we listen to God. Also, if the changes are challenging and even painful because we accepted God’s Order, we are confident that such ‘growing pains’ are worth the transitions. Keep going…don’t ever give up on Christ.

It is imperative that we acknowledge God’s order for our marriages, because therein is the hope of happiness and fulfilment for couples in the Lord. This fulfillment will differ from the ‘world’ ideas, but life with Christ is forever and not fleeting. When we make such choices, our Lord is honored, respected, and obeyed through our submissive lifestyles toward Him. 

The best husband is the man who first views his relationship with his wife as an expression of his submission to the Lord Jesus. It really does not matter who your wife is or what she is not, but it does matter that you acknowledge Christ’s authority in your life and marriage and submit yourself to his order.   

Finally, I do not want to give the impression that I have arrived, and I routinely observe these instructions. Like Paul I am still striving for the mastery of these helpful principles (Phil. 3:7-15). I know about failures. Mirroring Jesus or Christlikeness is the goal I am still aiming for (2Cor. 3:17-18). No, I am yet learning, growing, and becoming. Like yourselves I am on this journey (Rom. 8:28-29) with others…so is your spouse on a ‘life voyage’ together with you. In fact, passages like this one help me understand my failures in the light of God’s expectations. That is while acknowledging my own catastrophes and weaknesses, I still have real hope of becoming more like my Lord Jesus.

This is only possible when a man has a well-ordered home by submitting to his Lord, Jesus Christ. Gentlemen today would be a good time to crown him as LORD of your home!

God's Order for Husbands (Part IV)

“God’s Order for Husbands” 

1 PETER 3:7

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION AND MARRIAGE

THEME: Each believing husband is to submit to God’s order in his marriage.

RELEVANCE: the best husband first views his marriage as an expression of his submission to the Lord. Abandoning the ‘traditional,’ ‘romantic,’ and ‘institutional’ models of marriage he freely clings to God’s Order. He is not loyal to his wife primarily nor worldly models; the Christian husband is devoted to Christ first—above all. He fully submits to Christ’s authority in his life and seeks to guides his family accordingly.

INTRODUCTION:

God commands husbands to “honor” their wives not only because of their physically vulnerability, but also as spiritual equals before Him. Like you, your wife enjoys a relationship and access through Christ to our heavenly Father. Our wives should not be viewed automatically as spiritually weaker or inferior. Remember the modern women liberation movement has not accomplished any advances for modern women in general. In fact, many women have been gravely degraded and some ruined under the pretense of ‘freedom’ and independence. While most men have lost their way…confused by the modern emphasis on female ‘liberation,’ and generally uncertain about a man’s role going forward. Then with multiple social media outlets nowadays, men fear being mischaracterized as a ‘creep’ or ‘preying on women’ in an ill-advised video post.  

MESSAGE:

III.  RESPECT HER IDENTICAL SPIRITUAL RAPPORT 1 Pet. 3:7, … “and as being heirs together of the grace of life”

It is true husbands and wives needed this kind of instruction in the first century and certainly we need it today. Women were not treated like God prescribed in the NT and husbands were not viewed with the responsibilities God identified in this and similar passages. We make a grave mistake when we conclude “Christianity” is responsible for holding back women and progress. Remember God’s order was totally foreign against the first century cultural backdrop…the social context in which the NT was written. According to the NT, wives were treated with love, honor, respect, and dignity by their husbands. This was unheard of in every other religion or practice in the entire world!

The modern matrimonial ideas cannot be taken as ‘Christian’ simply because they really are not. God did not and does not author this type of behavior. We ‘worship’ God only and not wives or husbands—God has never referred to the role of a ‘wife’ as a “queen” or ‘goddess’ nor the role of a ‘husband’ as a “king.” ‘Things that are different are not the same!’ My beliefs are that these misconceptions are carnal philosophies invented by confused, insecure, and puzzled people. Folks who feel intitled to grander privileges instead of concentrating on their service to God and their families is a feature of modern ‘Christianity’ in many sectors. Again, God is not responsible for this confusion, the devil is!

One cultural mistake is basic inequality of personhood based on genders. This flawed view holds that men have greater value than women or men have more rights than women. Another idea is that women are naturally inferior to men. These are just a few of the cultural ideas that have at times snuck their way into “Christian” thinking, but God did not say this ever! These common ‘gender wars’ have ensued for millennia without real winners…in fact, every culture that embraces these wrong ideas loses. Remember, saved women and men will receive rewards at the Judgment Seat of Christ that will result in awarding various positions during the Kingdom Age. The Lord Jesus as the Judge will not make these false distinctions based on gender. “Good,” “faithful,” and “servant” (Matt. 25:21-23, 34, 47; Luke 12:41-48) will be the heart of the criteria and not a believers’ gender. Those who use their gifts and opportunities responsibly will be generously rewarded. It is wonderfully conceivable and probable that many Christian women will be rewarded with elevated positions and important new roles during the Kingdom Age. We need to refocus onto God’s criteria!

Physically women are typically ‘weaker,’ they have always been…women were never intended to be men! Praise God; life is not meant to be a competition!!! Women should never be expected to perform like men…the criterion for a woman is very different from the criterion of a man. So, the average woman does not have the physical strength of the average man, but that’s about it. Women in general are supposed to be more emotional, soft, receptive, and nurturing! Spiritual equality is presented from God’s perspective and Christian husbands are called to recognize this component by accepting her identical value. God champions interdependency regarding the two genders (1 Cor. 11:11-12); such mutual reliance demonstrates God’s general design for people, but not necessarily ideas of gender independence or superiority.

1. She is a Joint heir with You. V. 7, “being heirs together of the grace of life”

What is “the grace of life”? Husbands along with their wives are joint “heirs” of God’s divine favor in eternal life, salvation! They share redemption together, so spouses are equal in their spiritual standing. Couples are designed to honor each other, inherit this grace, recognize each other as spiritual partners, and ensure our prayers are not rejected. Marriage then is an opportunity to experience grace together also, rather than only as individuals. These ongoing, gracious blessings of salvation are experienced in vital fellowship with God.

It would be correct to recall that this measure of equality is uniquely a Christian idea; generally, women were not spiritual or social equals in the first century in Greco-Roman and Jewish cultures. In contrast, the Lord Jesus treated women with unusual dignity and respect; his actions, ideals, and teachings influenced the early churches to do likewise. This is just one place where the value of womanhood is elevated through the nobleness of being a wife. It is partly in her hands that God entrust the most valuable creatures on earth, a human baby. Yes, even though she as a wife fills a role as a follower, she stands tall as a spiritual equal to her husband before God. She is a real “help meet” (Gen. 2:18) to her husband!

2. She Can be a Prayer Warrior Also. V7, “that your prayers”

A godly husband certainly is a man who prays to stay in touch with God and as a ‘living’ sacrificial offering. He consistently brings his family challenges and victories before the Lord…he cherishes deeply this vital connection throughout each day. He adores God above all else and routinely praises Him for His perfections and glory. The husband is also cognizant of his wife’s spiritual value and appreciates this quality as he visits in prayer with the Lord.

A godly wife can approach the throne of grace on behalf of her husband, her family, ‘friends,’ and her own challenges; God will listen interestedly to her prayers and meets her needs accordingly. Often God’s kingdom-related will is advanced through the prayers and activities of godly wives. She is authorized to cry out to the Lord, and our Father enjoys communion with her in a fantastic way. Her great power is wonderfully spiritual in this respect; she is worth more than ten mountains of gold because she knows how to touch the heart of God. Certainly, God is well acquainted with her prayers, midnight cries, hot tears of intercession, her confessions and accountability to Him, and her sometimes lengthy talks with Him. She is deeply spiritual…dominated intentionally by the Spirit of grace! She is not prideful, demanding, or arrogant but surrendered and humbly confident in her God! Listening to her pray move you into an awareness that you have entered the actual presence of God. At times she ushers you closer to the matchless heart of the Almighty!

So many Christian wives do not even realize they have such an inroad to access God! They are oblivious of such approaches, or they neglect Him who is divine. Many wives are seduced by carnal stuff and desires while precious few labor in the home and in prayers. An abundance of wives are even more impressed with human temporal powers instead of divine-mountain-moving power with God. They usually wear their husband’s rank, status, or achievements more fervently than he does. They push their husbands to be and do more because deep down they believe they are worth more. They attempt to use God and ‘Christianity’ for carnal gains…more money and power are usually the real reasons. Too many are like Queen Ataliah and Queen Jezabel but not enough are anything like praying and sacrificial Hannah. But praise the Lord for wives who are mighty warriors as praying women! Such a wife is a precious jewel to God and anyone else who makes her acquaintance.

QUOTE: “A man’s attitude toward his wife should recognize the fact that she is a fellow heir of the grace of life. This refers to a marriage in which both are believers.  Though weaker than the man in some ways, the women enjoys equal standing before God and shares equally the gift of everlasting life.  Also she is more than her husband’s equal in bringing new physical life into the world.”—William Macdonald

Men, we can depend on our wives to be real spiritual assets to the building of our homes. She can be your best prayer partner; she can at times be a tremendous source of objective counsel. A good wife can be a terrific help in evaluating a given situation, or in helping to make plans for the family’s future. She can contact God and believe God just like you can. Thank God for spiritual wives who realize what they have in Christ and seek the good of their relationship with their husbands. Praise the Lord for wives who are responsive, feminine, selfless, obedient, faithful, authentic, soft, and God-centered in their beliefs and behaviors.

God's Order for Husbands (Part III)

 

 “Adopting God’s Order for Husbands” 

1 PETER 3:7

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION AND MARRIAGE

THEME: Each believing husband is to submit to God’s order in his marriage.

RELEVANCE: the best husband first views his marriage as an expression of his submission to the Lord. Abandoning the ‘traditional,’ ‘romantic,’ and ‘institutional’ models of marriage he freely clings to God’s Order. He is not loyal to his wife primarily nor worldly models; the Christian husband is devoted to Christ first—above all. He fully submits to Christ’s authority in his life and seeks to guides his family accordingly.

INTRODUCTION:

Not only should you give your wife understanding but also respect—you give her this kind of thoughtfulness because of her limitations and uniqueness as a woman.

One lie of women’s liberation is the idea that women are biologically identical to men. Feminist ideology ignores the biological clock and the natural desire of many women to be wives and mothers who prioritize getting married and raising children over climbing the corporate ladder. For a young girl to desire being a good wife and mother is frowned upon and belittled as if choosing this route is living beneath her potential. Conversely, it is a Bible fact that the most valuable ‘thing’ on the entire planet is a human being. God commits babies (new humans) to young wives because they are best suited for this most important job! Allow the reality of that to soak in.

MESSAGE: HUSBANDS MUST ADOPT GOD’S ORDER IN MARRIAGE. 1 Pet 3:7, Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

II. RESPECT HER AS THE SOFTER GENDER, VS 7

In contrast the Bible immediately acknowledges a women’s differences, does not trap her in masculinity or a male role, does not encourage her to lose her identity as a woman or major on ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ duality. God calls on husbands to make provisions considering her limitations and these confinements rise out of the fact that she is a woman—the softer gender. Immediately, using this kind of language will infuriate some, but we believe God and not necessarily people. Test this reality based on biblical teaching. Let us begin with this idea of respect or honor.

                 1. Give Honor to Your Wife.

“Giving honor unto the wife”. “Honor” points to value, respect, esteem, and counting her as precious. A good husband is to count his wife as a beloved jewel, as a person of incredible worth.

This involves actively demonstrating high respect, and love through cherishing her, and protecting her well-being. Actions like active listening, speaking kindly, sharing household responsibilities, encouraging her passions, defending her reputation, and ultimately treating her as a spiritual equal before God. Honoring your wife is a proactive, daily, and conscious decision that strengthens marital closeness. This is not primarily based on what she deserves, but more of what a husband does for his wife according to the Word! A husband’s submission to the Lord results in his wife being treated delicately and treasured—honored. 

                 2. Honor Her Because of Natural Vulnerabilities.  

“As the weaker vessel” is the next phrase in 1 Peter 3:7. By nature a wife is frailer and more gentile. She is also usually more emotional than her husband. God wants husbands to honor their wives by recognizing them as physically or socially more vulnerable. God is not highlighting inferiority but rather calls a husband to protective and respectful treatment towards her. She needs tenderness due to physical, emotional, or societal differences.

She is the ‘weaker vessel’ which implies that the husband is ‘weak’ also. The weakness he senses in himself should help him gauge his consideration and treatment of his more vulnerable wife. This understanding should lead him to act with tenderness and wise consideration concerning her. Again, it takes a real man to be a godly husband.  

Additionally, a wife is not necessarily ‘weaker’ intellectually or spiritually, but she has less physical strength—she is weaker physically. She is usually softer, and generally more slenderly made. God instructs the husband to respect this difference about her and compensate for it. Therefore, the husband is to protect, provide, lead, and instruct her.

As a good husband you aim to be a solid protector. Any husband feeling responsible to the Lord for his wife will protect her and sometimes that feels a little like him controlling her. Simply stated if a wife is a ‘precious gift’ from God to him, then automatically he wants to show God thankfulness for her as a gift and then increase her value to the Lord and himself. Naturally you would want to protect a wife because she is more fragile and delicate. However, this ‘protection’ can be misunderstood as too controlling, limiting, restricting, or even answering to a man—accountability to the husband. To properly respect her demands protecting her from any dangers—no God-fearing woman wants a careless and carefree man. A wife will never feel ‘safe’ with such a husband. She may be aware of some of those threats and welcome your protection, but you are also aware of potential additional threats to your wife’s well being and you take measures to keep her safe and secure. Please do not mistake protection for meaningless or selfish controlling. Communicate this requirement and this feeling clearly to each other to achieve understanding and appreciation for each other’s very different roles.

Husbands are to honor their wives by loving and tenderly taking care of them. They are to look after and care for them with warmth and tenderness, esteeming them highly.—Unknown

According to God’s order, husbands are characterized as caring, giving, self-sacrificing, and extending love focusing on the highest welfare of a wife.

              3. Honor Her with Your Service.

Eph 5:25, Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;   

This “love” of a husband is a sincere appreciation, concern, affection, and a high estimation of your wife.

Husbands are commanded, Love your wives (cf. v. 33) just as Christ loved the church. The word “love” (agapaō) means seeking the highest good for another person (cf. 2:4). This is an unselfish love as seen in Christ’s sacrificial death in which He gave Himself up for the church (cf. 5:2; John 10:11, 15, 17–18; Gal. 1:4; Eph. 5:25; Heb. 9:14). A wife’s submission in no way hints that a husband may lord it over his spouse, as a despot commanding a slave. The “submit-love” relationship is a beautiful mixture of harmonious partnership in marriage.^[1]

Husbands are to love their wives as sacrificially as Christ loved the church! His love for her is primarily evidenced through his service to her! Any wife, like any husband, is not even close to perfection, but a man must choose a bride wisely. And contrary to the patterns of wanting, expecting, and demanding, a good husband lovingly serves and attends to the needs of his wife expending himself for Christ’s glory and her good. There is no room for a self-centered lazy man! The following is a glimpse of Christ’s love for the church.

When we feel incapable of showing our love or we have nothing left to give, we need to ask God to fill us with His Spirit and grace. During these fruitless and frustrating times, we must ask our heavenly Father to give us the strength and wisdom to love sacrificially. Our prayer should be, “Teach us how to love as you loved. May your mercy and compassion overflow from our hearts to our wives.”—Unknown

What Can Husbands Learn from Christ’s Love for the Church?    

                      a)  Christ Suffered and Died for the Church—We should labor unselfishly and sacrificially for her ultimate good. We are not consumed with our expectations but her NEEDS! Put your wife before yourself.   

                       b)  Christ Provided Grace for the Church—We should give honor to the wife even if she doesn’t deserve it.  Because of the grace of God in you be gracious in your dealings with her. She is not perfect and nor are you! Remember ‘grace’ is for the undeserving person, so learn to live with and tolerate a few things! Love, forgiveness, patience, kindness, listening and second chances are not earned, they are freely given by grace!

QUOTE: “The most impressive example of tolerance is a golden wedding anniversary.” —Grit

                      c)  Christ Provided Structure and Guidelines for the Church—We should lead our wives with God’s eternal truth, giving structure, guidelines, healthy limitation and household rules. The Word of God, not mere selfishness, should shape the values and responsibilities in any home. Read, study, and pray over Bible obligations of devotion to the Lord and each other. Entertainment venues may need to be paused for a while or even discontinued to avoid interference with the Word and it teachings. Be very careful with tradeoffs and exchanges…the relationship should result in becoming more consecrated to God and not accommodating selfish desires.

1 Cor 14:35, And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.  (Eph. 5: 25-27)

                      d)  Christ Gave Gifted Men to the Church to Build it Up—We should labor to build up our wives spiritually, intellectually, physically, ministerially, and emotionally. This is a major function of a God-fearing husband. So, we notice her famine charms, appreciate her contributions, praise her for her strengths, and value her opinion even if you don’t completely adopt it on this occasion. Use your position to increase her value to Christ…she should become more devoted to God through your influence.

Prov 31:28, Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

(Also SOS 7:1-9)

                      e)  Christ Gave Spiritual Gifts to the Church—Acknowledge she has God given strengths, gifts, and abilities, that would make a wonderful contribution to your home and the church. Also give her domestic opportunities to use these strengths. This is not the time to be jealous or fearful of her growth or become insecure about her development. Also occasionally give her a nice gift on birthdays or anniversaries to show your appreciation and celebrate her growth.

                      f)  Christ Provided Security for the Church—Husbands are to provide her with the safety and security of a Christlike love, a faithful heart and eyes, commitment to your vows, and daily devotion to her only. Let her know that you will not walk out on her and forsake her. Assure her you are not looking for her replacement. Remember, to abandon her is to forfeit God’s will in that important area.

This zone has been a tremendous area of failures since childhood for many girls. Many of them take these scars into their marriages with an apparent need to look out for themselves…a kind of survival strategy. Much assurance is necessary once this category has been violated.  

LIMITING LOVE FOR WIFE

“A young man once went to see Dr. Harry Ironside to confess a fault. “I’m loving my wife too much!” he told the well-known Bible teacher. “In fact, I’ve put her on such a high plane, I fear its sinful.”  “Do you think you love your wife more than Christ love the Church?” inquired Ironside. The husband didn’t dare say he did. “Well, that’s the limit to which we may go,” he continued (Eph. 5:25).”—H.G. Bosch

In a major way part of a marriage is showing Christ to the world. Shockingly, the husband or the wife are not the primary concerns. Christ is and He deserve such honor and distinction. Your home is to be a place where Christ is manifested, magnified, adored, and lived for in very concrete and daily matters! Proactively taking out the trash, cleaning up after yourself, caring for the yard, choosing the restaurant, managing the finances, and planning the vacation and short get aways aren’t too much to ask. It is true not every woman should be a wife, and not every man should be a husband, but when Christians believe it is God’s plan for them to marry, then they should subscribe to God’s order in marriage.  

 

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^[1] Harold W. Hoehner, “Ephesians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 641.

God’s Order for Husbands (Part II)

 

“Adopting God’s Order for Husbands” 

1 PETER 3:7

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION AND MARRIAGE

THEME: Each believing husband is to submit to God’s order in his marriage.

RELEVANCE: the best husband first views his marriage as an expression of his submission to the Lord. Abandoning the ‘traditional,’ ‘romantic,’ and ‘institutional’ models of marriage he freely clings to God’s Order. He is not loyal to his wife primarily nor worldly models; the Christian husband is devoted to Christ first—above all. He fully submits to Christ’s authority in his life and seeks to guides his family accordingly.

INTRODUCTION:

First, what is marital chaos? What is it like when matrimonial structure is absent?

“Marital chaos is a state of severe, chronic conflict and instability within a marriage, transforming it from a supportive partnership into a high-stress, unpredictable environment. It is characterized by constant, intense arguments, lack of trust, emotional distress, and potential, or actual, separation or divorce. It often involves a breakdown in communication, with partners in a cycle of hurt, blame, and, sometimes, apathy.”—AI Overview

Most marriage problems are normal and often solvable with better communication, clearer boundaries, and shared habits. The most common marriage issues include communication breakdowns, intimacy changes, financial stress, parenting conflict, and uneven household labor.—Matrimonial Chaos - Wikipedia

Beloved, God’s Order or Marital chaos…there really is no serious comparison here. Again, the common theme of the preceding chapter 1 Peter 2 and this one (Chapter 3) is submission to the Lord even in unfair circumstances! Therefore, the husband must likewise first accept God’s Order for marriage, which brings us to our first observation and the continuance of hope or the establishment of the same.

MESSAGE: HUSBANDS MUST ADOPT GOD’S ORDER IN MARRIAGE. 1 Pet 3:7, Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

I.  LIVE WITH CONSIDERATION FOR HER, Vs 7

Now the apostle turns to husbands and shows the corresponding duties they must fulfill. They should live considerately with their wives, showing love, courtesy, and understanding.^[1]

Peter exhorted Christian husbands to give their wives two gifts of love: understanding and respect.^[2]

When a Christian husband obeys the Lord in this regard, his wife will not legitimately sense from him a lack of appreciation, mere utilitarian use, rejection, devaluation, misunderstanding, distance, anger, frustration, criticism, jealousy, inadequacy, or coldness. If any of these conditions really exist, there is a solid platform to communicate with each other through the difficulties.                                            

A. Consider Spending Quality Time with Her. “Dwell with”

This phrase means to dwell together. It is true we all want provisions, security, connection, and belonging, but a wife needs these in a more amplified manner. Many of her needs are addressed by spending quality time with her.

                       1) Understanding Her Involves Building Depth in Your Relationship.

 The Husband is to actually spend some quality time with his wife. Husbands are to live with her in close togetherness. This is much more than living under the same roof. This is instruction to take responsibility for deepening your closeness. Often understanding requires courage as a wife and patient consideration as a husband.

The first protest of a good provider would be, “Well I’ve provided a nice home and a good living for her, what more could she ask for.” The truth is that material things or animals can never satisfy our sociological needs or our desires for thoughtful companionship. Material things will answer some small physical needs but you both still require the opportunity to share your souls with each other. The deepest sharing and togetherness is with the Lord Jesus, but a second is throughout life a husband and wife are to share themselves completely with each other. It takes real courage and trust to deepen this dynamic.

Remember, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden demonstrated God’s design for marriage and companionship—togetherness. Again, Gen 2:18, says, “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

1) God designed the profound community essentials of man to be meet through a human counterpart, his wife. In Genesis 2:18, “help meet” mean ‘helper,’ ‘succour,’ and ‘corresponding counterpart.’

2) A husband, out of humility, has an innate (inborn or essential) necessity to cultivate oneness with his wife. Most godly men require the sweetness, sensitivity, and tenderness of a faithful wife.

3) When God provided Eve, all of Adam’s material needs were already satisfied before his creation in the Garden of Eden. God helped him come to this conclusion—man needs a corresponding counterpart in a wife.

4) Essentially, God helped Adam recognize his personal and essential need for a wife, and Eve was His provision. She was not intended to replace him, lead him, or compete with him, but to serve God together with him as his appropriate helper. Her role was different from the very beginning.

5) Eve was created for the high purpose of being Adam’s most intimate companion. This means that she was adequate for him, complemented him, and corresponded to him and he to her. God intended for Adam to lead Eve from her very beginning.

6) Accordingly, merely being a good provider for your wife and family does not satisfy all your needs to connect with her deeply as companions.

There will also be an element of mystery and intrigue, but a husband and wife are to provide answers into each other that cannot be discovered with mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. It means there is more to a godly woman than the need to connect and there are more than a mere few choice things to satisfying a man of God. It is the responsibility of a husband to lead this exploration and remember the goal is holiness and not merely happiness. It takes courage, humility, patience, and a willingness to grow together in the Lord.

                      2) How Can We Build Deeper Understanding?

You must spend meaningful time together! It may mean giving up a favorite TV series, fewer trips to the gym, or the golf course. It may mean leaving the Internet alone and disciplining the use of your time more. It may mean stopping the overtime when you can avoid it and calling home when you must be late. Give her your complete attention with listening, eye contact, and trying to empathize. Not merely talking but dwelling with her! The following are some other helpful suggestions.

                           a) Become Dissatisfied with Anything Less Then Oneness. View it as inconsistent with the scripture to have a shallow affiliation with your wife. Refuse to merely live together and just exist in the same household. Take some honest inventory and endeavor to fix your relationship with the Lord’s guidance. Gen 2:24, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

                          b) Create a Climate of Trust

We must reassure our wives of our fidelity—our faithfulness. Leave no room for doubt in her mind. Talk with her about anything she is uneasy with. Avoid little white lies, withholding relevant information, emotional or literal disloyalty, harmful flirtations which could create distrust, avoid harmful situations which could lead to misunderstanding. It is only through a deepening sense of trust that we develop greater intimacy with our wives.

                          c) Spend Time with Each Other

Intimacy comes when two people spend quality time together. This means limiting our time with ‘friends’ and social media to make time for your spouse…we treat the marriage union as a priority. We need time to talk together, walk together, celebrate together, think together, plan together, and dream together. Keep your promises, you do not need to be too critical of every little things, and face up to reality with the goal of becoming holy in the Lord. This does not eliminate a husband’s leadership; it simply helps him understand his wife and her need for assurance from you. With out this dimension in your marriage ‘something will seem missing’…it will not provide the joy or insight God intended and both of you so desperately need.

“Several years ago, a twister swept through the farmlands of Kansas and touched down right of the farmhouse. The force of the wind lifted the room off and set it down about fifty feet from the house. It also lifted the bed on which the husband and wife were sleeping and set it down in the front yard. Immediately the wife began to cry. “Don’t cry,” the husband consoled, “Everything is going to be all right. You don’t have to be afraid.” The wife responded, “I’m not crying because I’m afraid. I’m crying because I’m happy. This is the first time in five years we’ve been out of the house together!”

God’s plan for your relationship is that it be an ever growing and deepening experience with each other.

B. Consider Limiting Social Media Involvement.

Social media outlets strive on female involvement and use! Some women would be ashamed of some of the stuff they posted or their general immodesty…advertisements…. Many western wives and potential wives were ruined by social media! Avoid content creators who are not living examples of what you want. Stir clear of worldly ideas from people more interested in the algorithm and telling you what you want to hear because it secures them likes and hearts. Remember they are trying to make a living on your engagements or comments!

1) Secrecy between a husband and wife is not a part of God’s plan for marriage.

Couples who cannot see each other’s online activities or they do not share their social media accounts tend to be hiding something about their online activity. God still can see when we obscure our actions incognito! I have seen one member share freely their social media accounts while the other member carefully concealed their actual activities. What hypocrisy! 

2) Options can prevent total commitment to your spouse.

More options do not provide more clarity; they only add to the confusion. Who is in your DMs? Who did you give your number to? Are you using your phone to be sneaky and secretive? What situations do you tolerate? Are you paralyzed by multiple options…unable to decide because you are convinced you could do better? Have you ‘settled’ until something better comes along? 

3) Distrust multiplies as your inconsistencies and lies become more evident.

Your activities poison your future relationship with her because your character is gravely flawed. This is also true for her. Your spouse detects the flaws early on, weather they say so or not…. The results are eroded trust… loss of confidence…discarded or phony fidelity. Building a foundation of reliability is vital for you both to grow in the Lord.

C. Consider the Many Descriptions in Scripture.

1)     The Book of Proverbs is packed with warnings and illustrations of the wrong and correct type of person and habits. We would be wise to pay careful attention.

2)     The Bible is also replete with portrayals of a God-fearing persons as well as examples of godless people. These should inform and warn us.

3)     While ‘perfection’ is out of the question, growth starts with honesty—transparency, confessions, and repentance—before God and integrity with your spouse.

4)     Heb. 4:12, says, “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart”.

 The Word of God as living, active, and penetrates deeply to judge the thoughts and goals we have. Beloved, this is the transformative power of Scripture to convict, expose inner motives, and reveal truth. God gave us His word to aid our exploration of holiness, and to aids our marriages tremendously.

D. Consider Knowing Her Well; Pay Attention to Her. “According to knowledge”

This embraces the idea that husbands should actively study, understand, and respect their wives’ specific needs, emotions, and character to build a thoughtful, considerate, and loving marriage in Christ. We are to live with insight rather than ignorance, providing tailored care, and honoring them as equal heirs of God’s grace. This obviously requires you to pay attention to her.

Not only should you know her favorite color, restaurant, or shoes, but you understand best how she is put together. Husbands are to explore, investigate, and inquire into her person; the inclination to be more self-centered is great, but you need to pay some quality attention to her.

QUOTE: “Your wife is a unique vessel, carefully crafted and beautifully interwoven by her Creator. To “know your wife” means to know the answers to the complex questions about her. What is her innermost make up? What are her deepest concerns and fears? How do you help her work through them in the safety and security of your love? What does she need from you? Why does she respond as she does?”—Charles Swindoll 

Gentlemen, no one else can supply the answers to these questions about her. While more experienced wives can provide helpful insight around certain duties and obligations, a husband must have a curiosity that move him to understand her. Make it your quest to regard the natural cycles and more intriguing mysteries of your wife. As you do this, you’ll unlock other rooms and compartments of her innermost being worthy of your exploration. Her opening up to you will become normal and natural. Trust will escalate and understanding will increase. She is not required to be mysterious or secretive, but men do not necessarily understand women in general. This “knowledge” comes primarily as you cultivate intimacy, it takes time. It takes listening. It takes paying attention, concentrating, praying for insight, seeking understanding, and refusing to use such knowledge against her. Ask God to help you understand her! 

QUOTE: “Now, the phrase, "according to knowledge," is descriptive of a man's manner of life with his mate, a woman's need, wherein he studiously gives himself to the task of perceiving her rather unique needs, and then follows in applying himself to the skillful fulfillment of those needs. To live with a wife in an understanding way is to dwell with her, guided by a correct assessment of her womanly nature, and by a correct identification of her roles and her duties, over against your own roles and duties. It speaks of a manner of living characterized by sensitivity, by a close consideration of her femininity, and by the needs and desires which properly emanate from both.

About his wife, a man needs to understand such things-as I have been slow to understand-as that there needs to be times when a woman can cry without giving her husband an objective rationale to support it. Fourteen years I have been married, and while the lesson is somewhere in my head, all too often there is failure on the practical level-and an indictment, thus, of my manhood.

A man needs to live with his wife understanding such things as her acute need, for the praise and the gratitude of her husband- understanding her need for intimate and undistracted communication- understanding her need for practical help with dishes and diapers and floors and vacuum cleaning, etc., etc.- understanding her needs and her temperament, when the manner of woman is upon her.

A true man is not a brute. He is a wise, perceptive and lifelong student of his wife. And his understanding, first on the level of perception, then works out on the level of skillful fulfillment of needs perceived.”—George Mcdearmon

APPLICATION: Many wives would give their right arm for a husband that really knows her. Few things give a woman more security than her husband really understanding her. She may not even support each decision enthusiastically, but she is confident she is understood. This is what results in intimacy; it turns romance into a deep, lifelong agape-love. Frequent open and honest conversation will help a couple to arrive at this reality. Do not ignore, disregard, and neglect her; refuse to allow yourself to become indifferent towards her. “DWELL WITH HER ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE”!

For many men, there are no new discoveries here. Perhaps a few reminders of how important this really is. To be a student of Christ is essential for every believer and husbands need to be studious concerning their wives. My biggest disappointment in myself is that I was never consistent in this area. No doubt each marriage has special or infrequent developments that have proved challenging and somewhat disconcerting, but it is always advantageous to follow God’s order staying away from the possible chaos that could ensue. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by work, the house, the yard, a hobby, sports, or even TV and the internet. Pay careful attention to your wife; she represents a special gift from God to you specifically.  

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^[1] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 2268.

^[2] Roger M. Raymer, “1 Peter,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 849.