Marriage: Is There Any Hope?

Is there any hope for the institution of “marriage”?  Some experts brazenly declare that marriage as we have known it is a relic of a former age. As divorce rates continue to climb, or at least stay at incredibly high levels, many Americans and other Westerners, in and out of the Christian Faith, are growing doubtful about marriage. This is true even for seemingly “perfectly matched” couples; marriage has become more of a risk, a conundrum, and curse instead of a blessing (H. N. Wright). Some feel the institution served its purpose for a season in human history, but finally it should be discarded like an old worn out pair of shoes.

Actually, the problem is not the institution of marriage, but our view of marriage and family that has greatly changed. As a society we have departed from God’s original plan and intent encompassed in Judeo-Christian values. Unfortunately, our generation is witnessing the death of marriage as a grave consequence. That is, at least matrimony from a biblical and traditional perspective. However, God’s enduring plan for marriage still shines like a beacon of hope to every couple and single alike. So, yes, I firmly believe real hope and real answers exist for marriages today. 

THE SITUATION

No, doubt someone may wonder at this point, why we should be concerned about changes in marriage and family? Well, the average person should be concerned about such developments because marriage and family do not exist in a vacuum. The home is interrelated with four other basic institutions of our society: religious, economic, governmental, and educational institutions. This is a consideration with wide-ranging and far-reaching implication. We need to be far more concern then we have been in recent history. No family or marriage exists on an island; each will impact the overall social welfare of our country either for good or bad. To say that changes in the family will dramatically affect the other basic institutions of our society is the understatement of the century!

You see, the Devil has used the media in the Western world to bludgeon the American home nearly beyond recognition. What impact has television viewing had on the American family?  Perhaps we all would agree that TV, at the very least, contributes to the violence in American culture (MacDonald & MacDonald), and the proliferation of godless philosophies. No, doubt the impact of television on the American family is a net negative. Since television programming is largely influenced by secular humanism, to watch it indiscriminately is taking a moral dive into socialism, filth, worldly values, smut, violence, rebellion, immoralities, violation of decency, innuendo, and godless depravity. Such humanists seem to be fixed on destroying our country’s moral fiber, Judeo-Christian values, and with it traditional families and marriage. They cleverly manipulate this tool of communication to control the way people think; over exposure to secular input is roundly “dangerous.” This is further amplified when we consider how little Christians actually read the Word of God. Unfortunately, many parents use the television as a babysitting strategy, but this mistake exposes the children and youths to outrageous violations related to sex, profanity, and violence.  This is one of the leading causes of aggressive behavior in preschool children according to the National Institute of Mental Health. In addition the violence viewed on television is being carried out in our homes, schools, and streets of our nation. Generally, young people are desensitized to violence; this is presently a cultural reality in America. Godliness and wholesome values are readily discarded and portrayed as foolish, outdated, and only for those cripple in their minds and souls. The same is true regarding the traditional home and heterosexual monogamous marriage. We would be hard-pressed to find comedy/sitcoms, prime-time television, or movies that portray these godly ideals.

Many of the problems couples and families face in marriage persist because of the influence of the media on our values, biblical ignorance, lack of diligence, or a failure to adhere to God’s basic spiritual principles for marriage. According to H. N. Wright, there are five major unhealthy changes taking place in the institution of marriage today:

·                    A decline in understanding between marriage partners

·                    Acceptance of the new morality, which is replacing Judeo-Christian values

·                    The spread of secular humanistic philosophy, which rivals Christian truth 

·                    The loss of determination to stay married

·                    The development of unrealistic marriage expectations

Beloved, these are the five nasty realities that are driving our culture and ripping families and marriages apart all across our country. We need the skills to recognize the pressures exerted on our family by these factors. We also need to know how to neutralize their influence in our marriages. May the Lord Jesus, the Word of God, and the Spirit of Grace be employed to this end to the saving of our homes and country.

THE SOLUTION

A good question to ask at this juncture is what is marriage? Marriage is an exclusive relationship in which a man and a woman commit themselves to each other in covenant for life (H. N. Wright), and on the basis of this solemn vow become “one flesh”—physically consummating the union (Gen. 2:24; Mal. 2:14; Matt. 19:4-6). Please forgive my intentional redundancy, but a Christian marriage involves two Believers (male and female) in Christ Jesus. It includes a covenant of commitment to each other before God, physical consummation of the union through sexual intercourse, and last, but not least, commitment to God’s plan for marriage. Marriage is a gift from God, and it was not just for convenience, nor was it brought about by any culture. It is wonderfully the Creators idea and He gave instructions to us, His creatures, for its maintenance and His glory.

Now, there are several spiritual requirements necessary for a successful Christian marriage. First of all, each member must be genuinely born again (John 3:5, 7). They both need to experience the new birth and know the forgiveness of sins. Secondly, both of them should be wholly consecrated to the Lord. That is correct; each individual must surrender their entire person to God sincerely seeking to do His will in the marriage relationship (Rom. 12:1, 2). It is a fact, that disparity in the degree of submission to God can and usually causes a measure of unhappiness and discontentment in the marriage. Both individuals must strive to maintain a personal walk with the Lord Jesus through daily prayer and Bible study (John 15). A Christ-centered and Spirit-filled married partner is an incredible daily gift to give to your spouse!

Perhaps someone will object suggesting that romantic love is the key to a happy and lasting marriage. Actually this is a secular idea that has invaded our Christian counseling, and theological perspectives. Shocked by that observation? Let us entertain for a moment this notion. Why is romantic love by itself a poor foundation on which to build a marriage? Well, romantic love by itself is inept, weak, fickle, and far too emotional to build a marriage and home upon! Love in the form of physical attraction is good, but it will not sustain a marriage. What about when physical attractions are diminished over time? What about when the emotional fervor has lost its intensity because of offense? What then? Emotions are too fragile for building anything on. Elements such as godly agape-love, caring giving, mutual ministry, and companionship must predominate if the relationship is to endure. In a successful marriage romantic love will remain strong, but will be superseded by other components as the marriage matures. A Christian marriage is a triangle and Jesus Christ is the First Person—the preeminent One—in the Christian marriage. It is obedience and fellowship with Him that lays a sound foundation for a godly home.

I personally believe our society and especially Christians must return to the Lord’s plan and design for the help of our marriages and the preservation of our culture (Gen. 2:18-25). Clearly God will be glorified as we walk in His wonderful design. His plan is over 6, 000 years old, but it still holds out the light of hope and fulfillment in this age darkened by family confusion and social corrosion. Yes, there is not only hope for the institution of marriage, but there is glorious hope for yours.

Without exaggeration, there is a hopeful relationship between biblical principles and the success of Christian marriages. Though our culture may reject and discredit the Bible basis for marriage and the principles the Scriptures afford for the welfare of the Christian home, they are never-the-less relevant and promising. When two Christian young people implement these principles in daily life, their marriage will prove a blessing to them and glorifying to God.  When God’s Word is diligently applied to life, it produces satisfaction and fulfillment in relationships the humanistic philosophies of the world cannot assail. 

The preservation of the institution of marriage can only be realized in our culture as we submit to God’s enduring plan (Gen. 2:18-25). It’s time for Christian marriages and families to demonstrate a way of living that is rewarding, meaningful, and fulfilling. God’s plan for couples should be brilliantly evident to the world as it observes Christian marriages and families.  As we realize God’s plan in our lives we supply hope to the many others who need direction, counsel, and hope (MacDonald & MacDonald). Choose Christ’s way and become a beacon of hope in a society where marriages are being dashed on the rocks of frustration, despair, confusion, and ignorance. If you do, God will use you to light the way to Himself, and you will serve as a palpable inspiration to others. Is there any hope for marriage? The answer is absolutely Yes!

Love is What We Need!

The Spirit of Grace desires to produce love in the experience of each believer in Christ Jesus. Many relationships suffer because of self-centeredness, impatience, insensitivity, jealousy, insecurity, pride and the list goes on. Christian marriages, homes, friendships, and lifestyles would be more than favorably impacted by a generous dose of divine love. Relationship complications range from communication problems, sex, money, household chores, deprioritizing the relationship to conflict and trust issues (Sorgen, www.webmd.com).  While there are many self-help articles and books on the market offering many well thought out solutions, I believe there is one fundamental problem at the root of most relational challenges. In most cases Christ and His truth are blatantly missing because the individuals are unsaved and uninterested in God’s Word. With regards to believers, His love can scarcely be detected in the average relationship; this is a tragedy of embarrassing proportions. While shallow, token and superficial ‘love’ abounds in many places, deep abiding agape-love is often missing or has been minimized. In contrast, the Apostle Paul exalts the potency of agape-love saying it, “Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth” (1 Cor. 13:7, 8a). While every relationship has challenges at times, still there is absolutely no force in the universe more powerful than divine love. It is always a key element in real relational solutions! Even better, such love is prescribed for every child of God as a way of life for us followers of Jesus Christ. None other than the Spirit of the Living God can produce this transforming fruit of the Spirit in a yielded life. Every relationship on the planet needs this dynamic type of love.

LOVING

In the listing of the fruit of the Spirit, love appears first because it is the foundation of the other graces. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Gal. 5:22, 23). Thus love lays at the foundation of healthy relationships. But what kind of ‘love’ is this?  Obviously this is divine love; it can be described as spiritual, sacrificial, unconditional, volitional, enduring, and triumphant (1 Cor. 13).  It is supremely supernatural and wonderfully sublime. Often love is characterized as a feeling, sentiment, or an emotion. We love our mother, football, and even the house we grew up in. Though love is used widely in these manners in our society, none of these are what the Apostle Paul had in mind when He wrote the word “love.”

Love is not merely an emotion, but a choice to do what is best for the ones cherished.  Love acts to secure the highest good spiritually, physically, emotionally, and relationally. Love has been described as the steadfast command of the will to secure the lasting good of another; even for those who do not love in return.  It is both love for God and for one’s fellowman (Matt. 22:37-39; Jn. 14:15; 15:10). Clearly the fruit of the Spirit will entail expressions of love toward God and man as a normal course of daily life. In his book The Work of the Holy Spirit, Kuyper (1946, p. 533) observed,

The means employed by the Holy Spirit in the shedding abroad of the Love of God in our hearts is simply Love. By loving us He teaches love. By applying love to us, by expending love upon us, He inculcates love on us.  It is the love of the Holy Spirit whereby the shedding abroad of love in our hearts has become possible. As according to I Cor. xiii., Love ought to manifest itself in our lives, so has the Holy Spirit wrought it in our hearts.

The Bible reveals the three principal qualities of the Christian life, which are faith, hope, and charity. Of course charity is the greatest of all according to First Corinthians 13:13. Love is the preeminent quality of Christian character. Yes, faithfulness is important and certainly hopefulness is too.  But the greatest and most excellent trait the Spirit of God seeks to ‘stamp’ upon the believers character is love. When this virtue fills a life, it provides the most persuasive evidence of a genuine personal discipleship to Christ (Jn. 13:35; 1 Jn. 3:10-24). True faith must always lead to a life of love for God and others (Matt. 22:37-40). This is one of the central purposes and most crucial evidences of genuine people of God in this life. Another critical purpose of believers is to glorify Him in all facets of our existence. Cultivating loving character certainly glorifies God! It was Kenneth Osbeck (1990) who said, “Our love relationship with others should be characterized as sacrificial, sensitive, and sharing.” This is heavy-duty love and it is not for the faint of heart. That is, believers are to relate and interact with others much as the Lord Jesus did while here on earth. Christ obviously loved individuals simply for themselves. They were His creatures bearing His image and no matter how obscure and marred that image was, He genuinely loved them, accepted them, and met them at the place of their personal need.  While He never condoned sin in anyway, He readily reached out to sinners and the unlovely to save them and help them know life free of the bondage of sin (Luke 19:1-10; John 4:6-42).

The Bible declares that “God is love” and He loves the world (1 John 4:8; John 3:16). Love is the very nature of God,

John is emphasizing that God is love. Love is His nature. There is no love in the true sense but that which finds its source in Him. The words “God is love” are well worth all the languages in earth or heaven (MacDonald & Farstad).

Therefore, what is true of God can become true of abiding believers who depend on Him for this quality. Yes, this awesome divine love can be communicated into the lives of genuine believers,

Since God is love, intimate acquaintance with Him will produce love. Like light (1:5), love is intrinsic to the character and nature of God, and one who is intimately acquainted with God walks in His light (1:7) (Walvoord & Zuck).

Since love is what God is, it is also what His children ought to be—willfully compassionate, willfully tenderhearted, willfully loving individuals, and willfully obedient to God. This is not merely a love rooted in admiration, or natural affection, but it is anchored in the human will—the power of choice. The Spirit of Grace produces love through our yielding and choices. It is not about feelings primarily, but it is decidedly about choices first and foremost.  We must choose to govern ourselves in a loving manner regardless of personal feelings toward another. I know that statement sounds strange, but it is biblically accurate. This is why love can be directed toward all men—to include one’s enemies (Matt. 5:43-48).  We are not commanded to have warm feelings toward someone who is antagonistic toward us, but we are instructed to pray for and do good things for them in return for their animosity. We make the choice to show love.

Love is beautifully described in 1 Corinthians 13 as sacrificial, service oriented, placing others first, showing deference, exhibiting patience, and consideration. Love is brilliantly proclaimed in all its fullness at the cross of Calvary where Christ freely and willingly shed His precious blood for undeserving sinners (Rom. 5:8). He suffered greatly for our faults and sinfulness when He knew just how dark and wretched we truly are deep inside. As expressed through Christ, not even His own life was too great a price or sacrifice to secure the people He loved unto Himself. What an awe-inspiring passion! Such self-sacrificing love that moved Christ to embrace the cross for us sinners is the same type the Spirit-controlled believers will manifest also.  This conclusion is inescapable!

SHARING

Love is often evidenced in the form of giving. This is seen in the Father, the Son, and the Spirit’s gifts towards humanity and the people of God.  God gives generously into our lives every singular second of every day for the entirety of our lives. We are to love others as He loves us. Love towards our fellowman is wonderfully captured in Paul Tan’s anecdote, His Brother Was Spurgeon from his Encyclopedia of 7,700 Illustrations (Tan 1979, p. 1202).

It is related of the late Mr. Spurgeon that on one occasion he found a boy on the streets, ragged and hungry. Taking him with him home, the good pastor fed and clothed him, and then, kneeling down, prayed for the friendless boy as only he could pray. Several times in the prayer he referred to the Almighty as “Our Father.”

When the prayer was finished the boy said, “Did you say “Our Father”?” “Yes, my boy, yours and mine.” “Yes,” was the reply, “then we are brothers.” “Yes,” gravely replied the pastor, and then he talked to him of the Lord Jesus Christ, and finally, on taking leave of him, gave him a letter to a certain boot dealer for a pair of boots.

A few days after, Mr. Spurgeon was passing the boot shop, when the dealer saw him and called to him. “I had a strange thing the other day,” he said. “A boy came into the shop and asked for a pair of boots, saying that his brother had sent him, and when I asked him who his brother was he said you were.” “That is right,” said Mr. Spurgeon, “and he is your brother, too, and if you like we will share the cost of the boots.

Who can forget that “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son” (John 3:16)? Love must be the most powerful force in the universe because it motivated The Father to take extreme measures to His own detriment to redeem us sinners. Clearly, Jesus “Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it” (Ephesians 5:23). Why was Christ on that tree on Calvary? It was because He loves His church, His bride, and willingly sacrificed Himself for her! It took far more than mere nails to impale the Sovereign of the universe to a cross. It took holy, pure, righteous, Son of God agape-love! How amazing is this! My heart is overwhelmed as I reflect upon this tremendous truth. When I was of no value at all to God, He meticulously sought me out, refused to give up on me, gently wooed me to Himself, completely redeemed my exceedingly sinful soul, generously granted me a new place of honor in Christ, and one day He will come to receive us unto Himself when He takes us home to Heaven! I am saying that God is the greatest Lover, and thus He is the greatest Giver ever! Should not the “love of Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:14) constrain us believers today to give?  Selfishness and stinginess should be extremely strange in Christian circles! Paul told the Corinthians to “prove the sincerity of your love” (2 Corinthians 8:8) by giving to the needs of others. Give to support the New Testament church you belong to. Give to sustain missions’ endeavors around the world through your home church’s worldwide outreach efforts. There should be convincing evidence of genuine Christian love; the proof is in our generosity.

CARING

Love also enables God’s children to express meaningful care one towards the other. We can overcome “personality conflicts” and avoid the many troubles a church may experience because of infighting and bickering (1 Cor. 12:31-13:8).  Why? Well, because we care for one another, care about the testimony of our Lord, and care to influence others for Christ instead of against Him. Biblical love would solve most marriage problems modern couples grapple with. Caring for one another must far outweigh pettiness, insensitivity, senseless hairsplitting, and even restore family/work balance. Adultery, unfaithfulness, two-timing, disloyalty, and many communication problems will evaporate once believers start living out godly love. Spirit-wrought love seeks to conceal and not reveal an embarrassing or awkward matter about another (Prov. 10:12; 17:9; 1 Cor. 13:4; 1 Pet. 4:8). This means private issues do not end up on the internet or on social media outlets. One simply does not embarrassingly expose those they love! This is how we behave when we truly care for family, friends, our church, and associates. Godly love ensures the needs of others are met and fuels the fires of ministry fervor to the saints (Eph. 4:15-16).  Training, discipleship, and mentoring ministries must be empowered and motivated by love. This will sustain them and keep them progressing in the right direction. In a loving context the elderly are cared for with sensitivity and tenderness, the handicap are ministered to according to their special needs, and the helpless secure real help without further mistreatment.

Godly love also inflames the saint with passion to reach the lost for Christ (2 Cor. 5:14; Acts 4:19-20). Precious souls are deeply valued, sought out, witnessed to, brought to church, encouraged to trust the Savior, and presented with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Human beings are treated with dignity and respect because they bear the image of God. They are genuinely and routinely loved. Loving sinners to Christ with the truth of the Gospel is completely consistent with holy love. There is no desire to merely label and condemn the unsaved, but there is an honest recognition of their sinfulness compelling us to reach out to them with the only solution for sin in the universe. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is what they need, just as it was for every believer. Oh for the grace to love more sinners to the Savior! Love is why Christians obey God and treat their neighbors the way they would like to be treated (Mk. 12:31; Gal. 5:14; Js. 2:8). As Believers, we need to be filled with the Spirit to evidence divine love.  Every honest child of God knows we cannot live up to these divine expectations in our human energy! Lord Balfour upheld the biblical mandate in a piece entitled The Best Gift (Tan 1979, p. 459),

The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.

Brethren, let us love one another for love is of God. Let us put away our excuses for not loving as we ought and follow the Lord Jesus in this regard as well. Loving, sharing, and caring are what our Heavenly Father expects of all His children. We must rely on the Spirit of God to bear this fruit in our experiences. Let us ask God to fill us afresh that we may love as Jesus did.