I Feel Guilty at Times

 

I Feel Guilty at Times

Mark 15:34-39, And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? ³⁵ And some of them that stood by, when they heard it, said, Behold, he calleth Elias. ³⁶ And one ran and filled a spunge full of vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink, saying, Let alone; let us see whether Elias will come to take him down. ³⁷ And Jesus cried with a loud voice, and gave up the ghost. ³⁸ And the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom. ³⁹ And when the centurion, which stood over against him, saw that he so cried out, and gave up the ghost, he said, Truly this man was the Son of God.

Mark 15:34-39 recalls our Lord’s final moments on the cross, death, and anticipate His burial. Jesus cries out with a surprisingly loud voice "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" (My God, why hast thou forsaken me?), then Jesus intentionally dies after this incredible cry, and the temple veil is ripped in two from top to bottom. A Roman centurion responsible for the entire crucifixion site, who had witnessed many crucifixions before, convincingly admits Jesus is the “Son of God.” While I could examine this passage in many other ways, I feel compelled to focus on the ways it makes me feel inside when I honestly reflect on these thoughts.

Is all guilt for sin bad? I was listening again to Mark 15:34-47 just before and each time I hear it or read it I find that I want to rush through those verses because I don't want to feel guilty at that moment. I'd rather pass through this section quickly to save myself some form of grief or seemly interruptive feelings of responsibility for Christ being there on the cross for my sin. I am ashamed of the things I have done, the sins I sanctioned, and the stuff I permitted because I knowingly looked the other way at times.

On occasion I have read that same passage and felt acutely my guilt, the pain of my sinfulness, and at times I wondered at the crucifying soldiers' conviction that Jesus is the "Son of God." Even now I am struggling to hold back my tears because I still feel so wrong inside.... I feel incredibly responsible for making a mess in so many areas that I am ashamed to name any of them...or to count them…I am inept. I am ‘messed up’ completely!

You see this is why I desperately needed a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. I am responsible for His being on that cross. It was my sin that placed Him there...though He did this voluntarily and willingly to satisfy justice on my behalf. I am now justified, forgiven, adopted, accepted, and sanctified in the Lord Jesus, but all these spiritual blessings came at an incredible price. I must never dear to take Christ's death for granted.

Yes, I will always know what I am, a sinner, and prayerfully, I will grow in my appreciation of Christ's sacrifice for me. I think such passages record accurately what happened that day at Calvary, but they also help us stay grounded and dependent on the same risen Savior the Lord Jesus Christ. Beloved, there is tremendous value in looking back and appreciating the Cross anew.

I’m okay with respecting the death of my Savior more, and I sometimes feel guilty for my actions and history even though I have been forgiven. Certainly, this results in real repentance. I can live with this kind of guilt. Paul, Peter, James, John, and the list goes on…. All of them did. Every genuine conversion is predicated on acknowledging our guilt for sin before a holy God. Why should ‘Christian living’ involve forgetting this fact? Jesus wants us to remember His body that was “broken” for us and shed blood as foundational to the New Covenant. Certainly, we are to remember then….

Luke 22:19, And he took bread, and gave thanks, and brake it, and gave unto them, saying, This is my body which is given for you: this do in remembrance of me.

1 Corinthians 11:24-26, And when he had given thanks, he brake it, and said, Take, eat: this is my body, which is broken for you: this do in remembrance of me. ²⁵ After the same manner also he took the cup, when he had supped, saying, this cup is the new testament in my blood: this do ye, as oft as ye drink it, in remembrance of me. ²⁶ For as often as ye eat this bread, and drink this cup, ye do shew the Lord's death till he come.