A ‘Christian’ Family?

A ‘Christian’ Family?

 

Several reasons can be given for the breakup of Christian marriages.  One of the major reasons is a failure to understand the true biblical basis for Christian marriage. For a Christian marriage to withstand the pressures of a secular society, a couple must know and practice what God, the creator of marriage, has to say on the subject.  Many Christian couples’ marital foundation collapsed because they did not have a biblical underpinning.  We must also remember that secular humanism, social media, and feminism have ransacked the home and plagued it with problems like delinquency, social materialism, drug abuse, disrespect, abortion, pre-marital intercourse/sexual liberation, unwed motherhood, cheating/unfaithfulness, separation, and easy divorces.

Additionally, there are many reasons why godly men and women interpret the same biblical text differently. One reason is that ‘Protestants’ have no one to speak ex cathedra; each person is free to interpret the Bible for themselves. Secondly, we all tend to bring our own set of assumption to Bible interpreting and no two of us have the same set of assumptions. This obviously leads to many different conclusions about the meaning of a text.  This problematic area is further hampered by theological training, positions, and biases. These reasons account for why some people of equal scholarship differ on the same biblical text.

The phrase made in “the image of God” is important to the basic understanding of marriage.  Marriage is God’s idea and it did not come into being through evolutionary processes, nor is it a mere social invention.  Each person who enters this union must view themselves as ultimately accountable to God. Not merely to another human being, an institution, a church, a country, or kingdom, but responsible primarily to the Almighty. While this is simple, it should cause us to tremble with respect at the very notion of forsaking His plan in any particular. It’s a part of God’s design and this is reflected in the phrase, made in “the image of God.”  This ‘image’ is not physical, but spiritual and indicative of the personhood of God. God is relational and Trinitarian (Gen. 1:26, 27), therefore this ‘image’ points to the fact that we are created for relationships. We have the necessary equipment for personality, relationship, and accountability. Note the following comments by Walvoord,

Human life was created in (lit., “as,” meaning “in essence as”) the image of God (v. 27). This image was imparted only to humans (2:7). “Image” (ṣelem) is used figuratively here, for God does not have a human form. Being in God’s image means that humans share, though imperfectly and finitely, in God’s nature, that is, in His communicable attributes (life, personality, truth, wisdom, love, holiness, justice), and so have the capacity for spiritual fellowship with Him.

God’s purpose in creating human life in His image was functional: man is to rule or have dominion (1:26, 28). God’s dominion was presented by a “representative.”—Walvoord, John F. ; Zuck, Roy B. ; Dallas Theological Seminary: The Bible Knowledge Commentary

Furthermore, there are several noteworthy implications for the roles of men and women contained in the phrase “help meet for him.”  The first is the stated general fact that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18) and after God created Eve and brought her to Adam, God viewed this as very good (Gen. 1:31).  The implication is that man is a social creature designed so by God.  In addition, a woman is clearly relational from the very beginning. Considering this, the term “help meet” means a helper “fit” or “suitable” or even “face to face” to him.  Some define it as ‘corresponding to’ the man. Thus, Eve’s role surpasses merely a helpmate, but a companion who would fulfill the social needs of Adam. She was assigned to a serving role in relation to her husband even before her creation by God. Walvoord affords insightful elaboration on this very concept and relates it to the preclusion of male leadership when he said,

God decided to make a helper suitable (lit., “a helper corresponding to him,” or “a corresponding helper”) for the man (v.18). “Helper” is not a demeaning term; it is often used in Scripture to describe God Almighty (e.g., Pss. 33:20; 70:5; 115:9, …). The description of her as “corresponding to him” means basically that what was said about him in Genesis 2:7 was also true of her. They both had the same nature. But what man lacked (his aloneness was not good) she supplied, and what she lacked he supplied. The culmination was one flesh (v. 24)—the complete unity of man and woman in marriage. Since Adam and Eve were a spiritual unity, living in integrity without sin, there was no need for instruction here on headship. Paul later discussed that in relationship to the order of Creation (1 Cor. 11:3; 1 Tim. 2:13).—Walvoord, John F. ; Zuck, Roy B. ; Dallas Theological Seminary: The Bible Knowledge Commentary

The natural desire for human companionship and communication is most perfectly satisfied in the marriage union. This dynamic satisfies God, Adam, and Eve! In fact, the social nature of people cries out for interaction with fellow human beings and is necessary for healthy development of personality. Beloved, this was God's original idea and design; it would require something huge to mess this up!

The fall of man changed or altered family relationships because sin was now in the world and this required leadership and submission to that leadership.  God invested the man with leadership responsibilities and required his wife and children to follow him. When Adam and Eve disobeyed God and judgment was pronounced that changed the relationship of husband and wife.  The curse placed on Eve was threefold: she was to experience pain in childbirth, her desire would be toward her husband, and he was to rule over her (Gen. 3:16).  Therefore, because of sin the original relationship between husband and wife had been distorted.  God moved Eve from a side-by-side and face to face arrangement to a subordinate position. Adam received a sentence under the curse involving pain and difficulty in his labors of the land (Gen. 3:17-19). The world was now different because of the fall and human relationships had to be rearranged to address this change.

My favorite Old Testament love story is that of Boaz and Ruth in the book of Ruth.  The evidence of God’s providential activity and care throughout the book and the theme of redemption are probably the primary reasons I prefer this story over some of the others. The story is not romantic from our Western perspective, but it is a strong testimony to God faithfulness to redeem and give the best to those who wait on Him and submit to His plans.

There are several verses in the Song of Solomon supporting the thesis that it is a collection of lyrics illustrating the passion of married love.  Note the word “spouse” in the following two verses:

"Come with me from Lebanon, my spouse, with me from Lebanon: look from the top of Amana, from the top of Shenir and Hermon, from the lions’ dens, from the mountains of the leopards." (Song of Solomon 4:8)

"I am come into my garden, my sister, my spouse: I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk: eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved." (Song of Solomon 5:1)

Clearly employing the word ‘spouse’ placed these scenes and lyrics within the biblical context of marriage.

Several reasons could be sited as to why the Lord Jesus remained unmarried.  Christ lived in celibacy as a part of His personal self-denial.  If He had taken a wife, he could remain sinless (Heb. 13:4), but I believe He wanted to give Himself entirely to the Father’s will in His earthly ministry (Matt. 19:12).  This would be best served without a wife and family.  It would have been very difficult to abandon His family while suffering at Calvary and then ascending back to Heaven.  Even with His earthly ministry and the pace He maintain, would have been impossible while attempting to care for the needs of His family.

Remaining single enabled the Lord Jesus to choose a life of poverty and identify with the plight of the lowly and impoverished of Israel.  It facilitated His ministry to the poor (Heb. 2:17-18).  Further elaboration on the fitness of single life to ministry dedication is covered in 1Corinthians 7:32-35, and Walvoord who commented on these verses said,

The single state has potentially fewer encumbrances and distractions than the married state, so it more easily facilitates a spirit of undivided devotion to the Lord. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus warned His followers against letting concern for the material aspects of this life distract them from devotion to God (Matt. 6:25-34). The poor widow (Mark 12:44) gave all her material sustenance to God as an act of singular devotion. A married man or woman with a needful concern for the well-being of his family would have been less likely to do that. The situation illustrates Paul’s point that the single life with its greater simplicity in obligations allows a potentially greater commitment of time, resources, and self to the Lord than would be possible for a married person dutifully carrying out the marital and familial obligations attached to that state. –Walvoord, John F. ; Zuck, Roy B. ; Dallas Theological Seminary: The Bible Knowledge Commentary

There are several ways in which the love between husband and wife corresponds to the love of Christ for His bride, the church.  Consider the listing that follows:

1)    Since Christ loves the church, He affords it His excellent leadership.  A loving husband will show love by leading his wife after Christ godly model (Eph. 5:23, 24).

2)   Since Christ loves the church, He gave Himself sacrificially for its welfare.  A loving husband will likewise give himself in sacrificial service for his wife’s spiritual welfare and physical protection (Eph. 5:23, 25).

3)   Since Christ loves the church, He seeks and provides for her purity and cleansing (Eph. 5:26, 27).  A loving husband will also pursue the spiritual edification of his wife with his example and Bible instruction. 

4)   Since Christ love for the church is evidence by His care for it as His spiritual body, a husband should care for His wife and provide for her needs (Eph. 5:28-30).

5)   As Christ initiated and sustains a lasting relationship with His bride, the church, husbands must follow the instructions of Gen. 1:24, leave, cleave, one flesh, to maintain the marriage longevity (Eph. 5:31).

There is obviously a relationship or connection associated with following biblical principles and the successful 'Christian' marriage.  Though our culture may reject, even refuse and discredit the Bible basis for marriage and the principles the Scriptures afford for the welfare of the Christian home, they are never-the-less relevant and promising.  The Scriptures account for 'sin' entering in and impacting marriage in a negative manner. God provided a temporary fix that involves leadership for men and followership for wives. While the idea of marriage was never rescinded by God, anyone contemplating this institution much carefully consider these roles and responsibilities. Wherever they disagree as a couple, he such view himself as accountable to God first. When two Christian young people implement these principles in everyday life, their marriage will prove to be a blessing to them and glorifying to God.  When God’s Word is diligently applied to matrimony, it produces satisfaction and fulfillment in relationships the humanistic philosophies of the world cannot assail. 

 

God's Order for Husbands (Part V)

 

“God’s Order for Husbands” 

1 PETER 3:7

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION AND MARRIAGE

THEME: Each believing husband is to submit to God’s order in his marriage.

RELEVANCE: the best husband first views his marriage as an expression of his submission to the Lord. Abandoning the ‘traditional,’ ‘romantic,’ and ‘institutional’ models of marriage he freely clings to God’s Order. He is not loyal to his wife primarily nor worldly models; the Christian husband is devoted to Christ first—above all. He fully submits to Christ’s authority in his life and seeks to guides his family accordingly. 

INTRODUCTION:

Clearly, a righteous husband following God’s order will be a man of prayer as a way of life. He lives in communion with God and He treasures deeply the company of Almighty God as he prays. With him prayer is not someone else’s suggestion, but a desire of his heart because he views all of life as God’s gracious gift to him, he never imagines a moment without sharing it with the Lord. Nothing disturbs him more than his sin against his Father. He is honest and repentant before God regarding failures, his goals center on executing God’s plans, and he is confident in God’s timing and involvement as a standard. He admits his imperfections regarding them as steppingstones on his journey. He really longs to share all of himself with the Lord even though he feels God is worthy of so much more. Consequently, he treats his wife as special partly because he rightly treasures this sweet communion with the Lord. 

MESSAGE:

IV. MANAGE CONTENTIONS IMMEDIATELY, 1 Pet. 3: 7, “…that your prayers be not hindered”

“Hindered” in 1 Peter 3:7, mean to cut off! That is a barrier or ‘cutting off’ of communication with God, meaning prayers become ineffective or unanswered due to broken interactions with your wife. So marital conflict, inconsiderate behaviors, or neglect can block a husband’s fellowship with God. Yes, this is mega-serious!

Marital contentions often stem from poor communication, financial stress, unequal division of household labor, and parenting disagreements. Other major causes include lack of intimacy, infidelity, diverging life goals, and interference from extended family. These issues often erode trust, create resentment, and lead to persistent conflict.—AI Overview

Other common infractions may include:

·      Poor Communication: Inability to listen, constant arguing, and lack of open dialogue.

·      Unwillingness to Apologize: A need to "win" arguments rather than resolve them.

·      Unrealistic Expectations: Assuming a partner knows what you are thinking or expecting them to be perfect. 

·      Infidelity: Emotional or physical cheating that damages trust.

·      Different Values/Goals: Disagreements on religion, life goals, or core beliefs.

·      In-laws/Extended Family: Excessive interference or boundary issues. 

·      External Pressure: Job stress, health problems, or trauma.

·      Substance Abuse: Addiction issues.

·      Selfishness or Pride: An unwillingness to consider the partner's needs or admit fault. .—AI Overview

So, we must be on guard against discord, disharmony, anger, wrath, rage, and taking out frustrations on our wives because God stands against us until correction has prevailed. A husband is not right with God, when he confesses his sin to God, he must endeavor to also make things right with his God-given wife. Not by avoiding or denying accountability, but by owning failures and actively pursuing behavioral changes. Marriage is a tool of personal sanctification! Unfortunately, I was well acquainted with anger and resentment; I had to trust God to remove this kind of negative control and influence from my life. God used these very same verses to help me, and He will do this for anyone. Couples are to live together in such a fashion as to prevent family related contentions. Disputes and misunderstandings will affect the spiritual health of the entire household, but these are also opportunities to grow.

God says, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Eph. 4:26). He requires addressing anger promptly to avoid sinful, prolonged bitterness or harboring resentment. God warns of the dangers of letting anger turn into a “foothold” the devil can exploit. Our anger should not last for days and lead to personal attacks; anger is never an excuse for weaponizing another’s weaknesses or vulnerabilities against them. We gravely destroy all trust by doing this.

Psalm 37:8, states, “Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil.” Harboring rage or anxiety is never advisable even when there are apparent advantages because these emotional distresses ultimately lead to sinful actions. We are not to fall for this temptation, but trust God’s justice fully. So, we abandon intense, bitter rage and emotional turmoil, as these reactions lead to sin, harm, and destructive behaviors toward our spouse. When it comes to “anger” we must “cease”; we stop it immediately and completely. We also must let go of simmering resentment—"forsake wrath” to avoid irrational actions. We can trust the Lord to help us break free of sinful motives and controls. God expects a repentant heart in us as we depend on Him for real changes.

Ps 66:18, If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me:

Isa 59:2, But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear.

Seek to secure “peace” at home; do whatever is in your power that can be done to pursue peace. There are times when it is not all up to what you do or stop doing, but as for your part try to be ‘peaceful’ as one who must give account to our Lord.

Psalm 34:14-16, command us to, Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it. ¹⁵ The eyes of the Lord are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry. ¹⁶ The face of the Lord is against them that do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

Romans 12:18, says: “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” The Lord instructs us to make every effort to maintain peaceful relationships with everyone (especially at home), understanding that even with our responsible actions, total peace may not always be achievable. Remember, you are responsible for your own reactions, actions, and efforts toward peace, regardless of how others behave. There are instances of extreme opposition, so what God asks of us is perfectly realistic and not idealistic instructions. Christians do not pay back evil with more evil, but we overcome evil with good (Rom. 12:21). This requires initiative in resolving conflicts and maintaining a respectful, empathetic attitude towards our spouse. We are enabled by God to promote forgiveness and love to break the negative cycle, and these powerful instructions help us navigate this hostile world through Christ-centered behaviors.

QUOTE: “The sighs of the injured wife come between the husband’s prayers and God’s hearing.” Also it is very difficult for a couple to pray together when something is disrupting their fellowship. For the peace and welfare of the home it is important that the husband and wife observe a few facts:

             1.   Maintain absolute honesty in order to have a basis of mutual confidence.

             2.   Keep the lines of communication open. Always be willing to talk things out.

             3.   Overlook minor faults and idiosyncrasies.  Love covers a multitude of sins.

             4.   Strive for unity in finances.  Avoid overspending, installment buying, and the desire to keep up with the Joneses.

             5. Remember that love is a commandment, not an uncontrollable emotion.  Love means all that is included in 1 Cor. 13. Love is courteous, for instance; it will keep you from criticizing or contradicting your partner in front of others. Love will keep you from quarreling in front of your children, which could undermine their security.

            6. Always be ready to admit when you are wrong and always be ready to forgive when you have been wronged.”  Confession and Forgiveness are two powerful Christian principle. They are also two overlooked Christlike qualities!—Biggs and Macdonald

Another thing a husband must manage in order to avoid ‘hindrances’ to his fellowship with God is prioritizing and insisting on God’s order! God’s order is always first and foremost for him! God calls husbands to lead in their homes, and their respective wives are responsible for being submissive to that leadership. Men must provide leadership in the church also according to the Scriptures. If the home has a ‘bossy wife’ and the church has ‘domineering women’, it will be more difficult to have a peaceful home and a fruitful church. If the husbands are too weak to lead, then the wives will quickly insist on providing ‘Jezabel leadership’ in their stead. This is NOT God’s order! We men, husbands, must learn to lead! God has never changed or compromised His order and prescriptions for the Christian home, and He is not about to start now. This ‘Jezabel spirit’ does not belong in a Christian home or church. Women liberation has not done any favors for women in general, and it is certainly antithetical for homes and churches for Christian wives. As believers, we need to be loyal to God’s order always. Perhaps understanding that ‘order’ will provide us men with the Lord’s leadership as we so desperately stand in need of it.

If we husbands and wives apply ourselves to adhere to God’s order, we will have a Christ-honoring marriage and our prayers will be considered, answered, and granted.

CONCLUSION:

Married couples need to give careful attention to the instructions of 1 Peter 3:1-7. Many of us have heard the bulk of these thoughts. The problem is we refuse to submit ourselves to the wise counsel of God. Much pain and marital damage could be avoided if we listen to God. Also, if the changes are challenging and even painful because we accepted God’s Order, we are confident that such ‘growing pains’ are worth the transitions. Keep going…don’t ever give up on Christ.

It is imperative that we acknowledge God’s order for our marriages, because therein is the hope of happiness and fulfilment for couples in the Lord. This fulfillment will differ from the ‘world’ ideas, but life with Christ is forever and not fleeting. When we make such choices, our Lord is honored, respected, and obeyed through our submissive lifestyles toward Him. 

The best husband is the man who first views his relationship with his wife as an expression of his submission to the Lord Jesus. It really does not matter who your wife is or what she is not, but it does matter that you acknowledge Christ’s authority in your life and marriage and submit yourself to his order.   

Finally, I do not want to give the impression that I have arrived, and I routinely observe these instructions. Like Paul I am still striving for the mastery of these helpful principles (Phil. 3:7-15). I know about failures. Mirroring Jesus or Christlikeness is the goal I am still aiming for (2Cor. 3:17-18). No, I am yet learning, growing, and becoming. Like yourselves I am on this journey (Rom. 8:28-29) with others…so is your spouse on a ‘life voyage’ together with you. In fact, passages like this one help me understand my failures in the light of God’s expectations. That is while acknowledging my own catastrophes and weaknesses, I still have real hope of becoming more like my Lord Jesus.

This is only possible when a man has a well-ordered home by submitting to his Lord, Jesus Christ. Gentlemen today would be a good time to crown him as LORD of your home!

God’s Order for Husbands (Part II)

 

“Adopting God’s Order for Husbands” 

1 PETER 3:7

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION AND MARRIAGE

THEME: Each believing husband is to submit to God’s order in his marriage.

RELEVANCE: the best husband first views his marriage as an expression of his submission to the Lord. Abandoning the ‘traditional,’ ‘romantic,’ and ‘institutional’ models of marriage he freely clings to God’s Order. He is not loyal to his wife primarily nor worldly models; the Christian husband is devoted to Christ first—above all. He fully submits to Christ’s authority in his life and seeks to guides his family accordingly.

INTRODUCTION:

First, what is marital chaos? What is it like when matrimonial structure is absent?

“Marital chaos is a state of severe, chronic conflict and instability within a marriage, transforming it from a supportive partnership into a high-stress, unpredictable environment. It is characterized by constant, intense arguments, lack of trust, emotional distress, and potential, or actual, separation or divorce. It often involves a breakdown in communication, with partners in a cycle of hurt, blame, and, sometimes, apathy.”—AI Overview

Most marriage problems are normal and often solvable with better communication, clearer boundaries, and shared habits. The most common marriage issues include communication breakdowns, intimacy changes, financial stress, parenting conflict, and uneven household labor.—Matrimonial Chaos - Wikipedia

Beloved, God’s Order or Marital chaos…there really is no serious comparison here. Again, the common theme of the preceding chapter 1 Peter 2 and this one (Chapter 3) is submission to the Lord even in unfair circumstances! Therefore, the husband must likewise first accept God’s Order for marriage, which brings us to our first observation and the continuance of hope or the establishment of the same.

MESSAGE: HUSBANDS MUST ADOPT GOD’S ORDER IN MARRIAGE. 1 Pet 3:7, Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

I.  LIVE WITH CONSIDERATION FOR HER, Vs 7

Now the apostle turns to husbands and shows the corresponding duties they must fulfill. They should live considerately with their wives, showing love, courtesy, and understanding.^[1]

Peter exhorted Christian husbands to give their wives two gifts of love: understanding and respect.^[2]

When a Christian husband obeys the Lord in this regard, his wife will not legitimately sense from him a lack of appreciation, mere utilitarian use, rejection, devaluation, misunderstanding, distance, anger, frustration, criticism, jealousy, inadequacy, or coldness. If any of these conditions really exist, there is a solid platform to communicate with each other through the difficulties.                                            

A. Consider Spending Quality Time with Her. “Dwell with”

This phrase means to dwell together. It is true we all want provisions, security, connection, and belonging, but a wife needs these in a more amplified manner. Many of her needs are addressed by spending quality time with her.

                       1) Understanding Her Involves Building Depth in Your Relationship.

 The Husband is to actually spend some quality time with his wife. Husbands are to live with her in close togetherness. This is much more than living under the same roof. This is instruction to take responsibility for deepening your closeness. Often understanding requires courage as a wife and patient consideration as a husband.

The first protest of a good provider would be, “Well I’ve provided a nice home and a good living for her, what more could she ask for.” The truth is that material things or animals can never satisfy our sociological needs or our desires for thoughtful companionship. Material things will answer some small physical needs but you both still require the opportunity to share your souls with each other. The deepest sharing and togetherness is with the Lord Jesus, but a second is throughout life a husband and wife are to share themselves completely with each other. It takes real courage and trust to deepen this dynamic.

Remember, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden demonstrated God’s design for marriage and companionship—togetherness. Again, Gen 2:18, says, “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

1) God designed the profound community essentials of man to be meet through a human counterpart, his wife. In Genesis 2:18, “help meet” mean ‘helper,’ ‘succour,’ and ‘corresponding counterpart.’

2) A husband, out of humility, has an innate (inborn or essential) necessity to cultivate oneness with his wife. Most godly men require the sweetness, sensitivity, and tenderness of a faithful wife.

3) When God provided Eve, all of Adam’s material needs were already satisfied before his creation in the Garden of Eden. God helped him come to this conclusion—man needs a corresponding counterpart in a wife.

4) Essentially, God helped Adam recognize his personal and essential need for a wife, and Eve was His provision. She was not intended to replace him, lead him, or compete with him, but to serve God together with him as his appropriate helper. Her role was different from the very beginning.

5) Eve was created for the high purpose of being Adam’s most intimate companion. This means that she was adequate for him, complemented him, and corresponded to him and he to her. God intended for Adam to lead Eve from her very beginning.

6) Accordingly, merely being a good provider for your wife and family does not satisfy all your needs to connect with her deeply as companions.

There will also be an element of mystery and intrigue, but a husband and wife are to provide answers into each other that cannot be discovered with mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. It means there is more to a godly woman than the need to connect and there are more than a mere few choice things to satisfying a man of God. It is the responsibility of a husband to lead this exploration and remember the goal is holiness and not merely happiness. It takes courage, humility, patience, and a willingness to grow together in the Lord.

                      2) How Can We Build Deeper Understanding?

You must spend meaningful time together! It may mean giving up a favorite TV series, fewer trips to the gym, or the golf course. It may mean leaving the Internet alone and disciplining the use of your time more. It may mean stopping the overtime when you can avoid it and calling home when you must be late. Give her your complete attention with listening, eye contact, and trying to empathize. Not merely talking but dwelling with her! The following are some other helpful suggestions.

                           a) Become Dissatisfied with Anything Less Then Oneness. View it as inconsistent with the scripture to have a shallow affiliation with your wife. Refuse to merely live together and just exist in the same household. Take some honest inventory and endeavor to fix your relationship with the Lord’s guidance. Gen 2:24, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

                          b) Create a Climate of Trust

We must reassure our wives of our fidelity—our faithfulness. Leave no room for doubt in her mind. Talk with her about anything she is uneasy with. Avoid little white lies, withholding relevant information, emotional or literal disloyalty, harmful flirtations which could create distrust, avoid harmful situations which could lead to misunderstanding. It is only through a deepening sense of trust that we develop greater intimacy with our wives.

                          c) Spend Time with Each Other

Intimacy comes when two people spend quality time together. This means limiting our time with ‘friends’ and social media to make time for your spouse…we treat the marriage union as a priority. We need time to talk together, walk together, celebrate together, think together, plan together, and dream together. Keep your promises, you do not need to be too critical of every little things, and face up to reality with the goal of becoming holy in the Lord. This does not eliminate a husband’s leadership; it simply helps him understand his wife and her need for assurance from you. With out this dimension in your marriage ‘something will seem missing’…it will not provide the joy or insight God intended and both of you so desperately need.

“Several years ago, a twister swept through the farmlands of Kansas and touched down right of the farmhouse. The force of the wind lifted the room off and set it down about fifty feet from the house. It also lifted the bed on which the husband and wife were sleeping and set it down in the front yard. Immediately the wife began to cry. “Don’t cry,” the husband consoled, “Everything is going to be all right. You don’t have to be afraid.” The wife responded, “I’m not crying because I’m afraid. I’m crying because I’m happy. This is the first time in five years we’ve been out of the house together!”

God’s plan for your relationship is that it be an ever growing and deepening experience with each other.

B. Consider Limiting Social Media Involvement.

Social media outlets strive on female involvement and use! Some women would be ashamed of some of the stuff they posted or their general immodesty…advertisements…. Many western wives and potential wives were ruined by social media! Avoid content creators who are not living examples of what you want. Stir clear of worldly ideas from people more interested in the algorithm and telling you what you want to hear because it secures them likes and hearts. Remember they are trying to make a living on your engagements or comments!

1) Secrecy between a husband and wife is not a part of God’s plan for marriage.

Couples who cannot see each other’s online activities or they do not share their social media accounts tend to be hiding something about their online activity. God still can see when we obscure our actions incognito! I have seen one member share freely their social media accounts while the other member carefully concealed their actual activities. What hypocrisy! 

2) Options can prevent total commitment to your spouse.

More options do not provide more clarity; they only add to the confusion. Who is in your DMs? Who did you give your number to? Are you using your phone to be sneaky and secretive? What situations do you tolerate? Are you paralyzed by multiple options…unable to decide because you are convinced you could do better? Have you ‘settled’ until something better comes along? 

3) Distrust multiplies as your inconsistencies and lies become more evident.

Your activities poison your future relationship with her because your character is gravely flawed. This is also true for her. Your spouse detects the flaws early on, weather they say so or not…. The results are eroded trust… loss of confidence…discarded or phony fidelity. Building a foundation of reliability is vital for you both to grow in the Lord.

C. Consider the Many Descriptions in Scripture.

1)     The Book of Proverbs is packed with warnings and illustrations of the wrong and correct type of person and habits. We would be wise to pay careful attention.

2)     The Bible is also replete with portrayals of a God-fearing persons as well as examples of godless people. These should inform and warn us.

3)     While ‘perfection’ is out of the question, growth starts with honesty—transparency, confessions, and repentance—before God and integrity with your spouse.

4)     Heb. 4:12, says, “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart”.

 The Word of God as living, active, and penetrates deeply to judge the thoughts and goals we have. Beloved, this is the transformative power of Scripture to convict, expose inner motives, and reveal truth. God gave us His word to aid our exploration of holiness, and to aids our marriages tremendously.

D. Consider Knowing Her Well; Pay Attention to Her. “According to knowledge”

This embraces the idea that husbands should actively study, understand, and respect their wives’ specific needs, emotions, and character to build a thoughtful, considerate, and loving marriage in Christ. We are to live with insight rather than ignorance, providing tailored care, and honoring them as equal heirs of God’s grace. This obviously requires you to pay attention to her.

Not only should you know her favorite color, restaurant, or shoes, but you understand best how she is put together. Husbands are to explore, investigate, and inquire into her person; the inclination to be more self-centered is great, but you need to pay some quality attention to her.

QUOTE: “Your wife is a unique vessel, carefully crafted and beautifully interwoven by her Creator. To “know your wife” means to know the answers to the complex questions about her. What is her innermost make up? What are her deepest concerns and fears? How do you help her work through them in the safety and security of your love? What does she need from you? Why does she respond as she does?”—Charles Swindoll 

Gentlemen, no one else can supply the answers to these questions about her. While more experienced wives can provide helpful insight around certain duties and obligations, a husband must have a curiosity that move him to understand her. Make it your quest to regard the natural cycles and more intriguing mysteries of your wife. As you do this, you’ll unlock other rooms and compartments of her innermost being worthy of your exploration. Her opening up to you will become normal and natural. Trust will escalate and understanding will increase. She is not required to be mysterious or secretive, but men do not necessarily understand women in general. This “knowledge” comes primarily as you cultivate intimacy, it takes time. It takes listening. It takes paying attention, concentrating, praying for insight, seeking understanding, and refusing to use such knowledge against her. Ask God to help you understand her! 

QUOTE: “Now, the phrase, "according to knowledge," is descriptive of a man's manner of life with his mate, a woman's need, wherein he studiously gives himself to the task of perceiving her rather unique needs, and then follows in applying himself to the skillful fulfillment of those needs. To live with a wife in an understanding way is to dwell with her, guided by a correct assessment of her womanly nature, and by a correct identification of her roles and her duties, over against your own roles and duties. It speaks of a manner of living characterized by sensitivity, by a close consideration of her femininity, and by the needs and desires which properly emanate from both.

About his wife, a man needs to understand such things-as I have been slow to understand-as that there needs to be times when a woman can cry without giving her husband an objective rationale to support it. Fourteen years I have been married, and while the lesson is somewhere in my head, all too often there is failure on the practical level-and an indictment, thus, of my manhood.

A man needs to live with his wife understanding such things as her acute need, for the praise and the gratitude of her husband- understanding her need for intimate and undistracted communication- understanding her need for practical help with dishes and diapers and floors and vacuum cleaning, etc., etc.- understanding her needs and her temperament, when the manner of woman is upon her.

A true man is not a brute. He is a wise, perceptive and lifelong student of his wife. And his understanding, first on the level of perception, then works out on the level of skillful fulfillment of needs perceived.”—George Mcdearmon

APPLICATION: Many wives would give their right arm for a husband that really knows her. Few things give a woman more security than her husband really understanding her. She may not even support each decision enthusiastically, but she is confident she is understood. This is what results in intimacy; it turns romance into a deep, lifelong agape-love. Frequent open and honest conversation will help a couple to arrive at this reality. Do not ignore, disregard, and neglect her; refuse to allow yourself to become indifferent towards her. “DWELL WITH HER ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE”!

For many men, there are no new discoveries here. Perhaps a few reminders of how important this really is. To be a student of Christ is essential for every believer and husbands need to be studious concerning their wives. My biggest disappointment in myself is that I was never consistent in this area. No doubt each marriage has special or infrequent developments that have proved challenging and somewhat disconcerting, but it is always advantageous to follow God’s order staying away from the possible chaos that could ensue. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by work, the house, the yard, a hobby, sports, or even TV and the internet. Pay careful attention to your wife; she represents a special gift from God to you specifically.  

---

^[1] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 2268.

^[2] Roger M. Raymer, “1 Peter,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 849.

What Makes A Marriage Christian?

Many people in the western world regard marriage as a secular institution subject to the whelms of society and culture. Many followers of Jesus Christ insist marriage is a divine/sacred institution subject to the guidance of God as stated in the Scriptures. As soon as we Christians make such a statement all kind of questions usually follow. Who did Cain marry? Is it okay to have more than one wife? Did Jesus support divorce? Was the Apostle Paul really a chauvinist? If marriage predates Christianity…why bother perusing a Christian marriage? I can assure you I have no intention of tackling such questions here. Instead I wish to explore some basic Bible teachings that when applied to a marriage union results in a “Christian Marriage.”

I should say from the outset I do believe marriage is between a man and a woman, and God performed the first wedding in the Garden of Eden when He united Adam and Eve. Marriage is his idea. One man to one woman for the remainder of their lives walking in the basic marriage principles God gave them is key (Gen. 2:21-25).  Also, the Bible records what happened historically regarding marriages (the good, the bad, and the ugly); some marriages are exemplary while others are not. These biblical occurrences are not automatically authoritative; the examples should not be understood as endorsements or prescription for us today. The Scriptures simply record the facts of what actually happened. The principles and teachings of Scripture on marriage are the key focuses; as we adopt these and obey God's guidance our marriages will become Christian in character. Yes, it is possible for two Christians to be married to each other and their marriage not be Christian in character. God’s Word and Christian principles must mark the union to make it Christian. So, what does this involve directly? 

A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE ACCEPTS JESUS CHRIST AS LORD AND SAVIOR

Acts 4:12, Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.

John 15:5,  I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

Just as God’s program for marriage involves His plan and principles, it also involves His Person. As we have before indicated, it necessitates Him being at the center of the marriage. Before you can know God’s Enduring Plan for Marriage that can make your marriage and family life meaningful, you must meet some basic requirements:

A.  YOU MUST BECOME A CHRISTIAN.

      1.  Recognize That You Too Are a Sinner.

Romans 3:23,  For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

Romans 6:23, For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

      2.  Be Born Again Through Faith in Christ.

John 3:14-18,  And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: [15] That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

    [16] For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. [17] For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

    [18] He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

  

      3.  Believe the Resurrected Savior and Ask Him to Save You Today.

Romans 10:9-13, That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. [10] For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. [11] For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed. [12] For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. [13] For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

The book of Genesis which introduces God’s plan can only be understood and acted upon by real believers.  The book of Ephesians, which discusses God’s plan for Married life, is also written directly to believers. If you’re not a believer, there is little hope that you can make your marriage and family anything near what God intends it to be.

B.  YOU MUST CHOOSE FULFILLMENT THROUGH CHRIST.

John 10:10, The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

We receive life the moment we accept Christ as our Savior. After we are saved, we soon discover that there are various degrees of enjoyment in this new spiritual life. The more we turn ourselves and our relationships over to Christ and the control of the Holy Spirit, the more we enjoy the life which has been given to us. We not only have eternal life, but we have a more abundant fulfilling enjoyable and satisfying life experience. The same principle is true of our relationships when Christ is at the center.

                                                                                                         

     1.  God Offers Total Fulfillment and Strength Through Christ.

Galatians 2:20,  I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.   

Philip. 4:13,  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Christ adds the blessing when He is at the center of the matter and His will is faithfully pursued and obey in the lives of His subjects. We cannot merely try to use God to fix our marriages and then discard Him when we’ve reached our goals. God will faithfully strengthen you and your mate as you pursue His will; this is true for everything He wants you to do.  What He commands, He will enable us for and afford the necessary grace.

     2.  Unbelievers Cannot Realize This Abundance and Fulfillment on Their Own.

Now I’m not saying that nonbelievers can’t have meaningful relationships. They can—but only up to a point.

         A.  Unbelievers Will Never Know Total Relationship Fulfillment.

An individual can find total fulfillment only in a relationship with God!

         B.  No Marriage Can Be Totally Fulfilling Without THE AUTHOR of Fulfillment!

A marriage can find fulfillment only if its definition is designed and authored by God Himself. So, apart from knowing Jesus Christ, we can’t expect a marriage or family to be fulfilled, because God is the One who created man, invented marriage and the family, and wrote the book on how marriage is to function.

     3.  Focus on Christ and His Kingdom as Your Number One Priority!

Matthew 6:33, But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

         A.  Put God First in Your Life.     

         B.  Put God’s Righteous Character First. 

         C.  Trust God With the Needs in Your Marriage.

You nor your mate is the most important person in your marriage! God is! Make Him first and bring your marriage under His authority and blessing.

John 12:32, And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.

C.  YOU MUST GIVE YOUR MARRIAGE TO THE LORD.

Ps 127:1-2, Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.  2,  It is vain for you to rise up early (Useless Anxiety), to sit up late (Fruitless Worry), to eat the bread of sorrows (Worthless Self Pity): for so he giveth his beloved sleep. (Rest and Dependence on God)

Our efforts without the Lord are described as “vain,” “useless,” “produces nothing.”  No matter what your skills, your strengths, your determination may be-all will be in vain unless God is truly The Builder.  We must become dependent on Him for life, for health, for strength, for practical wisdom, for a disposition to continue to build our homes, and for success in it. Without Him our efforts and work might be destroyed by spiritual fires, by a tempests, by an earthquake, or by an attack of our enemies!  For a promising and prosperous result, we must depend entirely on God.

     1.  The Lord Can “Build” and Develop Your Marriage With Certainty.

   

                 A.  Our Marriage Will Be Built or Rebuilt

Prov 24:3-4,  Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

The word “builded” in Prov. 24:3 has the idea of “Restoring”.  Its the concept of rebuilding something so that it flourishes.  Its the same idea as when God took Adams rib and rebuilt it into Eve.  The point is this: Any marriage can be restored or rebuilt! It is never to late for God but this will require some real wisdom! (Swindoll)

                 B.  Our Marriage Will Be Established or Reestablished

Establish means “to set in order, to place in an erect or upright position” something that is falling or twisted.  This will requires some true understanding.

                 C.  “Build” Implies Progress, Growth, Positive Development, and Change!

     2.  The Lord Can “Keep” and Protect Your Marriage With Certainty.

Psalm 127:1,  Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

We have all been through the gates to the Post and witnessed first hand the efforts of securing and keeping the posts safe. Keep means basically the same in this verse.

                 A.  Our Marriage Will Be Kept and Guarded

The meaning of “Keep” is to hedge about, to protect, and to attend to.  God will preserve, propitiate the relationship that is committed to Him throughout your lives.

                 B.  Our Marriage Will Be Filled and Fulfilling

The idea conveyed here is that of “overflowing” real Fulfillment, Abundance and complete Satisfaction.  To realize this will require knowledge.

In summary this is what we have to look forward to when we follow God’s Plan; this is what His Program will afford!  You would have to be mentally blind to not see this as a excellent deal!

What I am saying here should serve as a great motivation to bring our marriages to the Lord.  This is like knowing the promising outcome even before we turn our relationships over to Him.  Anyone who truly cares about the welfare of their marriage would enthusiastically buy into this!  What God can potentially do in our relationships ought to be extremely inviting to us all!

Prov 24:3-4, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

                  C. “Kept” Implies Security, Safety, Protection, Preciousness, and Value.

A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SUBMITS TO THE SPIRIT’S CONTROL  

Ephes. 5:18, And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

There’s more to having a meaningful and fulfilled marriage and family than just being a believer in Jesus Christ.   There is the need to walk daily in the power and counsel of the Holy Spirit of God!

A.  EACH MARRIED PARTNER SHOULD WALK IN THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

    1.  Who Is in Charge of You and Your Marriage?   Eph 5:18

Although Eph. 5:18, is often quoted in support of anti-drinking efforts, the underlying issue goes deeper than whether or not to drink alcohol. The more important concern is, what -- or who -- is going to be in control of your life? Either the Holy Spirit is, or something else is. And whatever else it may be, it's a poor substitute. Being filled with alcohol can make you lose control and do stupid things. Being filled with the Holy Spirit gives you self-control (Gal 5:23) and helps you worship God and serve others.

     2.  Constantly Live Under the Influence of the Holy Spirit.   Eph 5:18

The words "be filled" are a command for all believers, yet believers do not manufacture it -- God fills believers with his Spirit when they profess faith in Jesus Christ as Savior. Paul was suggesting that the believers in Ephesus needed to "continually be filled"; Since they already were indwelt by the Spirit they needed to be continually filled with the Spirit, that is keep on living like that.  The words are also in the present tense, indicating constant replenishment with the Spirit -- believers are not "once-and-for-all" filled but rather are continually being filled with the Spirit as they continue to walk with God.

     3.  Who is the Primary Influence in Your Life and Marriage?   Eph 5:19-21

We must learn to live UNDER THE INFLUENCE of the Holy Spirit each day and especially at home!

The effects of alcohol are obvious. What happens when we are under the influence of the Holy Spirit? In these verses, Paul lists three by-products of the Spirit's influence in our lives: speaking, singing, giving thanks, and submitting.

          A.  We Develop a Servant’s Heart.  Eph 5:19

When the Holy Spirit controls us, we speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.

           B.  We Develop a Joyful Heart.  Eph 5:19

We  sing and make music in our hearts to the Lord.

           C.  We Develop a Thankful Heart.  Eph 5:20

And we "[give] thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Paul did not intend to suggest that we only discuss religious matters, but that whatever we do or say should be permeated with an attitude of thankfulness to God and encouragement toward each other. Instead of whining and complaining -- which our culture has raised to an art form -- we are to focus on the goodness of God and his mercies toward us. Which is more characteristic of your words and attitudes?

            D.  We Develop a Submissive Heart.  Eph 5:21

This is the last participial phrase flowing out of being filled with the Spirit and functions to introduce verses 22-33. People often misunderstand the concept of submitting to another person. It does not mean becoming totally passive. Christ submitted his will to the Father, and we honor Christ by following his example. When we submit to God, we become more willing to obey his command to submit to others, that is, to subordinate our rights to theirs. In Paul's day, women, children, and slaves were to submit to the head of the family -- slaves would submit until they were freed, male children until they grew up, and women and girls their whole lives. Paul emphasized the equality of all believers in Christ (Gal 3:28), but he counseled all believers to submit to one another by choice. This kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony. (MacDonald)

Submission provides evidence that we have Spirit-controlled relationships, and it requires the Holy Spirit's guidance and restraint (4:2-3). In the church, the believers should be willing to learn from, serve, give to, or be corrected by others in the fellowship. Such submission can allow growth both individually and corporately as the believers seek to follow Christ. Our motives should be "reverence" (literally, "fear") for Christ. We should not treat one another rightly just because it is expected or because we will be well regarded but because one day we must give account to Christ of how we have lived.

Submission: this verse acts as a hinge between the preceding verses that deal with wisdom and living under the influence of the Holy Spirit, and the following verses, which consider the relationships between husbands and wives and Christ and the church. In 5:21, Paul says that the one who is filled with the Spirit not only reflects God's goodness in speech and attitudes but also manifests it in willingness to submit to others out of reverence for Christ.Submission often has unpleasant implications for modern Christians, perhaps because this principle has been abused in the past and has been used to justify overbearing and self-serving behavior. But Jesus was willing to submit to the will of his Father and to the agonies of the cross. "Submission" is not a bad word. How do you respond to the idea of submitting to others? Are you willing to place the interests and desires of others ahead of your own in Jesus' name? (Source Unknown)

QUOTE: “The best thing a woman can do for her husband is to make it easy for him to do the will of God.”-- Elisabeth Elliot Gren

     4.   Feed Your Spouse With the Delicious Fruit of the Spirit in Your Life.

Galatians 5:22-23, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, [23] Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

         A.  The Fruit of the Spirit is One Super Multi-Fruit.

Have you ever heard of a multi-vitamin?  Well here is a multi-fruit!   In Gal. 5:25, Paul mentioned the fact that the Christian lives in the Spirit, that is, he derives his spiritual life from the indwelling Spirit of Christ.  This same spiritual life is the motivating force producing “the fruit of the Spirit.” The word fruit is singular, which shows that all of the elements of character spoken of in these verses are in perfect unity, oneness, and agreement making for a well-rounded and complete Christian life.

QUOTE: “The word fruit, being singular, as usual in Paul’s writings, tends to emphasize the unity and coherence of the life in the Spirit as opposed to the disorganization and instability of life under the dictates of the flesh. It is possible, also, that the singular may be intended to point to the person of Christ, in whom all these things are seen in their perfection. The Spirit seeks to produce these by reproducing Christ in the believer (Gal. 4:19). Passages like Rom 13:14 suggest that the moral problems of redeemed men and women can be solved by the adequacy of Christ when he is appropriated by faith.” --The Wycliffe Bible Commentary

Expect the Multi-fruit of the Spirit to construct you into a well-rounded believer. We are all familiar with people who had great potential, ability, and skills, but their weaknesses and lack of discipline greatly hindered them or literally destroyed them.  Certainly a well-balanced, symmetrical and well-arranged character is something to be desired.  It is true that we all have our own strengths, naturally given to us by God through our parents, but God offers additional strengths through the activity of the Holy Spirit.  This is necessary though we have certain qualities genetically, we also have weaknesses.  The Holy Spirit can amplify our strengths and improve our weaknesses and limit their impact on our lives.  The end result is a well-rounded believer living an effective Christian life unhampered by his own inherent weaknesses, frailties, flaws, and in-capabilities.  Instead of the person being an excessive talker with a harsh disposition, or mouth of the south who frequently says what comes to mind, they can be tempered by the Spirit through the fruit of temperance, meekness, and gentleness.  Instead of the individual being limited by or even ignoring God’s stated will by their paralyzing fears, they can be released by the power of the Spirit to boldly execute God’s plan by the qualities of faith, meekness, peace, and goodness.    

         B.  The Fruit of the Spirit is One Manifested Fruit.

The difference between the “works of the flesh” and “the fruit of the Spirit” is that the products of the flesh are plural, whereas the product of the Spirit is singular. Although Paul does not mention the truth here, there is also a contrast between the degrees to which “the works” and “the fruit” are produced. A given person may habitually practice only one or two, or perhaps a half dozen, of the sins Paul mentions in verses Gal. 5:19-21. But it would be practically impossible for one person to be habitually active in all of these sins. “The fruit of the Spirit,” on the other hand, is always produced completely in every believer, no matter how faintly evidenced its various manifestations may be.  Yes, in greater percentages in some areas, but still all characteristics are evident.

         C.  Remember Fruit is For Eating Not Displaying.

We must Remember That this Fruit Is Produced to Be Eaten, Not to Be Admired and Put on Display. People around us are starving for love, joy, peace, and all the other graces of the Spirit. When they find them in our lives, they know that we have something they lack.

We do not bear fruit for our own consumption; we bear fruit that others might be fed and helped, and that Christ might be glorified. The flesh may manufacture "results" that bring praise to us, but the flesh cannot bear fruit that brings glory to God. It takes patience, an atmosphere of the Spirit, walking in the light, the seed of the Word of God, and a sincere desire to honor Christ.  In short, the secret is the Holy Spirit. He alone can give us that freedom from sin and self. He enables us to fulfill the law of love, to overcome the flesh, and to bear fruit.  Will you yield to Him and let Him work?

B.  WHY DON’T EVERY CHRISTIAN HAVE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE?

There are many Christians who know and love the Lord who are not living according to His moral, marital, or familial laws. Why?

      1.  Because They Are Not Filled with the Spirit.

It’s one thing to possess the Spirit of God and another to be filled by Him.

Ephes. 5:18,  And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

In other words, every Christian possesses the Spirit but is not always controlled by, or filled with, the Spirit.

But, how do we do this?    

         

            A.  Confess and Put Away All Known Sin.  1Jn. 1:5-9.

            B.  Yield Yourself Completely to His Control.  Rom. 12:1-2.

            C.  Let the Words of Christ Dwell In You Richly.  Col. 3:16; Eph. 5:19-21

            D.  Be Emptied of Selfishness.   Gal. 2:20

      2.  Because Carnality Can Only Cause More Discord and Disharmony.

1 Cor. 3:1-4,  And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. [2] I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able. [3] For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? [4] For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal?

Spiritual immaturity and carnality is the primary reason that Christians fail in their marriages.  They may no even divorce each other but they are extremely unhappy.  And when we’re not controlled by the Spirit of God, our family life will manifest that– “envying, and strife, and divisions.” A carnal believer is going to have discord in his family because he has discord between himself and God. So, to be a believer is the starting point; but being controlled with the Spirit is what brings results.

C.  WHY DON’T COUNSELORS, BOOKS, AND SEMINARS SAVE MORE MARRIAGES?

We’re drowning in a sea of information on marriage today: marriage seminars, marriage conferences, marriage encounters, marriage books, and marriage counselors.

     1.  Turning to Therapists, Techniques, and Tools is Not Enough.

People think the first thing to do when they have a marital problem is to see a counselor, psychiatrist, or analyst, buy a supply of books, go to a seminar, listen to tapes, or fill out charts. I don’t want to oversimplify this, but if you’re not filled with the Spirit, you can do all those things, but none of them will matter.

     2. Turning to Biblical Instruction Without Wise and Thoughtful Application is FUTILE.

          A.  Strenuously Avoid the Mechanical Approach to Problem Solving.

Here we discover that a ‘mechanical’ or an instant ‘magic formula’ approach will only prove to be frustrating and unfulfilling----you must become the proper mate in your marriage by complete dependence on God!

          B.  Use the Right Spiritual Materials for Godly Instructions as a Must.   

              1.  The Word of God.

When we choose God’s Word as the primary tool of instruction for our marriages we have the right materials for building the best relationship.  But the right materials must still be wisely used or we will still have frustration and become disillusioned with God.

              2.  The Wisdom of God.                                                                              

Prov 24:3-4, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

          C.  Thoughtfully and Wisely Apply God’s Word to Your Marriage.

The  Thoughtful  Application of the Word of God Is Necessary to Attain the Desired outcome and atmosphere in your marriage.

Prov 24:3-4, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

               1.  There Are No Magic Formulas and Quick Solutions!

Again it is vitally important that you understand that I don’t have a bag full of “ magic formulas”  that you can take an pour on your relationship to make it better.  But, if you will take theses principles and apply them with wisdom then your marriage will improve because you have become the kind of husband or wife you should be!

                2.  There Are Wise Steps That We Can Take.  Prov 24:3-4

God is saying here in this verse that we need three essential skills, “SPECIAL INGREDIENTS,”  to become the proper mate God designed me to be, and they are: Wisdom, Knowledge, and Understanding.

                     A.  Be Sure to Use WISDOM and Discernment.

Wisdom is seeing with discernment.  It’s having a broad perspective.  The term stress accuracy, the ability to sense that which is beneath the surface.  You will need this vital skill to rebuild or build your marriage!

                     B.  Be Sure that You Respond With UNDERSTANDING.

Understanding is responding with insight.  This is a must to see your married established.  As I view things with discernment (from God’s perspective), I am better equipped to respond with insight, not to take it personally or feel the need to fight back.   You will need this vital skill to set your marriage in order!

                     C.  Be Sure to Pursue KNOWLEDGE and Truth.

Knowledge is learning with perception.  It includes having a teachable spirit, a willingness to hear, a desire to discover.  Knowledge includes taking the time and going to the trouble to learn.  Growing, healthy mates are in constant pursuit of truth. (Swindoll)

     D.  Choose an Attitude of Dependence on the Lord as an Imperative!

Prov 2:6,  For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.   (These come ONLY from the LORD, not a convenience Store!)

THE ONLY SOURCE OF TRUE WISDOM, UNDERSTANDING AND KNOWLEDGE IS THE LORD!

When we combine these verses they teach the following: (Swindoll)

“By means of Wisdom--the skill to see with discernment, maintaining a broad view of life---a house is built, restored so that those within it don’t simply exist, they flourish, they reach their potential. 

By means of Understanding---the ability to respond with insight, gaining a full awareness of situations that results in an insightful  response rather than a surface reaction----one brings order and upright condition back to a marriage and home.

By means of Knowledge---the willingness to learn with perception, becoming acquainted with the facts and grasping their significance so that ignorance is dispelled and truth is continually pursued---one causes each life to be filled to overflowing with riches that can never be destroyed, like memories, positive attitudes, mutual respect, and a depth of character.”

Now you see its not a mechanical quick fix, its a spiritual process in which we become the proper mate through dependence on God!  Therefore depend on him to supply these needed skills to build your marriage!

     3.  Turn to The Spirit of God That He Might Transform You and Your Marriage.

On the other hand, if you’re filled with the Spirit, He’ll control your relationships.

           A.  Good Books May Help.

Now counseling, books, and seminars can be helpful in giving you practical hints on how being filled with the Spirit should work itself out in your relationships.

           B.  God’s Spirit Builds Relationships.

But the epitome of the Christian life is to be filled and controlled by the Holy Spirit. Only when that happens will our marriages and families be what God intended in the first place. That is what Paul is saying in the passage beginning in Ephesians 5:18.

CONCLUSION: 

Way back in the beginning God spelled it out. As early as the second chapter of Genesis, He made it clear that marriage is a total commitment of the total person for total life.  Anything less is not a Christian marriage. Anything less can easily fail. But when man and wife come together, committed to God and committed to communicating the full meaning of their lives to each other, they cannot help but succeed.