What Makes A Marriage Christian?

Many people in the western world regard marriage as a secular institution subject to the whelms of society and culture. Many followers of Jesus Christ insist marriage is a divine/sacred institution subject to the guidance of God as stated in the Scriptures. As soon as we Christians make such a statement all kind of questions usually follow. Who did Cain marry? Is it okay to have more than one wife? Did Jesus support divorce? Was the Apostle Paul really a chauvinist? If marriage predates Christianity…why bother perusing a Christian marriage? I can assure you I have no intention of tackling such questions here. Instead I wish to explore some basic Bible teachings that when applied to a marriage union results in a “Christian Marriage.”

I should say from the outset I do believe marriage is between a man and a woman, and God performed the first wedding in the Garden of Eden when He united Adam and Eve. Marriage is his idea. One man to one woman for the remainder of their lives walking in the basic marriage principles God gave them is key (Gen. 2:21-25).  Also, the Bible records what happened historically regarding marriages (the good, the bad, and the ugly); some marriages are exemplary while others are not. These biblical occurrences are not automatically authoritative; the examples should not be understood as endorsements or prescription for us today. The Scriptures simply record the facts of what actually happened. The principles and teachings of Scripture on marriage are the key focuses; as we adopt these and obey God's guidance our marriages will become Christian in character. Yes, it is possible for two Christians to be married to each other and their marriage not be Christian in character. God’s Word and Christian principles must mark the union to make it Christian. So, what does this involve directly? 

A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE ACCEPTS JESUS CHRIST AS LORD AND SAVIOR

Acts 4:12, Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.

John 15:5,  I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

Just as God’s program for marriage involves His plan and principles, it also involves His Person. As we have before indicated, it necessitates Him being at the center of the marriage. Before you can know God’s Enduring Plan for Marriage that can make your marriage and family life meaningful, you must meet some basic requirements:

A.  YOU MUST BECOME A CHRISTIAN.

      1.  Recognize That You Too Are a Sinner.

Romans 3:23,  For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

Romans 6:23, For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

      2.  Be Born Again Through Faith in Christ.

John 3:14-18,  And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: [15] That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

    [16] For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. [17] For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

    [18] He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

  

      3.  Believe the Resurrected Savior and Ask Him to Save You Today.

Romans 10:9-13, That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. [10] For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. [11] For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed. [12] For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. [13] For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

The book of Genesis which introduces God’s plan can only be understood and acted upon by real believers.  The book of Ephesians, which discusses God’s plan for Married life, is also written directly to believers. If you’re not a believer, there is little hope that you can make your marriage and family anything near what God intends it to be.

B.  YOU MUST CHOOSE FULFILLMENT THROUGH CHRIST.

John 10:10, The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

We receive life the moment we accept Christ as our Savior. After we are saved, we soon discover that there are various degrees of enjoyment in this new spiritual life. The more we turn ourselves and our relationships over to Christ and the control of the Holy Spirit, the more we enjoy the life which has been given to us. We not only have eternal life, but we have a more abundant fulfilling enjoyable and satisfying life experience. The same principle is true of our relationships when Christ is at the center.

                                                                                                         

     1.  God Offers Total Fulfillment and Strength Through Christ.

Galatians 2:20,  I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.   

Philip. 4:13,  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Christ adds the blessing when He is at the center of the matter and His will is faithfully pursued and obey in the lives of His subjects. We cannot merely try to use God to fix our marriages and then discard Him when we’ve reached our goals. God will faithfully strengthen you and your mate as you pursue His will; this is true for everything He wants you to do.  What He commands, He will enable us for and afford the necessary grace.

     2.  Unbelievers Cannot Realize This Abundance and Fulfillment on Their Own.

Now I’m not saying that nonbelievers can’t have meaningful relationships. They can—but only up to a point.

         A.  Unbelievers Will Never Know Total Relationship Fulfillment.

An individual can find total fulfillment only in a relationship with God!

         B.  No Marriage Can Be Totally Fulfilling Without THE AUTHOR of Fulfillment!

A marriage can find fulfillment only if its definition is designed and authored by God Himself. So, apart from knowing Jesus Christ, we can’t expect a marriage or family to be fulfilled, because God is the One who created man, invented marriage and the family, and wrote the book on how marriage is to function.

     3.  Focus on Christ and His Kingdom as Your Number One Priority!

Matthew 6:33, But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

         A.  Put God First in Your Life.     

         B.  Put God’s Righteous Character First. 

         C.  Trust God With the Needs in Your Marriage.

You nor your mate is the most important person in your marriage! God is! Make Him first and bring your marriage under His authority and blessing.

John 12:32, And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.

C.  YOU MUST GIVE YOUR MARRIAGE TO THE LORD.

Ps 127:1-2, Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.  2,  It is vain for you to rise up early (Useless Anxiety), to sit up late (Fruitless Worry), to eat the bread of sorrows (Worthless Self Pity): for so he giveth his beloved sleep. (Rest and Dependence on God)

Our efforts without the Lord are described as “vain,” “useless,” “produces nothing.”  No matter what your skills, your strengths, your determination may be-all will be in vain unless God is truly The Builder.  We must become dependent on Him for life, for health, for strength, for practical wisdom, for a disposition to continue to build our homes, and for success in it. Without Him our efforts and work might be destroyed by spiritual fires, by a tempests, by an earthquake, or by an attack of our enemies!  For a promising and prosperous result, we must depend entirely on God.

     1.  The Lord Can “Build” and Develop Your Marriage With Certainty.

   

                 A.  Our Marriage Will Be Built or Rebuilt

Prov 24:3-4,  Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

The word “builded” in Prov. 24:3 has the idea of “Restoring”.  Its the concept of rebuilding something so that it flourishes.  Its the same idea as when God took Adams rib and rebuilt it into Eve.  The point is this: Any marriage can be restored or rebuilt! It is never to late for God but this will require some real wisdom! (Swindoll)

                 B.  Our Marriage Will Be Established or Reestablished

Establish means “to set in order, to place in an erect or upright position” something that is falling or twisted.  This will requires some true understanding.

                 C.  “Build” Implies Progress, Growth, Positive Development, and Change!

     2.  The Lord Can “Keep” and Protect Your Marriage With Certainty.

Psalm 127:1,  Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

We have all been through the gates to the Post and witnessed first hand the efforts of securing and keeping the posts safe. Keep means basically the same in this verse.

                 A.  Our Marriage Will Be Kept and Guarded

The meaning of “Keep” is to hedge about, to protect, and to attend to.  God will preserve, propitiate the relationship that is committed to Him throughout your lives.

                 B.  Our Marriage Will Be Filled and Fulfilling

The idea conveyed here is that of “overflowing” real Fulfillment, Abundance and complete Satisfaction.  To realize this will require knowledge.

In summary this is what we have to look forward to when we follow God’s Plan; this is what His Program will afford!  You would have to be mentally blind to not see this as a excellent deal!

What I am saying here should serve as a great motivation to bring our marriages to the Lord.  This is like knowing the promising outcome even before we turn our relationships over to Him.  Anyone who truly cares about the welfare of their marriage would enthusiastically buy into this!  What God can potentially do in our relationships ought to be extremely inviting to us all!

Prov 24:3-4, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

                  C. “Kept” Implies Security, Safety, Protection, Preciousness, and Value.

A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SUBMITS TO THE SPIRIT’S CONTROL  

Ephes. 5:18, And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

There’s more to having a meaningful and fulfilled marriage and family than just being a believer in Jesus Christ.   There is the need to walk daily in the power and counsel of the Holy Spirit of God!

A.  EACH MARRIED PARTNER SHOULD WALK IN THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

    1.  Who Is in Charge of You and Your Marriage?   Eph 5:18

Although Eph. 5:18, is often quoted in support of anti-drinking efforts, the underlying issue goes deeper than whether or not to drink alcohol. The more important concern is, what -- or who -- is going to be in control of your life? Either the Holy Spirit is, or something else is. And whatever else it may be, it's a poor substitute. Being filled with alcohol can make you lose control and do stupid things. Being filled with the Holy Spirit gives you self-control (Gal 5:23) and helps you worship God and serve others.

     2.  Constantly Live Under the Influence of the Holy Spirit.   Eph 5:18

The words "be filled" are a command for all believers, yet believers do not manufacture it -- God fills believers with his Spirit when they profess faith in Jesus Christ as Savior. Paul was suggesting that the believers in Ephesus needed to "continually be filled"; Since they already were indwelt by the Spirit they needed to be continually filled with the Spirit, that is keep on living like that.  The words are also in the present tense, indicating constant replenishment with the Spirit -- believers are not "once-and-for-all" filled but rather are continually being filled with the Spirit as they continue to walk with God.

     3.  Who is the Primary Influence in Your Life and Marriage?   Eph 5:19-21

We must learn to live UNDER THE INFLUENCE of the Holy Spirit each day and especially at home!

The effects of alcohol are obvious. What happens when we are under the influence of the Holy Spirit? In these verses, Paul lists three by-products of the Spirit's influence in our lives: speaking, singing, giving thanks, and submitting.

          A.  We Develop a Servant’s Heart.  Eph 5:19

When the Holy Spirit controls us, we speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.

           B.  We Develop a Joyful Heart.  Eph 5:19

We  sing and make music in our hearts to the Lord.

           C.  We Develop a Thankful Heart.  Eph 5:20

And we "[give] thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Paul did not intend to suggest that we only discuss religious matters, but that whatever we do or say should be permeated with an attitude of thankfulness to God and encouragement toward each other. Instead of whining and complaining -- which our culture has raised to an art form -- we are to focus on the goodness of God and his mercies toward us. Which is more characteristic of your words and attitudes?

            D.  We Develop a Submissive Heart.  Eph 5:21

This is the last participial phrase flowing out of being filled with the Spirit and functions to introduce verses 22-33. People often misunderstand the concept of submitting to another person. It does not mean becoming totally passive. Christ submitted his will to the Father, and we honor Christ by following his example. When we submit to God, we become more willing to obey his command to submit to others, that is, to subordinate our rights to theirs. In Paul's day, women, children, and slaves were to submit to the head of the family -- slaves would submit until they were freed, male children until they grew up, and women and girls their whole lives. Paul emphasized the equality of all believers in Christ (Gal 3:28), but he counseled all believers to submit to one another by choice. This kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony. (MacDonald)

Submission provides evidence that we have Spirit-controlled relationships, and it requires the Holy Spirit's guidance and restraint (4:2-3). In the church, the believers should be willing to learn from, serve, give to, or be corrected by others in the fellowship. Such submission can allow growth both individually and corporately as the believers seek to follow Christ. Our motives should be "reverence" (literally, "fear") for Christ. We should not treat one another rightly just because it is expected or because we will be well regarded but because one day we must give account to Christ of how we have lived.

Submission: this verse acts as a hinge between the preceding verses that deal with wisdom and living under the influence of the Holy Spirit, and the following verses, which consider the relationships between husbands and wives and Christ and the church. In 5:21, Paul says that the one who is filled with the Spirit not only reflects God's goodness in speech and attitudes but also manifests it in willingness to submit to others out of reverence for Christ.Submission often has unpleasant implications for modern Christians, perhaps because this principle has been abused in the past and has been used to justify overbearing and self-serving behavior. But Jesus was willing to submit to the will of his Father and to the agonies of the cross. "Submission" is not a bad word. How do you respond to the idea of submitting to others? Are you willing to place the interests and desires of others ahead of your own in Jesus' name? (Source Unknown)

QUOTE: “The best thing a woman can do for her husband is to make it easy for him to do the will of God.”-- Elisabeth Elliot Gren

     4.   Feed Your Spouse With the Delicious Fruit of the Spirit in Your Life.

Galatians 5:22-23, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, [23] Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

         A.  The Fruit of the Spirit is One Super Multi-Fruit.

Have you ever heard of a multi-vitamin?  Well here is a multi-fruit!   In Gal. 5:25, Paul mentioned the fact that the Christian lives in the Spirit, that is, he derives his spiritual life from the indwelling Spirit of Christ.  This same spiritual life is the motivating force producing “the fruit of the Spirit.” The word fruit is singular, which shows that all of the elements of character spoken of in these verses are in perfect unity, oneness, and agreement making for a well-rounded and complete Christian life.

QUOTE: “The word fruit, being singular, as usual in Paul’s writings, tends to emphasize the unity and coherence of the life in the Spirit as opposed to the disorganization and instability of life under the dictates of the flesh. It is possible, also, that the singular may be intended to point to the person of Christ, in whom all these things are seen in their perfection. The Spirit seeks to produce these by reproducing Christ in the believer (Gal. 4:19). Passages like Rom 13:14 suggest that the moral problems of redeemed men and women can be solved by the adequacy of Christ when he is appropriated by faith.” --The Wycliffe Bible Commentary

Expect the Multi-fruit of the Spirit to construct you into a well-rounded believer. We are all familiar with people who had great potential, ability, and skills, but their weaknesses and lack of discipline greatly hindered them or literally destroyed them.  Certainly a well-balanced, symmetrical and well-arranged character is something to be desired.  It is true that we all have our own strengths, naturally given to us by God through our parents, but God offers additional strengths through the activity of the Holy Spirit.  This is necessary though we have certain qualities genetically, we also have weaknesses.  The Holy Spirit can amplify our strengths and improve our weaknesses and limit their impact on our lives.  The end result is a well-rounded believer living an effective Christian life unhampered by his own inherent weaknesses, frailties, flaws, and in-capabilities.  Instead of the person being an excessive talker with a harsh disposition, or mouth of the south who frequently says what comes to mind, they can be tempered by the Spirit through the fruit of temperance, meekness, and gentleness.  Instead of the individual being limited by or even ignoring God’s stated will by their paralyzing fears, they can be released by the power of the Spirit to boldly execute God’s plan by the qualities of faith, meekness, peace, and goodness.    

         B.  The Fruit of the Spirit is One Manifested Fruit.

The difference between the “works of the flesh” and “the fruit of the Spirit” is that the products of the flesh are plural, whereas the product of the Spirit is singular. Although Paul does not mention the truth here, there is also a contrast between the degrees to which “the works” and “the fruit” are produced. A given person may habitually practice only one or two, or perhaps a half dozen, of the sins Paul mentions in verses Gal. 5:19-21. But it would be practically impossible for one person to be habitually active in all of these sins. “The fruit of the Spirit,” on the other hand, is always produced completely in every believer, no matter how faintly evidenced its various manifestations may be.  Yes, in greater percentages in some areas, but still all characteristics are evident.

         C.  Remember Fruit is For Eating Not Displaying.

We must Remember That this Fruit Is Produced to Be Eaten, Not to Be Admired and Put on Display. People around us are starving for love, joy, peace, and all the other graces of the Spirit. When they find them in our lives, they know that we have something they lack.

We do not bear fruit for our own consumption; we bear fruit that others might be fed and helped, and that Christ might be glorified. The flesh may manufacture "results" that bring praise to us, but the flesh cannot bear fruit that brings glory to God. It takes patience, an atmosphere of the Spirit, walking in the light, the seed of the Word of God, and a sincere desire to honor Christ.  In short, the secret is the Holy Spirit. He alone can give us that freedom from sin and self. He enables us to fulfill the law of love, to overcome the flesh, and to bear fruit.  Will you yield to Him and let Him work?

B.  WHY DON’T EVERY CHRISTIAN HAVE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE?

There are many Christians who know and love the Lord who are not living according to His moral, marital, or familial laws. Why?

      1.  Because They Are Not Filled with the Spirit.

It’s one thing to possess the Spirit of God and another to be filled by Him.

Ephes. 5:18,  And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

In other words, every Christian possesses the Spirit but is not always controlled by, or filled with, the Spirit.

But, how do we do this?    

         

            A.  Confess and Put Away All Known Sin.  1Jn. 1:5-9.

            B.  Yield Yourself Completely to His Control.  Rom. 12:1-2.

            C.  Let the Words of Christ Dwell In You Richly.  Col. 3:16; Eph. 5:19-21

            D.  Be Emptied of Selfishness.   Gal. 2:20

      2.  Because Carnality Can Only Cause More Discord and Disharmony.

1 Cor. 3:1-4,  And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. [2] I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able. [3] For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? [4] For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal?

Spiritual immaturity and carnality is the primary reason that Christians fail in their marriages.  They may no even divorce each other but they are extremely unhappy.  And when we’re not controlled by the Spirit of God, our family life will manifest that– “envying, and strife, and divisions.” A carnal believer is going to have discord in his family because he has discord between himself and God. So, to be a believer is the starting point; but being controlled with the Spirit is what brings results.

C.  WHY DON’T COUNSELORS, BOOKS, AND SEMINARS SAVE MORE MARRIAGES?

We’re drowning in a sea of information on marriage today: marriage seminars, marriage conferences, marriage encounters, marriage books, and marriage counselors.

     1.  Turning to Therapists, Techniques, and Tools is Not Enough.

People think the first thing to do when they have a marital problem is to see a counselor, psychiatrist, or analyst, buy a supply of books, go to a seminar, listen to tapes, or fill out charts. I don’t want to oversimplify this, but if you’re not filled with the Spirit, you can do all those things, but none of them will matter.

     2. Turning to Biblical Instruction Without Wise and Thoughtful Application is FUTILE.

          A.  Strenuously Avoid the Mechanical Approach to Problem Solving.

Here we discover that a ‘mechanical’ or an instant ‘magic formula’ approach will only prove to be frustrating and unfulfilling----you must become the proper mate in your marriage by complete dependence on God!

          B.  Use the Right Spiritual Materials for Godly Instructions as a Must.   

              1.  The Word of God.

When we choose God’s Word as the primary tool of instruction for our marriages we have the right materials for building the best relationship.  But the right materials must still be wisely used or we will still have frustration and become disillusioned with God.

              2.  The Wisdom of God.                                                                              

Prov 24:3-4, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

          C.  Thoughtfully and Wisely Apply God’s Word to Your Marriage.

The  Thoughtful  Application of the Word of God Is Necessary to Attain the Desired outcome and atmosphere in your marriage.

Prov 24:3-4, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

               1.  There Are No Magic Formulas and Quick Solutions!

Again it is vitally important that you understand that I don’t have a bag full of “ magic formulas”  that you can take an pour on your relationship to make it better.  But, if you will take theses principles and apply them with wisdom then your marriage will improve because you have become the kind of husband or wife you should be!

                2.  There Are Wise Steps That We Can Take.  Prov 24:3-4

God is saying here in this verse that we need three essential skills, “SPECIAL INGREDIENTS,”  to become the proper mate God designed me to be, and they are: Wisdom, Knowledge, and Understanding.

                     A.  Be Sure to Use WISDOM and Discernment.

Wisdom is seeing with discernment.  It’s having a broad perspective.  The term stress accuracy, the ability to sense that which is beneath the surface.  You will need this vital skill to rebuild or build your marriage!

                     B.  Be Sure that You Respond With UNDERSTANDING.

Understanding is responding with insight.  This is a must to see your married established.  As I view things with discernment (from God’s perspective), I am better equipped to respond with insight, not to take it personally or feel the need to fight back.   You will need this vital skill to set your marriage in order!

                     C.  Be Sure to Pursue KNOWLEDGE and Truth.

Knowledge is learning with perception.  It includes having a teachable spirit, a willingness to hear, a desire to discover.  Knowledge includes taking the time and going to the trouble to learn.  Growing, healthy mates are in constant pursuit of truth. (Swindoll)

     D.  Choose an Attitude of Dependence on the Lord as an Imperative!

Prov 2:6,  For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.   (These come ONLY from the LORD, not a convenience Store!)

THE ONLY SOURCE OF TRUE WISDOM, UNDERSTANDING AND KNOWLEDGE IS THE LORD!

When we combine these verses they teach the following: (Swindoll)

“By means of Wisdom--the skill to see with discernment, maintaining a broad view of life---a house is built, restored so that those within it don’t simply exist, they flourish, they reach their potential. 

By means of Understanding---the ability to respond with insight, gaining a full awareness of situations that results in an insightful  response rather than a surface reaction----one brings order and upright condition back to a marriage and home.

By means of Knowledge---the willingness to learn with perception, becoming acquainted with the facts and grasping their significance so that ignorance is dispelled and truth is continually pursued---one causes each life to be filled to overflowing with riches that can never be destroyed, like memories, positive attitudes, mutual respect, and a depth of character.”

Now you see its not a mechanical quick fix, its a spiritual process in which we become the proper mate through dependence on God!  Therefore depend on him to supply these needed skills to build your marriage!

     3.  Turn to The Spirit of God That He Might Transform You and Your Marriage.

On the other hand, if you’re filled with the Spirit, He’ll control your relationships.

           A.  Good Books May Help.

Now counseling, books, and seminars can be helpful in giving you practical hints on how being filled with the Spirit should work itself out in your relationships.

           B.  God’s Spirit Builds Relationships.

But the epitome of the Christian life is to be filled and controlled by the Holy Spirit. Only when that happens will our marriages and families be what God intended in the first place. That is what Paul is saying in the passage beginning in Ephesians 5:18.

CONCLUSION: 

Way back in the beginning God spelled it out. As early as the second chapter of Genesis, He made it clear that marriage is a total commitment of the total person for total life.  Anything less is not a Christian marriage. Anything less can easily fail. But when man and wife come together, committed to God and committed to communicating the full meaning of their lives to each other, they cannot help but succeed.

God's Plans and Principles for A Christian Marriage

Gen. 2:24-25

While there are many voices of counsel and instruction for married couples, a Christian must be selective and discerning. Not everyone is speaking from God's perspective, and not everyone desires to see God glorified through the beauty of your marriage union. In fact many will tell you the Bible and God are no longer relevant and applicable. They are convinced that modern research and the latest fades will provide a lasting or solid foundation on which to build a life, a family, or a legacy. The problem is their ideas constantly require revisions, updates, adaptations, and overhauls. How can you know what to aim at for a solid family life when the target keeps moving? In some instances the target has disappeared altogether!
There is a better way! Read on to discover what the Designer of marriage and family had in mind when He brought the first couple together in holy wedlock. This article is actually a continuation of "What Is A Christian Marriage?" If you have not read the previous article, it may be helpful to do so later. Now, let us consider God's Plan, and Principles for a Christian Marriage.

A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE EMPLOYS GOD’S PROGRAM FOR MARRIAGE--Gen. 2:24-25

The Divine Program includes God’s Plan, Principles, and Person.  Immediately we will consider the Plan and Principles and later we will look at the Person.

A.  HIS PROGRAM INVOLVES HIS PLAN.

   1.  Look to God’s Plan Because He Designed the Marriage Institution.  Gen. 2:24

Genesis 2:24 puts an emphasis upon two verbs: leave and cleave. 

      A.  God Specified the Need to Leave.  Gen. 2:24

The word “leave” means to abandon, forsake, to sever one relationship before establishing another.

            1.  Attach Your Whole Self to the New Relationship.

Unfortunately, many individuals do not make this break. They leave home physically but remain there psychologically. The attachment to home and parents should be replaced by the attachment to one's mate.  If  the New Relationship is going to flourish then all parent-child bonds must be cut.

                                                                                                                                              The Concept of “Leaving” Could be Seen in the Laws Pertaining to Marriage for the Children of Israel. Deut 24:5, When a man hath taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war, neither shall he be charged with any business: but he shall be free at home one year, and shall cheer up his wife which he hath taken.

            2.  Now Consider What is NOT Meant By Leaving Father and Mother.    

                      A.  Do Not Disrespect or Dishonor Your Parents.

This does not mean disregarding or dishonoring one's parents, but rather breaking a tie to one's parents and assuming one's own responsibility for a spouse.

                      B.  Do Not Abandon or Ignore Your Parents.

This does not mean abandoning our parents or ignoring or mistreating or cutting off all contact with them.

                      C.  Become Socially Dependant on the Marriage.

It involves severing the tight emotional, security, financial, and physical bonds of dependence in order to give one's energies to the New Relationship.  If these ties are brought over into the marriage, it will hinder the bond of marriage from sealing.  Not even your children should come before your mate.

Secondly, Parents Must Release their Children to Enjoy The New Relationship.  This is the BEST present you can give to your son or daughter when they marry.  This is part of what is pictured in the wedding ceremony when the Father gives away the Bride.

               3.  Leaving Must Take Place in Three Major Areas.

                      A.  Leaving and Severance Must  Be Realized In Your Emotional Lives.

It is a tough thing for a mother to give up her son and a father to give up his little girl but this is a must. 

                             1.  Remove Yourself From Your Parents for Emotional Support.

No matter how strong the attachment, let them go as loving parents.  This means that the wife cannot run to mommy and daddy as soon as she is upset with her husband.  Nor should a son spend large quantities of his time with his father complaining about the inadequacies of your wife. 

                             2.  Turn To The Lord and Each Other for Emotional Strength.

Learn to rely on the Lord and each other for emotional support and strength.  If you need help beyond this seek the help of the Pastor and his wife!

                             3.  Parents Can make Emotional Problem Worse Because They Take Sides!

Please avoid using your parents because they tend to be a bit biased in their opinions.  This can cause more harm, emotional tension and resentment in the long run.

                      B.  Leaving and Severance Must Be Realized In Your Economical Life.

                              1.  Refuse to Borrow Money From Parents.

Borrowing from parents can get a New Couple into trouble if they are not careful.  When parents make loans to their children, they usually want a say in how the money is used.  This could not only cause problems between the parents giving the loan but also each member of the new marriage.  Also avoid having your parents co-sign for you on a loan for a house or a car it only give room for grave problems in the future.

                              2.  Live by a Financial Plan and Budget. 

Newlyweds should learn to  live according to their income and from a well thought out budget plan.  Plan your spending  and spend according to your plan. Remember it is NOT OK to run to mom and dad for money!   Leave room in your finances where the two of you can have fun together from time to time.  Strenuously avoid long term debts, if you do not the devil will use this like a weapon to destroy your relationship.

                      C.  Leaving and Severance Must Be Realized In Your Sense of Order and Authority.

                              1.  Accept Your Marriage as an Independent Equal to Your Parents.’

The Parental Authority over the child must be broken at the time the children marry.  Newlyweds need the freedom from Parents before they are able to give themselves fully to one another.  Though it is still a couple’s responsibility to respect and honor their parents the parents must now view the new couples as an independent and equal unit. 

                              2.  Never Spend Money on Parents Unless You Both Completely Agree.

It is NOT OK for wives or Husbands to cater to the whims and wishes of their parents at the expense of their immediate family.  The immediate family should never sacrifice for the needs of the parents in any way unless it has been fully discussed, completely understood and completely agreed upon by both members of the marriage.

                              3.  Regard God as the Authority Over Your Marriage and Not Your Parents.

Wives and Husbands alike must realize God’s Order for the home and build their home according. 

                                      A.  Husbands, Take The Lead.

The Husband MUST take his responsibilities seriously as the God ordain leader of his home! Serve the family unit by providing spiritual leadership and a godly example.

                                      B.  Wife Be Sure to Follow.

The wife MUST fulfill her responsibilities to follow and support her husband.  This is not a male chauvinist view; it is simply God’s Order for the home.  Parent cease to be the primary authority figure in the new couple’s life. That role belongs to the Lord Jesus Christ for each Christian home.

APPLICATION:  Determine to withdraw  yourself from your Parent-Child Relationship to give your New Relationship a fair opportunity to grow and flourish! A failure to do so will  hinder or threaten the progress and growth of your Marriage.  Learn to depend on God, each other and learn to meet the needs of  the other.  This will strengthen and build harmony into your relationship. It is right and well to seek outside counsel and help from godly parents, but it is better to consult with your pastor. He may be far more objective and fair as a counselor. 

      B.  God Specified the Need to Cleave.  Gen. 2:24

The second word, “cleave,” means to weld, grip or adhere together. The Lord Jesus clearly emphasized the commitment and permanent nature of marriage according to God’s original design!  Jesus does not believe in easy divorces!  He obviously believes that Marriage is an unconditional commitment to one's mate before God!

Matthew 19:3-6,  The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? [4] And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, [5] And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? [6] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

                                                                                  

             1.  Marriage is More than a Legal Contract.

Some psychologists, marriage counselors and ministers have suggested that marriage is a contract and many people are quick to agree.  But is this really true? Is marriage really a contract?

                    A.  Legal Contracts Have Conditional Clauses (Wright).

                          1.  Contracts Contain “If Clauses.”

In every contract there are certain conditional clauses. A contract is when two parties, whether they be companies or individuals, involves the responsibility of both parties to carry out their part of the bargain.

 These are CONDITIONAL CLAUSES or "IF CLAUSES " If you do this, the other person must do this, and if the other person does this, you must do this (Wright).

                          2.  Marriage Has No “If Clauses.”

But in the marriage relationship and the marriage ceremony there are no conditional clauses. Nowhere does the marriage ceremony say, "If the husband loves his wife then the wife continues in the contract." Or, "If the wife is submissive to her husband then the husband carries out the contract." Marriage is an unconditional commitment into which two people enter.

                    B.  Legal Contracts Have Escape Clauses (Wright).

In most contracts there are ESCAPE CLAUSES. An escape clause says that if the party of the first part does not carry out his responsibilities, then the party of the second part is absolved. If one person does not live up to his part of the bargain, the second person can get out of the contract. This is an escape clause. In marriage there is no escape clause.

             2.  Marriage is a Permanent Covenant. 

Genesis 2:24, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  

                  A.  Society Rejects This Divine Ideal of Permanence.

                       1.  In Favor of Easy Divorces, Co-Habitation, Fornication, and Promiscuity.

                       2.  In Favor of Homosexuality, and Same Sex Marriages.

                  B.  God Created This Enduring Ideal of Permanence. This is His design for a husband and a wife.

                         1.  Marriage is a Covenant.

Malachi 2:14, Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. 

Proverbs 2:17,  Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God.

Malachi states that a wife is a man’s companion and she is the wife of his covenant.  Proverbs declares that the strange and adulterous woman has forgotten the covenant of her God– she has forsaken her marriage.  A covenant is a bond which unites people in mutual obligations. (Wright)   

                         2.  Marriage is a Consummation.  Genesis 2:24, ...“one flesh”

Marriage literally requires that there be a physical union between a husband and his wife.  But why?

                               A.  Marriage Was Design for the Physical Pleasure of the Couple.   

1 Cor. 7:2-5,  Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. [3] Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. [4] The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. [5] Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

1 Cor. 7:9,  But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

                               B.  Jesus Commands Couples to Become One Flesh as God Intended.   

Matthew 19:5-6 And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? [6] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

         

                               C.   Paul Defined “One Flesh” as a Physical Union.   

1 Cor. 6:16, What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh.

Therefore, the formal and legal agreement by itself does not constitute a marriage. Thus a man and woman are not joined at the altar with the preacher!  However, a physical union alone does not constitute a marriage either.  Adultery and Fornication are clearly declared sin in Scripture (see John 4:18; 1Cor. 7:2).

David Augsburger, Mennonite minister and author of Cherishable: Love and Marriage, defines marriage by first asking, 

Is marriage a private action of two persons in love, or a public act of two pledging a contract?" Then he goes on to say, "Neither. It is something other. Very much other!
"Basically the Christian view of marriage is not that it is primarily or even essentially a binding legal and social contract. The Christian understands marriage as a covenant made under God and in the presence of fellow members of the Christian family. Such a pledge endures, not because of the force of law or the fear of its sanctions, but because an unconditional covenant has been made. A covenant more solemn, more binding, more permanent than any legal contract. (Wright)

Dr. David Hubbard, president of Fuller Theological Seminary, has said:

Marriage does not demand perfection. But it must be given priority.  It is an institution for sinners.  No one else need apply.  But, it finds its fullest glory when sinners see it as God's way of leading us through His ultimate curriculum of love and righteousness. (H. Norman Wright)

APPLICATION:  In order to survive the difficulties you may encounter in your relationship, one must view their commitments to each other as irrevocable and a permanent bond.  Attach yourselves to each other like super glue!  Resolve in your heart that divorce is not even an option no matter what difficulties come your way.  It would even be wise to reaffirm this commitment to each other on anniversaries, birthdays, and New Years Day.  Look deep into your mate's eyes and recommit yourself to stick with and to them like SUPERGLUE no matter what difficulties, disagreements, and disappointments come your way. Plan to work through the challenges instead of searching for a way out. I am not suggesting any of this is easy; if it were easy then everyone would be doing it. 

APPLICATION:  Determine to “Cleave” To Your Spouse Until Death Divides You.  Refuse to give up on your Marriage by settling for a divorce.  Instead fight for the survival of your home. Stick to each other like SUPER GLUE.  Do not take the route of easy divorces, or divorce on the basis of  incompatibility! Just because it’s legal in the United States, does not means it is accepted by God!  Give room in your life to exercise FAITH, LOVE, FORGIVENESS, PATIENCE, PEACE, WISDOM in your relationship!  

Rom 7:1-3,  Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth?  2     For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.  3  So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

Couples Enter the Marriage Union Today With the Idea of  Divorces if They Incur Problems or Difficulties. I believe the Bible presents the ideal of marriage for life, though there are a few legitimate reasons for dissolution. The modern attitude of easy divorces is not at all what God has in mind. The old saying is “till death do us part” has become, “till debt do us part” or “till disagreement do us part” even “till other interests do us part” and maybe even “till someone else do us part.”

      C.  God Specified the Need to Become One Flesh.  Gen. 2:24

When a man "cleaves" to his wife, they become one flesh. The term "one flesh" is a beautiful capsule description of the oneness, completeness and permanence God intended in the marriage relationship. "One flesh" suggests a unique oneness—a total commitment to intimacy in all of life together, symbolized by sexual union.

             1.  One Plus One Equals One.  (1 + 1 = 1)

                 A.  You Retain Your Individual Identity.

In his book, The Essence of Marriage, ordained minister and marriage counselor Julius A. Fritze describes marriage as follows:

Marriage is an emotional fusion of two personalities into a functional operation, yet both retaining their own identities. The Biblical concept is contained in Genesis 2:24—'One flesh'.

                 B.  You Become One New Life Existing in Two Individuals.

Julius Fritze illustrates the marriage relationship by talking about two lumps of clay. He points out that if you were to hold a lump of dark green clay in your left hand and a lump of light green clay in your right hand, you could clearly see the different shades. However, if you were to take both of these pieces of clay and mold and push them together, you would see just one lump of green clay—at first glance. But if you were to inspect the lump closely you would see the distinct and separate lines of dark green and light green clay (Wright).

APPLICATION: This is like the marriage relationship—the two of you as husband and wife must blend together so that you appear as one, yet each retaining your own distinct identity or personality.  The marriage is one new life existing in two people. Christian marriage, however, involves more than the blending of two people. It also includes a third Person—Jesus Christ—who gives meaning, guidance and direction to the relationship. When Jesus Christ presides in a marriage, then and only then is it a Christian marriage (Wright).

            2.  One Flesh Is a Process of Blending Two Lives.

                 1.  This Oneness is Not Instantaneous and Magical!

Some couples expect this “oneness” to be “magic”“instantaneous” and “intuitive.”  When the marriage fails to meet this wrong expectations they view the relationship as hopeless.

                 2.  God Makes This Oneness Possible!

 But, is the whole thing hopeless? Not at all. Society has not provided a way to a truly happy marriage, but God has! God has given a definite pattern for marriage and if a man and woman will follow that pattern, they will find the happiness and harmony they seek.

Charles Shedd in his book, Letters to Phillip, tells the story of two rivers flowing smoothly and quietly along until they came together and joined. When this happened they clashed and hurled themselves at one another. As the newly formed river flowed downstream, however, it gradually quieted down and flowed smoothly again. But now it was much broader, more majestic and had much more power. Dr. Shedd suggests that

A good marriage is often like that. When two independent streams of existence come together, there will probably be some dashing of life against life at the juncture. Personalities rush against each other. Preferences clash. Ideas contend for power and habits vie for position. Sometimes like the waves, they throw up a spray that leaves you breathless and makes you wonder where has the loveliness gone. But that's all right. Like the two rivers, what comes out of their struggle may be something deeper, more powerful than what they were on their own.

APPLICATION: This blending process will require Christ and good communication.  Two Christians have the best possibilities for a happy marriage because they have a third Person—the Lord Jesus Christ—working with them and strengthening them. But there must be communication— between them and their Lord and between themselves. That's part of what a marriage is all about. Truly, communication– with Christ and each other– is the key to your marriage (Wright).

                                                         

   2.  Look to God’s Plan Because He Designed Marriage Intimacy.  Gen. 2:25

                                                                                             

      A.   Intimacy Follows “Leave,” “Cleave,” and “One Flesh.”

 Gen.2:25 . . . And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

              1.  The key to intimacy is the other three ingredients I just mentioned, Severance, Permanence, and Unity.  By becoming more proficient in these other three areas, you arrive at the forth one. 

              2.  Determine to Become More Intimate With your Spouse, Intellectually, Spiritually, Physically, Emotionally, and Socially.  Be transparent with your mate, be honest, open and don’t allow any offense to linger between you.

All of the principles must be accepted and each life must be honestly evaluated in order to realize the full blessings of following these instructions.

      B.  God Designed Marriage for Intimacy.  Gen. 2:25

The Jewish rabbis taught that man is restless while he misses the rib that was taken out of his side and the woman is restless until she gets under the arm of the man—from where she came. With all of the flap in recent years over women's lib, here is a majestic statement of just how the Bible views woman. She is not man's property.

She is man's partner—a full partner in every sense of the word.  St. Augustine lived in the fifth century, but what he said fits perfectly into today's heated discussions of women's rights. He wrote:"If God meant woman to rule over man, He would have taken her out of Adam's head. Had He designed her to be his slave, He would have taken her out of his feet. But God took woman out of man's side, for He made her to be a helpmate and an equal to him."

In his book, After You Said I Do Dwight Small emphasizes the Bible's consistent equalitarian and democratic view of marriage.  "There can be no true oneness," writes Small, "except as there is equal dignity and status for both partners. The wife who came from man's side is to stand at his side, to share every responsibility and enjoy every privilege. This is the goal."

Small goes on to admit that achieving this goal is not easy. What is needed is dialogue. He believes that "dialogue takes place when two people communicate the full meaning of their lives to one another, when they participate in each other's lives in the most meaningful ways in which they are capable."

B.  HIS PROGRAM INVOLVES HIS PRINCIPLES.

   1.  God Emphasized Total Commitment.  Genesis 2:18-24

From Genesis 2:18-24, you can gather three distinctly Christian views of marriage:

         A.  A Christian Marriage Is to Be Permanent, for Life.

When two become one flesh, there is to be no division, no severing, because of the irreparable damage that will occur.

         B.  A Christian Marriage Is to Be Monogamous.

There are examples of polygamy in Scripture, but these are descriptions of what men did, not of what Scripture teaches as good and right. Again, one flesh means one flesh. A man cannot become one flesh with more than one woman and have it mean what is meant here.

         C.  A Christian Marriage Demands Faithfulness.

Today's new morality claims that a man can become "one flesh" with as many women as he wishes, that fornication and a little adultery are "healthy" pastimes that broaden experience and deepen relationships.

   2.  God Rejects Society’s Confusion.

         A.  Don’t Compromise With Sin to Cope With Your Struggles!

Invariably, someone will advice a struggling couple or a disappointed and frustrated spouse to give up on their relationship.   They may say things like, “You don’t have to keep torturing yourself.  Just Bail out!  You’ve given it your best shot and it didn’t work; life is to short to be wasted in a losing battle.  Just give up on it!  Or at the least you can try an exciting affair.  Get a little fun back into your life, there are plenty of fish in the sea who want no commitments or strings attached.  Come on get with the times and stop being so Old Fashioned; things are a lot different now a days.....”

         B.  Reject Completely the “New Morality” of Today!

God's description of marriage, however, speaks of deep and lasting intimacy, a companionship between husband and wife that leads to mutual enrichment, happiness and welfare. Adultery is to marriage what a knife is to a back. Today's advocates of "new morality" can think of all kinds of excuses for adultery and fornication. They come up with what might be called a "pretzel" morality, in which facts, sound principles for good human relationships and responsibilities are all twisted and bent into shapes that seemingly, in some cases, justify infidelity as a "good and loving thing in the situation."

         C.  Receive Completely God’s Plan and Benefits.

As Dwight Small says in his book, Design for Christian Marriage,

A Christian marriage can never fail, but the people in that marriage can fail. There is a vast difference between the two possibilities. So if the marriage of two Christians seems to fail, it is either that they were ignorant of God's purposes, or unwilling to commit themselves to it.

Please take the time and spend the energy to understand these Bible principles as they apply to your marriage or your future. God's plans and principles do make for a happy and healthy marriage and home. I realize these concepts are foreign to modern thinking, but they still work when we work them. Christ Jesus is able to provide the wisdom and guidance you need to strengthen your marriage through the application of these holy ideas. Trust Him to do for you and your spouse what He has done for many other faithful Believers. May you know His very best and have the kind of marriage and home that is a blessing to you and glorifying to Him above all else.

I Want To Be A Winner

Like any honest Believer, we readily confess that we are far from perfect. Regrettably, we still sin against God, disappoint our love ones, and ourselves. Acknowledging that we are SAVED sinners and not perfect saints is helpful, but not enough. Deep inside we truly yearn for the day when sin will be something we use to do before we were glorified in Christ. For now, we fight the good fight of faith against indwelling sin. Sometimes we win these battles with our old nature while other times we are too painfully aware of our repeat failures. Our situation could deteriorate to the point where it gets harder and harder to face family, friends, and our pastor; they all desire the very best in Christ for us. We are afraid of disappointing them...again.... If we are not careful to confess and repent of sin, feelings of shame will begin to dominate our choices and lifestyle. As a result, temptations to pretend everything is alright, cover up the truth, just put on the mask, and hope no one discovers the truth will developed into a habit. Eventually, we will feel trapped in hypocrisy and afraid to trust anyone with our...real situation.... Who can you turn to? What can a Believer do to win more of these battles? Must we struggle in defeat until the Rapture? God must have designed something to help us win these battles with the flesh more consistently…right?

Actually, our wonderful all-wise Lord has made provisions for consistent spiritual victory for every Believer. The key is our identification with Jesus Christ and His death, burial, and resurrection. Christ is victorious over sin and we share in His victory by faith in Him. The procedure for translating Christ’s triumph into our personal experience is the vital objective. Converting our identification with our mighty Lord Jesus into our daily experience for continuous victory and progressive sanctification is our focus. It is one thing to know intellectually the Spirit seeks to sanctify Christians; it is quite another matter to experience God’s life-giving power transforming us from within. Such changes may be small at first, but as we depend more on the Spirit for specific spiritual needs more significant changes will occur. As we continue in this manner, our motives, ambitions, and behaviors will become more like those of Christ than those of our “old man.”

These positive developments do not unfold automatically; each believer must make the right choices, walk in the Spirit, believe God for changes, and discipline ourselves with great diligence (1 Cor. 9:24-27; Gal. 5:13-26; 2 Pet. 1:3-21). Then progressively, we will begin to realize more victories over the old lifestyle and sinful responses. Eventually our life will be more characterized by winning over indwelling sin than being defeated repeatedly and frustrated continually. It is not that we as Believers will become sinless, but we do sin less and less under the Spirit’s life-altering influence. It is as the Spirit of grace empowers us that we win these internal battles; as Christians we become winners in Christ! This is God's design and provision for you and me.

But how can we translate the life and power of the risen Christ into our personal experiences on a daily basis? Four vital attitudes of mind and action on a believer’s part should be recognized in order to experience victory continually. These Paul discussed in Romans 6:5-23 and the key actions are (a) Know (Rom. 6:3-6), (b) Reckon (Rom. 6:5-11), (c) Yield (Rom. 6:12-14), and (d) Serve (Rom. 6:15-23). It is the Spirit who does the work of sanctification, but each believer must choose, trust, cooperate, and participate in their spiritual transformation. Yes, there is a mysterious blending of the divine and human efforts to experience genuine change that will glorify God and prove good for the child of God (Phil. 2:12, 13). Consider then these four actions each Believer must learn and master.

KNOW

First we must “know” (Rom. 6:3, 6, 9, 16) the truth of victory through Christ. Yes, we presently have victory through Jesus Christ; every Believer needs to realize this truth. It has been well said, that we are not fighting for victory but from victory. Consider Wiersbe’s (1997) observation in Wiersbe's Expository Outlines on the New Testament regarding what the believer needs to “know.”

This is the wonderful truth of our identification with Christ. Not only did Christ die for us, but we died with Him. When the Spirit baptized us into the body of Christ, then we were buried with Him and raised to newness of life.¹

While we still grapple with indwelling sin, we also have freedom from sin’s domination because Christ broke the power of sin through His death. We need to 'know' these facts and their significance to our daily experience in Christ. Again Dr. Wiersbe (1997) said,

Read 6:1–10 again and see for yourself that the believer is dead to sin (v. 2); the old nature has been crucified (v. 6); the believer is freed from sin (v. 7). The old nature can no longer reign as king over the Christian who knows the truth, reckons on it, and yields to the Lord.²   

Paul describes the struggle that goes on in a Believer who does not “know” the truth of his identification with Christ in death and resurrection (Rom. 7:15). It is the conflict between the two natures in the person who attempts to keep the Law in the energy of the flesh in search of holiness. Harry Foster in an article entitled Toward the Mark explains:

Here was a man trying to achieve holiness by personal effort, struggling with all his might to fulfill God’s “holy and righteous and good” commandments (v.12), only to discover that the more he struggled, the worse his condition became. It was a losing battle, and no wonder, for it is not in the power of fallen human nature to conquer sin and live in holiness (MacDonald & Farstad 1995, p. 1707).³

Notice how often the first-person pronouns—I, me, my, myself appear in this passage; they occur over forty times in Romans 7:9–25! Believers grappling with the Romans Chapter Seven experiences have “taken an overdose of “Vitamin I”⁴ observed MacDonald and Farstad (1995, p. 1707) in the Believer’s Bible Commentary.  They are introspective to the core, searching for victory in self, where it cannot be found. The Believer’s Bible Commentary (MacDonald & Farstad 1995, p. 1707) also affirmed,

Sadly, most modern Christian psychological counseling focuses the counselee’s attention on himself and thus adds to the problem instead of relieving it. People need to know that they have died with Christ and have risen with Him to walk in newness of life. Then, instead of trying to improve the flesh, they will relegate it to the grave of Jesus.⁵

In describing the struggle between the two natures, Paul relates feelings of perplexity and uncertainty about what to do (Rom. 7:15). People would lightly describe him today as having a split personality, a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He was repulsed by the fact that he commonly finds himself indulging in things that he did not want to do, and practicing things that he hates.  This is the battle each believer struggles with as we attempt to clean up our act before the Lord. Again the Christian must “know” the fact of his vital union with Christ in death and resurrection!

But, what is the elemental principle of the Believer’s union with Christ?  The fundamental rule of the Believer’s union with Christ demonstrates how salvation in Christ is not partial; it is an entire and complete salvation.  Paul proves this in the key verse Romans 6:14, which says, “For sin shall not have dominion over you: for ye are not under the law, but under grace.” Thus sin shall not dominate the life of Believers, it must not be allowed.  This is because Believers are no longer under law, but now under grace.  Our union with Christ makes all the difference. As we were in Adam, so now we are in Christ.  Believers have reaped all the consequences of what Adam did; we also have reaped all the consequences of what Christ has done.  That is the parallel. Christians are joined to Christ in every respect. We are not only joined in some respects, we are united to Christ entirely; one cannot divide Christ.  That is, we have been crucified, died, buried, and raised with Christ.  Currently we are considered seated with Him in heavenly places (Eph. 2:6; 1Cor. 1:30; Col. 3:1). Through union with Christ, every believer is a winner in our spiritual position. As struggling Christians we need to 'know' this truth!

In addition, as Believers we are not under Law, but we are under grace. Under the Law, Old Testament Believers could only struggle in their own strength to live up to God’s requirements. They had not the new nature, nor the Spirit’s power. Failure is the characteristic and ultimate outcome.  But under grace the child of God can live in the energy of the Spirit enabling us to satisfy all that God requires. Under grace we are endowed with the divine nature to enable spiritual living. As Christians, we must “know” we have the position, potential, and power to live out God’s will in the Lord Jesus Christ.

RECKON

Then secondly, the believer has the responsibility to “reckon” (Rom. 6:11). This is somewhat related to the concept of accounting. While it is good to 'know' we have a new position in Christ; we must, by faith, reckon it to be true in our own individual lives. We must count this reality as true of us personally. It is much like having money directly deposited into our bank account and concluding that it is actually there on a certain date of the month. We don’t have to verify the money has been deposited, we know that it has been and simply begin to use it to conduct our business. Dr. Wiersbe (1997) noted that “reckoning is simply that step of faith that says, “What God says about me in the Bible is now true in my life. I am crucified with Christ.””⁶ Reckoning is believing God’s Word and living accordingly; it is acting on what God said by faith (Heb. 11:13-16). It is the all-important appropriation step! Remembering and reflecting on this fact about oneself. Since Christians have identified with Christ (we enjoy a complete spiritual union with Him), what is true for Him can also be true for us as well. Again “knowing” relates to our position in Christ, but “reckoning” refers to appropriating Christ into our experience. This association takes root in our minds by an act of mental accounting. We can consider ourselves dead to sin just as Christ is, and alive to God like Him also. We are to reflect on the actual fact that Christ’s death and resurrection stand between whom we were and who we are presently in Christ. The old life has ended and the new one has begun.  We have absolutely no obligations to that old life before Christ. All obligations are now toward the God we love because of His mercy and grace. On this non-pretentious basis the new life and lifestyle takes shape and issues into righteous expressions that glorify God.

Please bear in mind this is not straining oneself to obey human rules or even commandments from the Bible in human energy. This is counting on our union and identification with Christ in crucifixion and resurrection to supply the desire and the dynamic where-with-all to live obediently to God in the power of the Spirit. That is, we count on the truth and the power of the Spirit to work through our commitments and decisions. The Spirit’s power, not human power is in view.  As such, we can refuse the domination of any sinful practice while living in triumph in Christ (Rom. 6:11, 12). Therefore, account Christ's death and resurrection as realities in your experience. 

YIELD

 The next action identified by Paul is “yield” (Rom. 6:13, 16). Yielding involves handing over control to another or giving them the final say about what should happen. It is the surrender of self and all at our disposal to God. Since Believers have been given new life by God, our bodies are to be given to Him to use for promoting righteousness. Instead of giving in to sin, we are to refuse sin’s tyrannical rule. Instead we are to wholly surrender our entire being in commitment to living for God’s glory. This in practical terms is a moment by moment presentation of ourselves to His service and will.   

It has been recognized (Wiersbe, 1997) that by yielding, believers can have victory over our fallen nature. This yielding is an act of the will, a step of conscious obedience to Christ. We must take this… step of yielding the members of our bodies to the Lord.⁷ It is submitting our will to God’s will while embracing the Spirit’s power and leadership. This is the power to dethrone sin in our lives. Yielding is releasing ourselves to explore all aspects of God’s plans. Resultantly, God literally runs—directs—our lives and decisions through His Spirit.  He is in charge in an experiential manner of our personal life, relationships, finances, priorities, problems, complications, the future, and the unknown. As Christians, you and I must yield; that is, hand over control to Him. Have enough confidence in the love, wisdom, grace, and power of God to give over control to Him. This is the only reasonable response to The God who sacrificed Himself for our eternal welfare and redemption.

SERVE

The last step to victory over indwelling sin through the believer’s union with Christ is “serve.” Clearly Paul acknowledged how all believers once served ‘Master Sin’ before conversion, but upon trusting Christ and being united to Him, we can now serve righteousness. The apostle Paul said, in Romans 6:16-19,

Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness? ¹⁷ But God be thanked, that ye were the servants of sin, but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you. ¹⁸ Being then made free from sin, ye became the servants of righteousness. ¹⁹ I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness.

The words “serve” and “servant” occurs repeatedly in this brief paragraph to signify this emphasis on service. The reason we Believers yield (8:13-16) the members of our bodies to God is that we may serve the Lord. Again Wierbe’s (1997) comments in Wiersbe's Expository Outlines on the New Testament are very helpful to understanding this important concept.

Before we were saved, we yielded ourselves to sin, and were the servants of sin. Consequently we received the “wages” of sin—death (v. 23). But now that we have received Christ as Savior, we have been made free from sin; that is, our new position in Christ gives us a new Master as well as a new nature. We are now the servants of righteousness instead of the servants of sin! As we yield the members of the body to Christ as his “tools” or “weapons” (“instruments,” v. 13), then He comes to control our lives, and we bear fruit unto holiness (v. 22).⁸

The answer to the problem of sin is not simply determination, discipline, reformation, legislation, or any other human endeavor. Victory comes through crucifixion and resurrection.⁹

Even though every believer is dead to sin and alive to God, and even though the life of Christ is in every believer, it does not mean that we are completely sinless and perfect. While these things are true of our redeemed spirit, which is entirely delivered from sin, it is not true of our bodies.  As spiritual beings, we are dead to sin because Christ has redeemed our spirits perfectly. Until the Rapture, our bodies remain in the struggle with indwelling sin (Rom. 6:6-18). Therefore, we must choose to live for God and yield our bodies to righteous service.  Though we are redeemed by God’s grace, our bodies still struggle with indwelling sin, which persistently attempts to drag us down.  Praise the Lord for Jesus Christ who delivers us from “the body of this death”! So, all believers can be winners instead of frustrated losers. God’s design is that we recognize our complete union/identification with Jesus Christ who died, was buried, and rose again to live in the power of resurrection life forever. Because of Jesus Christ, we should not only desire to be winners, but literally become winners continually!