“God’s Order for a Wife”
1 PETER 3:1-6
SUBJECT: SUBMISSION APPLIED TO MARRIAGE
THEME: each believing wife is to submit to her own husband in God’s order for marriage as a matter of trusting God.
RELEVANCE: though much of marriage is thrilling, our experiences can become unfair and sometimes painful; those who are the most intimate can hurt us deeply. Undoubtedly this is the case in marriage. To further complicate matters, many Christian couples are oblivious of what God calls them to deeming ‘God's way’ as outdated. Regardless as children of God we are expected to accept God’s order and conduct ourselves accordingly even in poor circumstances. The obligation to trust God and embrace a better future are thus directed and reinforced in marriage.
INTRODUCTION:
Every
relationship requires some work, labor, adjustments, growth, change, and effort
if it is to serve God’s intentions and be mutually beneficial for all parties. Certainly,
this is true in marriage.
MESSAGE:
B.
God’s Instructions
to Wives
Such a wife is thoughtful to respond in the Spirit’s
control instead of a fleshly reaction. She lives for eternal values instead of
time bound ideas. What matters to her is what will outlive her physical life
and still matter in eternity for all eternity.
i. Master Your Attitude—Bring these Areas into Focus and Under
Control!
1. 1 Pet 3:4, But let it be
the hidden man of the heart, in
that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit,
which is in the sight of God of great
price.
2. The attire that
makes the believer genuinely attractive to God is the beauty of the inner
person. Costly hairstyles, elaborate
clothing and expensive jewelry are all “corruptible,” temporary and perishable! They do not last! The
‘worldling’ emphasizes the external appearance instead of modifying the
internal character—"the hidden man of
the heart.” They value carnal
expressions like controlling the man to use his money, nasty backtalk, and
celebrating bold feminism, but a “meek and quite
spirit” is of great price in
God’s evaluations. Our Lord values the internal person much more; he really
examines beyond the surface to realize what’s happening inside. This is the
most important part of the real you! It has been well said, “You have a
body, but you are a soul.” If we really live for the Lord, this area
would be our primary focus.
3. Choose a Meek Attitude.
1Pet. 3:4, “Meek . . .
spirit” refers to an attitude or perspective
that is gentle, pleasant, tender, humble, mild and considerate. This is the mindset of discipline and self-control
always. The opposite would be a girl that is harsh, unpleasant, rough,
proud, expressive, and selfish. Her carnality and fleshly nature dominates her
existence. However, a meek person does not flare up with anger, talks back out
of frustration, and acts defensively out of insecurity. She refuses to
weaponize any weakness she may discover in Him due to her intimate proximity. She
does not scheme to hurt her husband to maintain control or to manipulate his
compliance. Neither does she whine and complain frequently to have her own way.
She is dominated by a spirit of meekness.
a.
Gentleness is
Another Way of Referring to Meekness. Gentleness
is being easy on others, considering their vulnerable points, and taking care
not to hurt them. I once had some dental work done in a clinic where more than
one dentist worked on me. One dentist had rough hands; the other had gentle
hands. The first dentist hurt me; the second one didn't. That is part of what
it means to be gentle.
b.
Meekness Is Different
from Weakness. One who is meek is
often understood to be timid, weak, and “wimpy.” Such is not the case, however.
Meekness refers to “power under control.”
i. PETER =Peter was loud
and pushy. Then, he became controlled and channeled, using his great energy for
the glory of God. MOSES is the “meekest” man who ever lived. Yet he was
far from a wimp. He was a dramatic and powerful leader, but under the control
of God.
ii. A river that is controlled can generate much power. A fire under control can warm a house. A personality under control can be used
by God for His purposes. Controlled energy can achieve great good. Uncontrolled
energy usually dissipates or just destroys.
iii. JESUS was arrested,
taken through a series of mock trials, beaten, and mistreated. He had the power
to annihilate his tormentors with a spoken word, but He didn’t, choosing
instead to endure suffering for the sake of our redemption. Isaiah spoke
prophetically when he said of Jesus’ controlled tongue, “He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened
not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep
before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.” (Isaiah 53:7). Meekness is “love under God’s control” even
to the extent of controlling the mouth!
c.
The Holy Spirit will
build meekness within us individually and within our marriages. When He does,
we do not hurt people or run roughshod over them. We do not “lock horns” with
those who cross us. Rather, under the control of the Holy Spirit, we display
sensitivity to our spouse and allow God to channel our energy for the good of
our mate. Yes, submission is a mark of confidence and security in the Lord. It
is not spineless cringing, based on insecurity and fear. It is voluntarily
unselfishness, and willingly cooperative attitude/spirit that seeks the highest
good for one’s husband. So, like a gorgeous gown, put on meekness.
4.
Choose a Quiet Attitude. Vs 4, “Quiet spirit”. She is a woman of special quietness and tranquility…a peaceful
disposition. Her character is composed and free from agitation, stress, or
conflict. The winds of her soul are not turbulent and anxious but calm,
still, serene, and unstirred. This tranquil attitude is at peace with oneself
and with God. A quality that seeks to build peace with her husband.
a.
Exhibiting godly
behavior under unfair circumstances can be extremely taxing for even a good
wife. Some wives under such pressure could begin to resort to substituting
secret manipulation for a “quiet spirit”. This could take on many forms: pouting,
sulking, scheming, bargaining, arguing, nagging, preaching, coercing, or even
humiliating. Wives who use this strategy are not trusting God to change their
husbands’ lives. They are trusting in themselves.
Wives remember, you are not responsible for your husband’s life, but you are
responsible for yours. You cannot make your husband something he is not. Only
God can do that; transformation is His thing. Remember it is your job to submit
to and love your husband it is God’s job to make him right. It is God’s job to
change his life.
i. F. B. Meyer notes: “Plenty are there whose outward body
is richly decked, but whose inner being is clothed in rags; whilst others,
whose garments are worn and threadbare, are all glorious within.”[1]
ii. God wants
Christian wives to dress up their insides with the most attractive apparel. He desires
for God-honoring wives to go through great effort and trouble to get just the
right heart look. Adorn the heart with the pearls of Meekness and the diamonds
of Quietness. How attractive you would be to the Lord if you did. Wives, these
virtues are in fashion with God as a matter of fact he regards them as VOGUE!
iii. Christian wives should not think of outer attire as the
source of genuine beauty.[2]
b.
This concept especially
applies to the Christian life. Believers often get duped into searching for
happiness, meaning, purpose, and joy in the same places the world: people,
possessions, and favorable circumstances. In doing so, we exhaust ourselves and
end up dissatisfied, disillusioned, and even broken.
i. What we long for we already possess. The Holy Spirit lives
within us, and He is willing to pour out in our lives His fruit—love, joy,
peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and
temperance. If we had those nine
qualities in our lives, what more could we ask for? In Galatians 5:22–23, these
qualities are not only deeply satisfying but also help us to have rich
relationships with other people!
ii. They make us good “living advertisements” for Christianity
to unbelievers. The wealth we long for is spiritual wealth, ours to be had if
we live in obedience to the Holy Spirit.
ii. Pursue Other Spiritual Virtues Also.
1. 1 Pet 3:5-6, For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned
themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: (6) Even as Sara
obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do
well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
2. This is the primary reason that Christian women are to
adorn themselves with a meek and quiet spirit. When she does, she reveals that
she is a spiritual child of Sarah. As a result,
the precious qualities in Sarah’s life will be a part of her life.
3.
Like Sarah, Be a Wife of Holiness Vs 5, “Holy Women”
a.
Examples of holy
women in the Old Testament support Peter’s exhortation. Purity of life (v. 2)
and a submissive spirit (v. 5) have always been a godly woman’s lasting source
of beauty and attractiveness. Sarah is chosen as a specific example of a woman
who was submissive to her husband.[3]
b.
The word “holy”
signifies the object of awe and reverence. It pertains to being holy like God
is holy and relates to our essential and superior morality—a fault free
lifestyle.
c.
1 Peter 1:15-16, But
as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of
conversation; 16, Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.
d.
The holiness we are to
exhibit is not our own, but the holiness of Christ in us. We are not holy, and
we will not become holy humans. Christ can manifest His holiness if we yield
our bodies to Him.
e.
This Is Not a Mere
Human Operation; it Is a Spiritual One.
i. Becoming
holy is a process which includes God's part and our part. On one hand, our part is to stay out of God's part—to
yield, to surrender, to stop seeking God on our own terms. But our part also is
to obey. It is to enter His rehabilitation program.
ii. When you put yourself under a doctor's care, he cannot help
you if you don't follow his instructions. As the patient surrenders his own
good ideas and obeys the doctor's instruction, he becomes well. The same is
true in sanctification. If you and I want to be made holy, then we must
willingly surrender ourselves to His care, and we must also actively obey His
instructions.
iii. We have no more power to make ourselves holy than a dying
man has to save himself. We are weak and tired, and we cannot offer much help.
However, we can submit to His rehabilitation program—sanctification. The key to
our part is faith—to seek Him in obedience.”
1.
1Thes 2:12, That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto
his kingdom and glory.
2.
1 Cor 1:30-31, But of him are ye in Christ
Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption: (31) That, according as it is written, He
that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.
4.
Like Sarah, be a Wife of Faith Vs 5, “Who Trusted in God”
a.
Evidently, she trusted in
God. She followed her husband and
therefore was faithful to the Lord!
b.
Faithfulness is
being trustworthy; it is “hanging in there”; it is persevering. It is being the
kind of person who can be counted on to do what is right. Repeatedly the Bible admonishes
us to be faithful to the Lord. Matthew 25:21 says that if we are
faithful in little things, the Lord will give us bigger things. In Revelation 2:10 we read, “... Be thou faithful until death, and I will give thee a
crown of life.”
c.
We should be
faithful to our words and marriage vows. We should be faithful to our
responsibilities as husbands and wives. But above all we should be faithful to
God. God wants to be able to count on us. If we are willing the Holy Spirit help
us be faithful people. Do you have a weakness in being faithful? Many do. It is
not a highly valued characteristic in modern times. But it is highly valued by
God.
d.
Women of faith today ought to bare the family likeness of her spiritual
mother Sarah.
Almost the only one who will emphasize Christlike qualities is God in the
Bible. Remember, the world and the economy cannot make money by emphasizing faithfulness,
but God views it as a rich priority! Even many churches will emphasize
faithfulness in attendance and giving because that benefits them, but they fail
to elevate this trait like God does. Be faithful to God because it matters to
Him.
e.
Many modern women
adopt a ‘worldly standard’ or have godless expectations of ‘husband material.’
Some claim the 6X6X6X6 idea for any possible male contenders…six figures annual
income, six pack of Abs—physically fit, at least six feet tall, and six or more
inches…. Some checklists require a man to have a deep voice, emotionally
mature, correct color/ethnicity/hair, mentally and emotionally tough—he must be
able to handle her (she thinks she is perfect already and does not plan to
grow, change, or accommodate), athletic ability, and economic success. The
wrongs, delusions, assumptions, fantasies, and ludicrous nonsense in these
lists are off the charts ridiculous!
f.
God specified servant-leadership,
provision, protection, and holiness-priest in the home for the man as a
husband. This is what real masculinity looks like; this is what the Lord Jesus
modelled. Wives and prospective wives should adopt this as their ‘standard’ and
stop looking for ‘worldly’ requirements. Too many of the future wives cannot secure
a masculine husband even though they claim they want one or keep a godly man even
if they happen to end up with one. I will more thoroughly address male
qualities soon.
5. Like Sarah, Be a Wife of Obedience. Vs 5, “Even as Sara Obeyed
Abraham….”
a.
Some key passages on
Sarah include Genesis 12:1–5. Consider the difficulties Abraham’s obedience may
have caused for Sarah. She had to leave her home, her family, and her friends.
She had to suffer hardship and even risk her life because her husband obeyed
God.
b.
She is viewed as a
woman who “obeyed”
her husband as an aspect of her submissive heart towards God and him.
c. Sarah is cited as an example. She
obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. This takes us back to Genesis 18:12 where we
read that Sarah said this “within herself.” She did not go around and make a
loud profession of submission to Abraham by publicly calling him lord. Rather,
in her inward life, she recognized him as her head, and this recognition was
displayed by her actions.
d. Those women who follow Sarah’s example are her children. Jewish women are descendants of Sarah by natural birth. But to be her daughters in the best sense, they must imitate her personal character. Children should carry the family likeness.[4]
CONCLUSION:
Husbands, wives, and prospective spouses need to give careful attention to these instructions from the heart of God. Many of us understand the bulk of what I have covered, but we all need to practice these truths far more than we currently do. The problem is we refuse to submit ourselves because of ideas from family, friends, associates, worldly beliefs, self-centered motives, and devilish advice seem more relevance, convenient, and beneficial. As a result, we fail to believe the wise council of God paying too much attention to our own feelings. Value God’s point of view more! Growing stronger, developing unrealized qualities, and meaningful change through these challenges are viable expectations for us all! So much marital injury could be avoided if we listen to God.
It is true life can be unfair at times and even cruel! The people closest to us can cause unbelievable pain and sorrow even in the husband & wife relationship. But one thing remains constant…that each the child of God is expected to acknowledge God’s order and conduct oneself accordingly regardless of current circumstances.
It is imperative that we acknowledge God’s order for marriage,
because therein is the hope of happiness and fulfilment for couples. Above all
our Lord will be honored, respected, and obeyed through our submissive
lifestyles.
[1]
William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible
Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad
(Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 2268.
[2]
Roger M. Raymer, “1 Peter,” in The
Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F.
Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 849.
[3]
Roger M. Raymer, “1 Peter,” in The
Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F.
Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 849.
[4]
William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible
Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad
(Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 2268.
