Navigating a Tough Talk

 

Navigating a Tough Talk

God gives us principles for navigating difficult conversations that also respect and preserve the relationship.

I was recently challenged to study this subject again to be certain I represented the Lord in a way that honors Him, respects others, and sustains the cherished relationships. I was confronted with the fact I did not apply all these guidelines as well as I should; there is so much more for me to appreciate and relate to real situations. Without going into detail, I concluded I need more directions on this matter. So, I am sharing with you what God showed me during our conversation and Bible research.  

Again, there were several conversations I was low key dreading. Confrontations and hard truths to digest were my lot; I had to address these ‘tough talks’ with the right spirit. They weighed on me significantly…this I must admit. Even after doing this type of thing for years now, I still felt unprepared and inadequate. God’s counsel once again helped me through these difficult conversations, but there was more for me to learn about giving wisdom, handling the person with gentleness, and obtaining the courage to convey what was needed and what I really meant. Here is what God prescribes….

God’s Guidance for Difficult Conversations

1)    Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Trust the Lord to lead you rather than your own reflexes. Resting your full weight on His character, promises, and sovereignty rather than splitting your confidence between God and your backup plan.

First, there must be a full commitment of ourselves—spirit, soul, and body—to the Lord. We must trust Him not only for the salvation of our souls but also for the direction of our lives. It must be a commitment without reserve.

Next, there must be a healthy distrust of self, an acknowledgment that we do not know what is best for us, that we are not capable of guiding ourselves.^[1]

2)   Colossians 4:6, “Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man.”

Let your speech be with grace, seasoned with salt. Our words should reflect kindness, gentleness, mercy, and the unearned favor of God shown to us. We want to avoid harsh, rude, or arrogant language—always, with no exceptions for bad moods or difficult people. “Salt” preserves our speech providing wholesome, wise, interesting, and full of good sense statements rather than dull, vulgar, or corrupt/destructive language.

3)   Ephesians 4:15, “But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”

Speak the truth in love, so you grow up together into Christlike behavior. Communicate godly messages with a genuine, self-sacrificial love so that everyone grows up spiritually to become more like our Lord Jesus Christ.  

Truth without love can become harsh, blunt, and wounding; love without truth can become passive, misleading, or tolerate destructive behavior. True biblical communication unites both grace and honesty. (Bible Ref)

4)   Proverbs 25:11, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”

Truth is most effective and attractive when delivered with care and beauty.  Communication should be well-timed, appropriate, thoughtful, and matched to the exact situation or need of the listener. It is not about talking too much or using overly fancy words but saying the right thing at the right moment.

5)   Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”

A calm, gentle, and respectful response that lacks sharp edges, hostility, or sarcasm defuses, redirects, or cools down an opponent’s intense anger or fury before it escalates into a larger fight. However, painful, harsh, or cutting speech provoke, ignite, or add fuel to a fire, turning a minor disagreement into open hostility. (Unknown)

A gentle (lit., “soft”) answer can dispel a potentially tense situation by dissolving a person’s wrath (ḥēmâh, “rage”). Being conciliatory in such a situation requires forethought, patience, self-control, and kindness, virtues commonly lauded in Proverbs. A harsh (lit., “hurtful”) word, by contrast, arouses rather than dissolves anger.^[2]

6)   James 1:19, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:”

Being “swift to hear” is to humbly receive God’s word (James 1:21) rather than letting pride and hot-tempered arguments cloud our heart. Instead of rushing to figure out what we will say next, we pause to truly understand the message. In addition, controlling the tongue (James 3) and dealing with the root causes of a conflict (James 4) are important ways to show faith. (Unknown)

7)    Philippians 4:6-7, “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Talk with the Lord about it first, and His “peace” will guard our heart. Consciously, replace our worry and anxiety with prayer, and in return, rest in God’s promises to avail divine, incomprehensible peace that guards the heart and mind. So, instead of letting life’s pressures consume or ‘pull you apart’ mentally, you are called to stop carrying the weight of worry alone. (Unknown)

8)   Proverbs 16:24, “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.”

These are kind, gracious, and thoughtful statements aimed at helping, encouraging, or comforting others rather than flattery or deception. Pleasant words are like honeycomb, sweet and healing. Our core structure or physical strength is positively impacted by wholesome words which are restorative and medicinal affecting our overall well-being. It is good to give real reinforcing compliments often; not mere flattery, and never manipulation!

Watchman Nee told of a woman whose husband never expressed appreciation for anything she had ever done. She worried constantly that she had failed as a wife and mother. Possibly this is what caused her to develop tuberculosis. When she was dying, her husband said to her, “I don’t know what we are going to do. You have done so much and done it well.” “Why didn’t you say that sooner?” she asked, “I have been blaming myself all along, because you never once said ‘Well done.’ ”^[3]

9)   Ephesians 4:29, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.”

Let no corrupt word—something dead, foul, or useless—come out, but what builds up and gives grace. This includes speech that tears down, gossips, curses, lies, or brings moral decay rather than life. “Edifying” point to ‘building up’ or constructing. Just as a builder stacks bricks to raise a house, our speech should build up a person’s faith, strength, and well-being rather than demolishing them. To “minister grace” is to act as a channel of God’s unearned kindness, blessing, and encouragement to whoever is listening. Our ‘up lifting’ words should leave the other person better, stronger, resilient, and more hopeful.

While it is not guaranteed how the other party will react, we can honor the Lord with right motives and intentions as we undertake His priorities and advocate His ideas using His guidance.

I recall several instances where these insights played out in Bible character’s experiences. But one illustration stands out for me—Abigail’s soft wise actions. When her husband, Nabal, insultingly refused to give provisions to David’s men, David set out with 400 armed men to destroy Nabal's entire household. Abigail intercepted David with a peace offering of food and fell at his feet, delivering one of the most persuasive speeches by a woman in the Old Testament (1 Samuel 25:23–35). She immediately diffuses David's anger by asking that the blame for Nabal's actions fall on her instead (verse 24). She reminds David of his divine destiny to be king over Israel and that he fights the Lord’s battles (verse 28). She wisely points out that when he does become king, he will not want the heavy burden or “offence of heart” that comes from shedding innocent blood in a fit of personal revenge (verse 31). David was so moved by her humility and wisdom—her soft wise words—that he immediately relented, praising her for keeping him from these shameful actions and burdening his conscience needlessly with a guilty complex.

God’s Foremost Advice on Interpersonal Interactions

You cannot control how another person will react, which means communication requires managing your own actions and boundaries rather than expecting a specific response.

      1)    Focus on your delivery: You are only responsible for how clearly, honestly, and respectfully you express your message, not for the emotions or behavior it triggers in others. You can place your focus on your actions, messages, and motives/intentions.

o   When Abigail met David, she prostrated herself at his feet and delivered a masterful and successful plea. She first admitted that her husband was true to his name (Nabal means fool or cad).^[4]

2)   Anticipate unpredictability: People process information through their own past experiences, stress levels, and current mindsets, making their reactions inherently unpredictable. You cannot control all of this!

o   As she asked for forgiveness, she reminded him that the Lord had restrained him from … bloodshed and that God would punish his enemies—even Nabal. She had real spiritual insight into who David was, the anointed of the Lord, and praised him sincerely for fighting the battles of the Lord.^[5]

3)   Prepare for possible outcomes: Before having a difficult conversation, decide in advance how you will respond if the other person becomes defensive, dismissive, or angry.

o   When people feel threatened, their brains switch from logic to self-protection. Pre-determining your boundaries keeps you from mirroring their emotional chaos.

o   Defensiveness usually stems from fear, shame, or feeling inadequate. If they start making excuses or turning the blame on you, do not fight back with logic or try to win the argument.

o   De-escalate immediately by clarifying your intent. Validate their reality without agreeing with their behavior. Acknowledge their stress to build a bridge. Check for miscommunication. Ask a clarifying question: "What did you hear me say just now?" (Unknown)

4)   Protect your boundaries: Clear communication works best when paired with firm limits on what kind of treatment or pushback you are willing to accept during the interaction.

o   Refuse to argue about insults or side issues—don’t be distracted. Keep the frame centered on collaboration rather than combat: "It's us versus the issue, not me versus you." (Unknown)

o   Enforce a hard pause. If the emotional temperature is too high, pull the plug on the conversation immediately. Circle back later with cooler heads!

Remember, David was deeply impressed by these words of diplomacy and thanked her (Abigail) for preventing him from destroying Nabal. The Lord knows how to bring the right people into our lives to direct us and warn us. We should be thankful that He does. Abigail’s advice was effective; her generous gift was accepted. ^[6]

Again, God’s counsel helped us through these difficult conversations, perhaps you have had some reminders about giving godly wisdom, handling the other person with gentleness, and being courageous while conveying sensitive but needful thoughts and ideas. Yes, God gives us principles for navigating difficult conversations that also respect and preserve the relationship.

 

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^[1] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 798.

^[2] Sid S. Buzzell, “Proverbs,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 1 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 937.

^[3] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 833.

^[4] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 316–17.

^[5] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 317.

^[6] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 317.

What Makes A Marriage Christian?

Many people in the western world regard marriage as a secular institution subject to the whelms of society and culture. Many followers of Jesus Christ insist marriage is a divine/sacred institution subject to the guidance of God as stated in the Scriptures. As soon as we Christians make such a statement all kind of questions usually follow. Who did Cain marry? Is it okay to have more than one wife? Did Jesus support divorce? Was the Apostle Paul really a chauvinist? If marriage predates Christianity…why bother perusing a Christian marriage? I can assure you I have no intention of tackling such questions here. Instead I wish to explore some basic Bible teachings that when applied to a marriage union results in a “Christian Marriage.”

I should say from the outset I do believe marriage is between a man and a woman, and God performed the first wedding in the Garden of Eden when He united Adam and Eve. Marriage is his idea. One man to one woman for the remainder of their lives walking in the basic marriage principles God gave them is key (Gen. 2:21-25).  Also, the Bible records what happened historically regarding marriages (the good, the bad, and the ugly); some marriages are exemplary while others are not. These biblical occurrences are not automatically authoritative; the examples should not be understood as endorsements or prescription for us today. The Scriptures simply record the facts of what actually happened. The principles and teachings of Scripture on marriage are the key focuses; as we adopt these and obey God's guidance our marriages will become Christian in character. Yes, it is possible for two Christians to be married to each other and their marriage not be Christian in character. God’s Word and Christian principles must mark the union to make it Christian. So, what does this involve directly? 

A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE ACCEPTS JESUS CHRIST AS LORD AND SAVIOR

Acts 4:12, Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.

John 15:5,  I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

Just as God’s program for marriage involves His plan and principles, it also involves His Person. As we have before indicated, it necessitates Him being at the center of the marriage. Before you can know God’s Enduring Plan for Marriage that can make your marriage and family life meaningful, you must meet some basic requirements:

A.  YOU MUST BECOME A CHRISTIAN.

      1.  Recognize That You Too Are a Sinner.

Romans 3:23,  For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;

Romans 6:23, For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

      2.  Be Born Again Through Faith in Christ.

John 3:14-18,  And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up: [15] That whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

    [16] For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. [17] For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

    [18] He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.

  

      3.  Believe the Resurrected Savior and Ask Him to Save You Today.

Romans 10:9-13, That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. [10] For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation. [11] For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed. [12] For there is no difference between the Jew and the Greek: for the same Lord over all is rich unto all that call upon him. [13] For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

The book of Genesis which introduces God’s plan can only be understood and acted upon by real believers.  The book of Ephesians, which discusses God’s plan for Married life, is also written directly to believers. If you’re not a believer, there is little hope that you can make your marriage and family anything near what God intends it to be.

B.  YOU MUST CHOOSE FULFILLMENT THROUGH CHRIST.

John 10:10, The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

We receive life the moment we accept Christ as our Savior. After we are saved, we soon discover that there are various degrees of enjoyment in this new spiritual life. The more we turn ourselves and our relationships over to Christ and the control of the Holy Spirit, the more we enjoy the life which has been given to us. We not only have eternal life, but we have a more abundant fulfilling enjoyable and satisfying life experience. The same principle is true of our relationships when Christ is at the center.

                                                                                                         

     1.  God Offers Total Fulfillment and Strength Through Christ.

Galatians 2:20,  I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.   

Philip. 4:13,  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Christ adds the blessing when He is at the center of the matter and His will is faithfully pursued and obey in the lives of His subjects. We cannot merely try to use God to fix our marriages and then discard Him when we’ve reached our goals. God will faithfully strengthen you and your mate as you pursue His will; this is true for everything He wants you to do.  What He commands, He will enable us for and afford the necessary grace.

     2.  Unbelievers Cannot Realize This Abundance and Fulfillment on Their Own.

Now I’m not saying that nonbelievers can’t have meaningful relationships. They can—but only up to a point.

         A.  Unbelievers Will Never Know Total Relationship Fulfillment.

An individual can find total fulfillment only in a relationship with God!

         B.  No Marriage Can Be Totally Fulfilling Without THE AUTHOR of Fulfillment!

A marriage can find fulfillment only if its definition is designed and authored by God Himself. So, apart from knowing Jesus Christ, we can’t expect a marriage or family to be fulfilled, because God is the One who created man, invented marriage and the family, and wrote the book on how marriage is to function.

     3.  Focus on Christ and His Kingdom as Your Number One Priority!

Matthew 6:33, But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

         A.  Put God First in Your Life.     

         B.  Put God’s Righteous Character First. 

         C.  Trust God With the Needs in Your Marriage.

You nor your mate is the most important person in your marriage! God is! Make Him first and bring your marriage under His authority and blessing.

John 12:32, And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.

C.  YOU MUST GIVE YOUR MARRIAGE TO THE LORD.

Ps 127:1-2, Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.  2,  It is vain for you to rise up early (Useless Anxiety), to sit up late (Fruitless Worry), to eat the bread of sorrows (Worthless Self Pity): for so he giveth his beloved sleep. (Rest and Dependence on God)

Our efforts without the Lord are described as “vain,” “useless,” “produces nothing.”  No matter what your skills, your strengths, your determination may be-all will be in vain unless God is truly The Builder.  We must become dependent on Him for life, for health, for strength, for practical wisdom, for a disposition to continue to build our homes, and for success in it. Without Him our efforts and work might be destroyed by spiritual fires, by a tempests, by an earthquake, or by an attack of our enemies!  For a promising and prosperous result, we must depend entirely on God.

     1.  The Lord Can “Build” and Develop Your Marriage With Certainty.

   

                 A.  Our Marriage Will Be Built or Rebuilt

Prov 24:3-4,  Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

The word “builded” in Prov. 24:3 has the idea of “Restoring”.  Its the concept of rebuilding something so that it flourishes.  Its the same idea as when God took Adams rib and rebuilt it into Eve.  The point is this: Any marriage can be restored or rebuilt! It is never to late for God but this will require some real wisdom! (Swindoll)

                 B.  Our Marriage Will Be Established or Reestablished

Establish means “to set in order, to place in an erect or upright position” something that is falling or twisted.  This will requires some true understanding.

                 C.  “Build” Implies Progress, Growth, Positive Development, and Change!

     2.  The Lord Can “Keep” and Protect Your Marriage With Certainty.

Psalm 127:1,  Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.

We have all been through the gates to the Post and witnessed first hand the efforts of securing and keeping the posts safe. Keep means basically the same in this verse.

                 A.  Our Marriage Will Be Kept and Guarded

The meaning of “Keep” is to hedge about, to protect, and to attend to.  God will preserve, propitiate the relationship that is committed to Him throughout your lives.

                 B.  Our Marriage Will Be Filled and Fulfilling

The idea conveyed here is that of “overflowing” real Fulfillment, Abundance and complete Satisfaction.  To realize this will require knowledge.

In summary this is what we have to look forward to when we follow God’s Plan; this is what His Program will afford!  You would have to be mentally blind to not see this as a excellent deal!

What I am saying here should serve as a great motivation to bring our marriages to the Lord.  This is like knowing the promising outcome even before we turn our relationships over to Him.  Anyone who truly cares about the welfare of their marriage would enthusiastically buy into this!  What God can potentially do in our relationships ought to be extremely inviting to us all!

Prov 24:3-4, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

                  C. “Kept” Implies Security, Safety, Protection, Preciousness, and Value.

A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE SUBMITS TO THE SPIRIT’S CONTROL  

Ephes. 5:18, And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

There’s more to having a meaningful and fulfilled marriage and family than just being a believer in Jesus Christ.   There is the need to walk daily in the power and counsel of the Holy Spirit of God!

A.  EACH MARRIED PARTNER SHOULD WALK IN THE POWER OF THE HOLY SPIRIT.

    1.  Who Is in Charge of You and Your Marriage?   Eph 5:18

Although Eph. 5:18, is often quoted in support of anti-drinking efforts, the underlying issue goes deeper than whether or not to drink alcohol. The more important concern is, what -- or who -- is going to be in control of your life? Either the Holy Spirit is, or something else is. And whatever else it may be, it's a poor substitute. Being filled with alcohol can make you lose control and do stupid things. Being filled with the Holy Spirit gives you self-control (Gal 5:23) and helps you worship God and serve others.

     2.  Constantly Live Under the Influence of the Holy Spirit.   Eph 5:18

The words "be filled" are a command for all believers, yet believers do not manufacture it -- God fills believers with his Spirit when they profess faith in Jesus Christ as Savior. Paul was suggesting that the believers in Ephesus needed to "continually be filled"; Since they already were indwelt by the Spirit they needed to be continually filled with the Spirit, that is keep on living like that.  The words are also in the present tense, indicating constant replenishment with the Spirit -- believers are not "once-and-for-all" filled but rather are continually being filled with the Spirit as they continue to walk with God.

     3.  Who is the Primary Influence in Your Life and Marriage?   Eph 5:19-21

We must learn to live UNDER THE INFLUENCE of the Holy Spirit each day and especially at home!

The effects of alcohol are obvious. What happens when we are under the influence of the Holy Spirit? In these verses, Paul lists three by-products of the Spirit's influence in our lives: speaking, singing, giving thanks, and submitting.

          A.  We Develop a Servant’s Heart.  Eph 5:19

When the Holy Spirit controls us, we speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs.

           B.  We Develop a Joyful Heart.  Eph 5:19

We  sing and make music in our hearts to the Lord.

           C.  We Develop a Thankful Heart.  Eph 5:20

And we "[give] thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Paul did not intend to suggest that we only discuss religious matters, but that whatever we do or say should be permeated with an attitude of thankfulness to God and encouragement toward each other. Instead of whining and complaining -- which our culture has raised to an art form -- we are to focus on the goodness of God and his mercies toward us. Which is more characteristic of your words and attitudes?

            D.  We Develop a Submissive Heart.  Eph 5:21

This is the last participial phrase flowing out of being filled with the Spirit and functions to introduce verses 22-33. People often misunderstand the concept of submitting to another person. It does not mean becoming totally passive. Christ submitted his will to the Father, and we honor Christ by following his example. When we submit to God, we become more willing to obey his command to submit to others, that is, to subordinate our rights to theirs. In Paul's day, women, children, and slaves were to submit to the head of the family -- slaves would submit until they were freed, male children until they grew up, and women and girls their whole lives. Paul emphasized the equality of all believers in Christ (Gal 3:28), but he counseled all believers to submit to one another by choice. This kind of mutual submission preserves order and harmony. (MacDonald)

Submission provides evidence that we have Spirit-controlled relationships, and it requires the Holy Spirit's guidance and restraint (4:2-3). In the church, the believers should be willing to learn from, serve, give to, or be corrected by others in the fellowship. Such submission can allow growth both individually and corporately as the believers seek to follow Christ. Our motives should be "reverence" (literally, "fear") for Christ. We should not treat one another rightly just because it is expected or because we will be well regarded but because one day we must give account to Christ of how we have lived.

Submission: this verse acts as a hinge between the preceding verses that deal with wisdom and living under the influence of the Holy Spirit, and the following verses, which consider the relationships between husbands and wives and Christ and the church. In 5:21, Paul says that the one who is filled with the Spirit not only reflects God's goodness in speech and attitudes but also manifests it in willingness to submit to others out of reverence for Christ.Submission often has unpleasant implications for modern Christians, perhaps because this principle has been abused in the past and has been used to justify overbearing and self-serving behavior. But Jesus was willing to submit to the will of his Father and to the agonies of the cross. "Submission" is not a bad word. How do you respond to the idea of submitting to others? Are you willing to place the interests and desires of others ahead of your own in Jesus' name? (Source Unknown)

QUOTE: “The best thing a woman can do for her husband is to make it easy for him to do the will of God.”-- Elisabeth Elliot Gren

     4.   Feed Your Spouse With the Delicious Fruit of the Spirit in Your Life.

Galatians 5:22-23, But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, [23] Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

         A.  The Fruit of the Spirit is One Super Multi-Fruit.

Have you ever heard of a multi-vitamin?  Well here is a multi-fruit!   In Gal. 5:25, Paul mentioned the fact that the Christian lives in the Spirit, that is, he derives his spiritual life from the indwelling Spirit of Christ.  This same spiritual life is the motivating force producing “the fruit of the Spirit.” The word fruit is singular, which shows that all of the elements of character spoken of in these verses are in perfect unity, oneness, and agreement making for a well-rounded and complete Christian life.

QUOTE: “The word fruit, being singular, as usual in Paul’s writings, tends to emphasize the unity and coherence of the life in the Spirit as opposed to the disorganization and instability of life under the dictates of the flesh. It is possible, also, that the singular may be intended to point to the person of Christ, in whom all these things are seen in their perfection. The Spirit seeks to produce these by reproducing Christ in the believer (Gal. 4:19). Passages like Rom 13:14 suggest that the moral problems of redeemed men and women can be solved by the adequacy of Christ when he is appropriated by faith.” --The Wycliffe Bible Commentary

Expect the Multi-fruit of the Spirit to construct you into a well-rounded believer. We are all familiar with people who had great potential, ability, and skills, but their weaknesses and lack of discipline greatly hindered them or literally destroyed them.  Certainly a well-balanced, symmetrical and well-arranged character is something to be desired.  It is true that we all have our own strengths, naturally given to us by God through our parents, but God offers additional strengths through the activity of the Holy Spirit.  This is necessary though we have certain qualities genetically, we also have weaknesses.  The Holy Spirit can amplify our strengths and improve our weaknesses and limit their impact on our lives.  The end result is a well-rounded believer living an effective Christian life unhampered by his own inherent weaknesses, frailties, flaws, and in-capabilities.  Instead of the person being an excessive talker with a harsh disposition, or mouth of the south who frequently says what comes to mind, they can be tempered by the Spirit through the fruit of temperance, meekness, and gentleness.  Instead of the individual being limited by or even ignoring God’s stated will by their paralyzing fears, they can be released by the power of the Spirit to boldly execute God’s plan by the qualities of faith, meekness, peace, and goodness.    

         B.  The Fruit of the Spirit is One Manifested Fruit.

The difference between the “works of the flesh” and “the fruit of the Spirit” is that the products of the flesh are plural, whereas the product of the Spirit is singular. Although Paul does not mention the truth here, there is also a contrast between the degrees to which “the works” and “the fruit” are produced. A given person may habitually practice only one or two, or perhaps a half dozen, of the sins Paul mentions in verses Gal. 5:19-21. But it would be practically impossible for one person to be habitually active in all of these sins. “The fruit of the Spirit,” on the other hand, is always produced completely in every believer, no matter how faintly evidenced its various manifestations may be.  Yes, in greater percentages in some areas, but still all characteristics are evident.

         C.  Remember Fruit is For Eating Not Displaying.

We must Remember That this Fruit Is Produced to Be Eaten, Not to Be Admired and Put on Display. People around us are starving for love, joy, peace, and all the other graces of the Spirit. When they find them in our lives, they know that we have something they lack.

We do not bear fruit for our own consumption; we bear fruit that others might be fed and helped, and that Christ might be glorified. The flesh may manufacture "results" that bring praise to us, but the flesh cannot bear fruit that brings glory to God. It takes patience, an atmosphere of the Spirit, walking in the light, the seed of the Word of God, and a sincere desire to honor Christ.  In short, the secret is the Holy Spirit. He alone can give us that freedom from sin and self. He enables us to fulfill the law of love, to overcome the flesh, and to bear fruit.  Will you yield to Him and let Him work?

B.  WHY DON’T EVERY CHRISTIAN HAVE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE?

There are many Christians who know and love the Lord who are not living according to His moral, marital, or familial laws. Why?

      1.  Because They Are Not Filled with the Spirit.

It’s one thing to possess the Spirit of God and another to be filled by Him.

Ephes. 5:18,  And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

In other words, every Christian possesses the Spirit but is not always controlled by, or filled with, the Spirit.

But, how do we do this?    

         

            A.  Confess and Put Away All Known Sin.  1Jn. 1:5-9.

            B.  Yield Yourself Completely to His Control.  Rom. 12:1-2.

            C.  Let the Words of Christ Dwell In You Richly.  Col. 3:16; Eph. 5:19-21

            D.  Be Emptied of Selfishness.   Gal. 2:20

      2.  Because Carnality Can Only Cause More Discord and Disharmony.

1 Cor. 3:1-4,  And I, brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ. [2] I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able. [3] For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? [4] For while one saith, I am of Paul; and another, I am of Apollos; are ye not carnal?

Spiritual immaturity and carnality is the primary reason that Christians fail in their marriages.  They may no even divorce each other but they are extremely unhappy.  And when we’re not controlled by the Spirit of God, our family life will manifest that– “envying, and strife, and divisions.” A carnal believer is going to have discord in his family because he has discord between himself and God. So, to be a believer is the starting point; but being controlled with the Spirit is what brings results.

C.  WHY DON’T COUNSELORS, BOOKS, AND SEMINARS SAVE MORE MARRIAGES?

We’re drowning in a sea of information on marriage today: marriage seminars, marriage conferences, marriage encounters, marriage books, and marriage counselors.

     1.  Turning to Therapists, Techniques, and Tools is Not Enough.

People think the first thing to do when they have a marital problem is to see a counselor, psychiatrist, or analyst, buy a supply of books, go to a seminar, listen to tapes, or fill out charts. I don’t want to oversimplify this, but if you’re not filled with the Spirit, you can do all those things, but none of them will matter.

     2. Turning to Biblical Instruction Without Wise and Thoughtful Application is FUTILE.

          A.  Strenuously Avoid the Mechanical Approach to Problem Solving.

Here we discover that a ‘mechanical’ or an instant ‘magic formula’ approach will only prove to be frustrating and unfulfilling----you must become the proper mate in your marriage by complete dependence on God!

          B.  Use the Right Spiritual Materials for Godly Instructions as a Must.   

              1.  The Word of God.

When we choose God’s Word as the primary tool of instruction for our marriages we have the right materials for building the best relationship.  But the right materials must still be wisely used or we will still have frustration and become disillusioned with God.

              2.  The Wisdom of God.                                                                              

Prov 24:3-4, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

          C.  Thoughtfully and Wisely Apply God’s Word to Your Marriage.

The  Thoughtful  Application of the Word of God Is Necessary to Attain the Desired outcome and atmosphere in your marriage.

Prov 24:3-4, Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established:  4,  And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

               1.  There Are No Magic Formulas and Quick Solutions!

Again it is vitally important that you understand that I don’t have a bag full of “ magic formulas”  that you can take an pour on your relationship to make it better.  But, if you will take theses principles and apply them with wisdom then your marriage will improve because you have become the kind of husband or wife you should be!

                2.  There Are Wise Steps That We Can Take.  Prov 24:3-4

God is saying here in this verse that we need three essential skills, “SPECIAL INGREDIENTS,”  to become the proper mate God designed me to be, and they are: Wisdom, Knowledge, and Understanding.

                     A.  Be Sure to Use WISDOM and Discernment.

Wisdom is seeing with discernment.  It’s having a broad perspective.  The term stress accuracy, the ability to sense that which is beneath the surface.  You will need this vital skill to rebuild or build your marriage!

                     B.  Be Sure that You Respond With UNDERSTANDING.

Understanding is responding with insight.  This is a must to see your married established.  As I view things with discernment (from God’s perspective), I am better equipped to respond with insight, not to take it personally or feel the need to fight back.   You will need this vital skill to set your marriage in order!

                     C.  Be Sure to Pursue KNOWLEDGE and Truth.

Knowledge is learning with perception.  It includes having a teachable spirit, a willingness to hear, a desire to discover.  Knowledge includes taking the time and going to the trouble to learn.  Growing, healthy mates are in constant pursuit of truth. (Swindoll)

     D.  Choose an Attitude of Dependence on the Lord as an Imperative!

Prov 2:6,  For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.   (These come ONLY from the LORD, not a convenience Store!)

THE ONLY SOURCE OF TRUE WISDOM, UNDERSTANDING AND KNOWLEDGE IS THE LORD!

When we combine these verses they teach the following: (Swindoll)

“By means of Wisdom--the skill to see with discernment, maintaining a broad view of life---a house is built, restored so that those within it don’t simply exist, they flourish, they reach their potential. 

By means of Understanding---the ability to respond with insight, gaining a full awareness of situations that results in an insightful  response rather than a surface reaction----one brings order and upright condition back to a marriage and home.

By means of Knowledge---the willingness to learn with perception, becoming acquainted with the facts and grasping their significance so that ignorance is dispelled and truth is continually pursued---one causes each life to be filled to overflowing with riches that can never be destroyed, like memories, positive attitudes, mutual respect, and a depth of character.”

Now you see its not a mechanical quick fix, its a spiritual process in which we become the proper mate through dependence on God!  Therefore depend on him to supply these needed skills to build your marriage!

     3.  Turn to The Spirit of God That He Might Transform You and Your Marriage.

On the other hand, if you’re filled with the Spirit, He’ll control your relationships.

           A.  Good Books May Help.

Now counseling, books, and seminars can be helpful in giving you practical hints on how being filled with the Spirit should work itself out in your relationships.

           B.  God’s Spirit Builds Relationships.

But the epitome of the Christian life is to be filled and controlled by the Holy Spirit. Only when that happens will our marriages and families be what God intended in the first place. That is what Paul is saying in the passage beginning in Ephesians 5:18.

CONCLUSION: 

Way back in the beginning God spelled it out. As early as the second chapter of Genesis, He made it clear that marriage is a total commitment of the total person for total life.  Anything less is not a Christian marriage. Anything less can easily fail. But when man and wife come together, committed to God and committed to communicating the full meaning of their lives to each other, they cannot help but succeed.

Interpret The Bible…Why?

2 TIM 2:14-18; 2 PET. 1:20

THEME: We need to understand how the nature of humanity impacts how we interpret the Bible. 

                                                                                                           

RELEVANCY: Every Believer needs to know how to interpret Scripture accurately to explore and satisfy God’s plan.

Differences of Interpretation Arise Simply Because Some People Do Not Understand How to Draw Information from Print.  In fact, the same principles used to interpret the Bible are used to interpret the U.S. Constitution or the writings of Plato and Shakespeare. If we disregard those general guidelines, we will misconstrue the meaning. So even considering our natural tendency to interpret things differently, we can minimize faulty interpretation by knowing the principles of interpretation, which are what we want to look at in the next few studies. First, we will consider human nature and how the nature of the written word itself necessitates interpretation.  

Lesson:

BECAUSE THE NATURE OF MANKIND DEMANDS INTERPRETING THE BIBLE

From time to time one hears the protest, “Why do you have to interpret the Bible? Just read it and do what it says!” At one level, it is easy to understand and sympathize with this sentiment.

But often the battle does not merely start with reading and doing what the Word says, but with our very own depraved nature.

Jeremiah 17:9, The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

Hebrews 3:12-13, Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God. [13] But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin. 

(See also these verses about the heart of man and his depraved nature.  Gen 6:5; Gen 8:21; Job 15:14-16; Ps 51:5; Ps 53:1-3; Prov 28:26; Eccl 9:3; Jer 16:12; Matt 15:19; Mark 7:21-22; Heb 3:12; James 1:14-15)  

Because of the deception and depravity of our own hearts we are not even slightly inclined to accept God’s standards and perceptions of us.  This predisposition often makes us reluctant to interpret certain passages as strictly and purely as we should.  They hit far too close to home for comfort!    

1.  The Meaning of Many Biblical Passages Does Seem Straightforward to Us. Furthermore, for most of us, our major problem with the Bible is not the parts that we don't understand but with the parts that we do—that is, in obeying such commands.

Romans 12:12, Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

Romans 12:17, Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.  

        

2. Other Passages Are Not So Easy to Understand. For a few examples consider, 

   a.  The Example of John 16:23.

          1.  Interpreting John 16:23 at Face Value Could Easily Lead to a "Name-it, Claim-it" Teaching.   John 16:23, And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you.

 We would conclude that all Christians need do to receive anything he wants is ask for it in Jesus' Name.

          2.  Comparing Scripture with Scripture, However, Shows That Prayer Is Conditional. To ask in Jesus' Name means to ask according to His will (I John 5:14,15), to ask by faith-that is, according to the Word of God-(James 1:6), and to ask as one who is abiding in Christ (John 15:7), etc.

1 John 5:14-15, And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: [15] And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.

 James 1:6, But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

 John 15:7, If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.

  

  b.  The Example of the Israelites In Egypt.

A numerical discrepancy has been imagined when comparing Genesis 46:26 (66), Genesis 46:27 (70), and Acts 7:14 (75).

Genesis 46:26-27, All the souls that came with Jacob into Egypt, which came out of his loins, besides Jacob's sons' wives, all the souls were threescore and six; [27] And the sons of Joseph, which were born him in Egypt, were two souls: all the souls of the house of Jacob, which came into Egypt, were threescore and ten.

 Acts 7:14, Then sent Joseph, and called his father Jacob to him, and all his kindred, threescore and fifteen souls.

This is resolved when we see that: 66 people came with Jacob into Egypt; that these 66, together with Jacob, Joseph, and Joseph's two sons made a total of 70 people in Egypt; and with Joseph's 4 grandsons and 1 great-grandson (Genesis 50:23; 1 Chronicles 7:14-22) making

another five, we arrive at the total of 75 who were in one room with Joseph.

3.  The Preconceptions of the Reader. 

Also, all of us then bring to the Bible our own knowledge, attitudes, and beliefs about God, religion, and “reality,” which will influence the way in which we construe the meaning of a biblical text.

For example, when we read the word “church” we often think of a particular type of building, despite the facts that a biblical meaning of “church” is “the community of scripturally baptized believers who are organized to carry out the great commission” and the early churches met in homes rather than in church buildings for the first three hundred years of Christianity’s existence.

4.  People Tend to See Things Differently.  Not only is interpretation unavoidable, but different interpreters do not always agree.

   a.  Christian Groups.

“Christians” disagree about such things as the mode of baptism, whether one can lose his or her salvation, and the nature of restrictions on the participation of women in the church. Some Christians assert that God’s will for all Christians is material prosperity on the basis of texts such as 3 John 2, “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health” (kjv) [usually omitting the qualification “even as thy soul prospereth” (emphasis added)], a verse that has nothing to do with financial prosperity.

   b.  Modern Cults and Pseudo-Christian Groups.

Many cults misread and distort the meaning of various biblical passages. This would include JWs, Mormons, Christian Science, Catholics, Etc. Some groups even regard other books or traditions over the Bible, but still claim to be Believers…?  However, as Gordon D. Fee and Douglas Stuart point out, “The antidote to bad interpretation is not no interpretation, but good interpretation based upon common-sense guidelines” (How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth).

Clearly our own nature as fallen human beings interferes with handling the Bible accurately and interpreting it skillfully. We tend to resist those truths we do not want to hear while over emphasizing the ideas we want. As a result, we misunderstand precisely what God is saying in the Scriptures. Knowing this about ourselves help us guard against this tendency and ques us to be more open to the difficult things God is truly stating in the Word. We are prompted to maintain the balance the Scriptures themselves present free of embellishments.