Overcome Loneliness

 

John 14:15-26; 16:16-33

 

SUBJECT: STRENGTH FOR THE CHALLENGE OF LONELINESS

THEME: You Can Overcome the Feelings of Loneliness by Building Friendships with Fellow Believers.

RELEVANCE: loneliness seems pervasive in our world today. I have met hundreds of people through the years who have felt utterly alone, abandoned, isolated, ostracized, and thus, lonely.  However, we can embrace biblical principles to develop and maintain intimacy with God and with others. The truth is that God intends us to be in touch with and comfortable with other Christians. And most importantly God intends for us to be in touch with and close to Him.

INTRODUCTION:

Usually, Loneliness is a Condition we Try to Avoid.

Loneliness is one of the most excruciating feelings a person can ever have and one that nearly every person attempts to avoid at all costs. Yet, loneliness seems pervasive in our world today.

Older people give frequent testimony to loneliness, especially after the death of a spouse.  2) Divorced people feel extremely lonely and terribly out of place.  3) Young people often think they are totally alone in their feelings, especially if they have indifferent, self-absorbed parents. 4) Salespeople on the road are lonely.  5) Mothers who stay at home all day with young children often speak of loneliness.  6) College students and those of you in the military and are on your own for the first time are lonely.  7) Those who have empty nests after years of raising children are lonely.  8) Newly retired people, accustomed to a wide circle of colleagues, are suddenly lonely.  9) Wives (and sometimes husbands) living in a culture different than their native culture tend to experience great loneliness, especially if they cannot speak the local language well.  Loneliness seems to abound in every sector of life.

MESSAGE:

I. Understand That Feeling Alone Is Different from Truly Being Alone.   John 16:32, Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.

In this one sentence the Lord Jesus express feelings of loneliness and the confidence of God’s presence.  No, he was not confused, but he was communicating the fact that feelings are not always true to reality.  Though the disciples would flee and run for safety, the Lord Jesus would not be left deserted because the Father would be with Him.  It was this union and communion with the Father that would actually support the Lord Jesus when his followers had escaped for their lives.

      *   Actually, being alone is a blessing to some people who find that they are continually surrounded by people or people-related demands.

      *   For others, being alone brings about great feelings of loneliness.

      *   For still others, loneliness is so pervasive in their souls that they can feel lonely even in a room full of people.

A.  GUARD AGAINST THINKING YOU ARE ISOLATED AND ALONE.   

1 Cor. 10:13, There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

    1. Many People Struggle with Feelings of Loneliness.

One of the things you must continually guard your mind against is the idea that you:

         *   are an isolated example or

         *   one-of-a-kind in your feelings of loneliness.

    2.  Christ by His Spirit is Ever with You!

The truth is that you are never alone; the Holy Spirit is present and available to you always.  We must believe God and not our feelings.

John 14:17-18, Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. [18] I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.

Hebrews 13:5, Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

God wants you to know you are not alone. You have the Holy Spirit to comfort you, teach you truth, and help you.

B.  RECOGNIZE THE OPPORTUNITIES TO MAKE GOOD FRIENDS.

There are also many other Christian people who have experienced what you are experiencing and who would like the opportunity to be a friend to you.

    1. Reach Out and Take the Initiative to Make Friends.

At times when we are lonely, we simply need to reach out to others and invite their presence in our lives.  Those feelings indicate that it is time to be pro-active.

ILLUSTRATION: The prophet Elijah once felt very isolated and alone. He cried out to God, “I have been very jealous for the Lord God of hosts: because the children of Israel have forsaken thy covenant, thrown down thine altars, and slain thy prophets with the sword; and I, even I only, am left; and they seek my life, to take it away.” (1 Kings 19:14). Can you hear the desperation and loneliness in Elijah's words? Not only did he feel forsaken, but he felt that all of Israel had forsaken the things that were most important to Elijah.

The Lord responded to Elijah, “Go, return on thy way to the wilderness of Damascus: … Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him.” (1 Kings 19:15, 18). Not only was Elijah not truly alone as a follower of the Lord God and a keeper of God's covenant, but there were seven thousand people with whom he might associate!

APPLICATION: The same is likely to be true for you. Not only are you not alone, but there are more people who feel as you feel and believe as you believe than you presently know!  Look around you; there are many people just like you who may be very open to healthy friendships.  Seek them out.

    2. Caring for the Lonely Can be a Cure for Loneliness. 

3 John 1:5-6, Beloved, thou doest faithfully whatsoever thou doest to the brethren, and to strangers; [6] Which have borne witness of thy charity before the church: whom if thou bring forward on their journey after a godly sort, thou shalt do well:

In the early days of Christianity, traveling prophets, evangelists, and teachers were helped on their way by people like Gaius, who housed and fed them. Hospitality is a lost art in many churches today.

APPLICATION: We would do well to invite more people for meals -- fellow church members, young people, traveling missionaries, those in need, and visitors. This is an active and much appreciated way to show your love. In fact, it is probably more important today. Because of our individualistic, self-centered society, there are many lonely people who wonder if anyone cares whether they live or die. If you find such a lonely person, show him or her that you care!

II. Spring into Action Wisely When You Feel Lonely.

You simply cannot be alone once you have the Spirit of God dwelling in you. Even so, you can have a feeling of being alone even if you aren't alone. What, then, should you do when you have feelings of loneliness?

A.  REFUSE THOSE ACTIVITIES THAT ACTUALLY INCREASE LONELINESS.

Lonely people seem to turn to many things that create more loneliness, rather than to those things that can alleviate their feelings. We must exercise the wisdom of the prudent man who carefully considers where his choices will take him.

Proverbs 14:15-16, The simple believeth every word: but the prudent man looketh well to his going. [16] A wise man feareth, and departeth from evil: but the fool rageth, and is confident.

There are several evils, potentially, that we face when we are plagued with lonely feelings. We need to know our vulnerability to these very powerful evils and guard ourselves against them.

      1. Don’t Substitute Liquor for Relationships.

Some turn to drugs and alcohol, both of which tend to alienate and turn away the very people with whom they might enjoy companionship.  This is not meant to be mean, but to state a factual condition in our culture.  Women tend to secretly overuse drugs like tranquilizers and barbiturates, and they often turn to alcohol.  By the time anybody figures out what’s going on, it’s nearly too late.  Make up your mind about this and stay away from drugs and alcohol.  They only make the situation worse.     

      2. Don’t Substitute Entertainment for Relationships.

Sometimes people turn to television, internet, videos, or podcast programs, all of which tend to isolate a person from human-to-human communication.  Some of this can be healthy with carefulness and wisdom, but it can greatly hinder any growing or potential companionship the Lord may be directing you.

      3. Don’t Substitute the World’s Crowd for Relationships. 

Sometimes believers turn to the wrong crowd seeking friendship and belonging.  This is one reason why gangs attract young people, though it’s a poor substitute for a family, young people still turn to them for relationships and acceptance–that which they cannot find at home.  In addition, after living in military communities for many years, I must say that there is a very unhealthy expectation to live wildly to fit in with the party crowd.  In fact, I am literally shocked at some of the things that military organizations and support groups use to alleviate loneliness when the husbands are deployed for extended periods of time. I am appalled by the behavior of those who prey on lonely wives when the men are away for long periods because of duty.  A word to the wise—BEWARE!

ILLUSTRATION:  I remember a young man getting saved and beginning to grow by leaps and bounds in the Lord.  He was literally on fire for God.  He had quit the shady past and reputation. God had saved and changed his life. Then a certain woman entered his life, and they were seriously considering marriage.  They came to me for counsel, and I was glad to work with them and proceeded to give guidance from God’s perspective.  I was preaching one Sunday night during that same time frame, and he was leveled by the message.  I simply preached on sowing and reaping.  Well, his past life was haunting him.  He knew now that his past relationships with several wives in housing were wrong and wicked especially when their husbands were in the field or deployed.  Now, that he was planning to get married, he could not bear the thought of someone taking advantage of his lonely wife while he was away.  He never went through with the wedding; he ended up alone.  Sin always destroys relationships and can hinder any future ones also.

APPLICATION: Even though you feel lonely, remain very selective with your choice of close friendships. Stay away from the crowd that runs to the bars, night clubs and strip joints!  Remain at a distance from those who promote or tolerate this same form of activity.  While I do not advocate isolation from lost people, I do encourage biblical separation.  We simply cannot participate in sinful behaviors like they do. 

Ephes. 5:10-13, Proving what is acceptable unto the Lord. [11] And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them. [12] For it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret. [13] But all things that are reproved are made manifest by the light: for whatsoever doth make manifest is light.

B.  REACH OUT AND BUILD FRIENDSHIPS AMONG GOD’S PEOPLE.

The foremost antidote that God has supplied for the person who feels lonely is this: good relationships with Christian people!

John 15:13-15, Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. [14] Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you. [15] Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

Obviously, God designed for Christians to share life and friendships with each other on a much deeper level! The ability to develop growing friendships is truly a mark of Christlikeness.

   1. Decide to be a Real Friend.

Proverbs 18:24, A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.

        A.  Clearly, it Takes Being Friendly to Win and Keep Friends!

Friends. Who can overstate their value, their worth? They double our joy and divide our grief.

ILLUSTRATION: The Lord said about Adam when He realized that Adam was alone, “It is not good that the man should be alone;” and then the Lord took the necessary step to resolve this situation, “I will make him an help meet for him.” (Gen. 2:18). We often think this verse applies only to marriage but in a much broader sense, it applies to godly friendships. The Lord's desire is not only that you have a close, intimate relationship with Him but that you have satisfying and enriching personal relationships with other people.

QUOTE: Emerson once said, “We take care of our health, we lay up money, we make our roof tight and our clothing sufficient, but who provides wisely that he shall not be wanting in the best property of all—friends?”

QUOTE: William James said, “Wherever you are, it is your friends who make your world.”

QUOTE: Charles Haddon Spurgeon wrote, “Friendship is one of the sweetest joys of life.”

QUOTE: Goethe wrote, “The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers, and cities, but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us and who, though distant, is close to us in spirit, makes the whole earth a garden.”

QUOTE: An English publication offered a prize for the best definition of a friend, and among the thousands of answers received were the following:

“One who multiplies joys and divides griefs.”

“One who understands our silence.”

“A volume of sympathy bound in cloth.”

“A watch which beats true for all times and never runs down.”

But here is the definition that won the prize: “A friend is one who comes in when the whole world has gone out!”  — Gene Getz

        B.  What Are the Marks of Real Friendship?

               1. Real friendship involves face-to-face honesty.

Exodus 33:11, And the Lord spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend. And he turned again into the camp: but his servant Joshua, the son of Nun, a young man, departed not out of the tabernacle.

God and Moses talked face to face in the Tent of Meeting, just as friends do. Why did Moses find such favor with God? It certainly was not because he was perfect, gifted, or powerful. Rather, it was because God chose Moses, and Moses in turn relied wholeheartedly on God's wisdom and direction. Friendship with God was a true privilege for Moses, out of reach for the other Hebrews. But it is not out of reach for us today. Jesus called his disciples -- and, by extension, all of his followers -- his friends (John 15:15). He has called you to be his friend. Will you trust him as Moses did?

               2. Real friendship involves loyalty.

Proverbs 17:17, A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

 What kind of friend are you? There is a vast difference between knowing someone well and being a true friend. The greatest evidence of genuine friendship is loyalty (1 Cor 13:7) -- being available to help in times of distress or personal struggles. Too many people are fair-weather friends. They stick around when the friendship helps them and leave when they're not getting anything out of the relationship.

APPLICATION: Think of your friends and assess your loyalty to them. Be the kind of true friend the Bible encourages.

               3.  Real friendship is found with Jesus.

John 15:15, Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.

Because Jesus Christ is Lord and Master, he should call us servants; instead, he calls us friends. How comforting and reassuring to be chosen as Christ's friends. Because he is Lord and Master, we owe him our unqualified obedience, but most of all, Jesus asks us to obey him because we love him.

Real friendship is imitating Christ in our relationships. We are to love each other as Jesus loved us, and he loved us enough to give his life for us. We may not have to die for someone, but there are other ways to practice sacrificial love: listening, helping, encouraging, giving.

APPLICATION:  Now ask yourself an important question, “Am I willing to be this kind of friend?” Friends are at the very heart of what makes life worth living. Good friends can enrich us, encourage us, help us, counsel us, and just be with us. To have a friend, you must be a friend. Think of someone in particular who needs this kind of love today. Give all the love you can, and then try to give a little more.

   2.  Trust God to Help You Develop Friendships.

Here are at least seven things you can do to put yourself into the “market” for developing friendships:

       A. Accept Invitations to Social Events with Godly People.

       B. Get Involved with Your Church and with Various Outreach Ministries Within Your Church. Be faithful in your attendance and in your participation in group functions. Serving the Lord in an active way with other believers is a wonderful way for friendships to develop.

       C. Invite Others to Join You for Lunch or After-church Brunch.

       D.  Join a Sunday School Class or a Church Sponsored Bible Study Group.

       E. Participate in Retreats That Are Sponsored by Your Church or by sound and faithful Christian organizations, especially ones that involve other people who live in your city. Getting away for a weekend or going to a seminar with other Christians is a great way to meet people who are likely to have common interests with you.

       F. Join Bible-based Christian Clubs or Hobby Groups —for example, a men's group that engages in outdoor activities or sports, the Christian ladies fellowship, men’s prayer breakfast,  an exercise class–find a power walking partner, or a theater group or start a church choir.

       G. Attend a Course Offered by a Local Christian College, Bible Institute, or Through Your Church. Studying with other Christians is a good way to make new friends who share an interest in similar topics. Sometimes “community learning programs” or “neighborhood schools” that offer non-academic courses in such things as gourmet cooking, photography, or art appreciation are good places to meet potential friends.

   3. Ask the Lord to Reveal to You the People Who May Be Your Friends.

At the same time, ask Him to bring to your mind those friends whom you may have neglected recently; ask Him to show you ways in which you might rekindle old friendships.

      A.  Is it Right to Ask God for Friends? I encourage you to reflect upon 1 John 5:14–15:

1 John 5:14-15, And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: [15] And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.

Friendship is a good thing! It is God's will that you have friends. Therefore, when you ask the Lord to bring good Christian friends into your life, you are asking something that is according to God's will. Look for God to bring people your way. Look for new opportunities to arise for you to be a friend, and in the process, to gain a friend.

       B.  God Can Bring the Right People into Your Life.

In all things, remember Romans 8:28, which tells us that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” The good news of this verse applies to your friendships! God is the engineer of social relationships, and He has a way of bringing the right people into your life at the right times for the right purposes. Sometimes friendships last a lifetime. Sometimes they are intended only for a season of life.

APPLICATION:  Trust God to bring you the friends you need right now, and in turn, to be a friend to those who need your friendship. Hebrews 10:24-25, And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works: [25] Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.

1 Peter 4:8-9, And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins. [9] Use hospitality one to another without grudging.

                1. Don’t Give Up on the Lord.

Do not give up on the Lord because you feel that He is distant from you. In reality, He is closer to you than your own breath.

                2.  Don’t Give Up on Your Christian Friends.

Do not give up on a Christian friend because you feel that your friend has disappointed you, has withdrawn from you, or conflicts with you. Ask your friend if you have done something to damage your friendship—for example,

                       *   if you have erred in a way you do not realize you have erred,

                       *   if you have required too much of your friendship, or

                       *   if you have failed at being a good friend.

If so, apologize to your friend and seek to make amends. Value your friendships enough to do your best to maintain them and develop them over time. 

CONCLUSION:

Remember, you can overcome the feelings of loneliness by creating bonds with fellow Believers. We must adopt scriptural values to grow and sustain closeness with God and with others.  

Always remain mindful that our own feelings can be deceptive to us. We simply do not have perfect perception, and especially so when we personally are involved. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you to build your life upon the truth of God's Word and the consistent reliability of God's presence and power. Feelings come and go. God's love, forgiveness, and presence with us is eternal and reliable.