Strength to Overcome Poor Relationships

“The Strength to Overcome Poor Relationships”

                               Eph. 4:31-32; Phil 4:6-7, 11-12; Rom. 12:18                                                       

SUBJECT: GOD’S STRENGTH IN FRUSTRATIONS

THEME: You Can Overcome the Frustrations by the Wisdom and Strength of the Lord.  

RELEVANCE: Why is this important to us? We need to understand the source of our frustrations is generally Satan (these are spiritual battles) and trust the Lord to help us overcome these hindrances. When dealing with the frustrations of poor relationships, God provides guidance on managing conflict, setting boundaries, and guarding your heart against bitterness.

INTRODUCTION:

After multiple attempts ...is it time to give up on a person or relationship you once cherished? It may be shocking to many, but even the Lord Jesus recognize that divisions or separations were certain for his committed followers (Matt. 10:34-42; Luke 18:28-30). So, generally relationships might be frustrated for the Kingdom of God sake. 

MESSAGE:

FRUSTRATIONS COULD BE ROOTED IN POOR RELATIONSHIPS.

While a pervasive and long-standing feeling of frustration is nearly always something that resides within a person, there are also times when it is natural to feel frustration on a short-term basis. God seeks to comfort us in such frustrating times. (C. Stanley)

Psalm 34:17-19, The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

Isaiah 41:10, Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Romans 8:28, And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

God promises and reassures us believers when facing hardship or uncertainty that He will comfort, support, and actively provide strength, help, and security for us. Such passages afford some ease as we work through our frustrations before the Lord.  

Generally, frustrations in relationships often stem from unmet expectations, poor communication, and unhealed attachment wounds. When these needs are not addressed, underlying feelings of being unheard or unappreciated can manifest as recurring arguments, emotional withdrawal, or lingering resentment. Perhaps it would be helpful to ask ourselves a few questions….

1. WHAT LIES AT THE ROOT OF MY FRUSTRATIONS?

Uncovering the root cause is a great place to start when tackling these challenges. Understanding the exact source of tension is the first step toward resolving it. Common triggers of frustration:

1.     Sometimes there are Unspoken Needs and Expectations. Disappointment frequently takes root when an expected behavior or level of support is not realized, but never explicitly communicated. 

2.     Perhaps You’ve used Destructive Communication Patterns. Research has identified four highly destructive behaviors that cause relationship breakdown: criticism, defensiveness, contempt (such as eye-rolling or mocking), and stonewalling.

3.     Maybe there are Unhealed Suffering and Attachment Wounds (Anxious-Avoidant Trap, People-Pleasing, and Hypervigilance). Individuals with a history of insecure attachment or unresolved past trauma often perceive a partner’s words through a distorted filter, interpreting communication as an attack or a reason to shut down. (See Psychology Today, Better Help, Psycho Wellness and Impossible Psych Services)

B.  WHAT ARE WE TO DO WITH FRUSTRATING RELATIONSHIPS?

The Bible provides profound wisdom for dealing with the frustrations of poor relationships, offering guidance on managing conflict, setting boundaries, and guarding your heart against bitterness.

1. Prioritize Managing Frustrations Related to Anger—Master Yourself

James 1:19-20, Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

Proverbs 15:1, A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

When tensions are high, responding with gentle kindness rather than reactive anger de-escalates the situation. This demands great spiritual discipline and commitment. 

2. Set Healthy Boundaries Regarding Toxic Relationships

Proverbs 22:24-25, Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.

1 Corinthians 15:33, Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

Setting healthy, Bible-based boundaries is about stewardship, not selfishness. Scriptural boundaries protect your heart and help you love others without enabling sin. Using the King James Version (KJV), you can establish limits by guarding your inner peace, practicing honest communication, and following the example of Jesus. (From Gospel Coalition)

·        Proverbs 4:23, Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Taking space from toxicity or sin is not selfish; it is guarding the life God entrusted to you—stewardship.

·        Philippians 4:8 requires us to focus our thoughts on what is true and pure. You are allowed to set boundaries on the information and negative conversations you allow into your mind.

·        Galatians 6:5, For every man shall bear his own burden. While you should help others in a crisis (Galatians 6:2), boundaries mean letting others carry the weight of their own daily responsibilities and consequences. 

3. Go Deeper in Your Ability to Forgive, Release Resentment, and Let Go of any Changes God Alone Must Make. Ephesians 4:32, And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Proverbs 19:11, The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.

You are responsible for your own actions, reactions, and the pursuit of peace, even when others make it difficult. Letting go of bitterness and replacing it with forgiveness is foundational to future progress in the Lord. 

4. Overcome Conflicts Patiently with Emotional Control and Refuse to Retaliate.

Ephesians 4:31-32, Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

When frustrations arise in relationships, God provides wisdom to help navigate them. Ephesians 4:31-32 emphasize overcoming conflict through patience, forgiveness, and gentle communication rather than returning insult for insult.

Romans 12:19, Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Romans 12:21, Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

1 Peter 2:23, Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.

Believers are instructed to leave justice to God rather than taking matters into our own hands.

C.  HOW CAN WE FIND REAL INNER CONTENTMENT?

The Bible teaches that we can experience a continual feeling of inner contentment regardless of our outward circumstances. Beloved, it is futile and unfair to look to mere people to supply what only God can! Look to the Lord instead. The apostle Paul was sitting in a Roman prison, facing all kinds of persecution and ridicule from others, when he wrote,

Philip. 4:11-12, Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. [12] I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

Notice that Paul says he “learned” contentment. This holy skill does not develop naturally; it's a spiritual discipline built through experience. This is the secret to his spiritual resilience! How may we realize such contentment? 

   1.  By Focusing on the Sovereignty of God Rather than on the Will of People.

   2.  By Praising and Thanking God Rather than Criticizing Others.

   3.  By Putting Trust in God to Deal with the Future Rather than Continually Looking at the Past.

   4.  By Trusting in God to Make All Things Right Rather than Distrusting Human Ability.

It was when Paul turned his attention to Christ and away from his circumstances and detractors that he received such strength. His contentment did not rest in a denial of the outside world or the facts related to his situation. His contentment flowed from his trust in Christ Jesus for now and forever.

Whether your inner restlessness comes from unresolved issues in your past, is related to people or situations over which you have no control, or is a God-given restlessness intended to draw you deeper into the Lord's will, the answer to frustration comes as you trust God.

D. HOW MAY WE EXPERIENCE GOD-GIVEN PEACE?

John 14:27, Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Philip. 4:6-7, Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. [7] And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Beloved, this “peace of God” …this profound, divine calmness that comes directly from God, rather than from comfortable circumstances or human efforts belongs to us when we meet God’s conditions of righteousness and prayerfulness. Also “keep” means to ‘guard’ or ‘protect’. It pictures peace acting like a sentry or guard, standing watch over our emotions and thoughts so that fear and worry cannot take over. This is God’s promise to the sincere believer.

Seek God’s Peace Regularly in Relationships where Possible.

Romans 12:18, If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Child of God, actively pursue peace and harmony with everyone, but realistically acknowledges that reconciliation requires cooperation and that believers should never compromise God’s truth to avoid conflict.

We must acknowledge a fundamental reality: it takes two people to maintain a peaceful relationship. God does not guarantee that everyone will like us or that conflict will never happen. God does require us to be willing to resolve disputes and maintain a peaceful spirit whenever the other person is also willing to cooperate.

The responsibility to create peace rests heavily on your actions and attitudes. You are called to control your own temper, forgive offenses, let go of pride, and avoid being the instigator of drama or division. Your goal should be to ensure that if a relationship breaks down, the fault does not lie with your behavior or unwillingness to reconcile. (From Got Questions)

This basic attitude applies to everyone—not just fellow Believers, but also strangers, difficult people, human enemies, and even those opposed to Christ! Brother this requires real courage! But always remember, pursuing peace does not mean sacrificing moral, ethical, or biblical principles just to avoid an argument. Sometimes you must agree to disagree; but there is zero permission to behave carnally!

God Understands

 A young grocery chain executive parked his car on the edge of a treacherous two-hundred-foot cliff at the edge of the Pacific Ocean some twenty-five miles south of San Francisco. Devil’s Slide, it was called, and to Bill Mansdoerfer it seemed an appropriate place to plan suicide.

 The next morning alone in his home, burdened with sin and guilt, the desire to take his life gripped him again. In the midst of writing a suicide note, on impulse, he went to the hi-fi and turned it on. It was turned to KEAR.

 What happened next has been described by doubters as a mere coincidence but to Bill Mansdoerfer it is looked upon as a miracle, a divine appointment. From the radio he heard:

God understands your heartache,

He knows the bitter pain;

O, trust Him in the darkness

You cannot trust in vain.

God understands your sorrow,

He sees the falling tear,

And whisper, “I am with thee,”

Then falter not nor fear.

 The song was being sung by Flo Price and it was written by Dr. Oswald J. Smith.

 Comments Bill, “If that had been a preacher, I would have turned him off, but that song … it broke me.”

 Bill telephoned KEAR’s Station Manager. Without any preliminaries, he blurted out, “Thank God, your station is on the air. You just saved my life.”

 That broadcast and phone call resulted in more than that. During the next six months, the station kept in touch with Bill, and finally offered him a job as Public Relations Director. Today he not only is the Station Manager of KEAR, but as Director of Communications and Operations, he is a vital part of the six-station family radio network.” —People’s Magazine

Child of God, when ONLY God understands…you can know the rest of the saved will eventually know also…perhaps even when we are finally in eternity. If His ‘knowing’ is all we have then that is enough for us for now. Reasonable explanations may seem logical to you, but not necessarily to someone focused on questioning your sincerity. Sometimes …a ‘peaceful’ break is inevitable. The Lord can be trusted to give us the strength we need when the relationship fails to met God's reasonable requirements. 

 

Love is What We Need!

The Spirit of Grace desires to produce love in the experience of each believer in Christ Jesus. Many relationships suffer because of self-centeredness, impatience, insensitivity, jealousy, insecurity, pride and the list goes on. Christian marriages, homes, friendships, and lifestyles would be more than favorably impacted by a generous dose of divine love. Relationship complications range from communication problems, sex, money, household chores, deprioritizing the relationship to conflict and trust issues (Sorgen, www.webmd.com).  While there are many self-help articles and books on the market offering many well thought out solutions, I believe there is one fundamental problem at the root of most relational challenges. In most cases Christ and His truth are blatantly missing because the individuals are unsaved and uninterested in God’s Word. With regards to believers, His love can scarcely be detected in the average relationship; this is a tragedy of embarrassing proportions. While shallow, token and superficial ‘love’ abounds in many places, deep abiding agape-love is often missing or has been minimized. In contrast, the Apostle Paul exalts the potency of agape-love saying it, “Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth” (1 Cor. 13:7, 8a). While every relationship has challenges at times, still there is absolutely no force in the universe more powerful than divine love. It is always a key element in real relational solutions! Even better, such love is prescribed for every child of God as a way of life for us followers of Jesus Christ. None other than the Spirit of the Living God can produce this transforming fruit of the Spirit in a yielded life. Every relationship on the planet needs this dynamic type of love.

LOVING

In the listing of the fruit of the Spirit, love appears first because it is the foundation of the other graces. “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Gal. 5:22, 23). Thus love lays at the foundation of healthy relationships. But what kind of ‘love’ is this?  Obviously this is divine love; it can be described as spiritual, sacrificial, unconditional, volitional, enduring, and triumphant (1 Cor. 13).  It is supremely supernatural and wonderfully sublime. Often love is characterized as a feeling, sentiment, or an emotion. We love our mother, football, and even the house we grew up in. Though love is used widely in these manners in our society, none of these are what the Apostle Paul had in mind when He wrote the word “love.”

Love is not merely an emotion, but a choice to do what is best for the ones cherished.  Love acts to secure the highest good spiritually, physically, emotionally, and relationally. Love has been described as the steadfast command of the will to secure the lasting good of another; even for those who do not love in return.  It is both love for God and for one’s fellowman (Matt. 22:37-39; Jn. 14:15; 15:10). Clearly the fruit of the Spirit will entail expressions of love toward God and man as a normal course of daily life. In his book The Work of the Holy Spirit, Kuyper (1946, p. 533) observed,

The means employed by the Holy Spirit in the shedding abroad of the Love of God in our hearts is simply Love. By loving us He teaches love. By applying love to us, by expending love upon us, He inculcates love on us.  It is the love of the Holy Spirit whereby the shedding abroad of love in our hearts has become possible. As according to I Cor. xiii., Love ought to manifest itself in our lives, so has the Holy Spirit wrought it in our hearts.

The Bible reveals the three principal qualities of the Christian life, which are faith, hope, and charity. Of course charity is the greatest of all according to First Corinthians 13:13. Love is the preeminent quality of Christian character. Yes, faithfulness is important and certainly hopefulness is too.  But the greatest and most excellent trait the Spirit of God seeks to ‘stamp’ upon the believers character is love. When this virtue fills a life, it provides the most persuasive evidence of a genuine personal discipleship to Christ (Jn. 13:35; 1 Jn. 3:10-24). True faith must always lead to a life of love for God and others (Matt. 22:37-40). This is one of the central purposes and most crucial evidences of genuine people of God in this life. Another critical purpose of believers is to glorify Him in all facets of our existence. Cultivating loving character certainly glorifies God! It was Kenneth Osbeck (1990) who said, “Our love relationship with others should be characterized as sacrificial, sensitive, and sharing.” This is heavy-duty love and it is not for the faint of heart. That is, believers are to relate and interact with others much as the Lord Jesus did while here on earth. Christ obviously loved individuals simply for themselves. They were His creatures bearing His image and no matter how obscure and marred that image was, He genuinely loved them, accepted them, and met them at the place of their personal need.  While He never condoned sin in anyway, He readily reached out to sinners and the unlovely to save them and help them know life free of the bondage of sin (Luke 19:1-10; John 4:6-42).

The Bible declares that “God is love” and He loves the world (1 John 4:8; John 3:16). Love is the very nature of God,

John is emphasizing that God is love. Love is His nature. There is no love in the true sense but that which finds its source in Him. The words “God is love” are well worth all the languages in earth or heaven (MacDonald & Farstad).

Therefore, what is true of God can become true of abiding believers who depend on Him for this quality. Yes, this awesome divine love can be communicated into the lives of genuine believers,

Since God is love, intimate acquaintance with Him will produce love. Like light (1:5), love is intrinsic to the character and nature of God, and one who is intimately acquainted with God walks in His light (1:7) (Walvoord & Zuck).

Since love is what God is, it is also what His children ought to be—willfully compassionate, willfully tenderhearted, willfully loving individuals, and willfully obedient to God. This is not merely a love rooted in admiration, or natural affection, but it is anchored in the human will—the power of choice. The Spirit of Grace produces love through our yielding and choices. It is not about feelings primarily, but it is decidedly about choices first and foremost.  We must choose to govern ourselves in a loving manner regardless of personal feelings toward another. I know that statement sounds strange, but it is biblically accurate. This is why love can be directed toward all men—to include one’s enemies (Matt. 5:43-48).  We are not commanded to have warm feelings toward someone who is antagonistic toward us, but we are instructed to pray for and do good things for them in return for their animosity. We make the choice to show love.

Love is beautifully described in 1 Corinthians 13 as sacrificial, service oriented, placing others first, showing deference, exhibiting patience, and consideration. Love is brilliantly proclaimed in all its fullness at the cross of Calvary where Christ freely and willingly shed His precious blood for undeserving sinners (Rom. 5:8). He suffered greatly for our faults and sinfulness when He knew just how dark and wretched we truly are deep inside. As expressed through Christ, not even His own life was too great a price or sacrifice to secure the people He loved unto Himself. What an awe-inspiring passion! Such self-sacrificing love that moved Christ to embrace the cross for us sinners is the same type the Spirit-controlled believers will manifest also.  This conclusion is inescapable!

SHARING

Love is often evidenced in the form of giving. This is seen in the Father, the Son, and the Spirit’s gifts towards humanity and the people of God.  God gives generously into our lives every singular second of every day for the entirety of our lives. We are to love others as He loves us. Love towards our fellowman is wonderfully captured in Paul Tan’s anecdote, His Brother Was Spurgeon from his Encyclopedia of 7,700 Illustrations (Tan 1979, p. 1202).

It is related of the late Mr. Spurgeon that on one occasion he found a boy on the streets, ragged and hungry. Taking him with him home, the good pastor fed and clothed him, and then, kneeling down, prayed for the friendless boy as only he could pray. Several times in the prayer he referred to the Almighty as “Our Father.”

When the prayer was finished the boy said, “Did you say “Our Father”?” “Yes, my boy, yours and mine.” “Yes,” was the reply, “then we are brothers.” “Yes,” gravely replied the pastor, and then he talked to him of the Lord Jesus Christ, and finally, on taking leave of him, gave him a letter to a certain boot dealer for a pair of boots.

A few days after, Mr. Spurgeon was passing the boot shop, when the dealer saw him and called to him. “I had a strange thing the other day,” he said. “A boy came into the shop and asked for a pair of boots, saying that his brother had sent him, and when I asked him who his brother was he said you were.” “That is right,” said Mr. Spurgeon, “and he is your brother, too, and if you like we will share the cost of the boots.

Who can forget that “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son” (John 3:16)? Love must be the most powerful force in the universe because it motivated The Father to take extreme measures to His own detriment to redeem us sinners. Clearly, Jesus “Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it” (Ephesians 5:23). Why was Christ on that tree on Calvary? It was because He loves His church, His bride, and willingly sacrificed Himself for her! It took far more than mere nails to impale the Sovereign of the universe to a cross. It took holy, pure, righteous, Son of God agape-love! How amazing is this! My heart is overwhelmed as I reflect upon this tremendous truth. When I was of no value at all to God, He meticulously sought me out, refused to give up on me, gently wooed me to Himself, completely redeemed my exceedingly sinful soul, generously granted me a new place of honor in Christ, and one day He will come to receive us unto Himself when He takes us home to Heaven! I am saying that God is the greatest Lover, and thus He is the greatest Giver ever! Should not the “love of Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:14) constrain us believers today to give?  Selfishness and stinginess should be extremely strange in Christian circles! Paul told the Corinthians to “prove the sincerity of your love” (2 Corinthians 8:8) by giving to the needs of others. Give to support the New Testament church you belong to. Give to sustain missions’ endeavors around the world through your home church’s worldwide outreach efforts. There should be convincing evidence of genuine Christian love; the proof is in our generosity.

CARING

Love also enables God’s children to express meaningful care one towards the other. We can overcome “personality conflicts” and avoid the many troubles a church may experience because of infighting and bickering (1 Cor. 12:31-13:8).  Why? Well, because we care for one another, care about the testimony of our Lord, and care to influence others for Christ instead of against Him. Biblical love would solve most marriage problems modern couples grapple with. Caring for one another must far outweigh pettiness, insensitivity, senseless hairsplitting, and even restore family/work balance. Adultery, unfaithfulness, two-timing, disloyalty, and many communication problems will evaporate once believers start living out godly love. Spirit-wrought love seeks to conceal and not reveal an embarrassing or awkward matter about another (Prov. 10:12; 17:9; 1 Cor. 13:4; 1 Pet. 4:8). This means private issues do not end up on the internet or on social media outlets. One simply does not embarrassingly expose those they love! This is how we behave when we truly care for family, friends, our church, and associates. Godly love ensures the needs of others are met and fuels the fires of ministry fervor to the saints (Eph. 4:15-16).  Training, discipleship, and mentoring ministries must be empowered and motivated by love. This will sustain them and keep them progressing in the right direction. In a loving context the elderly are cared for with sensitivity and tenderness, the handicap are ministered to according to their special needs, and the helpless secure real help without further mistreatment.

Godly love also inflames the saint with passion to reach the lost for Christ (2 Cor. 5:14; Acts 4:19-20). Precious souls are deeply valued, sought out, witnessed to, brought to church, encouraged to trust the Savior, and presented with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Human beings are treated with dignity and respect because they bear the image of God. They are genuinely and routinely loved. Loving sinners to Christ with the truth of the Gospel is completely consistent with holy love. There is no desire to merely label and condemn the unsaved, but there is an honest recognition of their sinfulness compelling us to reach out to them with the only solution for sin in the universe. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is what they need, just as it was for every believer. Oh for the grace to love more sinners to the Savior! Love is why Christians obey God and treat their neighbors the way they would like to be treated (Mk. 12:31; Gal. 5:14; Js. 2:8). As Believers, we need to be filled with the Spirit to evidence divine love.  Every honest child of God knows we cannot live up to these divine expectations in our human energy! Lord Balfour upheld the biblical mandate in a piece entitled The Best Gift (Tan 1979, p. 459),

The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.

Brethren, let us love one another for love is of God. Let us put away our excuses for not loving as we ought and follow the Lord Jesus in this regard as well. Loving, sharing, and caring are what our Heavenly Father expects of all His children. We must rely on the Spirit of God to bear this fruit in our experiences. Let us ask God to fill us afresh that we may love as Jesus did.