Marriage: Focusing On Staying Together....

  Focusing on Staying Together in Marriage….

Several reasons can be given for the breakup of Christian marriages. One of the major reasons is a failure to understand the true biblical basis for a Christian marriage (MacDonald & MacDonald). For a Christian marriage to withstand the pressures of a secular society, a couple must know and practice what God, the Creator of marriage, has to say on the subject.  Many Christian couples’ marital foundation collapsed because they did not have a biblical underpinning. We must also remember that secular humanism has ransacked the American home and plagued it with problems like delinquency, drug abuse, abortion, unwed mothers, gay marriage, unfaithfulness, separation, and easy divorces. Yes, even though both parties are Christians, the marriage may gravely suffering from a lack of biblical insight and too much secular influence. As a result, many Christians are failing in marriage; there is not much difference between us and the unsaved in this regard. What can Believers do to rekindle hope and secure their marriages? I believe we need to return to the beginning when marriage was first established by God Himself.

GOD CREATED US FOR RELATIONSHIPS

One fact that helps us receive and lay a biblical foundation for marriage is the realization that we are created in the very image of God. The phrase “made in the image of God” is vitally important to our basic understanding of marriage. Yes, marriage is God’s idea and it did not come into being through evolutionary processes, nor is it a mere social invention.  It’s a part of God’s design and this is reflected in the phrase, “made in the image of God.” You see, God has a prescribed plan for life in His world and with each other. This ‘image’ is not physical, but spiritual and indicative of the personhood of The Almighty. God is indeed relational and Trinitarian (Gen. 1:26, 27), therefore this ‘image’ points to the fact that we are created for relationships. Since He designed us in this manner, He also designed the means to that end—relationship with Him and marriage. It was God who established marriage and the family unit as the cornerstone of society! He also prescribed how marriage should work and be executed.

In the Garden of Eden God specified the element of cleaving in marriage (Genesis 2:24). Note what Moses wrote, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Gen 2:24). God’s blueprint highlights leaving, cleaving, and one flesh. That is, separating from the old parent-child relationship to give full attention to the new marriage, staying together for a lifetime as a married couple, and developing spiritual/emotional/sexual intimacy throughout their lives together. These are fundamentals and foundational elements that must be embrace for the survival of the marriage and good of the couple. By extension, honoring God’s prescription will roundly impact society in many positive ways. Some important development would be stronger individuals, marriages, families, societies, countries, and cultures that honor the Lord. Certainly there are Christian graces that will further strengthen a marriage and these are prescribed in the Word of God as well. Godly love, for instance, is commanded in Ephesians 5 along with being filled with the Spirit of God. However, the focus for now is on the element of cleaving. Having designed us for relationships and providing the institution of marriage, God also specifies what features should be fundamental to the welfare of this relationship. Again ‘cleaving’ provides for life long companionship and relationship in marriage.  

MARRIAGE IS DESIGNED FOR A LIFETIME

Having laid this foundation, it is vital we have a working grasp of what this word “cleave” means. The word, “cleave,” refers to welding, gripping or adhering together; it emphasizes the permanent nature of a marriage bond. Yes, from the very beginning God did not view divorce as healthy for human experience. Many who have been through divorce can testify to the fact that it is like a death—a violently painful experience to endure. Modern couples could benefit greatly from the design God laid out for marriages long ago as opposed to taking their cues from pop psychology and modern social engineers. Instead of emphasizing divorce, God prescribed a focus on staying together for married couples. When God could have said or done anything at all to launch the institution of marriage well…to ensure His will is executed, He prescribed that married couples should stay together. This is more than merely noteworthy; this is a foundational and crucial element to a correct and healthy view of marriage.  

The Lord Jesus also clearly stressed the commitment and enduring nature of marriage commitment according to God’s original design! Though there are myriads of opinions on the subject of divorce and biblical grounds for divorces, the Lord Jesus evidently does not believe in easy divorces!  He perceptibly believes that marriage is an unconditional commitment to one’s mate before God! Note what He said in Matthew 19:3-6, 

The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? [4] And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, [5] And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? [6] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Our Lord believes in marriage as a divinely established institution designed by God for the good of humanity. He regards the fundamental instructions from the ancient passage in Genesis two as relevant and authoritative, not outdated and archaic! He even insists that human beings, traditions, laws, or institutions cannot dissolve the divine requirements and sanctity of marriage. Christ Jesus’ concept of marriage involves a “male and female” ruling out homosexuality, gay civil unions, co-habitation, polygamy, and other perversions of marriage. He fully upholds the solidarity and permanence of marriage as He, the Creator, originally intended—He did not negate or reduce in any measure these crucial elements. He presented the ‘Genesis Marriage Formula’ (Gen. 2:18-24) as the only viable solution for societal problems spawned by a culture of lax marriage standards and easy divorces. Thus, the Lord Jesus is not only for marriage between a man and woman, but He upholds the divine ideal that marriage be sustained for a lifetime. It is still to be viewed as a permanent relationship today.

Taking Christ’s words to heart, we must determine to “cleave” to our spouse until death divides us. Christians, in obedience to the Lord’s prescription here must refuse to give up on their marriages while resisting the temptation to settle for divorce. Genesis 2:24, counsels a husband and wife to stick to each other like SUPERGLUE—stay together for a lifetime. Given the current state of affairs, we cannot afford to believe today’s misguided counsel about easy divorces, divorce on demand, and divorces on the basis of perceived incompatibilities! Just because these practices are legal in our country, does not mean they are acceptable to The Most High God!  Every Christian married person must allow room in their life to exercise FAITH, LOVE, FORGIVENESS, PATIENCE, PEACE, and WISDOM for the glory of God and the endurance of the relationship! Are there any biblical exceptions to the no-divorce standard? I personally believe there are very few such provisions or divine concessions. There is much more to this subject then I can express here, but the Scriptures are clear about God’s ideals for marriage. Among those principles is the element of permanence. This is without any doubt a crucial component of God’s design for marriage today. 

In order to survive the difficulties we may encounter in our relationship, we must view our commitments to our spouse as irrevocable—a permanent bond. Attaching ourselves to each other like super glue is a good way to look at this! Resolving, by the grace of Almighty God in our hearts, that divorce is not even an option no matter what difficulties may come our way. It would even be wise to reaffirm this commitment to each other on anniversaries, birthdays, Thanksgiving, and New Year’s Day. Create a serious and solemn moment to look deep into your mate’s eyes and recommit yourself to stick to each other like SUPERGLUE. Determine before God that no matter what difficulties, disagreements, and disappointments come our way, we will work through them together by the grace and wisdom of God. I believe God will bless, honor, and resource such a commitment to His design for marriage.

CONFLICTS DO NOT HAVE TO LEAD TO DIVORCE

No doubt we all understand that conflict is inevitable in marriage—this is true of any meaningful relationship. Skirmishes are a matter of fact for most couples; confrontations will occur. Though you both are saved individuals, we all still have a sinful nature of rebellion against God and our own best interests. There may be disagreement on a certain subject that creates tension, quarrels, and even hostility.  Such confrontations may serve a useful purpose in that they force you as a couple to deal with issues and face problems you may otherwise avoid (MacDonald & MacDonald). Since conflict is inevitable, we Christian couples must learn how to work through them and develop our communication skills in a manner that honors our Lord.  Remember, strong families have the ability or communication skills to resolve their differences (MacDonald & MacDonald). They are able to talk about them, to share their feelings openly, and come to a resolution of the problem. The strength and love of Christ enables us to take on such serious challenges with the hope of positive outcomes. If this cannot be achieved consult with and involve your pastor as soon as possible.

MacDonald and MacDonald inform us that several strategies could be employed by a couple in conflict resolution.  Identifying certain guidelines for arguing may prove to be very helpful if the couple has the discipline to stick to them in the heat of battle.  The first step they identified is to get to the base of the issue or source of the problem. Then once the fundamental issue has been understood, then the couple must explore the motive.  Is it an ego problem? Or is this evidence of an inferiority complex?  Maybe it’s an attempt to strike back or seize control through some form of manipulation.  Once the problem has been discovered and discussed, the couple can now explore viable solutions to permanently settle the issue.  In additions once the problem is solved it is not to be brought up again in future quarrels.

There are other helpful approaches Christian couples can use with some success and hope.  For example we should avoid attacking the other’s personality. Being familiar with their strengths and weaknesses means we possess an arsenal of ammunitions to damage our mate. By the grace of God, do not succumb to this temptation. The MacDonalds also pointed out how vital it is to realize that certain times are more appropriate for discussing problems than others.  We should never air differences when others are present, when one is tired, or when hungry.  These will only escalate the problem when better timing would have been an aid in resolution.  Some families tackle problems as they come up and others have a set family conference times to deal with such conflicts.  One of the most important things a couple must learn is how to compromise when this is a viable option.  Sometimes a couple must simply agree to disagree, but still genuinely respect the other’s point of view.  Differences can also be resolved by assimilation—accepting the view of the other.  Always bear in mind that many problems can be solved through careful analysis. Conflicts will occur, this we can be sure of.  In light of this, each couple must develop skills and procedures to overcome disagreements and conflicts.  Instead of these becoming destructive, they can be used as constructive vehicles of growth and enrichment. Conflict and frustration do not have to lead to divorce court.

MARRIAGE GOD’S WAY IS PROMISING

Finally, as we have previously mentioned, there is a direct causal correlation between thoughtful adherence to biblical principles and the success of a Christian marriage. It takes more than being a Christian to enjoy the blessings of a Christian marriage! It requires two people acting and living like Christians in obedience to Christ and empowered by the Holy Spirit! Though our culture fervently rejects and discredits the Bible basis for marriage and the principles the Scriptures afford for the welfare of the Christian home, they are never-the-less relevant and promising.  Beloved, marriage done God’s way is awesome...I mean really and truly enriching to both partners! When two Christian young people implement God’ principles in everyday life, their marriage will prove a blessing to them and glorifying to God. The same thing is true for you and me. I do not mean merely in theory, but in the actual practices and challenges of daily life. When God’s Word is diligently applied to life, it produces satisfaction and fulfillment in relationships that worldly humanistic philosophies cannot assail.

Therefore, take this element of cleaving and employ it to strengthen your marriage for the long haul. Honor God by embracing all of His counsel and rejecting the worldly fickle counsel that is presently driving the nuclear home into oblivion. If you have experienced the pain of divorce, my aim is not to contribute to your pain in anyway at all. I pray God give you strength and grace to come through your pain better and not bitter. God is able to raise you up and sustain you in ways you never imagined possible. He can perhaps use your history and experiences to warn, counsel, and help others as they grapple with the very same issues God has brought you through. Get busy for the glory of God and use your ‘new singleness’ to invest your life for the praise of Christ Jesus (1 Cor. 7). There are other Christian ladies and gentlemen who are doing this very thing with obvious blessings from the Most High God.

If you are not married, but anticipate being married, accept this biblical prescription with all your heart. Enter marriage with a healthy truth-filled perspective. Ready yourself to work through the difficulties and challenges that will arise. Trust God, His Word, the Spirit of Grace, and the Lord Jesus to afford the guidance and strength necessary to endure. Grow in your biblical understanding of marriage, commitment, and family; invest an informed and spiritually empowered spouse into the wealth of a Spirit-filled home. Be sure not to take you spouse for granted because they have committed themselves to stay with you. No, properly appreciate and value their commitment by being worthy of their decision. Give them the best husband or wife God can make you to become! By doing so, your marriage will glorify God, prove a rich blessing to your spouse, and you until death do you part.

As a personal testimony, I am extremely thankful to Almighty God for the wonderful gift of my wife! The sweet girl I call my wife is some kind of a special lady; she honestly loves God and His Word. For over twenty-two years she has faithfully followed her Lord and me halfway around the world and back again in pursuit of God’s will and to execute His ministries. I know also that she really loves me…I am utterly amazed at that fact! As for me, she has my heart of hearts in the most profound way until Jesus comes for us or until death takes one of us. In the meantime, I will be enjoying and treasuring her as a precious gift from the Most High God.