Strength to Overcome Poor Relationships

“The Strength to Overcome Poor Relationships”

                               Eph. 4:31-32; Phil 4:6-7, 11-12; Rom. 12:18                                                       

SUBJECT: GOD’S STRENGTH IN FRUSTRATIONS

THEME: You Can Overcome the Frustrations by the Wisdom and Strength of the Lord.  

RELEVANCE: Why is this important to us? We need to understand the source of our frustrations is generally Satan (these are spiritual battles) and trust the Lord to help us overcome these hindrances. When dealing with the frustrations of poor relationships, God provides guidance on managing conflict, setting boundaries, and guarding your heart against bitterness.

INTRODUCTION:

After multiple attempts ...is it time to give up on a person or relationship you once cherished? It may be shocking to many, but even the Lord Jesus recognize that divisions or separations were certain for his committed followers (Matt. 10:34-42; Luke 18:28-30). So, generally relationships might be frustrated for the Kingdom of God sake. 

MESSAGE:

FRUSTRATIONS COULD BE ROOTED IN POOR RELATIONSHIPS.

While a pervasive and long-standing feeling of frustration is nearly always something that resides within a person, there are also times when it is natural to feel frustration on a short-term basis. God seeks to comfort us in such frustrating times. (C. Stanley)

Psalm 34:17-19, The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

Isaiah 41:10, Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.

Romans 8:28, And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

God promises and reassures us believers when facing hardship or uncertainty that He will comfort, support, and actively provide strength, help, and security for us. Such passages afford some ease as we work through our frustrations before the Lord.  

Generally, frustrations in relationships often stem from unmet expectations, poor communication, and unhealed attachment wounds. When these needs are not addressed, underlying feelings of being unheard or unappreciated can manifest as recurring arguments, emotional withdrawal, or lingering resentment. Perhaps it would be helpful to ask ourselves a few questions….

1. WHAT LIES AT THE ROOT OF MY FRUSTRATIONS?

Uncovering the root cause is a great place to start when tackling these challenges. Understanding the exact source of tension is the first step toward resolving it. Common triggers of frustration:

1.     Sometimes there are Unspoken Needs and Expectations. Disappointment frequently takes root when an expected behavior or level of support is not realized, but never explicitly communicated. 

2.     Perhaps You’ve used Destructive Communication Patterns. Research has identified four highly destructive behaviors that cause relationship breakdown: criticism, defensiveness, contempt (such as eye-rolling or mocking), and stonewalling.

3.     Maybe there are Unhealed Suffering and Attachment Wounds (Anxious-Avoidant Trap, People-Pleasing, and Hypervigilance). Individuals with a history of insecure attachment or unresolved past trauma often perceive a partner’s words through a distorted filter, interpreting communication as an attack or a reason to shut down. (See Psychology Today, Better Help, Psycho Wellness and Impossible Psych Services)

B.  WHAT ARE WE TO DO WITH FRUSTRATING RELATIONSHIPS?

The Bible provides profound wisdom for dealing with the frustrations of poor relationships, offering guidance on managing conflict, setting boundaries, and guarding your heart against bitterness.

1. Prioritize Managing Frustrations Related to Anger—Master Yourself

James 1:19-20, Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.

Proverbs 15:1, A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

When tensions are high, responding with gentle kindness rather than reactive anger de-escalates the situation. This demands great spiritual discipline and commitment. 

2. Set Healthy Boundaries Regarding Toxic Relationships

Proverbs 22:24-25, Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go: Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul.

1 Corinthians 15:33, Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

Setting healthy, Bible-based boundaries is about stewardship, not selfishness. Scriptural boundaries protect your heart and help you love others without enabling sin. Using the King James Version (KJV), you can establish limits by guarding your inner peace, practicing honest communication, and following the example of Jesus. (From Gospel Coalition)

·        Proverbs 4:23, Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. Taking space from toxicity or sin is not selfish; it is guarding the life God entrusted to you—stewardship.

·        Philippians 4:8 requires us to focus our thoughts on what is true and pure. You are allowed to set boundaries on the information and negative conversations you allow into your mind.

·        Galatians 6:5, For every man shall bear his own burden. While you should help others in a crisis (Galatians 6:2), boundaries mean letting others carry the weight of their own daily responsibilities and consequences. 

3. Go Deeper in Your Ability to Forgive, Release Resentment, and Let Go of any Changes God Alone Must Make. Ephesians 4:32, And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

Proverbs 19:11, The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.

You are responsible for your own actions, reactions, and the pursuit of peace, even when others make it difficult. Letting go of bitterness and replacing it with forgiveness is foundational to future progress in the Lord. 

4. Overcome Conflicts Patiently with Emotional Control and Refuse to Retaliate.

Ephesians 4:31-32, Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.

When frustrations arise in relationships, God provides wisdom to help navigate them. Ephesians 4:31-32 emphasize overcoming conflict through patience, forgiveness, and gentle communication rather than returning insult for insult.

Romans 12:19, Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

Romans 12:21, Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

1 Peter 2:23, Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.

Believers are instructed to leave justice to God rather than taking matters into our own hands.

C.  HOW CAN WE FIND REAL INNER CONTENTMENT?

The Bible teaches that we can experience a continual feeling of inner contentment regardless of our outward circumstances. Beloved, it is futile and unfair to look to mere people to supply what only God can! Look to the Lord instead. The apostle Paul was sitting in a Roman prison, facing all kinds of persecution and ridicule from others, when he wrote,

Philip. 4:11-12, Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. [12] I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

Notice that Paul says he “learned” contentment. This holy skill does not develop naturally; it's a spiritual discipline built through experience. This is the secret to his spiritual resilience! How may we realize such contentment? 

   1.  By Focusing on the Sovereignty of God Rather than on the Will of People.

   2.  By Praising and Thanking God Rather than Criticizing Others.

   3.  By Putting Trust in God to Deal with the Future Rather than Continually Looking at the Past.

   4.  By Trusting in God to Make All Things Right Rather than Distrusting Human Ability.

It was when Paul turned his attention to Christ and away from his circumstances and detractors that he received such strength. His contentment did not rest in a denial of the outside world or the facts related to his situation. His contentment flowed from his trust in Christ Jesus for now and forever.

Whether your inner restlessness comes from unresolved issues in your past, is related to people or situations over which you have no control, or is a God-given restlessness intended to draw you deeper into the Lord's will, the answer to frustration comes as you trust God.

D. HOW MAY WE EXPERIENCE GOD-GIVEN PEACE?

John 14:27, Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Philip. 4:6-7, Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. [7] And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Beloved, this “peace of God” …this profound, divine calmness that comes directly from God, rather than from comfortable circumstances or human efforts belongs to us when we meet God’s conditions of righteousness and prayerfulness. Also “keep” means to ‘guard’ or ‘protect’. It pictures peace acting like a sentry or guard, standing watch over our emotions and thoughts so that fear and worry cannot take over. This is God’s promise to the sincere believer.

Seek God’s Peace Regularly in Relationships where Possible.

Romans 12:18, If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Child of God, actively pursue peace and harmony with everyone, but realistically acknowledges that reconciliation requires cooperation and that believers should never compromise God’s truth to avoid conflict.

We must acknowledge a fundamental reality: it takes two people to maintain a peaceful relationship. God does not guarantee that everyone will like us or that conflict will never happen. God does require us to be willing to resolve disputes and maintain a peaceful spirit whenever the other person is also willing to cooperate.

The responsibility to create peace rests heavily on your actions and attitudes. You are called to control your own temper, forgive offenses, let go of pride, and avoid being the instigator of drama or division. Your goal should be to ensure that if a relationship breaks down, the fault does not lie with your behavior or unwillingness to reconcile. (From Got Questions)

This basic attitude applies to everyone—not just fellow Believers, but also strangers, difficult people, human enemies, and even those opposed to Christ! Brother this requires real courage! But always remember, pursuing peace does not mean sacrificing moral, ethical, or biblical principles just to avoid an argument. Sometimes you must agree to disagree; but there is zero permission to behave carnally!

God Understands

 A young grocery chain executive parked his car on the edge of a treacherous two-hundred-foot cliff at the edge of the Pacific Ocean some twenty-five miles south of San Francisco. Devil’s Slide, it was called, and to Bill Mansdoerfer it seemed an appropriate place to plan suicide.

 The next morning alone in his home, burdened with sin and guilt, the desire to take his life gripped him again. In the midst of writing a suicide note, on impulse, he went to the hi-fi and turned it on. It was turned to KEAR.

 What happened next has been described by doubters as a mere coincidence but to Bill Mansdoerfer it is looked upon as a miracle, a divine appointment. From the radio he heard:

God understands your heartache,

He knows the bitter pain;

O, trust Him in the darkness

You cannot trust in vain.

God understands your sorrow,

He sees the falling tear,

And whisper, “I am with thee,”

Then falter not nor fear.

 The song was being sung by Flo Price and it was written by Dr. Oswald J. Smith.

 Comments Bill, “If that had been a preacher, I would have turned him off, but that song … it broke me.”

 Bill telephoned KEAR’s Station Manager. Without any preliminaries, he blurted out, “Thank God, your station is on the air. You just saved my life.”

 That broadcast and phone call resulted in more than that. During the next six months, the station kept in touch with Bill, and finally offered him a job as Public Relations Director. Today he not only is the Station Manager of KEAR, but as Director of Communications and Operations, he is a vital part of the six-station family radio network.” —People’s Magazine

Child of God, when ONLY God understands…you can know the rest of the saved will eventually know also…perhaps even when we are finally in eternity. If His ‘knowing’ is all we have then that is enough for us for now. Reasonable explanations may seem logical to you, but not necessarily to someone focused on questioning your sincerity. Sometimes …a ‘peaceful’ break is inevitable. The Lord can be trusted to give us the strength we need when the relationship fails to met God's reasonable requirements. 

 

Live Right

 

“Live Right”

Philippians 4:9 

SUBJECT: ANXIETY

THEME: Part of the Secret to Victory Over Anxiety is Right Living, coupled with the “God of peace” to guide us and the “Peace of God” to shield us emotionally and intellectually through periods of worry.                              

RELEVANCE: Often, we forfeit the joy of the Lord through worries that plague our minds and hearts. Fears, worries, uncertainties, and even people can literally rob us of our joy, leaving us anxious.

INTRODUCTION:

What does the Bible says about dealing with anxiety, and fears that assume the worst things may and can happen? What strategies enable us to face life’s stress? Really the opposite of anxiety is “peace.” God’s brand of peace overcomes worry. Let’s focus more on this idea.

The great apostle yearned for the “God of peace” to dwell with these believers. He wanted God’s inner tranquility—encompassing peace with God and internal peace of mind—to characterize these believers. That is exactly what God wants for you as a believer instead of anxiety!

More importantly, the Lord wants us to have a heart that is joyful and uninfluenced by the many uncertainties life will throw at us as we maintain trust in Him. We can have great peace when we Pray, Think, and Live right, but we must rely on the “God of Peace” to give us the “peace of God” as we meet these conditions.

MESSAGE:

RIGHT LIVING; PEACE THROUGH A CORRECT LIFESTYLE.  (Phil. 4:9)

Philippians 4:9 says, “Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you”. Paul urges believers to put into practice the teachings they have received and witnessed in his life, as a path to experiencing God’s peace.  

A. THE LINK BETWEEN PERCEPTION AND PRACTICE.

We cannot separate outward action and inward attitude. Sin always results in unrest (unless the conscience is seared), and purity ought to result in peace. “And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever” (Isa 32:17). “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable” (James 3:17). Right living is a necessary condition for experiencing the peace of God. To be clear, living in alignment with God’s will is not merely a path to peace, but is its very work, a predictable outcome of peace because of practicing righteousness.

When we turn away from sin towards God through repentance, the inner turmoil caused by guilt and a conscience troubled by misconduct is removed. The Holy Spirit enables us to overcome negative patterns and rest in Christ’s work, which naturally produces inner quietness and peace. The fundamental nature of God’s kingdom is not about dietary restrictions or outward rituals, but rather about a transformed inner life characterized by being right with God, experiencing peace, and finding joy through the Holy Spirit. Romans 14:17, For the kingdom of God is not meat and drink; but righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.  

B. THE BLESSINGS OF A GREAT EXAMPLE!

A great spiritual example inspires positive godly change by establishing clear behavioral standards, fostering trust and respect, boosting motivation and productivity, and creating a positive and unified church culture. The encouragement to follow committed leadership is restated multiple times in the NT.

Phil 4:9, Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

1 Cor 4:16, Wherefore I beseech you, be ye followers of me.

Phil 3:17, Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample.

Col 2:6, As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him:

1 Thess 4:1, Furthermore then we beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as ye have received of us how ye ought to walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more.

Great spiritual examples show commitment to values, encourage collaboration, bridge the gap between theory and practice in instructions, and demonstrate self-discipline and holy resilience. 

Great Leaders Provide Great Examples:

• They Foster Trust and Respect: Leaders who set a positive example earn the trust and respect of the people, making people more likely to follow their lead and feel invested in common goals. 
• They Motivate and Inspire: Positive role models inspire others to embrace passion, dedication, and similar positive behaviors, leading to higher motivation and engagement. 

Certainly, we are challenged to be good example of peace for the benefit of other Christians and to influence others to trust Christ completely.

C.  THE HEARING AND OBEYING OF GOD AND HIS WORD.

Paul balances four activities: “learned and received” and “heard and seen.” It is one thing to learn a truth, but quite another to receive it inwardly and make it a part of our inner man (see 1 Thess 2:13). Facts in the head are not enough; we must also have truths in the heart.

By internalizing and accepting truth we embark upon lasting personal change. Such transformation involves a shift in our core beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors, this is a “renewing of the mind” (Rom. 12:1-2). Beloved, we have great need to humble ourselves and come into connection with the power God to fully realize his truth in us and through us. 

In Paul’s ministry, he not only taught the Word but also lived it so that His listeners could see the truth in his life. Paul’s experience ought to be our experience. We must learn the Word, receive it, hear it, and do it. “But be ye doers of the Word, and not hearers only” (James 1:22).

D. THE IMPORTANCE OF OUR INVOLVEMENT AND COLLABORATION WITH GOD.

Again Philippians 4:9 says, “Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you”.

Reflect on this perspective of a cooperative relationship between divine action and human effort. I am saying that while each believer must fulfill their responsibilities and strive for God-given goals, God will provide support, wisdom, and power. This is especially true when we demonstrate our commitment through faith and obedience to His will. In this respect believing in Him and following His guidance, with the understanding that true effectiveness comes from being ‘attached to God’ and relying on His strength rather than our own. 

Each of us must invest ourselves in maturation to realize greater freedom and agility in the Lord. God does not operate alone in our lives; he wants our cooperation and effort. It is true that the good out of our experiences are His productions, but he desires that we take the journey with Him. It is not a solo act on God’s part or ours, but an interactivity between the divine and human. This is what God intended in the very beginning of the creation of mankind.

In John 15:5, Jesus echoes: “I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing”. This vine and branches metaphor illustrates that believers must remain connected to Christ to bear spiritual fruit, as we are powerless to do anything significant apart from Him.

Philippians 4:19, reads, “But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus”. God promises He will provide for our needs from his plentiful, magnificent storehouse, through Jesus Christ. God will do His part!

E.  THE TEST OF OUR WALK WITH THE LORD.

“The peace of God” is one test of whether we are in the purpose of God. Again, we want the peace Christ gives to protect us like a referee in our thoughts and emotions. If we are walking with the Lord, then the peace of God and the God of peace exercises influence over our core ideas. Whenever we disobey, we lose that peace and we usually come to realize we have done something wrong.  

The peace of God should act as an umpire in our hearts. If in anything we are in doubt, we should ask ourselves the questions: “Does it make for peace?” or “Would I have peace in my heart if I went ahead and did it?”

This verse is especially helpful when seeking guidance from the Lord. If the Lord really wants you to embark upon a certain course of action, He will most assuredly give you peace about it. If you do not have that peace, then you should not proceed. As has been said: “Darkness about going is light about staying.”^[a]

And even though Abraham (Gen. 22) did not feel good about offering up his son, Isaac, as a burnt sacrifice, he headed to Mt. Moriah anyway trusting guidance God had clearly given over his personal feeling or questions. God’s direction made the call!

CONCLUSION:

Right praying, right thinking, and right living: these are the conditions for solid peace and victory over worry. There is no middle ground. Either we yield heart and mind to the Spirit of God and practice right praying, thinking, and living; or we yield to the flesh and find ourselves torn apart by worry. Again, worrying is sin! We have the peace of God to guard us and the God of peace to guide us!

Again, many are motivated to protect their ‘peace,’ and they navigate through circumstances and conditions while making decisions to protect their own brand of ‘peace.’ Usually such pursuits demand avoiding drama, disorder, confusion, and chaos generated by anyone else. This vein of activity also saves money, time, and energy. They consciously select an external environment occupied with quietness, tranquility, predictability, calmness, and some boredom which is admirable in many regards. But, in contrast, we can be thankful that God’s brand of “peace” provides internal protection for us! His “peace” keeps us…garrison about us and protect us like a soldier from excessive anxiety regardless of the external conditions. Certainly, we must make correct decisions also, but we wisely place yourself in His capable hands and we are free of anxiety.

Psalm 19:14, Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. We yearn for our spoken words, and internal thoughts to be pleasing and acceptable to our Lord. So, we fully embrace the connection between our inner thoughts and outward expressions. We seek alignment between our external speech and internal reflections and want harmony with God’s will and character. There is an inner longing for an entire life of integrity, where thoughts and words are rooted in God’s eternal truth, bringing honor to the Lord as our strength-giving constant Rock and Redeemer. Beloved, this is our prayer to our Father.  

Lastly, please note Romans 15:33, “Now the God of peace be with you all. Amen.” In this concluding blessing, the Apostle Paul prays for the “God of peace” to be with these believers. He desires God’s tranquility, unifying presence, encompassing peace with God, internal peace of mind, and unity among believers. Now read again Philippians 4:9 which states, “Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you”. This “God of Peace” is who I want for all believers as well instead of anxiety. Life with our Lord is so much better for us all regardless of the circumstances. One key to success over anxiety is accurate living, joined with the “God of peace” to direct us and the “peace of God” to shield us emotionally and intellectually through those periods we are inclined to worry.

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^[a] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 2011.

Think Right

 

Philippians 4:8 

SUBJECT: ANXIETY

THEME: Part of the Secret to Victory Over Worry and Anxiety is Right Thinking, coupled with the “God of peace” to guide us and the “Peace of God” to protect our feelings and thoughts against worry.                              

RELEVANCE: Often, we forfeit the joy of the Lord through worries that plague our minds and hearts. Fears, worries, uncertainties, and even people can literally rob us of our joy, leaving us anxious. Yet the Lord wants us to have a heart that is joyful and uninfluenced by the uncertainties life will present. We can have strong joy when we Pray, Think, and Live right, but we must rely on the “God of Peace” to give us the “peace of God” as we meet these conditions.

INTRODUCTION:

In Phil 4:6 the word “careful” means “to be pulled in different directions.” Our hopes pull us one way; our apprehensions pull us in the contrary direction; and we are pulled apart with worry and anxiety. The key is not succumbing to victimhood, but to consciously choose Christ for victory.

The antidote to worry is God’s peace. “And the peace of God ... shall keep [garrison, guard like a soldier] your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:7).

When you have this:

          1. The “peace of God” guards you (Phil 4:7)

          2. The “God of peace” guides you (Phil 4:9)

          3. With such protection there is no need to worry!

If we are to conquer worry and experience peace, we must meet the conditions God gave. There are three:

     A.  Right Praying (Phil 4:6-7)

     B.  Right Thinking (Phil 4:8)

     C.  Right Living (Phil 4:9)

MESSAGE:

RIGHT THINKING; PEACE THROUGH CORRECT THOUGHTS.  (Phil. 4:8)

    * This inner peace involves the heart (feelings) and the mind (thoughts).

Isaiah 26:3, Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.

    * Wrong thinking leads to wrong feeling, and before long the heart and mind are pulled apart and we are strangled by worry.

    * We must realize that thoughts are real and powerful, even though they cannot be seen, weighed, or measured. We must discipline and train our minds to be obedient to Christ. This is challenging, but very possible. 2 Cor. 10:5, Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

QUOTE: "Sow a thought, reap an action. Sow an action, reap a habit. Sow a habit, reap a character. Sow a character, reap a destiny!"— Unknown

Paul spells out in detail some things we ought to think about as Christians.

A.  THINK ABOUT TRUE THINGS. Phil. 4:8

The first place to focus is on true matters. Concentrating on the facts and giving preference to what can be verified by the evidence. There is something else here that must not be missed; it is the concept of focusing on the positive.  

Now the apostle gives a closing bit of advice concerning the thought life. The Bible everywhere teaches that we can control what we think. It is useless to adopt a defeatist attitude, saying that we simply cannot help it when our minds are filled with unwelcome thoughts. The fact of the matter is that we can help it. The secret lies in positive thinking. It is what is now a well-known principle—the expulsive power of a new affection. A person cannot entertain evil thoughts and thoughts about the Lord Jesus at the same time. If, then, an evil thought should come to him, he should immediately get rid of it by meditating on the Person and work of Christ. The more enlightened psychologists and psychiatrists of the day have come to agree with the Apostle Paul on this matter. They stress the dangers of negative thinking.^[1]

   1.  Most of Us Worry About Things We Cannot Control.

QUOTE: “Dr. Walter Cavert reported a survey on worry that indicated that only 8 percent of the things people worried about were legitimate matters of concern! The other 92 percent were either imaginary, never happened, or involved matters over which the people had no control anyway.” — Warren W. Wiersbe

   2. We Can Control Our Minds by Believing the Truth.

“True” has the sense of valid, reliable, and honest—the opposite of false or speculative. Such ‘uprightness’ characterizes God (Rom 3:4) and should also depict believers. The idea is what really is or what is so or what has happened.

Romans 3:4, God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.

1 Peter 5:12, By Silvanus, a faithful brother unto you, as I suppose, I have written briefly, exhorting, and testifying that this is the true grace of God wherein ye stand.

True (alēthē) things are of course the opposite of dishonest and unreliable things (cf. Eph. 4:15, 25). ^[2]

A believer that is consistently truthful builds authenticity into relationships; they are transparent and can be counted on for honest feedback that edifies others. He does not resort to lies, manipulations, or flattery.

       A.  Satan Attempts to Controls Our Minds with Lies.

Certainly, we don’t want the devil in our heads!

              1.  Satan is the liar (John 8:44).

John 8:44, Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.

             2.  Satan wants to corrupt our minds with his lies (2 Cor 11:3).

 2 Cor. 11:3, But I fear, lest by any means, as the serpent beguiled Eve through his subtilty, so your minds should be corrupted from the simplicity that is in Christ.

ILLUSTRATION: “Yea, hath God said?” is the way he approaches us, just as he approached Eve (Gen 3:1).

       B.  The Holy Spirit Controls Our Yielded Minds Through Truth (John 17:17; 1 John 5:6).

John 17:17, Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth. 

1 John 5:6, This is he that came by water and blood, even Jesus Christ; not by water only, but by water and blood. And it is the Spirit that beareth witness, because the Spirit is truth.

APPLICATION: But bear always in mind that the devil tries to control our thoughts through lies. Whenever we believe a lie, Satan takes over. He effectively won that battle on that occasion. We must rely on the Holy Spirit to remind us of the truths from God’s Word to help us combat the lies of Satan. It helped us greatly to live by Bible principles and direct statements from the New Testament especially. Also, we must bring our minds under the influence of God’s Word with even greater concentration when we are most inclined to worry. It is both a protective and guiding measure. Submitting our minds to Christ is a pre-conflict decision each believer must make to be obedient to him and to steer clear of the devil’s influence. Remember, Satan will try to manipulate us using his lies, the promise of independence of God, riches, power, pride, and our worship. Often these temptations (the lust of the flesh, lust of eyes, and the pride of life) are hidden or concealed; so, we must be discerning.  

B.  THINK ABOUT HONEST AND JUST THINGS. Phil. 4:8

This means “dignified and worthy of respect.” It speaks of what is morally attractive and deserving honor.

   1. Think on the Things That Are Worthy of Respect.

There are many things that are not respectable, and Christians should not think about these things. This does not mean we hide our heads in the sand and avoid what is unpleasant and displeasing, but it does mean we do not focus our attention on dishonorable things and permit them to control our thoughts. You must discipline your thought life. (1 Tim. 3:8, 11; Titus 2:2)

   2.  Think on Things That Meet God’s Standard.

“Right” speaks of what is upright or just, conformable to God’s standards and thus worthy of his approval.

The word “just” is from the Greek word meaning both “just” and also “righteous,” here, “righteous” in a comprehensive sense.^[3]

APPLICATION: We can help our thoughts, and we can choose to think about things that meet with God’s approval. I must hasten to observe that if we expose our ears and eyes to filth then that is exactly what your thoughts will consist of. Avoid working against yourself by cleaning up the stuff you expose yourself to. Fill your reflections with “right,” respectful, and holy concepts and notions. Good books, healthy Christian biographies, wholesome music with great God-centered lyrics, and Christ filled movies are a great starting place. Remember also, that everything that claims to be godly or Christian is actually worldly, carnal, and devilish!

C. THINK ABOUT PURE, LOVELY, AND GOOD REPORT THINGS. Phil. 4:8

These observations must not be overlooked or diminished in their importance.

    1. Concentrate on Pure Thinking.

“Pure” probably refers to moral purity, since the people then, as now, were constantly attacked by temptations to sexual impurity (Eph 4:17-24; 5:8-12). Our life situation, TV, radio, magazines, and the internet are filled with vile content so, this idea of remaining pure will require real discipline. Songs often portray some scandalous behavior and ideas that we would be wise to guard against. Preaching, teaching, counseling, and instruction in righteousness must contrast wickedness with purity for clarity’s sake but spend the necessary time making the wholesome very clear to the listener also. For example, if the awful imagine of a worldly-wise wicked women come to mind; well, this can be defeated with the image of Christ on the cross willingly suffering for my sins. Another example would be counteracting angry hasty decisions by featuring Abigail armed with a future vision and wise counsel calmly talking David into cherishing the will of God more than personal revenge. Be sure to emphasize the positive solutions and procedures not merely indicating what was wrong.

    2. Concentrate on Lovely Thoughts.

“Lovely” means “beautiful, attractive.”  This relates to what is pleasing, agreeable, or amiable.

APPLICATION: In verse 7, Paul had assured the believer that God would safeguard their hearts and minds through the Lord Jesus Christ. But it is also required that we maintain our responsibilities in these matters.  God does not protect the person’s mind who does not want it to be kept pure. (Dr. W. W. Wirsbe)

Thinking about the “lovely” leadership qualities of David, the inspiring patience of Job, the desirable traits of Daniel, the motivation of Paul, the obedience of Peter, and the devotion of the apostle John is desirable. What about the attractive qualities of Sarah, Mordecai, Ruth, Hosea, and Joseph. While just about anyone can be critical, there is something to be said for a person who can spot these beautiful qualities in others. 

    3. Concentrate on Good Reports.

“Of good report” means “worth talking about, appealing.” It denotes what is praiseworthy, attractive, and what rings true to the highest standards. Our minds are naturally focused on the bad, evil, negative, and shameful. We must fight against this natural tendency to emphasize the good report.

APPLICATION: The believer must major in the high and noble thoughts, not the base thoughts of this corrupt world. The secret to this kind of thinking is to focus on Jesus Christ as soon as an evil thought comes to mind. Whenever we are tempted to think wrong toward someone we have forgiven, we divert our thoughts back to their qualities and the things we can appreciate– refusing to think on matters we have forgiven them for.  Often it helps if we feel compassion for them in their predicament it helps. If we feel tempted to say something nasty or unkind about someone, we must discipline ourselves to report the good and express words of praise and appreciation for what we can because it’s inappropriate to criticize in most cases. Truly our thoughts are a formidable battleground.   

D.  THINK ABOUT VIRTUOUS AND PRAISE-WORTHY THINGS. Phil. 4:8

Now we look at the last area of mental concentration and focus, the virtuous and that which is worthy of praise. Consciencely thinking on outstanding goodness in general, the glory of knowing God and sharing His great power, moral excellence of character, and things deserving of celebratory expressions—matters we can applaud, support, or admire (2Pet. 1:3).

     1. If it Has Virtue, it Will Motivate Us to Do Better; and If it Has Praise, it Is Worth Commending to Others.

     2.  We Cannot Afford to Waste “Brain Power” on Thoughts That Tear ourselves down or That Would Tear Others Down If These Thoughts Were Shared.

ILLUSTRATION:  If you will compare this list to David's description of the Word of God in Ps 19:7-9, you will see a parallel. The Christian who fills his heart and mind with God's Word will have a “built-in radar” for detecting wrong thoughts. “Great peace have they which love Thy Law” (Ps 119:165). Right thinking is the result of daily meditation on the Word of God.  Through the Word we can have peace through Thinking! (Dr. W. W. Wiersbe)

Psalm 19:7-9, The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul: the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. [8] The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes. [9] The fear of the Lord is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the Lord are true and righteous altogether.

One caution here: we do not automatically accept information because it is positively presented, and we do not automatically reject something if it is stated negatively. Evidence is what we need…solid incontrovertible proof is what we require. Alignment with God’s Word is the standard for each of us; our own thought or conclusion may be misinformed, but God’s Word when properly interpreted and applied is totally reliable. It helps us to be thoroughly familiar with it.

CONCLUSION:

Right praying, right thinking, and next right living: these are the conditions for solid peace and victory over worry. There is no middle ground. Either we yield heart and mind to the Spirit of God and practice right praying, thinking, and living; or we yield to the flesh and find ourselves torn apart by worry. Again, worrying is sin! We have the peace of God to guard us and the God of peace to guide us!

Many are motivated to protect their ‘peace,’ and they make major decisions to secure their own ‘peace.’ Usually this means avoiding drama, disorder, confusion, and chaos that is generated by others. They opt for an environment filled with quietness, tranquility, and calmness, which is admirable in many regards. But we can be thankful that God’s brand of “peace” provides protection for us! His “peace” keeps us…garrison us about and protect us from excessive anxiety regardless of the external conditions.

Psalm 19:14, Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. We desire that our spoken words, and internal thoughts would be pleasing and acceptable to the Lord. So, we embrace the connection between our inner thoughts and outward expressions. We seek alignment between our external speech and internal reflections and want harmony with God’s will and character. We long for a life of integrity, where thoughts and words are rooted in God’s eternal truth, bringing honor to the Lord as our Rock and Redeemer.  

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^[1] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 1979.

^[2] Robert P. Lightner, “Philippians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 664.

^[3] Kenneth S. Wuest, Wuest’s Word Studies from the Greek New Testament: For the English Reader, vol. 5 (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1997), 110.