What Is A Christian Marriage? I

Is There Any Hope for the Institution of "Marriage"?  Some experts are saying that marriage as we now know it is on the way out. As divorce rates remain alarming, many people, in and out of the church, are growing doubtful about marriage. Even for seemingly "perfectly matched" couples, marriage has become more of a risk and curse instead of a blessing (H. N. Wright).

The problem is not the institution of marriage, but our view of Marriage and Family has greatly departed from God’s original plan. Our generation is actually watching the death of marriage from a biblical and traditional perspective.  But, God’s Enduring Plan for Married Life still shines like a beacon of hope to every couple and single alike. The preservation of the institution of Marriage can only be realized in our culture as we submit to God’s enduring plan.  It’s time for Christian marriages and families to demonstrate a way of living that is rewarding, meaningful, fulfilling, and pleasing to our Lord. God’s Plan for couples should be evident to the world as it looks at Christian marriages and families.  As we realize God’s plan in our lives we supply hope to the many others who need direction, counsel, and hope (MacDonald & MacDonald).

What is Marriage? Marriage is an exclusive relationship in which a man and a woman commit themselves to each other in covenant for life, and on the basis of this solemn vow become “one flesh” physically (Gen. 2:24; Mal. 2:14; Matt. 19:4-6). Christian Marriage involves two Christians--a male and female, a Covenant of Commitment to each other, physical consummation of the union, and commitment to God’s plan for marriage. Marriage is a gift from God, and it was not just for convenience, nor was it brought about by any culture. It is wonderfully the Creators idea and He gave instructions to us His creatures for the administration of marriage.

Many of the problems couples face in marriage persist because of ignorance, lack of diligence, or a failure to adhere to God’s basic spiritual principles of marriage. There are five major changes taking place in the institution of marriage today:

·        A decline in understanding between marriage partners.

·        Acceptance of the new morality, which is replacing Judeo-Christian values.

·        The spread of secular humanistic philosophy, which rivals Christian truth.

·        The loss of determination to stay married.

·        The development of unrealistic marriage expectations. (H. N. Wright)

LESSON:

I.         FIVE CHANGES PLAGUING MARRIAGES.

A.     Decline of Understanding and Lack of Communication Go Together. Many couples today lack the kind of communication skills that produce the understanding necessary for a marriage to grow strong, or even exist.

1.      Learn to Talk to Achieve Understanding. Understanding in a marriage does not mean that there are no differences. It does mean that you and your mate are able to talk about the differences and come to an understanding of each other's views. Mutual submission enables a couple to practice this form of communication (Eph. 5:21; 1Pet. 5:5). You are able to accept the fact that your partner was raised in a different fashion and because of that will react differently than you. Just because something was done in a certain manner in your home when you were growing up does not mean that it has to be done that same way in your new home. (H. N. Wright)

2.      Learn to Talk To Adjust to Each Other.

                                                   i.      Two people who love one another but are unable to understand each other suffer pain—a continual biting pain in their relationship. Understanding may not come easily, but a willingness to share views, to see the "other side of the question," to talk things out can help a husband and wife adjust and adapt to their honest differences of opinion.

                                                 ii.      ILLUSTRATION:  Someone has likened this adjustment to two porcupines who lived in Alaska. When the deep and heavy snows came they felt the cold and began to draw close together. However, when they drew close they began to stick one another with their quills. When they drew apart they felt the cold once again. In order to keep warm they had to learn how to adjust to one another. (H. N. Wright)

B.     Acceptance of the New Morality, which is Replacing Judeo-Christian Values. 

1.      Moral refers to ideas of right and wrong behavior along with good and bad motives.  The ‘old morality’ was based on the Bible and the Ten Commandments. However, the new morality rejects this absolute standard for relativism, situation ethics, and whatever makes you happy. Remember, Paul warned Timothy of the perils of deceivers and false doctrines and dangerous philosophies (2Tim. 3:1, 6-9, 13; Col. 2:8).

2.      I believe the “new morality” is negatively affecting the American family. In fact this supposed “new morality” has led to a serious breakdown in traditional Judeo-Christian morality.  People are rejecting the Bible-based standards of moral behavior and wholly embracing the culture based standards.

3.      Because the culture based standard of morality relaxes sensual prohibitions and eliminates sexual taboos, society is now suffering the consequences. In fact this ethical shift has resulted in a tremendous increase in sexually transmitted diseases (STD), illegitimate births, and abortions.  No-fault divorces create millions of single-parent families that have inherent difficulties.  Single mothers entered the workforce by the millions and latchkey kids have become a national concern.  Homosexual behavior, palimony, family violence, date rape, pornography, sexual harassment, drugs and alcohol addictions, alternative family lifestyles are some of the additional problems resulting from the disintegration of traditional morality. (H. N. Wright)

C.     The Spread of Secular Humanistic Philosophy, which Rivals Christian Truth. 

1.      What is secular humanism.  A good working definition of secular humanism can be found in Webster’s Dictionary, “a system of doctrines and practices that reject any form of religious faith and worship.” 

                                                   i.      The term secular humanists has been used to identify those who would remove religious influence from the institutions of American society—government, courts, education, economics, and media.

                                                 ii.      In addition others describe humanists thusly, “In their self-definition God does not exist, and it is a destructive illusion to believe in him.  They promote a way of life that systematically excludes God and all religion in the traditional sense.”

                                                iii.      It is “an anti-Christian system of thought that influences every decision and most of a person’s actions.  It is anti-God, anti-moral, anti-self restraint, and anti-American.”—Tim LaHaye

2.      We must not confuse humanism for humanitarianism.  It is interesting to note that humanist masquerade as humanitarians, but their belief is actually anti-human and they are the number one enemy of the traditional family.

                                                   i.      A true humanitarian will promote human welfare and social reform, but secular humanism inspires destructive relativistic value systems.  They firmly reject monogamous marriage as instituted by God. They fervently encourage easy divorces, remarriage, serial polygamy, rejection of biblical authority, situation ethics, hedonism, and extremes forms of women’s liberation, legalizing abortion, and the elimination of marriage.  This is a literal portrayal of life in the last days as Paul described it (2Tim. 3:1-5).  People are lovers of themselves and lovers of pleasure!

                                                 ii.      There are four basic convictions that distinguish secular humanism from Christian humanism, “confidence in God and Christ; supernatural world-view; the power of Christ acting through the church; and incarnational humanitarianism.” 

                                                iii.      Francis Schaeffer insisted that the conflict is between the Judeo-Christian view of God with absolute values of right and wrong and a humanistic system “with only personal, arbitrary, relative values.”  The current conflict between Christianity and humanism is the age-old struggle between God and Satan, right and wrong, darkness verses light, sin against righteousness.

                                               iv.      God is the ultimate Final Reality.  He is the infinite personal God who is truly there.  To the God of the Bible things are not neutral.  There are definitely absolutes; there is right and wrong in the world.  He authored the Ten Commandments!

3.      Since secular Humanists control the media, it would be helpful to beware of their impact.  Has television viewing had a negative influence on the American family?  How does it contribute to the violence in American culture? The impact of television on the American family is a net negative.  Since television programming is largely influenced by secular humanism, it is a moral descent from filth, smut, and innuendo to depravity.  

                                                   i.      It is their aim to destroy the country’s moral fiber and with it the traditional family.  They manipulate this communication tool to control the way people think and over exposure to secular input is “dangerous.” 

                                                 ii.      Many parents use the television as a babysitting method, but this exposes the children to sex, profanity, and violence.  This is one of the leading causes of aggressive behavior in preschool children according to the National Institute of Mental Health.  In addition the violence viewed on television is being carried out in the homes, schools, and streets of the nation.  Generally, young people are desensitized to violence; this is presently a cultural reality in America. (H. N. Wright)

D.     Lack of Determination to Stay Married Is Seen Today on Every Hand.

1.      Quitting on the Marriage is Alarmingly Common and Pervasive. To have had more than one husband or wife is not considered at all unusual.  As one woman filled out an application for a new job, she came to the question, "Married or Single?" Her answer: "Between marriages."

2.      Impatience is a Massive Character Flaw Among Modern Couples. Many enter marriage with the attitude that if they do not get along they can break the relationship and try again. Many people are too impatient with their marriages. They do not want to live "happily ever after." They want to live "happily right away" and when this does not happen, they bail out. A grand helping of ‘patience’ would do the average marriage a lot of good and help the couple endure to finally experience fulfillment God’s way (Js. 1:2-7; 5:7-11; Rom. 5:1-5).

E.     Too Many Young Couples Enter Marriage Blinded by Unrealistic Expectations.

1.      Young Couples Want Romance All the Time. They believe the relationship should be characterized by a high level of continuous romantic love. As one young adult said: "I wanted marriage to fulfill all my desires. I needed security, someone to take care of me, intellectual stimulation, economic security immediately—but it just wasn't like that!"

2.      Young Couples Want a Cinderella “Magic.” People are looking for something "magical" to happen in marriage.  But magic doesn't make a marriage work: hard work does. When there are positive results in a relationship, it is because of two people working together one step at a time.

3.      Married Couples Need to Return to God’s Enduring Plan for Marriage. This brings us back to the potential of hope, fulfillment, and happiness.  What then is a Christian marriage?

F.      Why should we be concerned about changes in the family? Every one of us should be concerned about changes in the family because the family does not exist in a vacuum.  It is interrelated with four other basic institutions of society: religious, economic, governmental, and educational institutions.  Changes in the family will dramatically affect the others.(H. N. Wright)

II.      A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE ACCEPTS GOD’S PLAN FOR MARRIAGE.  

 When God joined the first couple in marriage, He also gave them a plan for fulfillment and happiness.  This same plan is very much applicable to us today (Gen. 2:18-25).

A.     Married Life Is God’s Idea. Genesis 2:18, And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.  (See also Gen. 2:21-23) Marriage is not an institution of human origin, in fact it was God’s idea and design even from the very beginning. Since He created this institution, it would be wise to follow His plan and design for the couple.  Social engineers and sociologists may have some valuable insights on rare occasions, but we desperately need to get back to THE authority on marriage and family life– the Lord God himself.  What did God have in mind when He designed and created marriage?

1.      God Created Marriage For the Purpose of Procreation.

                                                   i.      One basic purpose is procreation—to bring children into the world. God created man in His own image for this expressed purpose.

                                                 ii.      Genesis 1:28,  And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.   (See also Psalm 127:3-5; Prov. 22:6).

                                                iii.      But there is much more to marriage than the procreation, care for and training of children.

2.      God Created Marriage For the Purpose of Companionship.  Genesis 2:18

                                                   i.      God created marriage for companionship.  Loneliness was the first thing God's declared “not good.” Loneliness and isolation are not a part of God’s purpose for the human experience.  God made man to live with others, and the first "other" was woman– his wife.

                                                 ii.      This is the primary obligation of marriage that underlines all other obligations and purposes for marriage—companionship. When a couple takes their marriage vows, whether they realize it or not, they are vowing to provide companionship for one another for the rest of their lives; that is what their vows amount to.

                                                iii.      Notice a couple does not vow to receive companionship, but to provide it for one another. Marriage itself is an act of love in which one person vows to meet another’s need for life unconditionally. This means that when a husband or wife complains, “I am not getting what I want out of marriage,” he or she or he is making a ridiculous statement. But the truth is you did not enter marriage in order to get something for yourself, but to provide companionship unconditionally for your spouse. You made a vow to give intimate company to your spouse whether you get anything in return or not.  As an act of love marriage is a commitment to giving and not getting and demanding! (H. N. Wright)

3.      God Created Marriage For the Purpose of Completion (Genesis 2:18). God also created marriage for completeness. The woman was to be ... “an help meet for him” (Gen. 2:18).

                                                   i.      Completion Through a Help Meet. The term “help meet” does not mean “identical to” or even “similar to.” It means “corresponding to.”

1.       Corresponding is the Idea. The woman was created to be a complement or counterpart, suitable for the man.  The idea of a “help meet” carries no implication of inferiority, but means the wife is the completer of the man.  Eve was Adam’s other half!   Thus,  the woman’s purpose to be a companion and helper to the man is clearly established.

2.       ILLUSTRATION:  If you tear a one hundred dollar bill in half, the two pieces are not identical, but they belong together. The features on each half are quite different but clearly related to a larger design than either depicts alone.

Along the edges that mark the torn sides, the two halves are most different and most corresponding because each of those edges complements every in and out of the other. In marriage,  male and female personalities, strengths, peculiarities, as well as bodies, are to correspond and complete one another in the same way. Franklin's image is on the one the hundred dollar bill. God's is on the man and woman in marriage. (H. N. Wright)

3.       Completion is the Goal. Therefore, the woman assists man in making his life (and hers, too) complete. She fills up the empty places. She shares his life with him, draws him out of himself and into a wider area of contact through the involvement they have with one another. She is one who can enter into responsible companionship. The partners in a marriage relationship are actually fulfilling God's purpose of completeness to life.

                                                 ii.      Completion Through Communication. The companionship and completeness that God intended for marriage grow out of communication as two people share each day and the meaning of their lives.

1.       QUOTE:  Dwight Small says, "The heart of marriage is its communication system. . . . But no couple begins marriage with highly developed communication. It is not something they bring into marriage ready made but something to be continually cultivated through all of the experiences of their shared life."

2.       Satisfying companionship and a sense of completeness develop as husband and wife learn to communicate with openness and understanding. (H. N. Wright)

B.     Married Life Is God’s Plan.  Gen. 2:24-25

1.      God Presented a Four Part Plan for a Fulfilling Marriage.

a.       God Gave His Plan for Married Life in the Garden of Eden With Adam and Eve.  Gen. 2:24-25

                                                        i.      “Leave.”  Vs. 24  — Severance: Separation from the old family.

                                                       ii.      “Cleave.”   Vs. 24   — Permanence: Cementing two individuals together.

                                                     iii.      “One Flesh.”   Vs. 24   — Unity: Sex, Physical Union of Husband and Wife.

                                                     iv.      “Not Ashamed.”  Vs. 25  — Intimacy: Open, transparent, Intimacy, and Vulnerability in the relationship.

b.       The Fall of Man and Sin in the World Does Not Alter this Basic Plan. Yes, sin did throw every part of God’s creation into chaos and disorder– this includes marriage (Gen. 3:12).  God had to adjust the plan to maintain order in the home.  This is where the two distinct roles of the husband and wife within marriage can from. The roles were introduced for the purpose of securing order, but the plan and goals of marriage remain the same.

                                                        i.      Genesis 3:16,  Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

                                                       ii.      Bear also in mind that there is no idea of inferiority or superiority nor dictatorship and enslavement!  The idea is order, authority, and responsibility.

c.       God’s Plan is Timeless and Enduring for Every Generation, and Certainly for Us Today! Gen. 2:24 is repeated several times in the New Testament for the Christian to observe and obey today. 

                      1.  The Lord Jesus Restated Its Significance to Christian Marriages. Matthew 19:5-6, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? [6] Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Mark 10:8, And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.

  

                      2.  The Apostle Paul Also Re-Issued These Principles for Christian Marriages. 1 Cor. 6:16, What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. 

Ephes. 5:31, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

  

We will spend some time exploring the depth of meaning for this divine plan for a fulfilling marriage.  There are related truths and principles that we will share as they are clearly implied in these verses.  The thing we need to realize at this point is that there is hope for a Christian couple, single, or family to survive the social chaos around us and literally thrive in the plan and grace of God in our lives.

   2.  Do not Look to Our Society for The Answers for Married Life.

Society is only contributing to the confusion.  But how do you go about trying improving married life? It will do little good to look to society for help. Society struggles with the crisis but continues to become hopelessly entangled in its own web of conflicting values and ideas. Society seeks answers but only provides more and more questions.

          A.  Our Society and Culture is Witnessing Some Extremely Serious Problems. 

Our view of Marriage and Family have greatly departed from God’s original plan. Our generation is watching the death of marriage and the family as we know it. Our society has produced a number of answers, but no real positive results or developments.

                 1.  The Contributing Factors.

Among the many factors contributing to its destruction are immorality, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, abortion, sterilization, women’s liberation, delinquency, and sexual rebellion. All those things are like strands in a cord that is strangling the Christian home.  This is what society gave us, I really do not want them instructing or guiding me in anything!

                 2.  The Confusion of Society.

There are many opinions about the restructuring of the family. Some sociologists say marriages need to change. They say we need “open marriages” or “non-marriages” and that it really does not matter whether marriages continue as they have in the past. People are groping, without any base of authority, to try to find out how to make meaningful relationships in a disintegrating society.  Clearly, there is little or no hope in turning to mere human beings to fix the problems facing our culture.  Man can only recognize that we have a problem, and study the damaging effects on the culture, while speculating on the long term effects.  But we are powerless to do anything in our own wisdom and strength. (H. N. Wright)

          B.  God Offers Proof That His Plan Works Through Faithful Christians Who Take His Plan Seriously. The Preservation of Marriage and Family can be realized in our culture as we submit to God’s enduring plan. 

                 1.  Christians Have a Great Opportunity to Impact Our Culture.

It’s time for Christians to reiterate the divine pattern. Our marriages and families should demonstrate a way of living that is rewarding, meaningful, and fulfilling. That divine pattern should be evident to the world as it looks at Christian marriages and families.

                 2.  Christians Marriages Are Failing Instead of Effecting Positive Changes.

Unfortunately, the world’s problem of divorce has also become a problem of the church. But God has the divine standard that can make marriage and the family what they ought to be.  In His plan is hope, promise, and wonderful potential for the faithful adherents.

          C.   Marriage and Family Issues are a Priority With God and the Bible.

It we do not preserve the marriages and family, society will crumble. The family is the basic building block of society. When it goes, everything goes.  Clearly God is interested in this as a matter of priority and not as a secondary issue. The ability to pass on meaningful advice to the next generation is lost when there is no communication, family order, and discipline. Every society becomes an end in itself, and those who are richest, strongest, loudest, influential, and most vocal will dominate stirring the culture into further chaos.  It is time for believers to look to the Lord and His Enduring Plan for married life.

We must Return to the Lord’s Plan and Design for the Help of Our Marriages and the Preservation of Our Culture.  God’s Plan Is over 6, 000 Years Old, but it Still Holds out the Light of Hope and Fulfillment in this Age Darkened by Family Confusion and Social Corrosion.