Secret Service of Giving

“Secret Service of Giving”

CHRIST'S SECRETS TO A REWARDING LIFE SERIES

MATTHEW 6:1-4

THEME: The primary motivation for life and service is to authentically please our Lord. This is what sustains a genuinely righteous lifestyle…seeking to please Christ with our giving.

RELEVANCE: one of the three great acts of holiness practiced by the Jews in Jesus’ time was almsgiving. Clearly Jesus wants our devotion to Him in a similar practice, but He wants the attitudes of our hearts to be right. Hating hypocrisy in its multiple forms, Jesus prioritize authenticity.

INTRODUCTION: Sincerity is transparent honesty, genuine purity, manifested clarity, and unsullied innocence. It does not fear thorough examination of motives and intentions, because there is nothing to hide. To ensure sincerity and integrity in our daily life, we must examine our motives regarding worship, material things, and our connections.   

1. The true righteousness of the kingdom must be applied in the everyday activities of life. Jesus related this principle to our relationships to God in worship (Matt. 6:1–18), our material things (Matt. 6:19–34), and to other people (Matt. 7:1–20).

2. Jesus also warned about the danger of hypocrisy (Matt. 6:2, 5, 16), the sin of using religion to cover up sin. A hypocrite is not a person who falls short of his high ideals, or who occasionally sins, because all of us experience these failures. A hypocrite deliberately uses religion to cover up his sins and promote his own gains. They truly are “actors who wear a mask.” Many people today are just ‘playing the role,’ they aren’t what they appear to be.

3. The ‘uprightness’ of the Pharisees was insincerity and dishonesty. They used religion for the applause of men, not for the pleasure of God. But true righteousness must come from within. We should test ourselves to see whether we are sincere and honest in our Christian commitments. Christ applied this test to the area of giving.

MESSAGE:

Why do I give? (Matt. 6:1–4). Giving alms to the poor Jesus did not condemn, but He did caution us to make sure that our hearts are right as we do. This act can become self-centered, and not God-centered, done to make us look good but not necessarily the Lord. So, how can we check our own hearts?

Why Some Give—Acting (Matt. 6:1-2).

I.                The Pharisees used almsgiving to gain favor with God and attention from men, both of which were wrong motives.

A.    No amount of giving can purchase salvation; for salvation is the gift of God (Eph. 2:8–9).

B.    And to live for the praise of men is a foolish thing because the glory of man does not last (1 Peter 1:24).

C.    Hypocrisy is severely critical evil (Matt. 6:2). It encompasses “acting” or “pretending,” and is often associated with deceit, insincerity, and moral duplicity. The Scriptures are replete with examples and warnings about the dangerous consequences of hypocrisy, emphasizing the vital nature of genuine faith and integrity (Ps. 50:21; Matt. 23:25-26; Luke 12:1; Acts 5:1-11; Rom. 2:1).

II.              It is the glory and praise of God that really counts (Matt. 6:4)!

A.    While all these acts could glorify God, some of the Pharisees did them only to bring honor to themselves. In these words, Jesus was focusing on the motive behind any good deed.

B.    God rewards good deeds done for his glory alone. He does not reward good deeds done for recognition, display, applause, or honor. In fact, as Jesus explains in 6:2, the valued “reward” from others is the only reward that will be received.

C.    “Probably the vast majority of people are more influenced by what men will say, than by what God Almighty thinks.”—G. Campbell Morgan

What Some Gain—Attention (Matt. 6:2).

III.            The Attention of Men.

A.    Our sinful nature is so subtle that it can defile even a good thing like sharing with the poor.

B.    If our motive is to get the praise of men, then like the Pharisees, we will call attention to what we are doing.

                                                    i.     The phrase “do not sound a trumpet before you” pictures people calling attention to themselves, people who “blow their own horns.”

                                                  ii.     Their actions may be good, but their motives are hollow. Like actors in a play, they give their gifts in front of an audience, hoping for praise.

C.    But if our motive is to serve God in love and please Him, then we will give our gifts without calling attention to them.

                                                    i.     As a result, we will grow spiritually; God will be glorified; and others will be helped.

                                                  ii.     Jesus emphasized the importance of giving to those in need. He constantly repeated the idea of ‘when you give,’ not ‘If you give.’ What can you and I do to give to those in need? 

IV.            No Reward from God.

A.    But if we give with the wrong motive, we rob ourselves of blessing and reward and rob God of glory, even though the money we share might help a needy person.

B.    These empty acts and whatever human praise are received are the only rewards the hypocrites will receive for their trouble. God will reward those who are sincere in their faith and whose motive in all their good deeds is to glorify him.

How We Should Give—Authenticity (Matt. 6:3-4).

V.              Give Secretly. (Matt. 6:3-4).

A.    Helping other people becomes a real adventure if we remain anonymous.

                                                    i.     We may have to live through times when our acts of generosity are neither recognized nor appreciated.

                                                  ii.     Regardless, we still must give and help others when we can. Planning for this and setting aside money to share is ideal.

B.    No one should call attention to the act of sharing.

                                                    i.     It is easy to give with mixed motives, to do something for someone if it will benefit us in return.

                                                  ii.     Jesus advised, however, that giving be done in secret.

C.    Jesus' words do not forbid record keeping, receipting, or reporting procedures used in good stewardship.

                                                    i.     It's nearly impossible to keep secret the amount of charitable giving you do today.

                                                  ii.     Donors are required by tax authorities to keep very accurate records, and the larger the gift, the more people must keep a record of it.

D.    What Jesus said was a warning against self-glorifying demonstrations.

                                                    i.     Christians can and should apply the spirit of Jesus' teaching, even while they keep accurate financial accounts. But He condemned giving to impress others.

                                                  ii.     Believers should give generously, out of compassion, when there is a need.

                                                iii.     “God has given us two hands -- one for receiving and the other for giving.”—Billy Graham

E.     Does this mean that it is wrong to give openly? Must all giving be anonymous?

                                                    i.     Not necessarily, for everyone in the early church knew that Barnabas had given the income from the sale of his land (Acts 4:34–37). When the church members laid their money at the Apostles’ feet, it was not done in secret.

                                                  ii.     The difference, of course, was in the motive and way it was done. A contrast is Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1–11), who tried to use their gift to make people think they were more spiritual than they really were.

                                                iii.     Learn the blessing of keeping your donations secret.  Jesus tells us:

1.     Don't be proud of your generosity. You are only a steward of resources that belong to God already.

2.     Don't give for the honor bestowed on donors. Instead, give in gratitude for what God has given you.

3.     Don't count your gifts as merit points for heaven. God will reward you generously, but not on your invoice.

4.     Every time you give, count it as a reminder of your freedom from the power of money and of your trust in Jesus alone for all good things.

VI.            Give Sincerely. (Matt. 6:4). Your heavenly Father will notice your sharing and reward you for your giving spirit.

A.    The word for “reward” used here is different from the word used in 6:2, for the reward is very different. The hypocrites receive praise from people alone as their only “reward.” Those who give in secret, however, will receive a “reward” from the Father—a reward of greater value because it will be perfect and eternal.

B.    God does not promise an immediate reward, but it will be public and external. Doing something only for ourselves is not a loving sacrifice. Check the motives behind your next good deed by asking, “Would I still do this if no one would ever know that I did it?”

C.    The great news is believers can live free of hypocrisy and pretense by being real, genuine, godly, and authentic everyday (1Pet. 1:16; Rom. 12:9

CONCLUSION:

By first (Matt. 6:33) putting God’s will first in our lives He will be glorified because we give with sincerity. If we have real faith in our Father (free of hypocrisy), He will meet our needs. Hypocrisy is deeply and profoundly serious sin. It is driven by a desire for human praise, reputation, or the hiding of personal flaws. Insincerity is often the actions of a false, supposedly ‘moral’ person who hides multiple internal failures. It is holding oneself to a different standard than others or faking integrity; it is condemned as a form of spiritual dishonesty that demands severe judgment. While everyone may have moments of hypocrisy due to our imperfections, persistent, patterned hypocrisy is considered a deeply destructive, anti-spiritual condition. If we live out the true righteousness of the kingdom, we will avoid this sin as we live for God’s glory. As part of our Lord’s ‘secret service’ our motivation is authenticity. Seek to please Christ with your genuine giving.

Beloved, our lives are changed by the gospel and growth in Christ, by God’s acceptance of us based on the perfect sacrifice of Christ, as a result our compassion grows for others. We will recognize flaws, deficiencies, and sin in others. That person’s a sinner just like ourselves who needs more of Christ. Instead of ridiculing, condemning, or judging them, we do whatever we can to help them trust God more alongside us.   

Ephesians 4:23-25, And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; ²⁴ And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. ²⁵ Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.

God is Eternal

 

God is Eternal

Genesis 21:33, And Abraham planted a grove in Beersheba, and called there on the name of the LORD, the everlasting God.

My intention is to simply explore Bible statements that aid our perception of God as eternal.

In Genesis 21:33, Abraham plants large evergreen trees (tamarisk trees symbols of longevity and life) in Beersheba and he engaged in public worship of Yahweh as El Olam (the Everlasting God) there among them.

A new name, ’el ‘olam, the everlasting God, characterized this worship. Thus did Abraham seek the Lord’s blessing on the new relationship with Abimelech (21:31–34).^[1]

Abraham was acknowledging God’s eternal nature, faithfulness, and enduring covenant. Abraham realized that God was providing comfort amid his wandering, transitory, and traveling lifestyle; a stability and sameness God alone could provide. This was also important because it marked a shift toward established, long-term worship of the Eternal God. 

In calling on the Lord, we must eye him as the everlasting God, the God of the world, so some. Though God had made himself known to Abraham as his God in particular, and in covenant with him, yet he forgets not to give glory to him as the Lord of all: The everlasting God, who was, before all worlds, and will be, when time and days shall be no more.^[2]

Then in Deuteronomy 33:27, God says: "The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, Destroy them." 

Emphasizing how He is a secure refuge—dwelling place—who affords Israel everlasting and constant support, protection, and guarantees final victory over her enemies.

Because God is eternal and is a Refuge for His people, His everlasting arms, figuratively speaking, would protect Israel in times of calamity, and would destroy her enemy (v. 27). Having such a wonderful and powerful God the nation could be assured of conquering Canaan and then of living for a while in safety and prosperity (v. 28). ^[3]

Then our attentions are called to Psalm 102:11-12, which highlights the brevity of human life compared to God's eternal nature stating: "My days are like a shadow that declineth; and I am withered like grass. But thou, O Lord, shall endure for ever; and thy remembrance unto all generations".

Furthermore, in Psalm 90:2 we read: "Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou art God". Singling out God’s eternal nature and sovereignty as Creator. Clearly God’s everlasting and unchanging nature provides the foundation for His faithfulness. These verses indicate that God is outside the constraints of time, serving as the self-existent Creator (Exodus 3:14).

“God is above and beyond time. Again, God has no past, present, or future; He simply has an enduring eternal present.”—Norman L. Geisler

Dr. Geisler goes on to say,

“God not only created the ages, but He was also before the ages. To be before time and have made time is not to be in time. Therefore, the Bible teaches that it was not a creation in time, but a creation of time that God accomplished at the beginning. The Creator of time can be no more temporal than the Creator of the contingent can be contingent, or the Creator of the effect can be an effect himself.”—Norman L. Geisler

God’s eternality is everlasting, without beginning or end. While people experience time as a sequence of moments, God transcends these temporal limitations—He looks backward and forward infinitely and perceives past and future as present.

Once more 1 Timothy 1:17, declares, “Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honour and glory for ever and ever. Amen.”

This profound, Spirit-led outburst of praise worships God as the eternal, invisible, and immortal “King eternal” or King of the ages. Because we have received grace despite being incredible ‘sinners,’ we must acknowledge God’s supreme, unparalleled nature, declaring Him the only God worthy of eternal honor and glory. 

So, then God is eternal; He exists outside the constraints of time, having no beginning and no end. As a self-existent, unchanging Being, God is not subject to the succession of moments, but experiences all of time—past, present, and future—simultaneously as an ‘everlasting present’. He is the creator and sustainer of all things. 

Rather than proving God’s existence, the Bible assumes it, beginning with “In the beginning God …” (Genesis 1:1). God’s self-disclosure to Moses as “I AM THAT I AM” shows His total being, self-existence, and eternality, embracing all time—past, present, and future. This name portrays God as not only what He is presently, but what He has always been and will always be.

Several points should be noted of God's eternal nature:

• Transcending Time: God is not restricted or accustomed by time but rather exists outside of it.
• No Beginning or End: Scripture describes God as existing "from everlasting to everlasting," signifying He was not created.
• Self-Existence: God is the "I AM," existing independently of any cause or other being.
• Unchanging: God's eternal nature means He is not subject to growth or decline. He is already and always will be perfect.

These biblical references among many others, showcase God as the ultimate reality.

Finally, the Lord Jesus claimed this same eternality when He declared “Before Abraham was, I AM” (John 8:58). His Jewish audience understood this statement as a claim to deity worthy of death under their law. Clearly Christ shared this attribute of eternality with the Father.

“The implications are profound. God’s eternal nature provides assurance in His plan for human lives, since nothing surprises Him. Creation itself testifies to God’s eternal power and plan—the regularity of celestial bodies, seasons, and natural cycles all point to His timeless sovereignty. God will ultimately create a new heaven and earth that, like Him, will endure eternally, and believers will share in this eternal existence.”—Unknown

Beloved, the Bible explains that God is eternal, having no beginning and no end, existing from "everlasting to everlasting" inhabiting eternity. 

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^[1] James E. Smith, The Pentateuch, 2nd ed., Old Testament Survey Series (Joplin, MO: College Press Pub. Co., 1993), 159.

^[2] Matthew Henry, Matthew Henry’s Commentary on the Whole Bible: Complete and Unabridged in One Volume (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1994), 52.

^[3] Jack S. Deere, “Deuteronomy,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 1 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 322.

God’s Order for Husbands (Part II)

 

“Adopting God’s Order for Husbands” 

1 PETER 3:7

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION AND MARRIAGE

THEME: Each believing husband is to submit to God’s order in his marriage.

RELEVANCE: the best husband first views his marriage as an expression of his submission to the Lord. Abandoning the ‘traditional,’ ‘romantic,’ and ‘institutional’ models of marriage he freely clings to God’s Order. He is not loyal to his wife primarily nor worldly models; the Christian husband is devoted to Christ first—above all. He fully submits to Christ’s authority in his life and seeks to guides his family accordingly.

INTRODUCTION:

First, what is marital chaos? What is it like when matrimonial structure is absent?

“Marital chaos is a state of severe, chronic conflict and instability within a marriage, transforming it from a supportive partnership into a high-stress, unpredictable environment. It is characterized by constant, intense arguments, lack of trust, emotional distress, and potential, or actual, separation or divorce. It often involves a breakdown in communication, with partners in a cycle of hurt, blame, and, sometimes, apathy.”—AI Overview

Most marriage problems are normal and often solvable with better communication, clearer boundaries, and shared habits. The most common marriage issues include communication breakdowns, intimacy changes, financial stress, parenting conflict, and uneven household labor.—Matrimonial Chaos - Wikipedia

Beloved, God’s Order or Marital chaos…there really is no serious comparison here. Again, the common theme of the preceding chapter 1 Peter 2 and this one (Chapter 3) is submission to the Lord even in unfair circumstances! Therefore, the husband must likewise first accept God’s Order for marriage, which brings us to our first observation and the continuance of hope or the establishment of the same.

MESSAGE: HUSBANDS MUST ADOPT GOD’S ORDER IN MARRIAGE. 1 Pet 3:7, Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

I.  LIVE WITH CONSIDERATION FOR HER, Vs 7

Now the apostle turns to husbands and shows the corresponding duties they must fulfill. They should live considerately with their wives, showing love, courtesy, and understanding.^[1]

Peter exhorted Christian husbands to give their wives two gifts of love: understanding and respect.^[2]

When a Christian husband obeys the Lord in this regard, his wife will not legitimately sense from him a lack of appreciation, mere utilitarian use, rejection, devaluation, misunderstanding, distance, anger, frustration, criticism, jealousy, inadequacy, or coldness. If any of these conditions really exist, there is a solid platform to communicate with each other through the difficulties.                                            

A. Consider Spending Quality Time with Her. “Dwell with”

This phrase means to dwell together. It is true we all want provisions, security, connection, and belonging, but a wife needs these in a more amplified manner. Many of her needs are addressed by spending quality time with her.

                       1) Understanding Her Involves Building Depth in Your Relationship.

 The Husband is to actually spend some quality time with his wife. Husbands are to live with her in close togetherness. This is much more than living under the same roof. This is instruction to take responsibility for deepening your closeness. Often understanding requires courage as a wife and patient consideration as a husband.

The first protest of a good provider would be, “Well I’ve provided a nice home and a good living for her, what more could she ask for.” The truth is that material things or animals can never satisfy our sociological needs or our desires for thoughtful companionship. Material things will answer some small physical needs but you both still require the opportunity to share your souls with each other. The deepest sharing and togetherness is with the Lord Jesus, but a second is throughout life a husband and wife are to share themselves completely with each other. It takes real courage and trust to deepen this dynamic.

Remember, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden demonstrated God’s design for marriage and companionship—togetherness. Again, Gen 2:18, says, “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

1) God designed the profound community essentials of man to be meet through a human counterpart, his wife. In Genesis 2:18, “help meet” mean ‘helper,’ ‘succour,’ and ‘corresponding counterpart.’

2) A husband, out of humility, has an innate (inborn or essential) necessity to cultivate oneness with his wife. Most godly men require the sweetness, sensitivity, and tenderness of a faithful wife.

3) When God provided Eve, all of Adam’s material needs were already satisfied before his creation in the Garden of Eden. God helped him come to this conclusion—man needs a corresponding counterpart in a wife.

4) Essentially, God helped Adam recognize his personal and essential need for a wife, and Eve was His provision. She was not intended to replace him, lead him, or compete with him, but to serve God together with him as his appropriate helper. Her role was different from the very beginning.

5) Eve was created for the high purpose of being Adam’s most intimate companion. This means that she was adequate for him, complemented him, and corresponded to him and he to her. God intended for Adam to lead Eve from her very beginning.

6) Accordingly, merely being a good provider for your wife and family does not satisfy all your needs to connect with her deeply as companions.

There will also be an element of mystery and intrigue, but a husband and wife are to provide answers into each other that cannot be discovered with mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. It means there is more to a godly woman than the need to connect and there are more than a mere few choice things to satisfying a man of God. It is the responsibility of a husband to lead this exploration and remember the goal is holiness and not merely happiness. It takes courage, humility, patience, and a willingness to grow together in the Lord.

                      2) How Can We Build Deeper Understanding?

You must spend meaningful time together! It may mean giving up a favorite TV series, fewer trips to the gym, or the golf course. It may mean leaving the Internet alone and disciplining the use of your time more. It may mean stopping the overtime when you can avoid it and calling home when you must be late. Give her your complete attention with listening, eye contact, and trying to empathize. Not merely talking but dwelling with her! The following are some other helpful suggestions.

                           a) Become Dissatisfied with Anything Less Then Oneness. View it as inconsistent with the scripture to have a shallow affiliation with your wife. Refuse to merely live together and just exist in the same household. Take some honest inventory and endeavor to fix your relationship with the Lord’s guidance. Gen 2:24, Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

                          b) Create a Climate of Trust

We must reassure our wives of our fidelity—our faithfulness. Leave no room for doubt in her mind. Talk with her about anything she is uneasy with. Avoid little white lies, withholding relevant information, emotional or literal disloyalty, harmful flirtations which could create distrust, avoid harmful situations which could lead to misunderstanding. It is only through a deepening sense of trust that we develop greater intimacy with our wives.

                          c) Spend Time with Each Other

Intimacy comes when two people spend quality time together. This means limiting our time with ‘friends’ and social media to make time for your spouse…we treat the marriage union as a priority. We need time to talk together, walk together, celebrate together, think together, plan together, and dream together. Keep your promises, you do not need to be too critical of every little things, and face up to reality with the goal of becoming holy in the Lord. This does not eliminate a husband’s leadership; it simply helps him understand his wife and her need for assurance from you. With out this dimension in your marriage ‘something will seem missing’…it will not provide the joy or insight God intended and both of you so desperately need.

“Several years ago, a twister swept through the farmlands of Kansas and touched down right of the farmhouse. The force of the wind lifted the room off and set it down about fifty feet from the house. It also lifted the bed on which the husband and wife were sleeping and set it down in the front yard. Immediately the wife began to cry. “Don’t cry,” the husband consoled, “Everything is going to be all right. You don’t have to be afraid.” The wife responded, “I’m not crying because I’m afraid. I’m crying because I’m happy. This is the first time in five years we’ve been out of the house together!”

God’s plan for your relationship is that it be an ever growing and deepening experience with each other.

B. Consider Limiting Social Media Involvement.

Social media outlets strive on female involvement and use! Some women would be ashamed of some of the stuff they posted or their general immodesty…advertisements…. Many western wives and potential wives were ruined by social media! Avoid content creators who are not living examples of what you want. Stir clear of worldly ideas from people more interested in the algorithm and telling you what you want to hear because it secures them likes and hearts. Remember they are trying to make a living on your engagements or comments!

1) Secrecy between a husband and wife is not a part of God’s plan for marriage.

Couples who cannot see each other’s online activities or they do not share their social media accounts tend to be hiding something about their online activity. God still can see when we obscure our actions incognito! I have seen one member share freely their social media accounts while the other member carefully concealed their actual activities. What hypocrisy! 

2) Options can prevent total commitment to your spouse.

More options do not provide more clarity; they only add to the confusion. Who is in your DMs? Who did you give your number to? Are you using your phone to be sneaky and secretive? What situations do you tolerate? Are you paralyzed by multiple options…unable to decide because you are convinced you could do better? Have you ‘settled’ until something better comes along? 

3) Distrust multiplies as your inconsistencies and lies become more evident.

Your activities poison your future relationship with her because your character is gravely flawed. This is also true for her. Your spouse detects the flaws early on, weather they say so or not…. The results are eroded trust… loss of confidence…discarded or phony fidelity. Building a foundation of reliability is vital for you both to grow in the Lord.

C. Consider the Many Descriptions in Scripture.

1)     The Book of Proverbs is packed with warnings and illustrations of the wrong and correct type of person and habits. We would be wise to pay careful attention.

2)     The Bible is also replete with portrayals of a God-fearing persons as well as examples of godless people. These should inform and warn us.

3)     While ‘perfection’ is out of the question, growth starts with honesty—transparency, confessions, and repentance—before God and integrity with your spouse.

4)     Heb. 4:12, says, “For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart”.

 The Word of God as living, active, and penetrates deeply to judge the thoughts and goals we have. Beloved, this is the transformative power of Scripture to convict, expose inner motives, and reveal truth. God gave us His word to aid our exploration of holiness, and to aids our marriages tremendously.

D. Consider Knowing Her Well; Pay Attention to Her. “According to knowledge”

This embraces the idea that husbands should actively study, understand, and respect their wives’ specific needs, emotions, and character to build a thoughtful, considerate, and loving marriage in Christ. We are to live with insight rather than ignorance, providing tailored care, and honoring them as equal heirs of God’s grace. This obviously requires you to pay attention to her.

Not only should you know her favorite color, restaurant, or shoes, but you understand best how she is put together. Husbands are to explore, investigate, and inquire into her person; the inclination to be more self-centered in great, but you need to pay some quality attention to her.

QUOTE: “Your wife is a unique vessel, carefully crafted and beautifully interwoven by her Creator. To “know your wife” means to know the answers to the complex questions about her. What is her innermost make up? What are her deepest concerns and fears? How do you help her work through them in the safety and security of your love? What does she need from you? Why does she respond as she does?”—Charles Swindoll 

Gentlemen, no one else can supply the answers to these questions about her. While more experienced wives can provide helpful insight around certain duties and obligations, a husband must have a curiosity that move him to understand her. Make it your quest to regard the natural cycles and more intriguing mysteries of your wife. As you do this, you’ll unlock other rooms and compartments of her innermost being worthy of your exploration. Her opening up to you will become normal and natural. Trust will escalate and understanding will increase. She is not required to be mysterious or secretive, but men do not necessarily understand women in general. This “knowledge” comes primarily as you cultivate intimacy, it takes time. It takes listening. It takes paying attention, concentrating, praying for insight, seeking understanding, and refusing to use such knowledge against her. Ask God to help you understand her! 

QUOTE: “Now, the phrase, "according to knowledge," is descriptive of a man's manner of life with his mate, a woman's need, wherein he studiously gives himself to the task of perceiving her rather unique needs, and then follows in applying himself to the skillful fulfillment of those needs. To live with a wife in an understanding way is to dwell with her, guided by a correct assessment of her womanly nature, and by a correct identification of her roles and her duties, over against your own roles and duties. It speaks of a manner of living characterized by sensitivity, by a close consideration of her femininity, and by the needs and desires which properly emanate from both.

About his wife, a man needs to understand such things-as I have been slow to understand-as that there needs to be times when a woman can cry without giving her husband an objective rationale to support it. Fourteen years I have been married, and while the lesson is somewhere in my head, all too often there is failure on the practical level-and an indictment, thus, of my manhood.

A man needs to live with his wife understanding such things as her acute need, for the praise and the gratitude of her husband- understanding her need for intimate and undistracted communication- understanding her need for practical help with dishes and diapers and floors and vacuum cleaning, etc., etc.- understanding her needs and her temperament, when the manner of woman is upon her.

A true man is not a brute. He is a wise, perceptive and lifelong student of his wife. And his understanding, first on the level of perception, then works out on the level of skillful fulfillment of needs perceived.”—George Mcdearmon

APPLICATION: Many wives would give their right arm for a husband that really knows her. Few things give a woman more security than her husband really understanding her. She may not even support each decision enthusiastically, but she is confident she is understood. This is what results in intimacy; it turns romance into a deep, lifelong agape-love. Frequent open and honest conversation will help a couple to arrive at this reality. Do not ignore, disregard, and neglect her; refuse to allow yourself to become indifferent towards her. “DWELL WITH HER ACCORDING TO KNOWLEDGE”!

For many men, there are no new discoveries here. Perhaps a few reminders of how important this really is. To be a student of Christ is essential for every believer and husbands need to be studious concerning their wives. My biggest disappointment in myself is that I was never consistent in this area. No doubt each marriage has special or infrequent developments that have proved challenging and somewhat disconcerting, but it is always advantageous to follow God’s order staying away from the possible chaos that could ensue. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by work, the house, the yard, a hobby, sports, or even TV and the internet. Pay careful attention to your wife; she represents a special gift from God to you specifically.  

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^[1] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 2268.

^[2] Roger M. Raymer, “1 Peter,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 849.