Pursue Marital Intimacy....

Intimacy is one goal of a healthy marriage union; an objective that often proves illusive. While intimacy is more than mere idealism, it is a process, and should not be viewed as a destination. It is important to understand that the journey together is what matters. It requires a growing man and woman investing his and her person selflessly into the other’s experience. By God’s grace this will strengthen and maintain marital vitality throughout their life time. It also provides a palpable defense against unfaithfulness and those who prey on weak or fractured marriages. In light of these worthwhile goals, God stipulates that married couples leave, cleave, and become one flesh (Gen. 2:24, 25) to build the correct type of intimacy into their marriage! The marriage God formed in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve still serves as a viable blueprint for married couples today (Gen. 2:18-25). He made the first married couple for Himself and each other. The Lord God gave them beneficial marital instructions that are appropriate for the institution of marriage in all generations (Matt. 19:4-6; Eph. 5:31).

This idea of biblical intimacy; however, stands in stark contrast to the swinging mentality and the false notion that extra-marital affairs are necessary to sustain a marriage. Intimacy requires the total investment of our complete person for the welfare of our marriage. A marriage does not have to become stale and boring over the course of time; by following God’s instructions it can deepen, broaden, and provide more meaning and satisfaction. Such marriages are pleasing to the Lord because they glorify Him as His Word is obeyed and proven true in a couple's experience. Thus the married couple and God are blessed by the intimacy of the relationship.

Still what exactly is marital intimacy from a biblical perspective? Note the words of the Apostle Paul regarding marriage and the fundamental principles for developing a healthy marriage. He writes,

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. [32] This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church (Eph. 5:31-32).

Paul identifies leaving, joining, and becoming one flesh in this text as essential pursuits in marriage. This relates to separating from parents, sticking permanently to your mate like superglue, and deepening the relationship spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically. The phrase “the two shall be one flesh” means two persons growing into oneness as their goal throughout the course of their married life.  Paul recognizes a life-long process that requires the investment of two souls influenced by God’s grace and guidance!

On the more delicate side of intimacy, Solomon affords us a glimpse in the Song of Solomon of his youthful love for His Shulamite wife. Notice what she says with regards to her husband,

Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits (Song 4:16).

The phrase “Let my beloved come into his garden” is poetically stylized and refers to her invitation to her husband to come claim her entire person– “garden”—as his own. The Shulamite portrays herself as his open inviting garden; recall before she was a closed garden (Song 4:12). She describes herself as “his garden,” thus signifying voluntary surrender to physical love in marriage (1 Cor. 7:3–5). Once again there is a strong indication of a necessary process and specific experiences of intimacy on the spiritual, intellectual, emotional, and physical levels.    

One author, who understood these principles well, describes intimacy as closeness and understanding writing,

There should be vivid feeling of closeness, mutual commitment, growing understanding, and a constant effort to connect with ones mate on every level. A more touching definition of intimacy might be expressed as a young married couple did. The young wife said intimacy means that even when she's not thinking about her husband, she's thinking about him.

Yes, intimacy is oneness—a growing harmonious solidarity—a meeting of two souls that eventuates into the closeness of soul-mates. It requires both complete individuals generously pouring themselves into each other to realize one new existence—marriage.

Finally, the success of a marriage depends largely upon spiritual and emotional maturity.  Being good Christians brings stability to a marriage, but this alone does not automatically overcome the poor choice of a partner or any personal inadequacies brought into the marriage (MacDonald & MacDonald). Psychological satisfaction or happiness for a Christian couple must involve maturity. The Lasswells gave this helpful insight:

Ideally, marriage partners in our society should be two adults who are physically, socially, and psychologically capable of modifying their individualities into mutually acceptable patterns that will bring them more joys than sorrows in their lifelong relationship with each other.

Maturity is related to this ability to modify ones behavior to give a measure of happiness to another. Always bear in mind that complete satisfaction and happiness can never come from another human being. Only God can provide this as each spouse grow in depth and intimacy with Him first and foremost. When both individuals are growing up in the Lord, the marriage will be strengthened and reinforced to the benefit of both mates. This does not mean we cannot make a difference in our marriage on our own (1 Pet. 3:1-6), but the chances increase greatly when the couple invest themselves into each other by God’s grace (1 Pet. 3:7). Do not give up on developing the marriage relationship God designed you and your spouse for. Trust Him for it and grow to increase the value of your investments into your mate.