God's Order for Husbands (Part III)

 

 “Adopting God’s Order for Husbands” 

1 PETER 3:7

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION AND MARRIAGE

THEME: Each believing husband is to submit to God’s order in his marriage.

RELEVANCE: the best husband first views his marriage as an expression of his submission to the Lord. Abandoning the ‘traditional,’ ‘romantic,’ and ‘institutional’ models of marriage he freely clings to God’s Order. He is not loyal to his wife primarily nor worldly models; the Christian husband is devoted to Christ first—above all. He fully submits to Christ’s authority in his life and seeks to guides his family accordingly.

INTRODUCTION:

Not only should you give your wife understanding but also respect—you give her this kind of thoughtfulness because of her limitations and uniqueness as a woman.

One lie of women’s liberation is the idea that women are biologically identical to men. Feminist ideology ignores the biological clock and the natural desire of many women to be wives and mothers who prioritize getting married and raising children over climbing the corporate ladder. For a young girl to desire being a good wife and mother is frowned upon and belittled as if choosing this route is living beneath her potential. Conversely, it is a Bible fact that the most valuable ‘thing’ on the entire planet is a human being. God commits babies (new humans) to young wives because they are best suited for this most important job! Allow the reality of that to soak in.

MESSAGE: HUSBANDS MUST ADOPT GOD’S ORDER IN MARRIAGE. 1 Pet 3:7, Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

II. RESPECT HER AS THE SOFTER GENDER, VS 7

In contrast the Bible immediately acknowledges a women’s differences, does not trap her in masculinity or a male role, does not encourage her to lose her identity as a woman or major on ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ duality. God calls on husbands to make provisions considering her limitations and these confinements rise out of the fact that she is a woman—the softer gender. Immediately, using this kind of language will infuriate some, but we believe God and not necessarily people. Test this reality based on biblical teaching. Let us begin with this idea of respect or honor.

                 1. Give Honor to Your Wife.

“Giving honor unto the wife”. “Honor” points to value, respect, esteem, and counting her as precious. A good husband is to count his wife as a beloved jewel, as a person of incredible worth.

This involves actively demonstrating high respect, and love through cherishing her, and protecting her well-being. Actions like active listening, speaking kindly, sharing household responsibilities, encouraging her passions, defending her reputation, and ultimately treating her as a spiritual equal before God. Honoring your wife is a proactive, daily, and conscious decision that strengthens marital closeness. This is not primarily based on what she deserves, but more of what a husband does for his wife according to the Word! A husband’s submission to the Lord results in his wife being treated delicately and treasured—honored. 

                 2. Honor Her Because of Natural Vulnerabilities.  

“As the weaker vessel” is the next phrase in 1 Peter 3:7. By nature a wife is frailer and more gentile. She is also usually more emotional than her husband. God wants husbands to honor their wives by recognizing them as physically or socially more vulnerable. God is not highlighting inferiority but rather calls a husband to protective and respectful treatment towards her. She needs tenderness due to physical, emotional, or societal differences.

She is the ‘weaker vessel’ which implies that the husband is ‘weak’ also. The weakness he senses in himself should help him gauge his consideration and treatment of his more vulnerable wife. This understanding should lead him to act with tenderness and wise consideration concerning her. Again, it takes a real man to be a godly husband.  

Additionally, a wife is not necessarily ‘weaker’ intellectually or spiritually, but she has less physical strength—she is weaker physically. She is usually softer, and generally more slenderly made. God instructs the husband to respect this difference about her and compensate for it. Therefore, the husband is to protect, provide, lead, and instruct her.

As a good husband you aim to be a solid protector. Any husband feeling responsible to the Lord for his wife will protect her and sometimes that feels a little like him controlling her. Simply stated if a wife is a ‘precious gift’ from God to him, then automatically he wants to show God thankfulness for her as a gift and then increase her value to the Lord and himself. Naturally you would want to protect a wife because she is more fragile and delicate. However, this ‘protection’ can be misunderstood as too controlling, limiting, restricting, or even answering to a man—accountability to the husband. To properly respect her demands protecting her from any dangers—no God-fearing woman wants a careless and carefree man. A wife will never feel ‘safe’ with such a husband. She may be aware of some of those threats and welcome your protection, but you are also aware of potential additional threats to your wife’s well being and you take measures to keep her safe and secure. Please do not mistake protection for meaningless or selfish controlling. Communicate this requirement and this feeling clearly to each other to achieve understanding and appreciation for each other’s very different roles.

Husbands are to honor their wives by loving and tenderly taking care of them. They are to look after and care for them with warmth and tenderness, esteeming them highly.—Unknown

According to God’s order, husbands are characterized as caring, giving, self-sacrificing, and extending love focusing on the highest welfare of a wife.

              3. Honor Her with Your Service.

Eph 5:25, Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;   

This “love” of a husband is a sincere appreciation, concern, affection, and a high estimation of your wife.

Husbands are commanded, Love your wives (cf. v. 33) just as Christ loved the church. The word “love” (agapaō) means seeking the highest good for another person (cf. 2:4). This is an unselfish love as seen in Christ’s sacrificial death in which He gave Himself up for the church (cf. 5:2; John 10:11, 15, 17–18; Gal. 1:4; Eph. 5:25; Heb. 9:14). A wife’s submission in no way hints that a husband may lord it over his spouse, as a despot commanding a slave. The “submit-love” relationship is a beautiful mixture of harmonious partnership in marriage.^[1]

Husbands are to love their wives as sacrificially as Christ loved the church! His love for her is primarily evidenced through his service to her! Any wife, like any husband, is not even close to perfection, but a man must choose a bride wisely. And contrary to the patterns of wanting, expecting, and demanding, a good husband lovingly serves and attends to the needs of his wife expending himself for Christ’s glory and her good. There is no room for a self-centered lazy man! The following is a glimpse of Christ’s love for the church.

When we feel incapable of showing our love or we have nothing left to give, we need to ask God to fill us with His Spirit and grace. During these fruitless and frustrating times, we must ask our heavenly Father to give us the strength and wisdom to love sacrificially. Our prayer should be, “Teach us how to love as you loved. May your mercy and compassion overflow from our hearts to our wives.”—Unknown

What Can Husbands Learn from Christ’s Love for the Church?    

                      a)  Christ Suffered and Died for the Church—We should labor unselfishly and sacrificially for her ultimate good. We are not consumed with our expectations but her NEEDS! Put your wife before yourself.   

                       b)  Christ Provided Grace for the Church—We should give honor to the wife even if she doesn’t deserve it.  Because of the grace of God in you be gracious in your dealings with her. She is not perfect and nor are you! Remember ‘grace’ is for the undeserving person, so learn to live with and tolerate a few things! Love, forgiveness, patience, kindness, listening and second chances are not earned, they are freely given by grace!

QUOTE: “The most impressive example of tolerance is a golden wedding anniversary.” —Grit

                      c)  Christ Provided Structure and Guidelines for the Church—We should lead our wives with God’s eternal truth, giving structure, guidelines, healthy limitation and household rules. The Word of God, not mere selfishness, should shape the values and responsibilities in any home. Read, study, and pray over Bible obligations of devotion to the Lord and each other. Entertainment venues may need to be paused for a while or even discontinued to avoid interference with the Word and it teachings. Be very careful with tradeoffs and exchanges…the relationship should result in becoming more consecrated to God and not accommodating selfish desires.

1 Cor 14:35, And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.  (Eph. 5: 25-27)

                      d)  Christ Gave Gifted Men to the Church to Build it Up—We should labor to build up our wives spiritually, intellectually, physically, ministerially, and emotionally. This is a major function of a God-fearing husband. So, we notice her famine charms, appreciate her contributions, praise her for her strengths, and value her opinion even if you don’t completely adopt it on this occasion. Use your position to increase her value to Christ…she should become more devoted to God through your influence.

Prov 31:28, Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

(Also SOS 7:1-9)

                      e)  Christ Gave Spiritual Gifts to the Church—Acknowledge she has God given strengths, gifts, and abilities, that would make a wonderful contribution to your home and the church. Also give her domestic opportunities to use these strengths. This is not the time to be jealous or fearful of her growth or become insecure about her development. Also occasionally give her a nice gift on birthdays or anniversaries to show your appreciation and celebrate her growth.

                      f)  Christ Provided Security for the Church—Husbands are to provide her with the safety and security of a Christlike love, a faithful heart and eyes, commitment to your vows, and daily devotion to her only. Let her know that you will not walk out on her and forsake her. Assure her you are not looking for her replacement. Remember, to abandon her is to forfeit God’s will in that important area.

This zone has been a tremendous area of failures since childhood for many girls. Many of them take these scars into their marriages with an apparent need to look out for themselves…a kind of survival strategy. Much assurance is necessary once this category has been violated.  

LIMITING LOVE FOR WIFE

“A young man once went to see Dr. Harry Ironside to confess a fault. “I’m loving my wife too much!” he told the well-known Bible teacher. “In fact, I’ve put her on such a high plane, I fear its sinful.”  “Do you think you love your wife more than Christ love the Church?” inquired Ironside. The husband didn’t dare say he did. “Well, that’s the limit to which we may go,” he continued (Eph. 5:25).”—H.G. Bosch

In a major way part of a marriage is showing Christ to the world. Shockingly, the husband or the wife are not the primary concerns. Christ is and He deserve such honor and distinction. Your home is to be a place where Christ is manifested, magnified, adored, and lived for in very concrete and daily matters! Proactively taking out the trash, cleaning up after yourself, caring for the yard, choosing the restaurant, managing the finances, and planning the vacation and short get aways aren’t too much to ask. It is true not every woman should be a wife, and not every man should be a husband, but when Christians believe it is God’s plan for them to marry, then they should subscribe to God’s order.  

 

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^[1] Harold W. Hoehner, “Ephesians,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 641.

Secret Service of Giving

“Secret Service of Giving”

CHRIST'S SECRETS TO A REWARDING LIFE SERIES

MATTHEW 6:1-4

THEME: The primary motivation for life and service is to authentically please our Lord. This is what sustains a genuinely righteous lifestyle…seeking to please Christ with our giving.

RELEVANCE: one of the three great acts of holiness practiced by the Jews in Jesus’ time was almsgiving. Clearly Jesus wants our devotion to Him in a similar practice, but He wants the attitudes of our hearts to be right. Hating hypocrisy in its multiple forms, Jesus prioritize authenticity.

INTRODUCTION: Sincerity is transparent honesty, genuine purity, manifested clarity, and unsullied innocence. It does not fear thorough examination of motives and intentions, because there is nothing to hide. To ensure sincerity and integrity in our daily life, we must examine our motives regarding worship, material things, and our connections.   

1. The true righteousness of the kingdom must be applied in the everyday activities of life. Jesus related this principle to our relationships to God in worship (Matt. 6:1–18), our material things (Matt. 6:19–34), and to other people (Matt. 7:1–20).

2. Jesus also warned about the danger of hypocrisy (Matt. 6:2, 5, 16), the sin of using religion to cover up sin. A hypocrite is not a person who falls short of his high ideals, or who occasionally sins, because all of us experience these failures. A hypocrite deliberately uses religion to cover up his sins and promote his own gains. They truly are “actors who wear a mask.” Many people today are just ‘playing the role,’ they aren’t what they appear to be.

3. The ‘uprightness’ of the Pharisees was insincerity and dishonesty. They used religion for the applause of men, not for the pleasure of God. But true righteousness must come from within. We should test ourselves to see whether we are sincere and honest in our Christian commitments. Christ applied this test to the area of giving.

MESSAGE:

Why do I give? (Matt. 6:1–4). Giving alms to the poor Jesus did not condemn, but He did caution us to make sure that our hearts are right as we do. This act can become self-centered, and not God-centered, done to make us look good but not necessarily the Lord. So, how can we check our own hearts?

Why Some Give—Acting (Matt. 6:1-2).

I.                The Pharisees used almsgiving to gain favor with God and attention from men, both of which were wrong motives.

A.    No amount of giving can purchase salvation; for salvation is the gift of God (Eph. 2:8–9).

B.    And to live for the praise of men is a foolish thing because the glory of man does not last (1 Peter 1:24).

C.    Hypocrisy is severely critical evil (Matt. 6:2). It encompasses “acting” or “pretending,” and is often associated with deceit, insincerity, and moral duplicity. The Scriptures are replete with examples and warnings about the dangerous consequences of hypocrisy, emphasizing the vital nature of genuine faith and integrity (Ps. 50:21; Matt. 23:25-26; Luke 12:1; Acts 5:1-11; Rom. 2:1).

II.              It is the glory and praise of God that really counts (Matt. 6:4)!

A.    While all these acts could glorify God, some of the Pharisees did them only to bring honor to themselves. In these words, Jesus was focusing on the motive behind any good deed.

B.    God rewards good deeds done for his glory alone. He does not reward good deeds done for recognition, display, applause, or honor. In fact, as Jesus explains in 6:2, the valued “reward” from others is the only reward that will be received.

C.    “Probably the vast majority of people are more influenced by what men will say, than by what God Almighty thinks.”—G. Campbell Morgan

What Some Gain—Attention (Matt. 6:2).

III.            The Attention of Men.

A.    Our sinful nature is so subtle that it can defile even a good thing like sharing with the poor.

B.    If our motive is to get the praise of men, then like the Pharisees, we will call attention to what we are doing.

                                                    i.     The phrase “do not sound a trumpet before you” pictures people calling attention to themselves, people who “blow their own horns.”

                                                  ii.     Their actions may be good, but their motives are hollow. Like actors in a play, they give their gifts in front of an audience, hoping for praise.

C.    But if our motive is to serve God in love and please Him, then we will give our gifts without calling attention to them.

                                                    i.     As a result, we will grow spiritually; God will be glorified; and others will be helped.

                                                  ii.     Jesus emphasized the importance of giving to those in need. He constantly repeated the idea of ‘when you give,’ not ‘If you give.’ What can you and I do to give to those in need? 

IV.            No Reward from God.

A.    But if we give with the wrong motive, we rob ourselves of blessing and reward and rob God of glory, even though the money we share might help a needy person.

B.    These empty acts and whatever human praise are received are the only rewards the hypocrites will receive for their trouble. God will reward those who are sincere in their faith and whose motive in all their good deeds is to glorify him.

How We Should Give—Authenticity (Matt. 6:3-4).

V.              Give Secretly. (Matt. 6:3-4).

A.    Helping other people becomes a real adventure if we remain anonymous.

                                                    i.     We may have to live through times when our acts of generosity are neither recognized nor appreciated.

                                                  ii.     Regardless, we still must give and help others when we can. Planning for this and setting aside money to share is ideal.

B.    No one should call attention to the act of sharing.

                                                    i.     It is easy to give with mixed motives, to do something for someone if it will benefit us in return.

                                                  ii.     Jesus advised, however, that giving be done in secret.

C.    Jesus' words do not forbid record keeping, receipting, or reporting procedures used in good stewardship.

                                                    i.     It's nearly impossible to keep secret the amount of charitable giving you do today.

                                                  ii.     Donors are required by tax authorities to keep very accurate records, and the larger the gift, the more people must keep a record of it.

D.    What Jesus said was a warning against self-glorifying demonstrations.

                                                    i.     Christians can and should apply the spirit of Jesus' teaching, even while they keep accurate financial accounts. But He condemned giving to impress others.

                                                  ii.     Believers should give generously, out of compassion, when there is a need.

                                                iii.     “God has given us two hands -- one for receiving and the other for giving.”—Billy Graham

E.     Does this mean that it is wrong to give openly? Must all giving be anonymous?

                                                    i.     Not necessarily, for everyone in the early church knew that Barnabas had given the income from the sale of his land (Acts 4:34–37). When the church members laid their money at the Apostles’ feet, it was not done in secret.

                                                  ii.     The difference, of course, was in the motive and way it was done. A contrast is Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1–11), who tried to use their gift to make people think they were more spiritual than they really were.

                                                iii.     Learn the blessing of keeping your donations secret.  Jesus tells us:

1.     Don't be proud of your generosity. You are only a steward of resources that belong to God already.

2.     Don't give for the honor bestowed on donors. Instead, give in gratitude for what God has given you.

3.     Don't count your gifts as merit points for heaven. God will reward you generously, but not on your invoice.

4.     Every time you give, count it as a reminder of your freedom from the power of money and of your trust in Jesus alone for all good things.

VI.            Give Sincerely. (Matt. 6:4). Your heavenly Father will notice your sharing and reward you for your giving spirit.

A.    The word for “reward” used here is different from the word used in 6:2, for the reward is very different. The hypocrites receive praise from people alone as their only “reward.” Those who give in secret, however, will receive a “reward” from the Father—a reward of greater value because it will be perfect and eternal.

B.    God does not promise an immediate reward, but it will be public and external. Doing something only for ourselves is not a loving sacrifice. Check the motives behind your next good deed by asking, “Would I still do this if no one would ever know that I did it?”

C.    The great news is believers can live free of hypocrisy and pretense by being real, genuine, godly, and authentic everyday (1Pet. 1:16; Rom. 12:9

CONCLUSION:

By first (Matt. 6:33) putting God’s will first in our lives He will be glorified because we give with sincerity. If we have real faith in our Father (free of hypocrisy), He will meet our needs. Hypocrisy is deeply and profoundly serious sin. It is driven by a desire for human praise, reputation, or the hiding of personal flaws. Insincerity is often the actions of a false, supposedly ‘moral’ person who hides multiple internal failures. It is holding oneself to a different standard than others or faking integrity; it is condemned as a form of spiritual dishonesty that demands severe judgment. While everyone may have moments of hypocrisy due to our imperfections, persistent, patterned hypocrisy is considered a deeply destructive, anti-spiritual condition. If we live out the true righteousness of the kingdom, we will avoid this sin as we live for God’s glory. As part of our Lord’s ‘secret service’ our motivation is authenticity. Seek to please Christ with your genuine giving.

Beloved, our lives are changed by the gospel and growth in Christ, by God’s acceptance of us based on the perfect sacrifice of Christ, as a result our compassion grows for others. We will recognize flaws, deficiencies, and sin in others. That person’s a sinner just like ourselves who needs more of Christ. Instead of ridiculing, condemning, or judging them, we do whatever we can to help them trust God more alongside us.   

Ephesians 4:23-25, And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; ²⁴ And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. ²⁵ Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.