Rightly Treasuring Others!

Visit any news venue and within minutes you will be convinced the world is completely devoid of kindness, consideration, or tenderness. Human beings seem to be devolving into something less human with every news report and every click of the remote or mouse. Yesterday my wife asked her father if he had seen any “good news” on TV today. His response was a solemn and reasoned “No….it is all bad news anymore.” He went on to mention the terrorist group ISIS responsible for a number of recent beheadings asserting themselves as a force to be reckoned with internationally. Indeed they pose a threat to the Middle East and every country from whence they have effectively recruited and trained terrorist. A rash of new terrorist attacks will follow as these trainees return to their respective countries. Under their influence killing, fear, and barbarism reign!

This sadly is not where the barbarism ends though. It has emerged in supposed sophisticated societies in the forms of rape, sex trafficking, abortion on demand, wife beating, serial killings, city gang wars, abductions, protracted drug cartel clashes, homicide after homicide, and the list goes on seemingly endlessly with yet another example of gross inhumanity. Have we completely lost the ability to treat people like unique creations of God who bear His image? Have we forgotten that human beings are intrinsically endowed with worth and value by their Creator? Is it possible to reestablish a society that actually values each human life?

GENTLENESS IS RIGHTLY TREASURING OTHERS….

The fifth gracious quality of the character of Christ to be explored is “gentleness.” Paul, the writer of Galatians says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,  Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law” (Gal 5:22-23). Again spiritual fruit is purely the production of the Spirit as we Believers yield ourselves to God. It may surprise you to learn that “gentleness” is actually “usefulness, i.e. moral excellence (in character or demeanor)” according to James Strong (1890, p. 78). That is, our character or essential personality is made honorable and ethical as we trust God for this grace. Actually the word focuses our attention on the inner disposition, but not necessarily the associated acts of goodness it inspires.  Furthermore, Spiros Zodhiates (1993) in The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament says of gentleness, “It is the grace which pervades the whole nature, mellowing all which would have been harsh and austere.” This of course is the opposite of being intense, extreme, or severe. This fantastic inner quality is further defined as being harmless like a dove and truly tenderhearted.  Fairness, moderation, and clemency are also great synonyms for gentleness. Regarding interactions with others, gentleness involves sincere expressions of equity/justice and consideration. In a manner of speaking, gentleness is rightly treasuring others.

As you may have already concluded, a gentle Believer is free from needless roughness, discreet while employing sternness, measured when making assertions, thoughtful in speech, and considerate in actions. Typically gentle Christians are slow to make use of any form of violence or force. It is not that they cannot serve on a police force, in the military, or as part of the FBI with excellence; they simply do not operate predominantly from the position of force. Gentle Believers are marked with a moderate/mellow disposition; this translates into a demeanor that is cordial, congenial, and cool-headed. Beloved, high social considerations for the welfare of others are good hallmarks to aim for. This is the Christian doctor with an excellent bedside manner, a godly lawyer who serves for real justice respecting the statues of the law, and a nursing home care-giver who handles the elderly and fragile residents with tenderness and understanding. Gentleness reminds us of a nursing mother with her much beloved suckling, the tender ways of a wise old farmer with his favorite but aging Clydesdale, or the manner in which a loving father trains his only son. Gentle people truly treasure others and treat them as such!

Gentleness will manifests itself by goodwill rooted in the heart much like God possesses toward humanity. He typically sends rain and sunshine to the benefit of the just and unjust persons indiscriminately (Matt 5:45). Gentle Believers treat others well in what they say and they interact with others employing tender carefulness and thoughtfulness. We are to even evidence gentleness toward those who are undeserving and guilty of treating others unkind.  Still yet, while facing the gnawing pain of rejection, the gentle soul responds in character and refuses to lash out in revenge. Accordingly, the Spirit produces chivalrous qualities like thoughtfulness, politeness, graciousness, consideration, and understanding in the yielded believer. This quality describes the overworked pastor/biblical counselor who minister to a rape victim delicately and individually no matter how many cases they have counseled before. Yet again he blocks off time on his busy calendar to sensitively help yet another soul who has been violently violated. It is the social worker who still dares to look into a foster child’s eyes realizing they are more than just another case, but a highly valued life stoked with raw potential. Though placing children in foster homes has been her employment for over twenty years, she still finds herself weeping silently on occasions. I see gentleness in the response of a single father to his only fifteen year old daughter. “Daddy…I’m pregnant” she blurts out through tears and quivering lips. Instead of harshly scolding her while kicking her out of the house in rage, he gently embraces and assures her while fighting back his own tears. Deep inside he blames himself for not being there for her…but they desperately needed the extra money from his second job in order to make rent. Beyond any argument, gentleness is supernatural! It must stem from a person with a Spirit-tendered heart.  Once again LaHaye (1966, p. 51) observed, “The hurrying, bustling and pressurized life we live tend to make even some of the finest Christians annoyed at the interruptions of “the little people.” Without the influence of the Spirit even good Believers will become needlessly insensitive and harshly inconsiderate.

Characteristically, gentleness includes the inclination to forgive others. As Spirit-filled Christians, we must refuse to hold a grudge or harbor resentful feelings toward an offender. Through our Lord Jesus Christ we have the power to respond with tenderness while under great personal strain or pressure.

Gentleness is probably a strange trait to many since our culture is highly impressed with selfish advancement and individualism above all else. Neil Wilson’s (2000) book The Handbook of Bible Applications affords this very helpful insight into our contrary cultural values and vices.

“Jealousy and selfish ambition” are inspired by the devil. It is easy for us to be drawn into wrong desires by the pressures of society and sometimes even by well-meaning Christians. By listening to the advice: “Assert yourself. . . . Go for it. . . . Set high goals,” we can be drawn into greed and destructive competitiveness. Seeking God’s wisdom delivers us from the need to compare ourselves to others and to want what they have. 

In addition since God is gentle toward sinners (2Cor. 10:1; Js. 3:17), Christians should display this same virtue (1Thess. 2:7; 2Tim. 2:24; Tit. 3:2; 1Pet. 2:18). While there is not even a hint of encouragement for condoning sin, redemption and restoration are equally valued by gentle Believers. It was James who said the wisdom of God is distinguished by gentleness, “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.  And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace” (James 3:17-18). Gentle people are experts at handling others with ‘kid’s gloves.’ They are masters of the ‘velvet gloves’ treatment, but remain free of sinful manipulations for personal advantage. Gentleness undeniably excludes a Christian from behaving selfishly forceful, competitively coarse, or needlessly insensitive when interacting with others.

Boaz’s dealings with Ruth in Ruth 3:7-15 is a good example of gentleness. She entered the threshing floor late at night and waited at his feet to proposition him with a marriage interest and option.  This was fully consistent with Naomi’s advice, the Law of Moses (Deut. 25:5–10), and the customs of Israel. Boaz responded with thoughtfulness and courtesy. He behaved like a gentleman. Understanding her proposition, he immediately blessed Ruth, commended her, praised her, protected her honor, sought her security, and made provision for her needs.  Boaz fleshed out sensitivity, thoughtfulness, consideration and old-fashioned gentleness. MacDonald and Farstad (1995, p. 291) drew a fantastic parallel from this passage to the believer in Christ Jesus in the Believer's Bible Commentary.

This assured Ruth of his deep love and gave evidence to Naomi that he would follow through on the matter without delay. Ruth was a noble woman, intrinsically worthy of Boaz’s kindnesses. But we were unworthy sinners. Yet the Lord spread His covering over us and took us as we were. He has loaded us with gifts and encouraged us with His promised return to consummate the marriage. Our salvation is settled, a finished work. But entrance into the full bliss of our union awaits the Bridegroom’s return. 

Gentleness as tender kindness is perhaps best explained in the attitude of the Lord Jesus toward little children (Mark 10:14; Luke 18:15-17). Christ’s gentle spirit is contrasted with the disciples’ rather cruel attitude toward the children who were brought to Him. As this episode unfolded the Lord Jesus said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God” (Mk. 10:14).  The disciples viewed themselves and the Lord as either too important or too busy to be bothered with such minor affairs. Christ Jesus on the other hand made time for the ‘little people.’ He expressed genuine interest in their desires, afforded them His undivided attention, and left them in an improved state because of His personal touch and blessing. The persons in need were not treated like a burden to Him; they were not merely tolerated but secretly resented and unwanted. Christ cherished no concept of Himself as being too important or too busy to be considerately gentle to the disadvantaged. More Christians should cultivate this Christlike quality through serious submission to the Spirit.

Finally gentleness provides an atmosphere for others to mature. Think of how a good mother handles her newborn in the nursery. Such an environment is conducive to growing under special care. Though this grace is not cherished in society it is nevertheless incredibly valuable. Many people esteem power and self-assertiveness because such behaviors enable them to establish themselves as respectable. This evidences itself in millions of ways in a highly materialistic culture where individualism is a strong value. However, this results in pushing others around, justifying abject cruelty in the name of ‘good business,’ steamrolling over whoever gets in the way of securing another promotion, and loudly reminding others of one’s authority, rank, superiority and advantages.  Threats and intimidation are standard procedures in that environment. Such should never be the case for us who follow Jesus Christ.

That is correct; through the Spirit of Christ, it does not have to be that way. How wonderful to come into a climate where gentleness is highly valued. In this scenario love can spring into action. Allowance is afforded for needed growth. Understanding is generously poured out to the disadvantaged without belittling them. Selfless consideration of co-workers and addressing the needs of others become viable practical approaches to problem solving. There is an allowance of time for the other person to talk, and a willingness to learn, grow, explore, and discover together. Why do we not see the value and potential of treating others with gentleness?

Sadly much of the barbarism that plagues or modern highly sophisticated society will continue relatively unchecked. Unfortunately forms of rape, sex trafficking, abortion on demand, spousal abuse, serial killings, child abuse, gang wars, protracted drug cartel clashes, and homicide after homicide will continue as humanity ever spirals downward. As followers of Jesus Christ, we must not lose the ability to treat people like unique creations of God who bear His image! We must never forget how human beings are intrinsically endowed with worth and value by their Creator! By the grace of God in the Gospel, we must believe it is possible to reestablish a society that actually values each human life! We Christians must endeavor to maintain a Spirit-tendered heart and this will result in handling others with gentleness. It is not by becoming worldly, that we will have the greatest impact on our world. If we all subscribe to a dog eat dog philosophy we will only destroy each other. Trust God to give rise to more of this quality of gentleness in you. I am asking my Lord to do a work of grace in me also. If nice guys must finish last then so be it. Remember God said the first shall be last and the last shall be first in His kingdom. I believe God! We do not have to become cut-throats, vultures, and wolves lurking in the shadows to take advantage of another unwitting soul. Refuse to prey on people; choose to treasure them as God does. Beloved, learn from the Spirit of Grace how to rightly treasure others.

Why Is The Tongue So Difficult To Control?

Why Is The Tongue So Difficult To Control?

I recall an extremely dark day in my early teen years…if only I could erase my vicious rant from my family members’ memories. On that shameful occasion, I bellowed out some dreadful things to an entirely innocent person. We were playing baseball at my aunt’s house, and things were going well for the most part. Many of my family members and cousins were having a great time in a friendly game of baseball. That is until I was supposedly tagged out on second, when I clearly was safe. It was one of my cousins (a cancer patient) who tried to tag me out, but actually missed me altogether as I heroically slid into second base. I was safe. My cousin felt he had tagged me out when he caught the ball returning from the outfield. He had indeed reached for me in a rather clumsy attempt, but he was clearly too slow and too late. Accordingly, I insisted I was safe by a mile!

We started to argue…the confrontation rapidly escalated a few decibels. Inside, I felt justified regarding my claim, but a strange form of mercy within me felt it wrong to haggle too harshly with my very sick cousin. I was angry, perplexed, defensive, and frustrated…I could not freely defend myself because of his cancerous condition. It was not a fair argument…then he pushed me…. My entire insides were fuming, but this same strange mercy restrained me from reacting in kind. In a matter of seconds both teams were arguing…the situation continued to degenerate!

Finally, my aunt attempted to bring the sad state of affairs under control. Trying to resolve the matter, she addressed me directly. I was so angry that I took aim at her and fired off the harshest retorts I could muster. Everything I wanted to say to my cancer plagued cousin, but somehow could not, I mercilessly unleashed on her. My poor aunt was sandblasted by a barrage of the vilest sarcasms I have ever belched out in my entire life! She was undeniably disconcerted at my venomous histrionics as I stormed and thundered on. All the while, she was careful to maintain a safe distance between herself and me. I even recall real fear registering in her eyes…. The entire scene was categorically explosive… an extremely painful memory. I still have difficulty believing I actually did this.

My pride, my willful defense of myself…somehow, the embarrassment I felt, the sense of injustice, and yes an untamed tongue on a seriously violent rampage. These memories are still painful as I record them; I am deeply ashamed of my behavior. The extreme forms of disrespect…the degree to which I gravely dishonored my parents as I lambasted the sweetest aunt I have. My actions were exceedingly sinful. She did not deserve the way I treated her; in fact, no one did.

While I understand there were many dynamic elements influencing that event, one fundamental component was my failure to control my tongue. As you know, my problem is deeper than what I actually said. But, why is the tongue so difficult to control? How is it that I lost control of my tongue hurting some of the dearest people in my life? This is not my only story about a lack of tongue control, but it was one of my worst. The fact is my problem is quite universal. Note the words of James,

For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. (James 3:7 & 8)

James recognizes that we have been effective in training animals in remarkable ways, but the human tongue remains untamed, wild, and therefore dangerous. Many can vouch for the impossibility of controlling the tongue by mere human strength because it is restlessly unruly and deadly poisonous. It was D. A. Carson who said,

The tongue, then, is restless. Restlessness is a characteristic of the demonic world and evil, while peace is a characteristic of God and his good kingdom. The tongue is always wanting to say something; often poison that produces death. The murders committed on behalf of a tyrant come about when he issues orders. We experience something similar on the personal level when we speak evil and realize that it has brought death to us rather than life.”(Carson, D. A.: New Bible Commentary)

Yes, we all have stories similar to mine where we said some pretty awful things that we later regretted. Several things can be noted in relation to taming the tongue and bringing it under control based on the words of James.

TONGUE CONTROL IS NOT ACHIEVED SOLELY THROUGH HUMAN DISCIPLINE

We assume we can train and discipline ourselves to control what we say. That is, we make up our minds and determine to change. We bite our tongues refusing to retaliate. We vow to never say certain words again. The list could go on for a month! While the motive is good, the method is ineffective for the most part. Effective change can never be found in the strength of our flesh. The Spirit’s control of the heart and mind of the believer is the key. He generates love, longsuffering, meekness, and temperance in believers’ character effectively limiting the restless nature of the tongue (Gal. 5:22, 23; 2Pet. 1:6, 7).

Human discipline is a good thing and is not to be diminished in any way. In fact we must decidedly cooperate with the Lord to experience real change. God gives us heavenly wisdom which is marked by righteousness and peace, and therefore militates against worldly wisdom which breeds confusion and conflict (Js. 3:13-18). The Spirit of God’s contributions to our change is most important (Wiersbe). Only the Spirit of God can curtail our speech by His influence on our thoughts, values, beliefs, and motives. Do not miss what I emphasize here…the control of the tongue is an inside job wrought by the Holy Spirit!

WE MUST ACTIVELY STORE UP THE RIGHT KIND OF SUBSTANCE IN OUR HEARTS

This may sound a little strange at first, but the Lord Jesus said,

O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. [35] A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. [36] But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. [37] For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned. (Matt 12:34-37)

Obviously, Christ felt the tongue was connected to the human heart, and that the mouth utters what is in the heart. If we have deposited healthy ideas, belief, values, and thoughts in our hearts and minds, then that is precisely what we will say. If we have saved up evil things in our hearts and minds then that is what comes pouring out of our mouths most effortlessly. If good goes in then good will come out; if garbage goes in then garbage will come out! Our Lord calls us to sober considerations regarding what we say. Speech is a weighty matter in the eyes of the Lord and James clearly views tongue control as a mark of genuine spiritual maturity.

Once again our Lord echoed this same concept in Luke 6:43-45, where He said,

For a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit; neither doth a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. [44] For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes. [45] A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.

The nature of the tree determines the kind of fruit it will bear. It is only within the precincts of our new nature that we can exercise tongue control. Our new nature is the good treasure God has placed within us. In addition, we must fill our hearts with God’s Word, Bible truths, godly values, and yield to the Holy Spirit. He can use us to bring delight to others, and we will be like refreshing fountains and trees to those we speak with. The focus must be upon God and His Word, which are able to renovate our hearts and minds. We must fill ourselves with God’s truth and frequently bring our minds to the old Book for training, indoctrination, and values orientation. Thus the new nature will dominate our personality and lives.

THE PROBLEM, OF COURSE, IS NOT THE TONGUE; IT IS THE HEART

The best strategy for problem solving is to get at the heart of the problem. My wife is a strategist and analyst and one of her favorite statements is “Don’t waste your energy on symptoms; get to the heart of the issue.” When it comes to the control of the tongue, the key is to get at the heart of the problem because the heart is the problem.

First examine the condition of the heart. Take a serious heart examination. Be sure to make a thorough go of it because it is easy to have “bitter envying and strife” in our hearts (James 3:14). Again remember the words of our Lord Jesus, “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man” (Matt. 15:18). Though it may be utterly humiliating, we have to admit that we have gathered and appreciated some pretty wicked stuff in our hearts. For some of us, we like our sins or do not consider obvious sins to be sinful any more. We rationalize our speech failures explaining away any responsibility for the way we handle people with our words. We like intimidating others with the things we say so as to prevent people from seeing our fears and vulnerabilities. Speaking our minds with brutal frankness is highly valued by some of us because we desire respect above all else. With our words we conceal, hide, and camouflage the truth to save our honor, and retain the respect of those we wish to impress. If anger and fear rule the heart then it is certain the Spirit of the Living God does not.

Maintaining a clean heart has not been a controlling value in our Christian experience. We have not kept short accounts with God, and we have actually enjoyed some elements of sin. In fact, we have provided safe harbor for certain pet sins in our souls. But only transparency with God and honest confession of sins to Him assures us of a clean heart (1 John 1:5-2:2). We need not go through the remainder of our lives pretending and living lies. Truthfulness with God will set us free!

Secondly, we must undertake serious efforts to safeguard our hearts recognizing their influence on our decisions. The wise King Solomon says, “Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life” (Prov. 4:23).  We know the “heart” is the wellspring of our actions in life (Luke 6:45), therefore it must be guarded and kept pure with great care.  The word “heart” includes our intellect (understanding, Prov. 10:8; discernment, 15:14; reflections, 15:28), our emotions (Prov. 12:25; 13:12; 14:10, 13), our values (Matt. 6:21) and our will (Prov. 5:12). This is nothing less than the very core of our innermost being! The heart must be guarded!

God characteristically begins with our innermost being, and then gradually works His way outward to our behavior. He targets the heart first. God focuses on the inner life, the mind, the thoughts, the motives, values, and the desires. This is because the heart is the fountain from which our actions spring—“the issues of life.” Discipline requires that we select carefully what we put into our minds and hearts. Beloved, this directly applies to our interactions with any media source or outlet. There is an abundance of trash in or on every media outlet known to mankind. We must find healthy ways to participate while being decisive about refusing the junk. Be very thoughtful about what you tolerate and are willing to live with.

One writer explains that if the fountain is pure, the stream that flows from it will be pure. As a man thinks in his heart, so is he. So through Proverbs 4:23, God emphasizes the importance of a clean heart and thought life. The inner person has to be right, because that is the source of all else; but outward behavior is not just left to work itself out by chance. We also have to pay attention to speaking correctly, looking straight on, and walking with exactness. This is a matter of discipline. God will certainly do His part, but we must discipline ourselves to consistently execute our responsibilities as a matter of faith in God and His truth. Respond faithfully to what God is doing deep within and act on his commands with zeal and commitment. While the human tongue is impossible to tame for mere human beings, it is no match at all for the Lord.

Thirdly, I leave you with an examination tool. I do not recall how it came to me, but it is a helpful tool for self-examination. I have used it with good results and confidently pass it on. Let’s examine ourselves with these questions: 

·         Do I teach others things that I have not obeyed myself? 

·         Do I criticize others behind their back? 

·         Is my speech consistently clean, edifying, and kind?  

·         Do I use “minced oaths” such as gosh, golly, gee, jeepers, good heavens, heck? 

·         After a solemn church meeting, do I engage in levity talking about football scores?  

·         Do I pun on the Scriptures? 

·         In retelling a story, do I exaggerate in order to impress people more?  

·         Do I habitually tell the truth, even if it means loss of face, friends, or finances?

Since that dark and ugly summer day so many years ago, I have had other failures with my tongue. Most of them have been with the people I love the most. I hate hurting folks…especially those I love. Therefore, it is wise to keep at it daily so as to reduce the number of verbal infractions. Faithfully stay in the Word and walk in the Spirit so as to avoid saying things that bring discredit to our Lord and the Christian Faith. Put some effort into memorizing the Word so that healthy content is in the thoughts. Study and meditate on Bible truths in order to deepen the impact of Scripture on motives, desires, and values. It would also be wise to limit the amount of time with television and movies! Take serious precautions with the internet. Select your music with care, and decisively refuse the soul-pollution commonly passed off as music. Many times the lyrics are debased, wretched, disrespectful, and inundated with sensual innuendo. I am far from perfect in all regards, but I can honestly say, I am no longer that guy from that awful summer afternoon long ago.