Forgiving is Liberating

An unforgiving spirit is an issue that nearly all of us grapple with at some point in life. An unforgiving attitude that remains unchallenged can only have a detrimental impact on our lives. If it is permitted to remain in our spirits, it will increase its thorny irritations. Its influence will eventually multiply our pain and wreak spiritual and relational destruction (Stanley, 1996). Some consider it to be the major source of many physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual problems we see today.

Two thousand years ago the apostle Paul wrote this Spirit-filled prescription to the Ephesian Church to help them prevent these vary same consequences:

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: [32] And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you (Eph. 4:31–32).

Paul was describing the manifestations of an “unforgiving spirit” when he spoke of bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking. An unforgiving spirit goes beyond a temporary unforgiving attitude, which is the period in the life of a Christian between the time a person is hurt and the time he forgives the one who has hurt him (Stanley, 1996). An unforgiving spirit develops when we choose to remain in an unforgiving state toward a person who has wronged us.

An unforgiving spirit is summed up in this remark: “I don't think I could ever forgive that.” Such a person may feel justified in making this statement because forgiveness seems unreasonable for some offenses. We may feel we have been dealt with in such an unjust, unfair, unwarranted, and harmful way that we cannot let go of the pain (Stanley, 1996). Clearly, we need to face the fact that we all will be hurt. We have been hurt, are hurting now, or are going to be hurt by somebody in some area. The only way we can insulate ourselves against being hurt is removing ourselves completely from the possibility of love. To risk love is to risk hurt. Hurt is unavoidable, but we can deal with pain. No pain is too deep or too widespread to be beyond the power of God’s forgiveness working in and through us. Being unforgiving is a choice we make with the will, and it’s a bad choice (Stanley, 1996). Be warned, old hurts cannot be ignored; they do not simply evaporate. We must forgive those who have hurt us to obey the Lord, and to prevent personal destruction and shipwreck.

Thus we need to consider five areas related to Forgiveness in a two part series:

·                    What is Forgiveness? (Luke 7:39-43)

·                    What is an Unforgiving Spirit? (Luke 6:27-31, 35-37)

·                    Why Can’t I Forgive? (Mark 7:20-23)

·                    Why Should I Become Forgiving? (Heb. 12:14-17)

·                    Where Do I Begin? (Mark 11:25-26)

What is Forgiveness?

The answer to our first question can be found in Luke 7:39-43. Basically, to forgive is to set someone free or release them from an obligation. The best place to begin is to consider the meaning of forgiveness. What does forgiveness mean? In Luke 7:40-43, the Lord Jesus unveils the key concepts of forgiveness:

And Jesus answering said unto him, Simon, I have somewhat to say unto thee. And he saith, Master, say on. [41] There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence [500 days wages for a Laborer], and the other fifty [50 days wages for a Laborer]. [42] And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most? [43] Simon answered and said, I suppose that he, to whom he forgave most. And he said unto him, Thou hast rightly judged.

It is from this vital passage we learn that forgiveness is an act of liberating, or releasing (Luke 7:41-42). Forgiveness is “the act of setting someone free from an obligation to you that is a result of a wrong done against you” (Stanley, 1996). Furthermore,

Forgiveness is an act of the will. Forgiveness involves both attitudes and actions. If you find it difficult to feel forgiving of those who have hurt you, try responding with kind actions. If appropriate, tell such people that you would like to heal your relationships. Give them a helping hand. Send them a gift. Smile at them. Many times you will discover that right actions lead to right feelings (The Handbook of Bible Application).

It is also important to see that forgiveness involves three elements. In begins with an injury or offense, “they had nothing to pay.” A wrong is committed. As a result an injury, pain, hurt, suffering, or guilt is experienced (consciously or subconsciously). Then a debt resulting from the injury follows, “a certain creditor which had two debtors.” There is a consequence that is always detrimental and puts someone into a deficit state of some kind. They are obligated because of their failures, offensive activities, or actions against another. Finally, there is a cancellation of the debt, “he frankly forgave them both.” (See also Luke 7:47-48)

All three elements are involved in forgiveness of all types—forgiveness by God, and forgiveness of others. When Jesus Christ died on the Cross of Calvary He paid for all of our sins. He did not and does not require us to pay for any of our sins. When He paid the entire debt for sin the matter was settled forever. When we realize that we have nothing for which to pay for our sins, then He will forgive us sinners and cancel our obligations to a Holy God with regard to sins and our offenses against Him. 

We as Believer should be forgiving much like our Savior has forgiven us. He has completely released us from any obligations to Him concerning our offensive sins against Him. Likewise we should release others from any obligations to ourselves when they have hurt us. We are to forgive, release them, and literally set them free. We should no longer require anything of them! Not even an apology from them, and certainly not demanding begging and pleading of them to return to our good graces! We don’t hold the violation over their heads and we certainly don’t try to increase their pain or cause them to suffer in anyway because they have hurt us. This kind of commitment will greatly help any of our relationships.

Secondly, consider the magnitude of forgiveness. Luke 7:42, says “And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both.” Forgiveness is important because it sets them and us free, yet the world is filled with unforgiving people. Perhaps thoughtful consideration of the magnitude and benefits of a forgiving spirit will be helpful and persuasive. A resolve to be forgiving is quite favorable and far reaching.

A grand benefit is the realization that forgiveness frees us from suffering. People who do not forgive are suffering greatly. There is a festering wound in the soul. There is a wall in the spirit that keeps them imprisoned. They may not recognize that they are in an unforgiving state. But in many cases, people who feel frustrated, upset, burdened, impatient, out of control, angry, jealous, bitter, agitated, uptight, in turmoil, are suffering from an unforgiving spirit.

Another wonderful blessing is the fact that forgiveness brings freedom to walk in the Spirit. The apostle Paul’s counsel to the Ephesian Church was,

And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. [31] Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: [32] And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you (Eph. 4:30-32).

You see it brings with it the manifestation of “the fruit of the Spirit:” love, joy, peace, long suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance (Gal. 5:22–23). You see an unforgiving spirit stifles a person’s ability to love and to receive love. It stunts the growth of a marriage or a friendship. An unforgiving attitude keeps a person from experiencing all that the Lord might have for him in the way of ministry or outreach. It keeps a person from enjoying the full abundant life that Christ promised. God’s desire is for you to experience complete forgiveness, which is forgiveness of your sins and a full restoration in your relationship to the Lord God, and forgiveness of others who have wronged you. Knowing the Lord Jesus is experiencing real freedom. Jesus himself is the truth that sets us free. John 8:36, states, “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.” Knowing Jesus is freedom from the power of sin. Sin has a way of enslaving us, controlling us, dominating us, and dictating our actions. Jesus can free you from this slavery that keeps you from becoming the person God created you to be. If sin is restraining, mastering, or enslaving you, Jesus can break its power over your life.

Also forgiveness brings us freedom to serve our Lord. Notice again the words of the wise apostle, “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage (Galatians 5:1). Also in Galatians 5:13, he said “For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.” Freedom in Christ is the freedom to serve. Christ died to set us free from sin including an unforgiving attitude. Thanks to Christ, we are now free and able to do what was impossible before–to live unselfishly—this includes giving the gift of forgiveness to others. We must stand against the temptation of justifying our unforgiving attitudes and thereby stunting our service to Christ. Serving and loving others has to do with valuing them, respecting them, being merciful toward them, wanting good things for them, being concerned for their welfare, and caring about them. Naturally this will involve many occasions to forgive them also. It is imperative that we seek God’s help to change and to make amends with the people who have hurt us.

What is an Unforgiving Spirit?

God gives us an answer to this important question in Luke 6:27-31, 35-37. The short answer is an unforgiving spirit is a form of hatred. That may sound a bit odd, but the Lord Jesus clarifies the issue for us.

Notice that an unforgiving spirit is actually a manifestation of hatred in a heart. We can see this in our Lord’s words when He describes love in various benevolent actions. Among those He mentions forgiveness. In Luke 6:27-31, the Lord Jesus advised,

But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, [28] Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. [29] And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also. [30] Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again. [31] And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

Again these are agape-love responses to unfairness, various abuses, mistreatment and gross inconveniences. This is how our Lord expects us to respond when experiencing these flagrant inequities. Then in Luke 6:35-37, He does not soften His language nor reduce His expectations for His genuine disciples. He further counsels,

But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. [36] Be ye therefore merciful, as your Father also is merciful. [37] Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: 

While our natural minds are repulsed viewing these lofty requirements as too demanding, our Lord prescribes them with complete authority. Make no mistake about it, these commands can only be obeyed in the energy of the Spirit and He produces godly love in the Believer’s experience (Gal. 5:22). Therefore, according to this passage to love our enemies is to help meet their needs, show them kindnesses, and mercies, remain nonjudgmental toward them, and forgive their offenses. The opposite of loving our enemies is to refuse to assist them with their legitimate needs, withhold kindnesses, hold on tightly to old grudges, condemn them out rightly while questioning their motives, and withhold forgiveness from them. Beloved, this is pure hatred in action! An unforgiving spirit is one manifestation of a hate-filled heart.

If these forms of hatred describe you, then you have an unforgiving spirit. I know that may have felt a bit harsh and confrontational, but facing this reality is the first step to victory over a hardened heart of disobedience and unbelief. “Oh, I don't hate anybody” you may say. By such a statement, you probably mean that you would not murder anybody or do anything intentionally to harm another person (Stanley, 1996). But ask yourself these questions, do I avoid encountering a certain person? Do I find it difficult to speak well of a certain person? Does the very thought of a particular person make me cringe or clench my fist? If your answer is yes, you are harboring hatred in the form of an unforgiving attitude.

Unmistakably, hatred does exist in degrees. Not all forms of hatred are of identical strength or potency. Certainly all are sinful and displeasing to the Lord Jesus who commanded us to respond in love instead of reacting in hatred. An unforgiving spirit is marked by hatred, and we know we have such a spirit if:

·                    We cannot shake the painful memory of a hurt done to us.

·                    We cannot honestly wish the offending person well.

·                    We want the other person to feel pain, suffering, and hurt to the degree we believe we have felt it.

If this describes you, face up to the facts! You have a degree of hatred in your heart for that person, and you are possessed of an unforgiving spirit. There is no point or benefit in denying what the Spirit of the Living God is saying to you. You have an unforgiving spirit—a tendency to withhold pardon and a propensity to hang on to grudges and grievances. If we take the Lord Jesus’ counsel seriously, then there is no other possible conclusion we can come to.

In addition, an unforgiving spirit spawns negative consequences. You see an unforgiving spirit will take one of two forms in our lives. Either we will stuff our pain deep inside our hearts and keep it bottled up, where it will turn to bitterness and resentment, or we will actively seek to retaliate against the person, taking vengeance in our own hands to repay the wrong done to us. Either way, we will be the prisoner of our unforgiving attitude; we will suffer far more than the person who has wronged us. The damage to our fellowship with God, relationships with others, and within our own souls will be exponential.

But, praise the Lord there is a way out of this condition!  You can follow our Lord’s wise advice and choose to forgive the person. Nobody can make you have an unforgiving heart. Again, it is an act of your will, a choice that you make. You can choose by your will to forgive.

Finally, an unforgiving spirit ignores Christ’s clear commands to forgive. Not only should you choose this route for your health and well-being, but you are commanded by the Lord to make this choice (Eph. 4:31–32). We must take this seriously in order to be right with our Lord. Understand that God’s commandments are always for our good, and this one is no exception. Jesus plainly taught, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: [15] But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matt. 6:14–15). Our fellowship with God is jeopardized when we harbor sin in our hearts. Nothing is more important than walking with and pleasing our Lord. The fact remains, if you want to experience God’s forgiveness, you must forgive others. Again Mark echoes same thought in 11:25-26 saying,

And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. [26] But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses. 

The Lord would have us traverse this life without the weight and consequences of bitter grudges (See Matt. 18:21, 22, 35). In obedience to Christ Jesus, lay this burden down. Choose to forgive. Free your offender that you also may be liberated as well.