Gender Wars and Battles of the Sexes

 

God Created Two Genders—Male and Female

Genesis 1:26-28, And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. ²⁷ So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. ²⁸ And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

This article is concerned with the matter of two genders as the subtitle states, and to visit some of the difficult issues that fuel the battles between the sexes. Yes, I am very aware of highly educated folks claiming there are 63 genders. Some also insist there are about five sexes suggesting a distinction between gender and sex. Truly the disagreement and confusion among those who spout such ideas is more than a mathematician can calculate! I promise not to waste valuable time rehearsing these baseless and truly unscientific notions here. There are enough PhDs out there trying to make a name for themselves exploring something new…different or…full on weird. Biblically speaking, humanity is male and female as the Creator intended and nothing explains this patiently obvious reality better than the Word of God. The Lord Jesus states this at least four thousand years after creation, “And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female” (Matt. 19:4). With this in mind, let us explore this concrete idea that God created two genders—male and female. Then we will look honestly at some precepts of peace in marriage that could end the wars.   

Clearly the Genesis chapter 1 passage gives attention to the origin and roles of the sexes. It explores two questions, “Why did God create two sexes? And the second question is, “Can men and women be equal and yet have different roles?” The fact that God created humanity male and female is self-evident and clearly stated in Genesis 1:27. There is zero notion of an evolutionary process as this is presented as a direct and deliberate origination of humanity. It is also mentioned in Genesis 5:1-2 where Moses asserts that male and female bear the image of God. Male and female shows God’s image in (1) harmonious interpersonal relationship, (2) equality in personhood and importance, and (3) difference in role and authority (Grudem, 1994, p. 454). Four major sub-divisions of the subject of male and female may be addressed here: (A) personal relationships, (B) Equality in personhood and importance, (C) Differences in roles, and (D) the application to marriage. It is beneficial to look at each of these separately.

The personal relationships between male and female tells us that God did not create humanity to live in isolation, but in relationship (Gen. 2:24). Because people bear the image of God, they can enjoy interpersonal unity in different relationships and society. In fact the interpersonal relationships of human beings mirror the fellowship that exists within the company of the Trinity.  Healthy human relationships can show the unity, harmony, and fellowship that exist in the Trinity. This reflects the plurality of Persons as in the Trinity also (Jn. 17:5, 24). So marriage to some degree is designed to illustrate the enduring and harmonious relation in the Trinity (Mal. 2:14-16; Rom. 7:2). This is just one way the Trinity can be reflected in human life.

God’s design of equality in personhood and importance should also be pointed out. Just as the Persons of the Trinity are equal in their full existence and distinct Persons, so it is with men and women. They both are equal in personhood and importance. Male and female are created equally in God’s image and both reflect the character of God (Gen. 1:27; 5:1, 2). The Bible repeatedly emphasis this equality in personhood and importance regarding both sexes (Proverbs 31; Acts 2:17-18). Both are worthy of honor and respect and each individual should be thankful to God for what he made them. In New Testament times, the Lord Jesus was an outstanding advocate of this equality as evidenced in his teachings, illustrations, ministry, and actions toward women. Both are valuable and gifted members of Christ’s body (1Cor. 12:7, 11). Paul in Galatians 3:27, 28 clearly articulates this reality of equality in the church.

Equality, however, does not eliminate the differences in roles laid down in the Scriptures. In the Trinity, the Father has the greatest authority in spite of the fact that He shares equal personality with the Son and the Holy Spirit.  Clearly there are different and non-interchangeable roles within the Godhead. In marriage there must be recognition of authority and submission. Men are granted headship and the responsibility to lead and wives are responsible to submit and follow (1Cor. 11:3).  Also in this connection, there is biblical evidence for the existence of this distinction even before the fall of man. It is not a consequence of the fall, but it is hampered by the fall (Gen. 3:16). This can be substantiated by several observations. First, Adam was created before Eve (Gen. 2:7, 18-23). Secondly, Eve was created as Adam’s help meet or helper and not the other way around (Gen. 2:18). Thirdly, Adam named Eve thus signifying authority over her. Fourthly, God named the human race “Man” and not “woman.” Then fifthly, the serpent came to Eve first to undermine the marriage (Gen. 3). Sixth of all, God addressed Adam first after the fall and not Eve (Gen. 2:15-17). The seventh observation shows that Adam represented the human race and not Eve (Gen. 3:6; 1Cor. 15:22, 49). Eighthly, the curse because of the entrance of sin brought about a distortion of roles and not the introduction of new roles (Gen. 3:16, 18, 19). The woman would desire to rule her husband and the husband would rule over his wife with harshness and insensitivity. This is the consequence of sin. Then lastly, redemption in the Lord Jesus Christ reaffirmed the order of creation (Col. 3:18, 19; Eph. 5:22-33; Titus 2:5; 1Peter 3:1-7).

There are several noteworthy implications for the roles of men and women contained in the phrase “help meet for him” (Gen. 2:18). The first is the stated fact that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18) and after God created Eve and brought her to Adam, God viewed this as very good (Gen. 1:31).  The implication is that man is a social creature designed so by God.  In light of this the term help meet means a helper “fit” or “suitable” or even “face to face” to him.  Some define it as ‘corresponding to’ the man. Thus Eve is not merely a helpmate, but a companion who would fulfill the social needs of Adam. 

In this connection, it should be recognized that Ephesians 5:21-33 do not teach a universal mutual submission among Christians as some have concluded. No, Ephesian 5:21 teach us to be submissive to others in the church who are in positions of authority over us. The context and the following verses (Eph. 5:22-6:9) show this to be the correct understanding of the verse. Spirit-filled wives will be submissive to their own husbands, and Spirit-filled children will be submissive to their parents, and Spirit-filled servants will be submissive to their own masters. This order is never reversed, nor diluted by a false idea of mutual submission.

How should we refute the cultural argument against the interpretation of roles in Ephesians 5 and 6? The cultural argument against sound interpretation of the roles prescribed in Ephesians 5 and 6 can be refuted in several ways.  First Paul’s instructions in this passage clearly are enduring; there is no statement or even hint of them becoming obsolete during this present age in God’s economy.  Some may argue that just as slavery has been abolished, so God’s order has changed for women in today’s culture.  They purport that wives in the first century were to submit to their husbands just as slaves in Paul’s day submitted to their masters: out of love for God and their freedom in Christ.  When slavery ended so did the requirement of submission in the wife’s role. But, again there is no such statement in any of the principle texts dealing with marriage that teach God’s order for marriage would not endure. The command to submit to one’s husband is enduring.

Secondly, marriage is a divine institution started and ordered by God directly and throughout revelation he addresses it to influence its course. Slavery is not an institution ordained by God, but rather God sought to regulate it to ensure justice, fairness, and Christian propriety. Slavery is a human invention, but God sought to manage, police and control it to eliminate abuses.  Accordingly, it is the institution of slavery that has been abolished. Is the cultural interpretation advocating abolishing the institution of marriage? Perhaps not by intent, but arguably they indeed are in effect. The elimination of marriage would be the equivalent to the abolishment of slavery, not merely deleting the role of wives’ submission to their husbands. 

Thirdly, the wife is to submit to her husband as unto the Lord and just as the church is subject to Christ (Eph. 5:22-24). These verses present a correlation and parallel to demonstrate the wife’s role to her husband—the church’s submission to the glorious Christ her Head. The analogy will not tolerate manipulation or role reversals. Is Christ still the head of His church? The obvious answer is yes. To reverse the role of the wife to head would also advocate the church assuming the leadership over Christ. No Christian person is prepared to embrace or advocate such a ridiculous proposition. To advocate a change in principle marital roles is equally absurd. 

There will always be cultural influences that invade Christian thinking and disrupt godly values.  However we must not bow to popular ideas to accommodate the culture nor to placate our own desire to avert controversy. The command to submit is enduring, the institution of marriage is divine not human, and the irreversible nature of Christ’s headship over the church advocates a patriarchal society.

So how should the husband exercise his headship in the home? The manner in which a husband fulfills his role of headship in the home must be understood.  He is to love his wife as “Christ love the church” (Eph. 5:25) and “love his wife as his own body” (Eph. 5:28).  He must show the same selfish concern for her welfare that he exhibits toward his own person and is to “nourish and cherish” her just as his physical body.  On the other hand he is to have the same self-sacrificing love for his mate that Christ has for His bride, the church. When a husband is right with God and loves his wife biblically, he treats her in such a kind, considerate, and thoughtful manner that she finds it easy to respect and submit to him as “unto the Lord.” The husband’s primary goal is to emulate the love Christ demonstrates for His bride, the church.  This kind of loving is not just emotional, but an orientation, a chain of choices, a series of actions designed to bring about the wife’s well-being, happiness, and ultimate wholeness.

In addition, husbands are not to be cruel and harsh with their wives, but to love them as Christ loves the church. This certainly makes it easier for a wife to live in submission to her husband. Men are not to be tyrannical or passive. Both extremes drive wives to great frustration! Wives are not to usurp authority over their husbands. This will only buy her resentment and weariness! Wives are not to be totally passive either. Husbands should focus on loving, considerate, and thoughtful leadership in their homes for the glory of Christ. Wives should focus on active, intelligent and joyful submission to their own husbands as unto the Lord Jesus Himself.

Consider another related question…. Why is it important to have a balance in the number of roles played by a husband and wife? Honestly, it is important to have a balance in the number of roles a couple assumes as individuals. The multiplication of roles for both husband and wife will have an adverse impact on the marriage and the family. A husband may be father and bread winner along with a ministry in the church, or a second job or even a volunteer position in the community.  A wife may not only be a mother, and homemaker, but also serve in the church, or even in a PTA or other community functions. The truth is we can handle many different roles successfully, but problems arise when we devote too much time to one role to the gross neglect of others. There is also the possibility of becoming spread too thin; performing many roles but none very well.  Every husband and wife must understand their limitations regarding time, energy, strength and emotional endurance. Though there are many worthy causes, we must develop the ability to say no to many of them. This will allow us to manage fewer roles in a far more meaningful manner, and insure children and spouses receive a healthy amount of interaction. Again God created the sexes to complement each other and to mirror the relationship in the Trinity as the couple shows the image of God in them.

Is it true that “Conflict is inevitable in marriage?” Yes, I can honestly say that conflict is inevitable in marriage. This is true with most couples; confrontations will occur.  There may be disagreement on a certain subject that creates tension, quarrels, and even hostility. Such confrontations may serve a useful purpose in that they force the couple to deal with issues and face problems they otherwise avoid. Since conflict is inevitable, couples must learn how to work through them and develop their communication skills. Strong families have the ability or communication skills to resolve their differences. They are able to talk about them, to share their feelings openly, and come to a resolution of the problem.

Well…what methods may a couples use to solve conflict situations? Several methods could be employed by a couple in conflict resolution…many are quite obvious. Having certain guidelines for arguing may prove to be very helpful if the couple has the discipline to stick to them in the heat of battle. The first step is to get to the base of the issue or source of the problem. Then once the fundamental issue has been understood, then the couple must explore the motive. Is it an ego problem? Or is this evidence of an inferiority complex? Maybe it’s an attempt to strike back or seize control through some form of manipulation. Once the problem has been discovered and discussed, the couple can now explore viable solutions to permanently settle the issue.  In additions once the problem is solved it is not to be brought up again in future quarrels.

There are other helpful approaches couples could use with some success and hope.  For example they should avoid attacking the others personality. Being familiar with their strengths and weaknesses means we possess an arsenal of ammunitions to damage our mate. Do not succumb to this temptation! Another tactic is to realize that some times are more appropriate for discussing problems than others.  One should never air differences when others are present, when one is tired, or when hungry. These will only escalate the problem when better timing would have been an aid in resolution.  Some families tackle problems as they come up and others have a set family conference time to deal with such conflicts. One of the most important things a couple must learn is how to compromise when this is a viable option.  Sometimes a couple must simply agree to disagree, but genuinely respect the other’s point of view.  Differences can also be resolved by assimilation—accepting the view of the other.  Always bear in mind that many problems can be solve through careful analysis.  Conflicts will occur, this we can be sure of.  In light of this each couple must develop skills and procedures to overcome disagreements and conflicts.  Instead of these becoming destructive, they can be used as constructive vehicles of growth and enrichment.

As noted earlier, God created two distinct genders, male and female are created equally in God’s image and yes, both sexes reflect the character of God as individuals and in relationship (Gen. 1:27; 5:1, 2). Clearly, the verses we have highlighted here repeatedly emphasis this equality in personhood and importance regarding both sexes (Proverbs 31; Acts 2:17-18). Conflicts will occur and disagreements can be work through. The more the character of Christ marks us the more capable we will be at working through the wars and disagreements. However, the more we allow our fickle culture to influence our thinking the more conflict and disharmony will escalate. Again, the Scriptures insist that both genders are worthy of honor and respect and each individual should thank God for what he made them.