God’s Order for Husbands (Part I)

“God’s Order for Husbands” 

1 PETER 3:7

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION AND MARRIAGE

THEME: Each believing husband is to submit to God’s order in his marriage.

RELEVANCE: the best husband first views his marriage as an expression of his submission to the Lord. Abandoning the ‘traditional,’ ‘romantic,’ and ‘institutional’ models of marriage he freely clings to God’s Order. He is not loyal to his wife primarily nor worldly models; the Christian husband is devoted to Christ first—above all. He fully submits to Christ’s authority in his life and seeks to guides his family accordingly.

INTRODUCTION:

Many people including believers did not realize God’s order is fundamentally different from the other popular models for marriage. Further, many have confused God’s order with the other models setting up expectations and ideas that did not come from God at all. Even traditional marriages are just one example of this confusion.

“The traditional marriage model is historically defined as a lifelong, monogamous union between a man and a woman, focused on procreation, shared domestic life, and rigid gender roles, typically with the husband as provider/decision-maker and the wife as caregiver. It emphasizes exclusivity, formal ceremonies, and legal/religious backing.”—AI Overview  

While a great deal of this has Bible origins, it addresses entire cultures/countries from a national perspective and not exclusively believers. It is a model that virtually no one subscribes to anymore because our country and families have changed, divorces are much easier, and sinful choices are far more tolerable in society. People still erroneously associate this approach with God’s prescription, but this is not entirely what God requires.

Then there is the romantic model,

“The romantic model of marriage defines it as a lasting, passionate, and sexual partnership based on deep emotional intimacy, soulmate ideals, and mutual destiny. It prioritizes intense love, affection, and personal fulfillment over practical arrangements, aiming to sustain initial infatuation throughout a lifetime, though it requires intentional nurturing to last.”

“Risk of becoming dependent, jealousy, or disillusionment if the initial intensity fades. It can also be seen as a "flimsy" foundation compared to institutional models if not backed by commitment.”—AI Overview

Unfortunately, this is what the average couple thinks and wants from marriage! The average western individual becomes angry or disillusioned with God and others when what they expected in a relationship does not happen. But God never promised many of these expectations, so how can he be responsible? More importantly, there is no mention of marriage as a divine institution govern by God’s Word, a marriage covenant, identifying Jesus Christ as the supreme Person and real foundation in a believer’s marriage, different and distinct roles, leader and follower instead of partnership, and united holiness and devotion to the Lord over personal happiness. Furthermore, one of the primary reasons marriages exist is to raise children who will serve God with their entire lives. These are the things that should be emphasized and not the overplayed ‘Hollywood version’ that appeals to people’s carnality!

This romantic ideal for marriage has been broadly accepted in the western world and even exalted in our society leading people to believe a lie while blaming God for errors and wrong conceptions.

William Lyon Phelps, said: “The highest happiness on earth is in marriage. Every man who is happily married is a successful man even if he has failed at everything else.”

I am sorry but ‘the highest happiness on earth’ is in Jesus Christ and not even a great marriage can compare! Just because a person claims they are following God’s prescription does not mean they are!

Then there is also the institutional model for marriage:

The institutional model of marriage defines it as a formal, socially regulated union based on law, religion, and custom, prioritizing permanency, childrearing, and mutual obligations over individual feelings. It links couples to broader social structures, networks, and norms, serving as a pillar for stability and family life. Historically and sociologically, this model views marriage as a tool for social stability and the transition of individuals into families of procreation.—AI Overview 

Western governments tend to favor this type of union because it supports stability, the workforce, and paying taxes. Unfortunately, many Christians see this as God’s idea, or they accept these designs supposing they originated with God. In many respects this is not a Bible based marriage either because the primary concern is with an institution and not necessarily Christ. There is also no requirement to be born again…saved. Husbands, we cannot focus on this as our model or template either.

Additionally, some husbands are trying to guide their marriages to realize these cultural ideas and are failing because these concepts cannot be obtained or sustained. What should husbands be focused on then? What are God’s expectations for husbands? Again, God is not addressing Himself to every man, just those male believers who are “husbands”. I will extend this to include men interested in becoming a husband under God’s authority. I will look primarily at 1 Peter 3:7 and address Christian husbands from the Word. We’ll discover that husbands are to live in submission to the Lord Jesus in marriage.

The scriptures clearly teach Christ exercises authority over men in a special way, the Christian male gender most particularly.

1 Cor 11:3, But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Eph 5:21-23, Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. ²² Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. ²³ For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Also see Phil 2:10-11.

Husbands are the spiritual heads of their household, which does not merely give him special privileges but special responsibilities. God expects husbands to be spiritual leaders at home; the husband is to love his wife. Wives are to respect and voluntarily submit (yielding rights and loosing self) herself to her own husbands’ leadership (Eph. 5:22-24), and husbands are to sacrificial love their wives (wanting the best for her spiritually), nurturing her like Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25-30). The “one flesh” union (Eph. 5:31) emphasizes the primacy of the marriage commitment, exclusivity it requires, mutual satisfaction, and oneness.  

From these familiar verses we can see the two pillars of orderly churches—authority and submission to that authority (leadership and followership). It is impossible to have a well-functioning church or Christian home where these two principles are not observed. One of the great relationships involving authority and subjection is that of the Lord Jesus Christ and the Christian MAN. Therefore, it is impossible for a husband to have a well-ordered home without being in submission to his Lord, Jesus Christ.

How do we submit to a well-ordered home govern by God? 1 Peter 3:7, repeats this same concept of ‘submission’ by using the phrase, “Likewise, ye husbands”. “Likewise,” refers to God’s previous instructions to wives to submit to their husbands, but now he counsels the husbands to do the very same thing…be in subjection to Christ. Accordingly, the husband focuses on separation from his parents to take the leadership role in the new home, permanent union with his wife and then meaningful care for his family, intimacy and procreation with his wife to support the plan of God, and authentic transparency with each other for spiritual advancement (Gen. 2:23-25; Eph. 5:30-33). The local church supports and informs this union further ensuring the execution of God’s will as indicate in the Bible.  

What again is God’s Order? This means that we inherit the Kingdom of God by faith becoming citizens of God’s eternal dominion, enjoying His presence, authority, and blessings (1 Cor. 6:9-11; Gal. 5:19-25). We are faithful disciples, living righteously, and overcoming sin; we have not merely ‘entered’ the Kingdom through initial conversion. We enjoy a deepening experiential relationship with God, transforming our lives to reflect His character, leading to greater rewards and participation in His rule. It is God’s plan for us to tell each person of the hope of Jesus Christ in the gospel (Matt. 28:19-20; Jn. 20:21-23). As genuine believers (disciples), we are honored to serve God to achieve this end—God rules in our lives as we are devoted to his purpose. We must present ourselves, our families (the people in our care), and our resources to execute God’s kingdom agenda (Matt. 4:17; 5:3, 10; 6:13; Luk. 17:20-21; Rom. 14;17; 2Tim. 4:18; Jam. 2:5; 2 Pet.1:11). Therefore, we place ourselves on the altar of God’s will (Rom. 12:1-2), give our families to this undertaking, and steward our belongings to administrate our portion of God’s plan. The goal is to execute God’s plan demonstrating His order, rule, and authority over our lives. 

The Bible ideally regards marriage as a holy union, lifelong covenant established by God between one man and one woman, designed for companionship in the Lord, cooperation, and matrimonial unity. It represents the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church, emphasizing faithfulness, sacrificial love, respect, and leaving parents to form a new family unit.

Yes, 1 Peter 3:7, is only one verse, but it is commanding, thorough, and filled with divine wisdom capsulated in four precious percepts for Christian husbands. As male spouses, we must accept the authority of God for the advancement of His kingdom through our marriages. Beloved, neither traditional, romantic, nor institutional models bring about such results!