Confronting Anger I

1 Samuel 18:5-16

SUBJECT: ANGER 

THEME: Recognize anger in its various forms; this is the first step towards rooting its destructive power out of our lives.

  

Unfortunately too many people live in close proximity to anger and its damaging impact. Researchers have found that angry perpetrators often use violence and emotional abuse to control their families. Such individuals may feel they have the right to behave in whatever way they choose while in their own home. Far too often they do not take responsibility for their actions and prefer to think that loved ones or circumstances provoked their angry outbursts. They notoriously make excuses for their anger and violence–for instance, they may point to alcohol, frustration, or stress as the real culprits.

According to surveys some report ‘losing control’ when angry around their families, but can control their anger around other people. They do not tend to use violence in other situations. If around friends, bosses, work associates or authorities they tend to keep their anger under control. As you may have anticipated angry persons try to minimize, blame others for, justify or deny they resort to anger and violence. They typically deny the impact of their ferocity on family members. (Better Health Channel)

Few people in the Scriptures exhibited as much anger as did King Saul. His jealousy over the blessings of God in David's life drove him to violent outbursts also. Saul's anger was first evidenced when David returned from battle and the women greeted him with this song: “Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” The Scriptures tell us, “Saul was very wroth [anger], and the saying displeased him” (1 Sam. 18:7–8).

Because of his anger and jealousy, Saul's behavior, though shocking, is typical of an angry person:

   A.  On two occasions he threw his spear at David, trying to pin David to the wall (1 Sam. 18:10–11; 19:9–10).

   B.  He placed David in a position of authority, hoping that David would fail to lead wisely and be discredited (1 Sam. 18:12–15).

   C.   He assigned David ridiculously dangerous tasks hoping  that David would die while fighting the Philistines. For example he charged David to kill one hundred Philistines before he would give him his daughter in marriage (1 Sam. 18:25–29).

   D.  Saul even resorted to pursuing David continually for more than a decade, forcing David to live in exile and move frequently from hiding place to hiding place (1 Sam. 24; 26).

   E.  Not only did Saul pursue David without mercy, but he ordered the murder of people who helped David.  
   F.  He even turned on his own son with murderous intent (See 1 Sam. 20:30.). Saul's anger had no end. (C. Stanley)

It is easy to see anger at work in a person such as Saul. The outbursts are violent, and the rage continues to boil and manifest itself repeatedly over time. The angry person often has visible changes in physical appearance—dilated eyes and tense muscles. Internally, blood pressure rises, and the stomach tends to feel as if it is in knots. (C. Stanley)

It is far more difficult for us to recognize anger in ourselves. We are such an angry nation as a whole, we tend to tolerate a great deal of anger in our personal lives, families, and neighborhoods. Some even see anger as a sign of strength or power.

This tolerance for anger is contrary to God's Word, and it is damaging to emotional health and well-being. It is also damaging to spiritual growth and witness.

Get the Insider Story on Anger: 

The Scriptures admonish us clearly, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: [27] Neither give place to the devil.” (Ephes. 4:26-27). Wrath is linked closely with the work of the evil one in our lives.  Accordingly, people should speak truthfully, but their anger should be restrained, short-lived, and used for righteous ends. The following observations give us some insight into the very nature of anger.

A.  CONSIDER THE NATURE OF ANGER.

Anger is a powerful emotion. If it is not handled appropriately, it may have destructive results for you and those closest to you. The long-term physical effects of uncontrolled anger include increased anxiety, high blood pressure and headache. Uncontrolled anger can lead to arguments, physical fights, physical abuse, assault and self-harm. On the other hand, recognizing anger could be the key that motivates you to make positive changes. (Better Health Channel)

   1.  The Meaning is To React With Displeasure.

“Anger is a sudden feeling of displeasure and antagonism in response to an irritating factor. The irritation may be created by a person or a situation. The irritation itself may have been felt for some time, but the response of anger nearly always has an eruption factor. It is not a planned response. The angry person is momentarily out of control—no longer operating according to reason or God's principles of love.”  –Charles Stanley

   2.  People Tend to Become Angry Because:

      A.  They Aren't Allowed to Have Their Own Way.

      B.  They Are in Pain, Either Physical or Emotional.

      C.  They Are Jealous (1Sam. 18:8-10).

            1.  People can become so jealous of other people's possessions, position in life (including relationships), privileges, and personal traits (such as appearance and personality) that they feel others' good fortune somehow spells their own bad fortune.

            2.  Intense jealousy and anger manifest themselves in similar ways—with explosive, erratic, sometimes violent, and always irrational overtones. Intensely jealous people are also angry people.

   3.  Angry People Tend to Feel Their Being Attacked (1Sam. 18:8-9)

In each example, angry people to some extent feel themselves to be under attack.

       A.  The attack may be against the will, reputation, status, physical body, marriage, possessions, integrity, or personal sense of well-being.

       B.  Sometimes the perceived attack is only a matter of perception.

           1.  People may see a connection between a current circumstance or behavior and an incident that happened many years ago (for example, abuse as a child).

           2.  In other instances, people may totally misread others' behavior or motives.

           3.  The anger that is felt, however, is the same whether the situation that triggered it is real or imagined.

   4.  Ultimately, Angry People Seek to Get Rid of the Perceived or Real Attacker (1Sam. 18:10-19:1).

       A.  King Saul desired to kill David. Violently angry people sometimes resort to physical violence—all forms of which, to some degree, are a prelude to murder.

      B.  In other cases, they seek to put distance between themselves and the persons causing the irritation (1Sam. 18:13).

Sinful anger is quite different from righteous anger. There are times when a believer may be righteously angry for God’s honor or against evil. There are; however, other times when anger is sinful. For instance, when it is an emotional reaction involving malice, jealousy, resentment, vindictiveness, or hatred because of personal wrongs, it is sinful. God clearly forbids such responses in Ephesians 4:26, 27. (MacDonald)

B. CONSIDER THE EXPRESSIONS OF ANGER.

Anger triggers the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response. The adrenal glands flood the body with stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol.(Better Health Channel)

The brain shunts blood away from the gut and towards the muscles, in preparation for physical exertion. Heart rate, blood pressure and respiration increase, the body temperature rises and the skin perspires. The mind is sharpened and focused. (Better Health Channel)

Many people express their anger in inappropriate and harmful ways, including at least one of two ways:

   1.  As a Physical or Verbal Outburst (1Sam. 18:11).

Angry explosions are the first of two general expressions. These folks have very little control over their anger and tend to explode in rages. Raging anger may lead to physical abuse or violence. A person who does not control their temper can isolate themselves from family and friends. Some people who fly into rages use their anger as a way to manipulate others and to feel more powerful.(Better Health Channel)

        A.  A person may throw a punch, pound a fist against the wall, slam a door or phone receiver, swear, or shout, among other physical manifestations.

        B.  Anger may even manifest itself as gossip. Every form of abuse that I can name—sexual, physical, emotional, verbal—can be linked to anger. (C. Stanley)

   2.  As a Brooding Silence (1Sam. 18:9).
Anger repression is another manner; this form can be more difficult to detect. Such individuals view anger as an entirely evil emotion, and choose to suppress it. However, bottled anger often turns into depression and anxiety. Some people vent their bottled anger at innocent parties, such as children or even their pets. (Better Health Channel)

        A.  The Person Internalizes the Anger and Allows it to Seep into the Subconscious. Sometimes this anger displays itself as boredom or an aloofness from other people.

        B.  The person who broods in silent anger may manifest an eruption of that anger at a later date.

       C.  The anger may even erupt within the body in the form of disease. The Better Health Channel records, "The constant flood of stress chemicals and associated metabolic changes that go with recurrent unmanaged anger can eventually cause harm to many different systems of the body." Unless one deals positively and in a godly way with anger, anger will manifest itself in some way.

C.  CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES OF ANGER. 

Nothing good comes from anger, and that is why it is contrary to God's plan for spiritual maturity.

   1.  There are Spiritual Consequences.

      A.  Jesus warns that angry people will face God's judgment (Matt 5:22; Gal 5:20; Col 3:6-8).

      B.  James reflects the wisdom of God when he tells us to "be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath [angry]" (Js. 1:19).

      C.  Provoking another person to anger without reason is in itself a sin (Eph 6:4).

      D.  Anger can divide a church (2 Cor 12:20) and frustrate prayer (1 Tim 2:8).

      E.  It is disqualify from spiritual leadership because a pastor must not be quick-tempered (Titus 1:7).

   2.  There are Relational Consequences.

Outbursts of anger injure other people. Internalized anger injures the angry person. Both expressions of anger are closely linked to hate. Thus, anger is diametrically opposed to love. When we are angry,

     A.  We cannot respond with sensitivity to the needs of others.

     B.  We lose our ability to feel compassion.

     C.  We cause estrangement.

     D.  We create strife and enmity in relationships.

     E.  We cease to give generously.

     F.  We require unrealistically high standards of behavior from others to compensate for the way we feel we have been injured or attacked.

     G.  We become highly judgmental.

   3.  There are Emotional Consequences (1Sam. 18:12,15).  

When people feel anger, bitterness, or resentment over a period of time against a particular person, institution, or circumstance, they feel a constant agitation or irritation in their spirits.  This cause of anxiety and fear is internal. The anxiety is real, and is extremely damaging.

   4.  These Qualities Are Certainly Not Christ-like.

“But what, about the little bursts of anger we all feel from time to time?”

         A.  People who ask this are usually referring to brief outbursts of anger or daylong pouts. All of these expressions of anger are equally wrong before God.

         B.  Ask God to forgive you for all expressions of anger against other people and to cleanse you of an angry spirit.

         C.  Then ask the Holy Spirit to fill you with His love, joy, and peace—so that you might manifest these and all the other fruit of the Spirit in your dealings with others.(C. Stanley)

D.  CONSIDER SOME WISDOM ON ANGER.

When does anger become sin?

“Anger is sinful when it rises too soon, without reflection; when the injury that awakens it is only apparent; when it is disproportionate to the offense; when it is transferred from the guilty to the innocent; when it is too long protracted and becomes revengeful (Matt 5:22; Eph 4:26; Col 3:8). ” — The New Unger's Bible Dictionary

   1.  Uncontrolled Anger Will Lead to Sin.

Genesis 4:6, And the Lord said unto Cain, Why art thou wroth? and why is thy countenance fallen?   

       A.  The Bible Does Not Say Why God Rejected Cain's Offering.

Perhaps Cain's attitude was improper, or perhaps his offering was not up to God's standards. God evaluates both our motives and the quality of what we offer him. When we give to God and others, we should have a joyful heart because of what we are able to give.

       B.  How Do You React When Someone Suggests You Have Done Something Wrong?

Do you move to correct the mistake or deny that you need to correct it? Do you attack the messenger?

             1.  After Cain's offering was rejected, God gave him the chance to right his wrong and try again. God even encouraged him to do this! But Cain refused, and the rest of his life is a startling example of what happens to those who refuse to admit their mistakes.

              2.  The next time someone suggests you are wrong, take an honest look at yourself and choose God's way instead of Cain's.

   2.  Ungodly Anger Is Often the Result of Bad Decisions.

Genesis 27:41, And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing wherewith his father blessed him: and Esau said in his heart, The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then will I slay my brother Jacob.  

       A.  Esau was so angry at Jacob that he failed to see his own wrongs.

              1.  He should never have given away his birthright in the first place. Jealous anger keeps us from seeing the benefits we have and makes us dwell on what we do not have.

              2.  When Esau lost the valuable family blessing, his future suddenly changed. Reacting in anger, he decided to kill Jacob. When you lose something of great value, or if others conspire against you and succeed, anger is the first and most natural reaction.

       B.  But you can control your feelings by:

             1.  Recognizing your reaction for what it is;

             2.  Praying for strength; and

             3.  Asking God for help to see the opportunities that even your bad situation may provide.

If you find yourself dealing with people who are not playing by the biblical rules, who are underhanded, deceptive, dishonest, and self-serving, can you learn to see the advantage you have over them? In refusing to use their tactics and choosing to abide by biblical principles, you are under God's protection, and He has promised to honor you and to prosper you.

A few years ago, while in the process of purchasing a newly built home, I found myself engaged in a conflict with one of the employees of the building firm. She was arrogant, rude, and terribly disrespectful to me, the customer. I responded as I knew a businessperson should: I was assertive, refused to talk to her, went to a higher authority, and demanded my rights.…

Instead of raising my voice and demanding my rights, I could have been just as assertive by calmly repeating my concerns, refusing to allow the conversation to deteriorate to that low level. I could have been kind and polite; I could have stopped and quickly prayed for the woman; I could have thought about what bitterness and anger there was inside her to cause her to behave the way she did and allowed God to give me compassion for her. I could have done all that, but I missed the opportunity because I was too concerned with the way she was treating me.

I'm not suggesting we become doormats, but we can control our reactions and respond in a Christlike manner, we actually have the advantage over the other person. When we take the world's way out, we often lose our Christian advantage, not to mention our testimony for Christ.

When our business dealings are guided by biblical principles, it gives us a great advantage. (Workday Meditations by Mary Whelchel)

   3.  Anger's Favorite Tool Is the Tongue.

James 3:6, And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

      A.  James compares the damage the tongue can do to a raging fire -- the tongue's wickedness has its source in hell itself. The uncontrolled tongue can do terrible damage. Satan uses the tongue to divide people and pit them against one another.

      B.  Idle words are damaging because they spread destruction quickly, and no one can stop the results once they are spoken. We dare not be careless with our words, thinking we can apologize later, for even if we do, the scars remain. A few words spoken in anger can destroy a relationship that took years to build.

      C.  Before you speak, remember that words are like fire -- you can neither control nor reverse the damage they can do.

If a believer gives way to unrighteous anger, he or she should confess and forsake it quickly. Confession should be made both to God and to the victim(s) of our anger. There should be no nursing of grudges, no harboring of bitter resentments, no carrying over of such irritations. We are not to allow the sun to go down on our wrath. Anything that mars fellowship with God or with our brethren should immediately be made right. (MacDonald)

Recognize anger in its various forms; this is the first step towards rooting its destructive power out of our lives. Stop making excuses for your sinful behavior and invite the Lord's grace and power to help you change. Stay tuned for the next article on this subject because it will also communicate helpful principles to help you change for the glory of God. Remember, your first step to positive change is confronting your anger honestly before God.