God’s Order for a Wife (Part III)

 

“God’s Order for a Wife” 

1 PETER 3:1-6

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION APPLIED TO MARRIAGE

THEME: each believing wife is to submit to her own husband in God’s order for marriage as a matter of trusting God.

RELEVANCE: though much of marriage is thrilling, our experiences can become unfair and sometimes painful; those who are the most intimate can hurt us deeply. Undoubtedly this is the case in marriage. To further complicate matters, many Christian couples are oblivious of what God calls them to deeming ‘God's way’ as outdated. Regardless as children of God we are expected to accept God’s order and conduct ourselves accordingly even in poor circumstances. The obligation to trust God and embrace a better future are thus directed and reinforced in marriage.

INTRODUCTION:

Every relationship requires some work, labor, adjustments, growth, change, and effort if it is to serve God’s intentions and be mutually beneficial for all parties. Certainly, this is true in marriage.   

MESSAGE:

B.    God’s Instructions to Wives

Such a wife is thoughtful to respond in the Spirit’s control instead of a fleshly reaction. She lives for eternal values instead of time bound ideas. What matters to her is what will outlive her physical life and still matter in eternity for all eternity.

                                                    i.     Master Your Attitude—Bring these Areas into Focus and Under Control!

1.     1 Pet 3:4, But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

2.     The attire that makes the believer genuinely attractive to God is the beauty of the inner person. Costly hairstyles, elaborate clothing and expensive jewelry are all “corruptible,” temporary and perishable! They do not last! The ‘worldling’ emphasizes the external appearance instead of modifying the internal character—"the hidden man of the heart.” They value carnal expressions like controlling the man to use his money, nasty backtalk, and celebrating bold feminism, but a “meek and quite spirit” is of great price in God’s evaluations. Our Lord values the internal person much more; he really examines beyond the surface to realize what’s happening inside. This is the most important part of the real you! It has been well said, “You have a body, but you are a soul.” If we really live for the Lord, this area would be our primary focus.

3.     Choose a Meek Attitude.  1Pet. 3:4, “Meek . . . spirit” refers to an attitude or perspective that is gentle, pleasant, tender, humble, mild and considerate. This is the mindset of discipline and self-control always. The opposite would be a girl that is harsh, unpleasant, rough, proud, expressive, and selfish. Her carnality and fleshly nature dominate her existence. However, a meek person does not flare up with anger, talks back out of frustration, and acts defensively out of insecurity. She refuses to weaponize any weakness she may discover in Him due to her intimate proximity. She does not scheme to hurt her husband to maintain control or to manipulate his compliance. Neither does she whine and complain frequently to have her own way. She is dominated by a spirit of meekness.

a.     Gentleness is Another Way of Referring to Meekness. Gentleness is being easy on others, considering their vulnerable points, and taking care not to hurt them. I once had some dental work done in a clinic where more than one dentist worked on me. One dentist had rough hands; the other had gentle hands. The first dentist hurt me; the second one didn't. That is part of what it means to be gentle.

b.     Meekness Is Different from Weakness. One who is meek is often understood to be timid, weak, and “wimpy.” Such is not the case, however. Meekness refers to “power under control.”

                                                                                                                i.     PETER =Peter was loud and pushy. Then, he became controlled and channeled, using his great energy for the glory of God. MOSES is the “meekest” man who ever lived. Yet he was far from a wimp. He was a dramatic and powerful leader, but under the control of God.

                                                                                                              ii.     A river that is controlled can generate much power. A fire under control can warm a house. A personality under control can be used by God for His purposes. Controlled energy can achieve great good. Uncontrolled energy usually dissipates or just destroys.

                                                                                                            iii.     JESUS was arrested, taken through a series of mock trials, beaten, and mistreated. He had the power to annihilate his tormentors with a spoken word, but He didn’t, choosing instead to endure suffering for the sake of our redemption. Isaiah spoke prophetically when he said of Jesus’ controlled tongue, “He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.” (Isaiah 53:7). Meekness is “love under God’s control” even to the extent of controlling the mouth!

c.      The Holy Spirit will build meekness within us individually and within our marriages. When He does, we do not hurt people or run roughshod over them. We do not “lock horns” with those who cross us. Rather, under the control of the Holy Spirit, we display sensitivity to our spouse and allow God to channel our energy for the good of our mate. Yes. Submission is a mark of confidence and security in the Lord. It is not spineless cringing, based on insecurity and fear. It is voluntarily unselfishness, and willingly cooperative attitude/spirit that seeks the highest good for one’s husband. So, like a gorgeous gown, put on meekness.

4.     Choose a Quiet Attitude. Vs 4, “Quiet spirit”. She is a woman of special quietness and tranquility…a peaceful disposition. Her character is composed and free from agitation, stress, or conflict. The winds of her soul are not turbulent and anxious but calm, still, serene, and unstirred. This tranquil attitude is at peace with oneself and with God. A quality that seeks to build peace with her husband.

a.      Exhibiting godly behavior under unfair circumstances can be extremely taxing for even a good wife. Some wives under such pressure could begin to resort to substituting secret manipulation for a “quiet spirit”.  This could take on many forms: pouting, sulking, scheming, bargaining, arguing, nagging, preaching, coercing, or even humiliating. Wives who use this strategy are not trusting God to change their husbands’ lives.  They are trusting in themselves. Wives remember, you are not responsible for your husband’s life, but you are responsible for yours. You cannot make your husband something he is not. Only God can do that; transformation is His thing. Remember it is your job to submit to and love your husband it is God’s job to make him right. It is God’s job to change his life.

                                                                                                                i.     F. B. Meyer notes: “Plenty are there whose outward body is richly decked, but whose inner being is clothed in rags; whilst others, whose garments are worn and threadbare, are all glorious within.”^[1]

                                                                                                              ii.     God wants Christian wives to dress up their insides with the most attractive apparel. He desires for God-honoring wives to go through great effort and trouble to get just the right heart look. Adorn the heart with the pearls of Meekness and the diamonds of Quietness. How attractive you would be to the Lord if you did. Wives, these virtues are in fashion with God as a matter of fact he regards them as VOGUE!

                                                                                                            iii.     Christian wives should not think of outer attire as the source of genuine beauty.^[2]

b.     This concept especially applies to the Christian life. Believers often get duped into searching for happiness, meaning, purpose, and joy in the same places the world: people, possessions, and favorable circumstances. In doing so, we exhaust ourselves and end up dissatisfied, disillusioned, and even broken.

                                                                                                                i.     What we long for we already possess. The Holy Spirit lives within us, and He is willing to pour out in our lives His fruit—love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and temperance.  If we had those nine qualities in our lives, what more could we ask for? In Galatians 5:22–23, these qualities are not only deeply satisfying but also help us to have rich relationships with other people!

                                                                                                              ii.     They make us good “living advertisements” for Christianity to unbelievers. The wealth we long for is spiritual wealth, ours to be had if we live in obedience to the Holy Spirit.

                                                  ii.     Pursue Other Spiritual Virtues Also.

1.     1 Pet 3:5-6, For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: (6) Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

2.     This is the primary reason that Christian women are to adorn themselves with a meek and quiet spirit. When she does, she reveals that she is a spiritual child of Sarah. As a result, the precious qualities in Sarah’s life will be a part of her life.

3.     Like Sarah, Be a Wife of Holiness Vs 5, “Holy Women”

a.     Examples of holy women in the Old Testament support Peter’s exhortation. Purity of life (v. 2) and a submissive spirit (v. 5) have always been a godly woman’s lasting source of beauty and attractiveness. Sarah is chosen as a specific example of a woman who was submissive to her husband.^[3]

b.     The word “holy” signifies the object of awe and reverence. It pertains to being holy like God is holy and relates to our essential and superior morality—a fault free lifestyle.

c.      1 Peter 1:15-16, But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation; 16, Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

d.     The holiness we are to exhibit is not our own, but the holiness of Christ in us. We are not holy, and we will not become holy humans. Christ can manifest His holiness if we yield our bodies to Him.

e.      This Is Not a Mere Human Operation; it Is a Spiritual One.

                                                                                                                i.     Becoming holy is a process which includes god's part and our part. On one hand, our part is to stay out of God's part—to yield, to surrender, to stop seeking God on our own terms. But our part also is to obey. It is to enter His rehabilitation program.

                                                                                                              ii.     When you put yourself under a doctor's care, he cannot help you if you don't follow his instructions. As the patient surrenders his own good ideas and obeys the doctor's instruction, he becomes well. The same is true in sanctification. If you and I want to be made holy, then we must willingly surrender ourselves to His care, and we must also actively obey His instructions.

                                                                                                             iii.     We have no more power to make ourselves holy than a dying man has to save himself. We are weak and tired, and we cannot offer much help. However, we can submit to His rehabilitation program—sanctification. The key to our part is faith—to seek Him in obedience.”

1.     1Thes 2:12, That ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.

2.      1 Cor 1:30-31, But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption:   (31) That, according as it is written, He that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.

4.     Like Sarah, be a Wife of Faith   Vs 5, “Who Trusted in God”

a.     Evidently, she trusted in God. She followed her husband and therefore was faithful to the Lord!

b.     Faithfulness is being trustworthy; it is “hanging in there”; it is persevering. It is being the kind of person who can be counted on to do what is right. Repeatedly the Bible admonishes us to be faithful to the Lord. Matthew 25:21 says that if we are faithful in little things, the Lord will give us bigger things. In Revelation 2:10 we read, “... Be thou faithful until death, and I will give thee a crown of life.”

c.      We should be faithful to our words and marriage vows. We should be faithful to our responsibilities as husbands and wives. But above all we should be faithful to God. God wants to be able to count on us. If we are willing the Holy Spirit help us be faithful people. Do you have a weakness in being faithful? Many do. It is not a highly valued characteristic in modern times. But it is highly valued by God.

d.     Women of faith today ought to bare the family likeness of her spiritual mother Sarah. Almost the only one who will emphasize Christlike qualities is God in the Bible. Remember, the world and the economy cannot make money by emphasizing faithfulness, but God views it as a rich priority! Even many churches will emphasize faithfulness in attendance and giving because that benefits them, but they fail to elevate this trait like God does. Be faithful to God because it matters to Him.

e.      Many modern women adopt a ‘worldly standard’ or have godless expectations of ‘husband material.’ Some claim the 6X6X6X6 idea for any possible male contenders…six figures annual income, six pack of Abs—physically fit, at least six feet tall, and six or more inches…. Some checklists require a man to have a deep voice, emotionally mature, correct color/ethnicity/hair, mentally and emotionally tough—he must be able to handle her (she thinks she is perfect already and does not plan to grow, change, or accommodate), athletic ability, and economic success. The wrongs, delusions, assumptions, fantasies, and ludicrous nonsense in these lists are off the charts ridiculous!

f.      God specified servant-leadership, provision, protection, and holiness-priest in the home for the man as a husband. This is what real masculinity looks like; this is what the Lord Jesus modelled. Wives and prospective wives should adopt this as their ‘standard’ and stop looking for ‘worldly’ requirements. Too many of the future wives cannot secure a masculine husband even though they claim they want one or keep a godly man even if they happen to end up with one. I will more thoroughly address male qualities soon.

5.     Like Sarah, Be a Wife of Obedience. Vs 5, “Even as Sara Obeyed Abraham….”

a.      Some key passages on Sarah include Genesis 12:1–5. Consider the difficulties Abraham’s obedience may have caused for Sarah. She had to leave her home, her family, and her friends. She had to suffer hardship and even risk her life because her husband obeyed God.

b.     She is viewed as a woman who “obeyed” her husband as an aspect of her submissive heart towards God and him.

c.      Sarah is cited as an example. She obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. This takes us back to Genesis 18:12 where we read that Sarah said this “within herself.” She did not go around and make a loud profession of submission to Abraham by publicly calling him lord. Rather, in her inward life, she recognized him as her head, and this recognition was displayed by her actions.

d.     Those women who follow Sarah’s example are her children. Jewish women are descendants of Sarah by natural birth. But to be her daughters in the best sense, they must imitate her personal character. Children should carry the family likeness.^[4]

CONCLUSION:

Husbands, wives, and prospective spouses need to give careful attention to these instructions from the heart of God. Many of us understand the bulk of what I have covered, but we all need to practice these truths far more than we currently do. The problem is we refuse to submit ourselves because of ideas from family, friends, associates, worldly beliefs, self-centered motives, and devilish advice seem more relevance, convenient, and beneficial. As a result, we fail to believe the wise council of God paying too much attention to our own feelings. Value God’s point of view more! Growing stronger, developing unrealized qualities, and meaningful change through these challenges is a viable expectation for us all! So much marital injury could be avoided if we listen to God.

It is true life can be unfair at times and even cruel! The people closest to us can cause unbelievable pain and sorrow even in the husband & wife relationship. But one thing remains constant…that each the child of God is expected to acknowledge God’s order and conduct oneself accordingly regardless of current circumstances.

It is imperative that we acknowledge God’s order for marriage, because therein is the hope of happiness and fulfilment for couples. Above all our Lord will be honored, respected, and obeyed through our submissive lifestyles.

 

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^[1] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 2268.

^[2] Roger M. Raymer, “1 Peter,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 849.

^[3] Roger M. Raymer, “1 Peter,” in The Bible Knowledge Commentary: An Exposition of the Scriptures, ed. J. F. Walvoord and R. B. Zuck, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1985), 849.

^[4] William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary: Old and New Testaments, ed. Arthur Farstad (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1995), 2268.