God’s Order for a Wife (Part II)

God’s Order for a Wife II

1 PETER 3:1-6

SUBJECT: SUBMISSION APPLIED TO MARRIAGE

THEME: each believing wife is to submit to her own husband in God’s order for marriage as a matter of trusting God.

RELEVANCE: though much of marriage is thrilling, our experiences can become unfair and sometimes painful; those who are the most intimate can hurt us deeply. Undoubtedly this is the case in marriage. To further complicate matters, many Christian couples are oblivious of what God calls them to deeming ‘God way’ as outdated. Regardless as children of God we are expected to accept God’s order and conduct ourselves accordingly even in poor circumstances. The obligation to trust God and embrace a better future are thus directed and reinforced in marriage.

INTRODUCTION:

The following counsel is given to wives in less-than-ideal conditions with their husbands and the appropriate emphasis is on authenticity and real substance. The solution for these disadvantaged wives was not taking over becoming more masculine, leaving because the relationship did not fulfill her, manipulating to secure her own way, or nagging to obtain her own desires. She is not a faithless woman scheming her husband to control the circumstances to obtain her will. 

MESSAGE:

I.               Acknowledge God’s Order as a Wife

The Situation of the Christian Wife with a Lost or Wayward Husband. The husband does not walk with the Lord, “if any obey not the word”. This could also be the Christian wife with a husband who is not sold out for God and on board with God’s plan—He is not leading the family in God’s particulars. It is not his practice to obey the word of the Lord…he may even be ignorant of God’s expectations. He may be self-centered and even jealous of her, questioning her loyalty and trustworthiness…emotionally distant and skeptical, frequently ignoring her, disregarding her feelings by continually criticizing her at least until bedtime, or even taking her for granted as optionless. He is disobedient to the word of the Lord…in such cases God wants us believers to acknowledge His order.

A.    The Case of a Disobedient Husband

                                                    i.     Focus on a Chaste Lifestyle—Be a Women of Purity.

1.     1 Pet 3:1-2, Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; (2) While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

2.     Guidance for Such Cases. This is how a believing wife can win her wayward or lost husband to Christ or obedience.  The counsel is the chaste lifestyle of the wife can win the lost husband to Christ and that the wayward husband can be won to an obedient life to his Lord. Wives God will use your authentic testimony as one of His most powerful weapons to convert your husband. This will require your sincerity and faith!

3.     Be a Wife of Purity. “Chaste Conversation” vs 2, means pure from all faults; to be clean and holy and free from all defilement; to act and behave in the most pure and modest way possible.

a.      Chaste refers first to inward purity in nature. It impacts a person’s conduct/behavior (1 Pet. 3:2).

                                                                                                                i.     The word chaste when applied to sexuality refers to innocence or sexual purity, in desire, imagination, and action (2 Cor. 11:2; Tit. 2:5).

                                                                                                              ii.     When a woman marries a man, she is setting herself apart exclusively for him and him alone. She is truly special because she gives herself exclusively to her husband. This is a non-negotiable standard with her. But sexual promiscuity and infidelity are so prevalent due to feminism; unfortunately, it is normal anymore for ‘girls’ to have high body counts by time they turn 30 years old! However, God still calls his people to purity and chastity in this matter. A wife is to submit only to her own husband.   

b.     Chastity is also a virtuous quality we must teach to our children, boys and girls alike—they are to remain pure until they have married and then remain pure in the holiness of matrimony. God has never approved of adultery, fornication, and premarital sex! God would have us control the flesh before marriage because this allows His Spirit to control us, reinforces self-restraint in marriage, and assure all parties of fidelity and moral restraint.

c.      Heb 13:4, Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.  (Prov. 5:1-23)

d.     As a believer, starting a chaste lifestyle is the correct personal standard even when you are no longer a virgin…even after a child and now living in perpetual singleness, until marriage, or until remarriage. You will have some personal and relational challenges, but you can establish celibacy until marriage as normal for you. ‘Worldly people’ will sleep around and live in the gutter trying to manipulate a person’s decisions using their body, but God calls His people to live for His glory and not carnal gratification. Still live for God who is greater than anything else! A person of the ‘world’ will not accept your principles; there is no need to attempt to convince them.   

e.      Body count does matter to God and anyone seeking a real wife. A quality to ask about in any possible bride or groom is purity.

                                                  ii.     Focus on a Real Lifestyle—Be a Woman of Authenticity. “...they behold your chaste conversation” vs 2, This word ‘behold’ indicates that the husband will give keen and careful observation, not a casual glance. 

1.     Her husband will take notice of her spirit, attitude, demeanor, words, gestures, and even the way she carries herself. God will use the wife’s submissive and chaste (pure) lifestyle to soften the husband’s heart, that he can be won to Christ. Her pure heart of authenticity preaches a continuous but silent sermon! It is not her complaining, nagging, or criticizing that will win her husband to God’s will, but her authenticity! If your ‘go to’ is playing ‘the victim’ or ‘turning on the waterworks’ type manipulation, then you may be guilty of blame-shifting, gaslighting, and outright lying to gain control!

2.     Her chaste lifestyle is anchored in her reverence for God (vs2 “coupled with fear”). She lives in reverence of God’s all-knowing ability, power, justice and judgement. Her trust and accountability with Christ are transparently actual!

a.      She is NOT a mere pretender or fake! Yes, she can admit when she is wrong! She does not engage in shifting blame on others, she does not shun responsibility for her miscalculations, she avoids gossip and other fault-finding manipulative tactics, and she has too much respect for God to live a lie! We must trust God’s control and not our own! This reverence—respect--deference to God is what make her freely submit and such a chaste lifestyle could win her husband over to Christ.

b.     She knows she is not perfect and willingly own up to her failures, faults, mistakes, and sin. Because she is growing, she is the kind of person who will earn your trust (Proverbs 31:11; John 10:37), not merely expect it! Trust is foundational to marriage so she fully acknowledges when trust has been broken and must be rebuilt through repentance and trustworthiness. She does not require blind, unconditional acceptance.

3.     Wisdom prescribes caution and setting boundaries when a spouse is untrustworthy, while ultimately directing us to trust God for healing and strength.

a.      Such authenticity and trust are correctly rooted in God: When confidence in a spouse fails, trust should continue in God’s faithfulness (Psalm 9:10) to sustain the individual and restore the marriage. Trust is the foundation of a healthy, covenantal marriage, enabling security and corporation (Proverbs 31:11, Hebrews 13:4).

b.     Ultimately, take a balanced approach: foster a deeply trusting, faithful relationship while acknowledging that when trust is broken, it must be earned back, not demanded.

c.      Luke 22:42, Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

                                                iii.     Focus on a Selfless Lifestyle—Be a Woman of Unselfishness.

1.     Only when we have learned the discipline of ‘submission’ can we come to the place where a selfish spirit no longer controls us. Only submission can free us to distinguish between genuine issues and stubborn self-will. Most things in life are not major issues. If we could see this and accept it, we could hold those things lightly. Often the best way to handle these issues is to say nothing and let enough time pass so that the proper perspective is gained.

2.     William Booth, founder of the Salvation Army, was once brought to an international meeting when he was very old and infirm. Though too weak to give an address, a microphone was brought to him, and he said one word several times as his final message to the huge, international organization that the Salvation Army had by then become. What was that word? We would expect it to be a terribly important word, given the situation. The word? “Others. Others. Others.”

3.     We find submission easiest when we begin to trust God implicitly and truly value other people. Marriage is not primarily about the individuals; it has always been about the Lord Jesus (Eph. 5:22-28) for us believers. When we truly place importance on the Lord, other people created in the image of God, those for whom Christ died, we’ll submit. When we comprehend that God will use us to touch others, then we find submission easier to live out. Stay focused on the eternal goal of glorifying the Lord even during the tough times. You will grow far beyond the limitations of yourself.

4.     Live as Unto the Lord on Purpose! Wives, Regardless of What Your Husband Does, Decide Now to Live for God! Let your primary motivation in your relationship with your husband be that of pleasing the Lord and not what you hope to see develop in the relationship. Seek to obey God and honor Him regardless of how your husband responds to you and your desire to live for the Lord. Still labor to bear an awesome testimony before your spouse, don’t get frustrated and quit but continue to trust the Lord. Take his advice seriously! It is never a vain effort to live for Jesus Christ even if things don’t turn out the way you desire. This life may last 80 years, but eternity is forever!

                                                iv.     Comprehensive purity, real authenticity, and selflessness! These are the primary character concerns of a wife accepting God’s Order for marriage!

B.    The Traits You Must Avoid as a Wife!

                                                    i.     1 Peter 3:3, Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

                                                  ii.     Superficial: God tells wives that their beauty should not come from outward adornments, but rather from inner character, which is precious to God. We must emphasize inner beauty and godly character over superficial appearances (Prov. 31:30-31; 1 Tim. 2:9-10), encouraging wives to focus on cultivating a gentle and submissive character. These ideas pertain to those who want to be wives, not every woman or female…but wives in particular.

                                                iii.     Vain: we must return to valuing godly character instead of appearance!

1.     A wife should naturally be attractive to her husband, and this is healthy and normal; it is a desirable quality in a woman. However, we seem to only emphasize outer beauty anymore and inward gorgeousness is almost never talked about. It is easier to change our appearance rather than change our character! The average girl thinks she must have an hourglass figure, long eyelashes, nail extensions, nail polish or art, an BBL, plump lips, bonnet, hair extensions or several wigs, make-up, fake eyebrows, and a body shaper girdle to be physically attractive. All the emphasis is placed on the external appearance with hardly any focus on the inner character.

2.     On the other hand, descriptions like drama queen, ugly duckling, too emotional/sensitive, overweight, wasteful spend thrift, temperamental or moody, untalented, homely or plain, and unattractive come to mind revealing inner and outer complications. Many women attempt to hide, deny, or mask these undesirable traits instead of trusting God to transform or improve these areas!

                                                iv.     Materialistic: High fashion with luxurious branding, extravagant jewelry, and exorbitant prices, seems to be fashionable and common sense seems outdated and impractical! The fact is the average man cannot afford this spoiled little princess’s lifestyle!

1.     I am afraid we have allowed materialism to supplant bible mandates! In the fray femineity has been lost, the nurturing softness of female maturity is gone, and the receptive intelligent smoothness of womanhood has disappeared. Compassion, empathy, supportiveness, intuition, sensitivity, gentleness, vulnerability, connection, creativity, and cooperation have vanished into a business tilting feminism mindset.

2.     Women today are more like men: hard-strong-stubborn, overly masculine, aggressively rough, assertive, logical-analytical, independent, goal-oriented-calculating, uncompromising, and competitive.

3.     Wives have forgotten they are the means to shaping the next generation of children for the Lord. The character of the wife must be correct for her to fulfill one of her primary roles as a mother. The next generation’s potential lies in their fathers’ leadership and their mothers’ ability to follow.

                                                  v.     Mission Ignorant: Yet a Christian home exists to serve God and to advance His kingdom throughout the world with the gospel! Many couples mistakenly believe the home exists to make them happy, fulfilled, or pleased. God calls us as believers to His mission in this world and seeks to reign as King from each life consciously submitted to Him. His will is to being done on this earth as it is correctly done in heaven.